A/N: I do not own anything Twilight
I did this because I think Charlie was too hard on Edward in New Moon.
BPOV
I slowly looked around the cafeteria hoping that today would be the day. The day "they" would be sitting at "their" table. Of course I should have known better. They would never be back again. I glanced across the table at Angela. The only "Human" friend I had left. I grimaced inside. They had even ruined that for me.
I still thought of myself as one of them, even though I would never be. In my wildest dreams I knew I could never hold a candle to their breathtaking beauty. But I had hoped, no... believed... that at least I would be like them someday. Immortal, strong, running by his side as his equal, the wind blowing through my hair, instead of clung to his back like the "leech" Jacob Black had called him.
Jacob... Jake. He was there for me when "they" left. He was my confidant... my best friend.... next to Alice that is. I winced as the pain ripped across my torso. I automatically flung my arm around my waist as I lid my head down on the table top and took a deep breath. There was a slight lull in the conversation, and I could feel the eyes at my table resting on my back. I slowly rose my head..... sure enough, all heads turned away from me.
I stood up. I had to get out of here now. I was starting to hyperventilate, my breath coming in short gasps. I didn't need these insignificant little nobodies seeing me fall apart. I was sure my father paid them to report back to him on a daily basis, and if word got back to him about this, I would be exiled to Florida, sent to live with my mother and Phil, her husband.
But I wouldn't leave here. I couldn't leave here. No matter how much it reminded me of "him". No matter how much it hurt me. What if I left and he came back? He would never find me, and God help me, I couldn't take that chance.
The pathetic looks, the uncertain smiles, the snickering. Yes Lauren, it's funny isn't it? I'm the only one he choose to speak to in this dreary little Town, and in the end I disgusted him so much that his entire family had to leave to get rid of me. Maybe it was building up since the Phoenix thing with James, when he had tried to get me to go live with my mom. Maybe he had only stayed then because I had started a scene in the hospital room. Maybe I was to clingy, not giving him space. I didn't know.... I've never done the boyfriend thing before.
But then, maybe he realized how utterly boring, and plain, I was and he couldn't stomach having me by his side for the rest of his existence. Yes, that made sense. I looked up with a start and saw my reflection in my truck window. Yeah, utterly plain, that was a reasonable explanation.
I heard the snickering behind me and I was suddenly furious. Who the hell did these people think they were? Mike, Tyler, Eric, and god knows how many more "boys" in this town pissed with me because I turned them down. Never mind half of them had girlfriends. I didn't ask for them to drool over me when I had moved here. I wanted to sit by myself and fade into the background. But no, they had to start some stupid fucking competition that ended in half the girls pissed at me too because their idiot boyfriends were hitting on me.
And then there's Jacob. Fucking annoying mutt. He seems to get the impression that because he fixed a couple bikes for me, we're now dating. He thinks he can grope, and maul, me whenever he wants, even though I made it very clear we were only friends. Doesn't anybody know the meaning of friends anymore? I mean, What the Fuck here? A bike isn't a good enough payment? He's got to have a piece of my body too? Fuck him... will not literally, but he can go to hell with the rest of them!
And then.... there's..... Him. I held my waist expecting a sharp pain but it hardly hurt this time. Hmmm, must be the anger. What was he trying to prove? I was so distraught over him leaving, I would have agreed to anything if he would have stayed. Sad, hmmm?
There was no beating around the bush either, he made sure I understood his position crystal clear.
"You're no good for me." Well, I already knew that. I never understood why he was with me. Now I knew, I was just a distraction in his endless existence, a stop over till the next town. It was fun while it lasted, but now it's time to move on.....Sorry....Not!
"I don't want you." Not his exact words, but all my brain could register at the time. And me? I clung to him like the pathetic human I was. Running through the woods after him, begging him not to leave me, to take me with him. Even now my brain could not fully comprehend that he didn't want me, probably never had.
So yeah, Fuck him too!
And his family, for leaving me behind without so much as a goodbye!
And Lauren.... and Jessica..... and the rest of the pathetic teens at Forks High!
And Charlie, for trying to get rid of me! Am I that pathetic my own father don't want me around?
Oh, and Jacob Black too..... and his crazy pack of friends!
I was here less than a year, and already I had managed to make a prominent Doctor uproot his family and leave town. Nearly the entire student body of Forks High were torn between hating my guts, or pitying me. My new best friend and his "brothers" were pissed that I wanted the "leeches" to come back, and my own father was trying to ship me of to Florida.
And, as if that wasn't bad enough, Victoria was back in town! To kill me! Please, take a number!
Mate for a mate, Laurent had said. Me, because Edward had killed James. Funny thing that. If I remember correctly, and I may not because I was pretty out of it at the time, Edward didn't kill James. Alice said that Edward had stayed by my side the whole time, he sucked the venom out of my blood after James had bit me. Jasper and Emmett had taken care of James. Tore him limb from limb and burned the pieces, destroying the Ballet Studio in the process. So, what the fuck Victoria? You're not as smart as you think you are.
Besides, if James had went on his merry way like Carlisle asked them to, he'd still be alive today. So, in a round about way, James had signed his own death warrant when he choose to get into a fight with the Cullens.
I guess Victoria never got the Memo though, that Edward and I were no longer an item, maybe she would have walked away if she did. Oh well, I could always hope.... couldn't I?
My anger was calming down some and I noticed where I was. I was parked by the cliffs, at La Push. How the hell did I get here? Well, I knew how, but I mean... How? Hmmm, hope I didn't hurt anyone along the way.
I got out and walked to the edge of the cliff, peering down at the churning black Ocean below me. I closed my eyes and lifted my head. I could smell the tang of the salt water in the air around me and breathed in deeply. I loved being by the Ocean. I loved La Push, I loved Forks and everything it could, and could not, offer me anymore. I stood on my toes and leaned forward, eyes still closed.
"Bella!" he said. My heart lurched and my eyes flew open. It took a full minute to calm my heart down, my brain realizing that my imagination was going into overdrive again.
"Yes?" I answered it anyway.
Edward tried to talk me down from the cliffs edge. I was pissed. Imagination or not, who the hell did he think he was? Leaving me in the middle of nowhere, well technically, I was right next to my house, it was my fault I wandered further into the woods, but still, he left me there alone.
"As if I never existed," he said. He may have taken his pictures, and his family, but he left Victoria behind, coming after my sorry ass. A little hard to believe he didn't exist when a psychotic Vampire wanted me dead because of his family. Or maybe he figured I would think I had imagined that too.
Sorry Edward, but if I'm going to imagine things it sure as hell won't be a sadistic vampire bent on revenge. No, it would be this honey sweet, lilac smell swirling around my head on the breeze whipping about me. It would be the velvet voice begging me to back away from the edge. But, in my mind, he wouldn't be crying, because he didn't care.
I heard growling behind me, my imagination working overtime again.
"I'm not leaving without her," the soft velvet voice said angrily. As if he would cross the boundary lines, risking his life for me. That would mean he cared. I knew for a fact that he only cared in my imagination now.
"Edward, I'm sorry." I whispered.
"Bella?" confusion laced his voice.
"I'm sorry, sorry I wasn't good enough for you. Sorry I drove your family out of town. Sorry I'm too plain to be by your side. " I was starting to sob now, my defences crashing down around me.
"Bella? What are you...." he was frantic now. My imagination Edward really did a god job of caring for me.
"Stay Edward, stay with me forever. I love you." I leaned forward and pushed of the cliff.
"No!," the velvet voice was in agony now.
"Save her, bloodsucker." Jacob screamed.
The wind blew my hair around my face and I hit the water, feet first, slicing through the frigid surface, shooting straight through to the Oceans floor. I felt the shock as the numbness started to set in, but I didn't care. As long as Edward stayed with me till the end, I would be fine. His caring, protective voice was back again, the last thing I wanted to hear, the last thing I would remember, before I succumbed to this watery grave.
I waited for his velvety voice, but it didn't come. As I sank further down into the murky depths of the Ocean blackness surrounded me, clouding my vision. The last thing I remembered thinking, as I was pushed against the cold, hard rock-face was that I would never get to hear his velvet voice, or see his crooked smile again.
Even in death, he left me alone! He had kept his promise......
BPOV
My brain became alert before my eyes could open and I lid there listening and thinking. I had to be alive, my throat was in too much pain for me to be dead. I heard whispering and tried to force my eyes open.
"Charlie!" I heard Renees' frantic voice call. I heard a scuffling of feet and opened my eyelids just in time to see Charlie peer over my mothers shoulder.
"Bella, are you okay?" he asked. I'm half dead in the Hospital, and I have hallucinations about my vampire ex-boyfriend, what the hell do you think? But I bit back the sarcastic remark as I saw the tears form in my fathers eyes. He didn't know Edward was an idiot.
"I'll go get..... the Doctor," I heard Renee say.
"Bella, Dr. Cullen is back. He's your Doctor." I looked at Charlie, my eyes full of questions and tears, just as the door opened and the man I considered to be my second father walked in. He smiled as he saw me look at him.
"Ermm....I'll wait outside." Charlie said
"And how are you today Bella?" Carlisle asked, as if he had been on an extended vacation, instead of being gone from my life for the last 7 months. I suddenly felt a jolt of irritation at this indifferent attitude towards me from his family.
"Well, Carlisle, my body feels like a mac truck parked on it, my head hurts, my throat hurts, I feel like I swallowed half the damn Ocean, my vampire boyfriend left town and took my family with him, I hear his voice in my head when I do stupid things, and oh, a sadistic vampire is out to kill me because my ex- boyfriend killed her mate and she thinks he still loves me. Mate for a mate, you know. Other than that, things are just peachy Doc!" I said sarcastically.
I glanced over to see Carlisles mouth dropped open, his hand poised above my chart mid-stroke.
"Vampire?" he choked out.
"Victoria!" I agreed. I heard a series of low hisses and growls from the hallway. My eyes misted over, I couldn't take it anymore.
"Carlisle?" I whimpered.
"Yes Bella?" He was at my side in a flash. No need to pretend for me. Traitor tears pooled over and slid down my cheeks.
"Can I have a hug? I've missed you guys so much." He had to hear the desperation in my voice.
"Oh Bella." He sat me up and wrapped his arms around me in a gentle hug, a hug that a loving-father might give to his daughter.
"Is he....are you....are the others here?" I settled for the easiest question.
EPOV
I listened as Bella described herself to Carlisle. He was shocked and Esme was crying inside.
My God Edward, look at what we did to her. We will not be leaving again. I agreed 100 percent.
"Vampire?" he froze, in thought and actions. A low growl started to erupt from my throat.
"Victoria." Bella said with convection. There were a round of hisses and growls from my family and the La Push "gang."
We had returned to Forks. I could no longer stay away from Bella, but the sun was out and we had to wait to go back to school. We kept a low profile while Alice kept tabs on Bella. Then she just disappeared. The sky had clouded over and we were out the door, at the school in minutes. But Bellas monster of a truck wasn't there. We followed her scent to the Quileute border but had to stop. I remembered Jacob from the Prom and questioned him. I could hear their thoughts, no one had seen her yet today.
They agreed that we could cross the line to help look for Bella. Her safety was the main concern, all things considering, but they never told us about Victoria, not even a trace in their thoughts that I could pick up. We traced her scent to the cliffs where she was getting ready to jump. I tried to get her to come back to me, but dispite the things she was saying, she didn't want me anymore. I felt my heart break into a million pieces, and my stomach clinched tightly when I saw her push herself of the edge of the cliff. I yelled and jumped in after her, barely seeing her through the murky water. I grabbed her around the waist and swam for the surface, Carlisle ready to take over when I got there.
Sorry leech, Jacobs voice broke through my thoughts, we thought she may have been a friend of yours.
"Yes Bella?" I could see through Carlisles eyes that Bella was a wreck, tears running down her cheeks.
"Can I have a hug? I've missed you guys so much." my eyes misted over and I lid my head on my arms and started to sob quietly, hoping no one would hear. I should have known better with a bunch of vampires and werewolves in the hallway.
Edward, whats wrong? Jaspers thoughts were thrown at me frantically. I shook my head and tried to compose myself.
"Is he....are you.....are the others here?" I heard her ask quietly. She wouldn't even say my name anymore. My shoulders started shaking with the grief I was now feeling. I had finally pushed her away. I had done what I had set out to do. Jasper was trying desperately to calm me down.
Esme knelt down beside me, and wrapped her arms around me. She rocked me back and forth while rubbing my back and whispering words of encouragement to me. I clung to her as my world shattered around me. At that moment I truly felt that she was my mother, and I loved her all the more for it. Between her and Jasper, I was starting to calm down and my mind, once again, focused on the thoughts around me.
If he broke down like this in front of us, what the hell was he like while he was in South America? I cringed, remembering how I had been curled up in a ball for 2 weeks, leaving only to hunt when I had no choice. Then it would start over again. Tracking Victoria had been hard, and obviously didn't work. She had been here, after Bella, I hadn't kept her safe by leaving after all. There was no way she would forgive me for this. The despair started again.
Hell leech, Jacobs voice, do you really think she wouldn't take you back? You're all she thinks about.
My God, I focused in on this voice, he's just as bad as she is. I could see Esme rocking me through Charlies mind. I was clung to her like a little boy, my shoulders heaving with each sob I took. I could see the "tears" pooled in Esmes eyes, and the pain that a mother reserves for her children.
I need to talk to him. He must still have some feelings for her if he's like this. They're both so broken, I can't take it anymore. Charlie cleared his throat with his last words.
"Edward, can I speak to you for a minute?" I glanced up at Charlie.
My family looked between us, ready to step in if need be. I didn't leave on the best of terms.
Your in trouble now Eddie, Emmett smirked.
I only feel concern Edward,Jasper thought at me. I nodded my head discretely.
"It's okay." I spoke softly, barely loud enough for them to hear.
I followed Charlie to the empty waiting room down the hall, and he shut the door behind me as I walked in. I was expecting to be told to leave, to stay away from Bella, and I wasn't sure how I would react to this. I knew I deserved it, and much more, but I couldn't leave without letting Bella know how very sorry I was. And how much I loved her.
"Edward," he paused for several minutes as he gathered his thoughts, then he cleared his throat. "I just want you to know that I am very pissed of with you right now for what you did. Even if your family were leaving town, you still could have written to her. You guys use computers, you have e-mail." She uses it with Renee all the time, Charlie thought. Apparently Bella had kept her promise not to tell anyone, even after we had left her, giving Charlie the impression that I had no choice but to leave with my parents. After all I put her through, she still protected me. I truly did not deserve her.
"And that new one, Facebook. You have your phones, you could have called, or texted. Kids do that all the time. And did visits on holidays. I won't pretend to understand why you felt it necessary to break up with her when you left, but obviously it was a bad decision for both of you. You're both falling apart." You both look like death warmed over. I could feel the venom starting to pool in my eyes again. I didn't know how much more of this caring I could take. I didn't deserve it.
"I can see you love her as much as she loves you. No amount of distance will ever lesson that feeling. It will grow stronger."
I remembered the first day I met her, the day I had fled to Denali. Charlie was right, even then I couldn't see past her face in my thoughts, not recognizing it for the love it was until much later. How could I? She was my first girlfriend. There would only ever be Bella.
I glanced up and met Charlies stare.
"Do you love her Edward, more than your own life?" he asked. The "tears" pooled in my eyes again.
"Yes." my voice wobbled out. I would die protecting her, even if she wanted nothing more to do with me. He shook his head.
"Good enough for me. If she still wants you in her life," and I've no doubt that she do, "then you have my blessing to be with her. But, if she don't, then you leave her alone and never bother her again. Fair enough?" he asked.
I nodded my head again, not trusting my voice. I hadn't expected anything like this. I had expected Charlie to pull out his guns, to yell at me. Not that guns would hurt me, but he didn't know that. At the very least I had expected him to tell me to stay out of her life.
"Oh, and Edward, if you ever hurt her like that again, remember, I have a gun."
The threat of bodily harm, with a gun no less, coming from the Chief of Police was laughable to say the least. Apparently Charlie wasn't laughing.
I swallowed noisily for 2 reasons. First to show Charlie I heard, and understood him, loud and clear. Secondly, if I ever hurt Bella like that again, I was hoping that somehow Charlies gun could harm me.
Besides, I was praying to the God that Carlisle kept telling me was up there, that Charlie was right. That Bella did indeed still love me, and that I wasn't to late. I walked back to my family, a stupid grin plastered across my face. They all gave me weird looks except for Alice, she was bouncing up and down clapping her hands like a mad woman. Charlie glanced over at me and walked into Bellas room.
I held my breath. Oh yes, I would need Charlies Blessing. If I was lucky enough that Bella still loved me, still wanted me in her life, then I had every intention of asking her to Marry me, and I wasn't taking no for an answer!
BPOV
Esme and Carlisle hugged me one last time.
"Oh Bella, you need to come over for dinner when you get out of here. We've missed you so much," Esme sobbed. I saw the tears she could not shed glistening in her eyes.
"So, you're moving back?", I whispered.
"I've already spoke to the hospital. They've agreed to take me back, no questions asked." carlisle replied.
I wanted to ask about Edward..... hmmmm, there was very little pain now when I said his name. Everyone else had been in to see me. My parents, the Cullens, the Quileutes..... everyone except for..... Edward. I wanted to ask.... but I didn't. What if he didn't want me? Didn't need me? Didn't love me? Oh, God! What if he wasn't even here? What if he didn't even care enough anymore to visit me in the hospital?
I started to panic and almost immediately felt a wave of calm wash over me. "Thank you Jasper," I whispered, knowing full well that he was involved and that he could also hear me from in here. Sure enough, I heard a deep chuckle from outside my door. I really missed my family.
I heard the door creak open, and my heartbeat speed up, just to plummet to my feet as I saw Charlie enter the room. I felt a little guilty, I truly loved my father, but right now he wasn't the person I disparately wanted to see. Through my now blurry vision I saw Edwards "parents" leave the room. The treacherous tears I'd been holding back spilled over my eyes, running down my cheeks. Charlie's eyes were looking everywhere but at me. I didn't blame him, he couldn't handle crying.
"He's not coming back is he daddy?" I sobbed. "He really didn't want me anymore." All the pain I'd been holding back came pouring out. How would I live without him?
Charlie just looked at me and sighed.
"Would you take him back Bella?" he asked.
"Yes," I cried out too loudly. I'm sure everyone in the hall heard me.
"Do you still love him Bella?" he questioned me again.
I felt my face turn beet red. I really didn't want to be talking to my father about this.....
"Bells?"
" Yes, with my heart and soul," I really was pathetic, "But he doesn't want me anymore."
"What makes you think that Bella?" he asked.
"Well, his family are here, if he cared he would be here too, right?" It made sense to me.
He chuckled quietly to himself. "Bella, did anyone tell you who pulled you out of the Ocean?" I looked at him, confusion showing on my face.
"He pulled you out Bella. He was the first one there. He jumped in without even thinking about it. He's hysterical, God Bells, he's in worst shape than you are." It was the longest time I've ever heard Charlie talk about anything other than sports ..... or fishing.
"Where is he?" I still wasn't totally convinced until I saw Charlies eyes flicker to the hallway.
My heart started to beat erratically. Edward was here. On the other side of that doorway. But why wasn't he coming in to see me? Was he here to appease his family? Out of duty, to make sure I was indeed still alive? What..... what if he was as afraid as I was? Did he think I hated him for what he had done? I crossed my fingers and prayed that I was right........ because I was putting my heart, and the rest of my existence, on the line here.
"Edward, I love you! I need you.!" The door to my room flew open and my bronze haired angel stood there, still not sure what to do.
EPOV
I watched my "parents" leave Bellas room as Charlie entered it. Through his eyes, I could see my loves face. She started to cry and I nearly gave into the temptation to run into the room and pull her into my arms, shielding her from the pain she was now feeling. The pain I had caused. Could I help her through that? Would she let me help her? I had no idea.
"No Edward, not yet." I nodded my head to let Alice know I had heard her.
"Do you still love him Bella?", I heard Charlie ask out loud. Come on Bella, don't lie about it.
"Bells?"
"Yes, with my heart and soul," she answered dejectedly, "But he doesn't want me anymore."
My dead heart shattered and fell in a million pieces at my feet. What? How could my love think I didn't want her?Keep listening Edward Alice yelled at me.
"What makes you think that Bella?" Charlie asked. He was really getting answers for me here. I found myself liking Chief Swan more and more.
"Well, his family are here, if he cared he would be here too, right?" I am here, I thought.
"Bella, did anyone tell you who pulled you out of the Ocean?" He chuckled softly. "He pulled you out Bella. He was the first one there. He jumped in without even thinking about it. He's hysterical, God Bells, he's in worst shape than you are." Charlie spoke passionately.
"Where is he?" She still sounded unsure. I saw through Charlies eyes that he glanced towards the door.
I heard her heart rate pick up, she started to hyperventilate, I started to panic.
Her breathing evened out, her heart slowed down, minimally. I started to hyperventilate. Was it even possible for a Vampire to hyperventilate? She knew I was here now. What if she couldn't forgive me for leaving her? I didn't know if I could forgive myself yet. My family stood around me wishing me luck, Alice told me not to go in yet. And then I heard the sweetest words I could ever hope to hear.
"Edward, I love you! I need you!" Nothing could keep me away from her this time. She needed me, she loved me! I flew across the hallway and threw her door open. I stood in the doorway waiting for her to invite me back into her life. Always her decision.
"Bella...." my voice trailed off as I heard her sob yet again. It took me 30 seconds, damn vampire speed, to be by her side. Way to long in my opinion. I wrapped my arms around her and she clung to me, afraid I would disappear again. She needn't have worried though, I wasn't going to leave her again, not unless she wanted me to.
Her sobbing gradually slowed down, and I could hear her sniffing me, a trait common to my kind.
"Are you sniffing me Bella?" I asked her.
She halted her progress and I glanced down at her with a smirk on my face.
"You're really here aren't you?" she asked.
"Without a doubt. Unless you're dreaming." I teased her. I heard Esme and Alice yell at me in their heads and I sighed.
I took her face in my hands, rubbing my thumbs softly against her cheeks. She lowered her eyes as her face turned a beautiful shade of pink. Oh how I had missed that blush.
"Bella, I am so sorry for leaving you. Sorry for telling you that I didn't want you, that I didn't love you. It was the only way I could get you to let go. You were in constant danger around me." At that Bella snorted. I laughed.
"Yes, well, I can see now that I was very wrong. Whether I am around or not, you are constantly in danger and therefore in need of protection."
"Well," Bella smiled, "I guess that means you will just have to stay around for...... oh, I don't know...... maybe forever."
"Without a doubt, my love." I vowed.
"Edward, promise you will never leave me again." she whispered.
"Bella, I promise nothing will ever make me leave your side again." I looked into her eyes as I made the promise I knew I would be keeping for the rest of my life..... existence. I didn't understand why Bella would forgive me so fast but I wasn't about to complain about it either.
I heard my family choking back laughter in the hallway. The door to Bellas room opened to reveal the scariest nurse I've ever seen in my existence, and believe me, I've seen plenty of them.
"Out young man," she glared at me. I swear her looks alone could have ripped me to shreds, while she danced around my burning limbs without a second thought. "Visiting hours were over 10 minutes ago. She needs her rest, come back in the morning."
"Sorry Edward, I tried...." I heard Carlisles thoughts.
I looked back at my love, afraid I had to break a promise so soon after making it. Her hand covered her mouth as she held a giggle in.
"Go Edward," she said, "I'll still be here in the morning..... make sure you are."
I kissed her gently on the lips and as I turned around to go, I barely heard her whisper.....
"I'll leave the window unlocked, if you want to visit later."
I left the room with the biggest, goofiest grin plastered across my face. My love was leaving her window unlocked, she wanted me back. I was floating on cloud nine. We would be alright.
A/N So, I hope you like it.
:) Merry Christmas to Everyone. Have a great holiday :)