A/N: Hello again! This is a crack fic that me and my friend Beyond Birthday-Chan wrote while we were high on Mountain Dew and chocolate ^-^ Now here's your Near/Misa lemon! APRIL FOOLS~! Ew, that's a horrid thought XD
Dedicated to Beyond Birthday-Chan and I's math teacher. We hate you, you gay-ass fag ^^
Disclaimer: I own nothing
April Fools Day
It was April first, and Misa and Mikami walked into the SPK headquarters, somehow getting past all of the security on guard, and came into the dark room where Near was sitting on the floor, playing with his Transformers toys, and was glowing blue in the light from the various computer screens.
"Hello, Near," Mikami said, coming right up to the eighteen (really? Not ten?) year old boy.
"Hello, Mikami," Near stated in his usual monotone, for some reason, not at all perturbed to see the two idiots who had managed to get past the seriously high-tech security system that rigged the building. Note to self, he thought, hire some guards, and fix the security in this place.
"Aw, look at the poor thing! He's blind!" Misa cooed, invading Near's personal bubble like she did to everyone.
Near looked startled slightly. She couldn't be that stupid. He hadn't thought it was possible. "I'm not blind! I can see you; you're two feet in front of my face," his voice not giving away how disturbed he was.
Misa just ignored Near, and Mikami started speaking to her. "Poor thing. He thinks he can see. That's so sad."
"I can see! I'm not blind!" Near unconsciously motioned to his face to emphasize his point as he argued the two people who were idiotically making assumptions about his life.
"And he can't move! The poor little boy," Misa continued talking to Mikami.
"I can move just fine, see?!" Near lost nearly every ounce of composure he had in aggravation with the two and began to flail his arms around.
"Aw! And now he's having seizures!" Mikami didn't sound concerned, his tone was endearing, like seeing a child having a seizure was the cutest thing to make the highlight of his day.
"I'm not having a seizure!" Near shouted in annoyance.
"And he's mute!" Misa squealed.
"I'm talking right now!"
"He's moving his mouth like he wants to speak so badly." Mikami said.
"What's wrong with you people?!"
"And just look at that red hair!" Misa ran her hand through Near's white -blue in the computer's luminosity- hair.
"I don't have red hair! I 'm an albino! My hair's white, see?" Near pulled on his hair to accentuate it desperately.
"That poor, poor child," Mikami just shook his head from side to side in pity.
"Why are you pitying me? There's nothing wrong with me!" Near just wailed.
"I feel so bad for him."
"Screw you, bitch!" Near finally snapped, and threw Optimus Prime at full force at Misa's head, hard enough to make her stumble backwards and fall over. Megatron was launched at Mikami's head, said mental patient failing to dodge the projectile, and he was also bowled over by the tiny robot.
"Aw! He's mentally retarded!" Mikami said like he hadn't just been hit in the head hard enough to knock him to the floor.
That was where Near drew the final line. "I'M L'S SUCCESSOR! My IQ is over 250! I'm NOT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, RETARDED!!!"
"April Fools, Near!" Misa and Mikami shouted as loud as they could in unison.
"…." Near glowered at them.
"Near? What's wrong?" Misa asked, entirely naiveté.
"… It is April second," Near growled.
Mikami just looked at the other boy awkwardly. "Well, shit."
A/N: I hope you liked it! Happy April Fools Day! Please push that magical button and tell me how you liked it! ^-^