A.N.: This might seem a little out of context, but maybe I'll write the prequel you'd need to really understand at some point, if someone wants to read it that is. I hope the spelling and grammar are alright, but English is not my mother tongue, so I apologize in advance for possible errors.

By the way, Buffy doesn't belong to me, neither does Faith (sadly) or anything out of the Buffyverse, everything is Joss Whedon's I guess. And there's no profit in this for me either (again, sadly).

Disturbance

Buffy Summers was many things nowadays: a part-time teacher at an elite sports school (a.k.a. Slayer Central), owner of her very own white picket-fence house in Cleveland's suburbs, a loving girlfriend (ok, maybe the loving part was kind of a lie, but she was getting there) and a halfway acceptable cook. Most importantly though, she was boring.

And although that was exactly what she had wanted for over a decade, being boring bored her. A lot. Hence the cooking, the job she originally had never wanted to take up again and the boyfriend. Dan was boring too, of course, but Buffy had figured that in his case, boring would be good. Safe. Normal. As in not undead or working at a secret government operation or a crazy fellow slayer that left her after telling her she wanted to propose. Dan would never do anything like that. And that fact filled her with dread. Not that she didn't like him, she actually liked him very much, but you see, after a year of the probably most boring relationship she'd ever been in, she was still at that stage.

He wasn't. Seeing as he was currently kneeling in front of Buffy. With a ring. It made her all kinds of sick for different reasons. She felt light headed from her racing thoughts that were along the lines of Ohmygodnoyeshedidyesnoohmyno Danjustproposed. She felt as if she couldn't breathe from shock. And she felt as if somebody had punched her in the gut as she thought about how much the ring looked like Faith's had.

Getting over her hadn't been easy. That's why she never managed. Mostly. The other reason was her promise to come back. Which she never did. No, Faith had left her high and dry after telling her only that she drunkenly bought an engagement ring and needed to "find herself" because she was not ready for this kind of reationship. As if Buffy had been... So what now? To marry or not to marry, that is the question… and her maybe-future-husband was looking at her as if she's crazy. Must have laughed out loud at that. The blonde realized she had to say something, so she opened her mouth, hoping the rights would come out. Before they could, the doorbell rang.

"Be right back!"

Probably not the right ones, but at least something… right? Hurriedly she ran down the stairs. 'Thank god I asked Will to come over earlier today!' Tearing the door open she immediately jumped in Willows arms.

"You don't realize how much I love you right now!"

It was then she realized Willow had changed her hair color from red to brown. And smelled like smoke. And had boobs she had no business of having. Squealing Buffy jumped back and slapped-

"Faith?!"

Said slayer was busy recovering from her ex's assault.

"Obviously. Damn, B, you definitely do not hit like a girl!"

"Oh believe me, you deserve anything I throw your way, just be glad it wasn't an axe!"

The older one of the two shot back. Now her head really started to hurt. Couldn't she have picked any other day to come back? Or better yet, send some kind of warning?

"Ok, you might wanna stay away from the actually dangerous stuff like axes, stakes or knifes, had enough of that for a lifetime!"

Faith's attempt to lighten the mood fell on deaf ears, though.

"Look, I don't need this. Bye, Faith."

Buffy started to close the door, but underestimated her counterpart's speed. The brunette jumped forward and squeezed her foot in the door just in time.

"Wait!"

"What do you want, F? Because I really don't want to talk to you now!"

"Then don't. Just listen, will you?"

The blonde slayer paused. There was only one time she had heard the younger woman so… desperate.

"Alright. But make it quick."

She received a nod and then proceeded to lean against the door frame and watch Faith fidget a moment. Looking Buffy dead in the eye for the first time in over two years, she started to speak.

"I'm sorry I turned up here unannounced, especially since I really don't have any right to. But you see, I could never stay away from you, not completely. I guess that's why people keep calling me a masochist."

A slight chuckle, but Buffy stayed silent and stoic. She wouldn't give her the satisfaction to show how much her lover's return affected her.

"I know it's stupid, hurtful and completely unfair to you, yet I can't help it."

Another pause. The brunette took a deep breath and continued, slower and a tad calmer this time.

"I don't love you, you see. Love implies chocolate and flowers and all kinds of fluffy feelings, but everything I feel towards you taught me nothing but regret and what it's like to have your heart ripped out on a regular basis. Then again, there is so much more than just love I feel for you: admiration, hate, want, disgust. I go from wanting to spend every second with you to wanting to kill you in a heartbeat. You bring out a terrible anger that burns me from the inside and a kind of sad emptiness that leaves me a blubbering drunken mess on the floor. At the same time I think about a future with marriage and kids and a dog. I crave you like a drug, I can't feel a single thing when you're away and I'd do anything for you to notice me, in what way ever.

There is not a single word in any existing language that can describe what you are to me. My world doesn't revolve around you, but without you there is nothing at all. You aren't everything to me, but without you nothing else means a thing to me. I'm not happy, content, calm or at peace when I'm with you, but at home in a way I have never felt and never thought I could in my life. You are my light, my direction, my goddess and if everything is dark, I'm lost and deserted by everything and everyone, you still rest like the brightest star above my head. Taunting me and at the same time letting me hope for better times. Ready to crash down and destroy me at any time.

And that's why I need to be here, because without you, my life dissolves. I'll never be anything without you. It hurts, but I know that I'll never change this world or destroy evil or something like that, because you're my only purpose, my only goal, the only thing worth trying for. If it kills me, I'll die, but I can never again walk away from you."

Buffy saw how much effort it took her not to break down on the spot. Sometime during the brunette's speech, she had started to cry herself. Never had she heard Faith admit her feelings so openly, nor had she expected it ever to happen. She felt incredibly torn between her anger towards the girl that broke her completely down two and a half years ago and her love for the woman that stood before her with tears in her eyes. But she also knew that she just couldn't fall back into her arms just like that.

"You can't just come back here and expect everything to be alright. You left! It wasn't like you were forced to go or anything. I was a wreck without you, I did nothing but cry for weeks on end and now that I finally have my life back and a healthy relationship, you think you can just show up and swoop me off my feet?! Well think again!"

It hurt to see the otherwise so strong slayer flinch away from her words as if she had been burned, but the blonde couldn't bring herself to give another answer.

"Goodbye, Faith."

But for the second time, the door was halted by the other woman's foot. She was a mess, her make-up smudged and tears running down her face, but her eyes were determined as ever.

"I know you won't but that won't stop me trying. You know you don't love him, everybody does. You just keep him around like some kind of pet. You and I both know you can't live in a relationship like that, not forever."

"And you think I'd want forever with you?!"

The younger slayer turned to go, but stopped again after two steps. Still facing away from Buffy, she started speaking, almost whispering.

"I kept that ring, you know. And I don't plan on throwing it away. I'm not asking you now, but I want you to know that I still want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Both women stood there, frozen. After a few moments, when the blonde still hadn't said anything, Faith sighed and started towards the street. This time though, it was her turn to be surprised by Buffy, who pulled her in tight embrace that lingered for a few moments before pulling away slightly to look in the brunette's eyes.

"…Do you mean it? Fai, I love you, but I can't take you leaving me again. And I don't think I can trust you with that."

"I don't expect you to. Just… give me a chance, alright? I'm not even asking you to break up with that douche, just tell me that one day we'll be okay."

Buffy bit her lip. Could she? Or better yet, should she? But one glance at her love's tear-stained face told her the answer.

"I do"

"What now?"

Faith looked absolutely adorably confused, it made the blonde giggle a little. Disentangling herself from the taller woman, she walked back inside. Looking back over her shoulder at the still very confused slayer on her porch, she broke out in a grin.

"You heard me. Not now, maybe not even in a year, but someday I do want to marry you."

She couldn't even begin to describe the way Faith's face lit up at her answer. It stirred feelings in her she had buried for far too long and God did it feel good.

"Now excuse me, I've got a boyfriend to break up with. Do you want to have dinner tonight?"