NOTE: The first 2 chapters were originally posted in AO3 already, I'm keeping their chapter notes here. From Chapter 3 on, I'll post updates in both sites. Enjoy!

Summary:

Dean and Seth sit down to talk about things that never happened and would never happen again. Their story, whatever the hell it was.

Starts at the end of 'Overwhelmed'. Dean's life is spiraling out of control and he feels he's losing everything that matters: his health, marriage and his job.

He reflects on the pressure and difficulties to adapt to FCW and the eye-opener that was being a WWE employee. The never-ending obstacles to get to the top and avoid destroying his career as well as the good times as he finally lived his dream. The smile on his face when he collapsed on his poor excuse of a mattress after a performance.

What happened for everything go to hell?

Notes:

Welcome to Part 2 of ALAWKTT!
I recommend you first read 'Overwhelmed' if you haven't. While this can stand alone on its own, reading both will give you a better picture of the whole story in the same way that reading this will fill all the necessary blanks left in 'Overwhelmed'. You'll find out how he got to that point and will also finally be able to read the full scenes related to the flashback chunks there.
We'll go back in time and follow Dean's story from joining FCW to nowadays.
I will add dates as we go so you can follow a continuity and revisit matches or any segments if you feel like it. I didn't do that in 'Overwhelmed' but wrote a little post where I talk about the process of writing this series and give the dates of the flashback in every chapter. You can find it here: post/167668419366/the-funniest-most-frustrating-thing-about

And now I finally shut up and start with the story, buckle up and enjoy! This will be a long ride, I don't even want to think how long it's going to take to reach the end :)

NOTE: Bold Italics are for text messages.
WARNINGS: language, alcohol, depression, anxiety and Dean being a living contradiction.

Chapter 1

Tuesday, October 10th, 2017

1:30 AM, Seth's hotel room

"Remember the first time we met in FCW?" the nasal voice started, a bit strained as Seth flinched slightly. "I know we met in the indies, but that was just a quick greeting."

Dean shied away and unclenched his hands from Seth's knees, unaware until that moment of the way his fingers dug and surprised his friend hadn't complained. As far as he knew, he wasn't that drunk. He nodded absentmindedly trying to grant an unspoken apology. "Yeah… can't even remember who introduced us anymore. Feels like forever ago, man." he grumbled, nostalgia and alcohol not entirely alleviating the tension he carried during this neverending day.

The corner of his eye caught Seth's fond smile as he turned around to grasp his whiskey glass; the drink burning his throat as he gulped it and at the same time spreading warmth through his chest as his memory traveled six years back in time.

His mind sidetracked from what they were supposed to be talking about. Or maybe not, because FCW was where whatever the hell happened between them started. "You know what I'll never forget Seth?" he began but had no chance to continue or for Seth to say anything. A loud notification sound from his phone startled him.

"That must be Renee, she must be coming back." he uttered as he stretched and stood on his feet to fetch his phone from his gym bag. Unlocking the screen and touching on the notification revealed two messages. The first was a picture of a small round table covered on empty beer bottles. The second showed the same image, but in the background, he could see Renee, Charly, and Lita grinning red-cheeked and holding their thumbs up in the air.

He sauntered towards the bed, waving his phone excitedly in front of Seth's face as he sat down next to him, his anxiety forgotten for a moment. A proud grin twisted his lips up and dimples went on full display as he shared the moment with him. "That's my girl!" he bragged, his chest swelling at the thought of how his wife could outdrink guys three times their size when it came to parties and beer. He truly couldn't love her any more than he did.

Seth extended his neck to take a closer look at the photos and chuckled at the view as took the phone from Dean's hand, examining them. "I have no clue of what a chick like her is doing with you dude. You know you won the fucking lottery with Renee don't ya? She's too awesome for you" he scoffed, but there was no real mischief in his words or his smirk, just affection for a good friend. "You really don't deserve her." he said softly, returning the phone.

Dean felt the handless slap though. That last bit was a clear accusation, intentional and too true for comfort. He felt himself crawl back into his rotting walls as he looked away from Seth. "Think I don't know that? With everything I've done… I honestly don't think I have a way to fix it if shit explodes."

Seth shrugged with a solemn look on his face. "You'll have to grow a pair and deal with the consequences if it ever does." there was a pause as he drank, a moment to choose his words. "Y'know you don't need to worry about me."

He didn't doubt that for a second. "I know you'd never screw me like that." a bitter grimace matched the self-deprecation in Dean's eyes and posture as he sighed. 'I know you can't' he would have liked to say. "It speaks volumes about me that you of all people respect my wife more than I do, y'know'?"

The immediate reply he got was a hand tousling his hair and a bearded cheek brushing against his temple for a moment before he was let go. Seth regarded him for what felt like an eternity before his lips parted to speak. "Somebody has to." he scowled. "Told you earlier, our story is not just about you, I'm not made of stone. Would you have changed anything yourself if I hadn't been pushing you away for months?"

"Our story is not just about you, can't you see I'm here?"

Seth's earlier words echoed in his mind. Before Dean could betray himself once again and say no, another loud notification took him out of his thoughts. He shook his head and brought himself back to reality, realizing it was a text message when he looked down at the phone still held in his hand.

Babeeee! You still up? I'm having so much fun with the girls, Lita invited me to travel to New York with her tomorrow after Smackdown, you ok if I just room with her tonight and ride with her to the next city tomorrow? I'm soooooo tired had so much fun! You were going to fly anyway. My stuff is in her rental, took everything this morning you ok with it? How's your night you still up with the guys? You being good? Wanna see your cute face and Seth's sexy panda pajamas plz plz plz send-a-pic! What r u up to? Love ya!

It was followed by a long line of heart icons. He slapped his forehead and sighed deeply before dropping his phone on Seth's lap; his now free hand picking up his glass from between his legs to take a long sip. "I just can't get any luckier. How many times am I gonna say that?" his breath caught in his throat at the fond memories his words brought again for the second time that night.

A soft snort disrupted the silence and his gaze lifted to glance at Seth. He held the phone inches away from his nose, beaming and sniggering silently. His stare didn't go unnoticed. At some point, Seth caught him and turned his attention to Dean.

The grin his friend flashed couldn't be any more sincere as he crawled closer to him, settling on his side with his legs around him on the bed, close but not too much. He looked relaxed as his foot dangled in the air out of the bed.

He shivered under the intensity of the brown eyes boring into his. Whatever his face was showing, it just made Seth grin wider. An expectant gaze followed a tan hand curling into a loose fist and it didn't take long for him to feel the playful bumps against his chest.

Seth's other hand reached out and tangled in Dean's messy hair, bringing them closer until he felt the warmth of breath and the smell of whiskey brushing his lips and nose. The brunette shortened the distance between them again and punctuated each laughed word with teasing kisses so quick Dean had no time or coordination to reciprocate. "You. Fucking. Cant. You. Piece. Of. Shit." he drew back with a chuckle as he watched the blonde try to chase his mouth, gently shoving him away.

Dean wasn't able to react in any other way in his drunk state than mimicking Seth's grin. His eyes widened in surprise as his friend moved quickly, wrapping an arm his shoulders and snapping a quick picture of the two of them with Dean's phone. Dean blinked astonished and tilted his head to the side in confusion, not getting what he was doing. He understood quickly though since Seth sent the picture to Renee, wrote a message and gave the phone back to him. When he tapped on the picture, he noticed it looked very similar to the one that broke the internet earlier, but this time their positions had changed even if their expressions stayed the same. The biggest difference was the lack of makeup covering the exhaustion on their skin.

Cool baby, gonna miss u. I'm changing my flight to go to Iowa. Take care ok? The guys are boring as fuck Roman went to his room already n fucker won't put on panda pajamas for you says he's tryin to save our marriage because that's too hot LOL. Have fun, love u!

The intoxicated laughter from Seth had carried both a lot of alcohol and bitterness yet Dean knew he deserved the reprimand that was coming his way. "See my point?" he queried arching an eyebrow up. "It's your fuckin' responsibility. You can't depend on me to stop ya and blame me if I don't. I've got my own shit to be guilty of."

Dean edged to the furthest side of the bed, desperately needing distance from him. "Fuck you! Why the fuck did you do all of that?" he snarled. "If you know I can't say no why do you do it?"

Seth shrugged, his features taking on a calmer expression. "To prove a point, and to help you out. Renee is fucking worried about you, she's obviously giving you space to deal with your shit with us and she was asking for pictures to see how you were doing in case she had to cancel the plans with Lita." he shook his head furiously. "If you can't see it and that she needs to breathe away from your shit then you're even stupider than you look. By the way, you're welcome, dude."

It took him several seconds to process the truth coming out of his Seth's lips. He was right and his scheme had worked as he appeared beaming on the picture even if it wasn't for the reasons Renee would think of. Being unable to say no to Seth was something he wouldn't admit out loud though. Even if that was exactly what he'd just done. He was being called out for being a liar anyway and had no truth to defend himself.

"Seth-" He spat, his eyes narrowing further and looking away from Seth but he crumbled as fast as he had exploded. His shoulders sagged and he brought his knees to his chest, hiding behind them like a child as his voice broke in his throat. "Please, just stop it." As pathetic and shaky as he felt, Dean didn't have the energy to fight or argue and he just hoped his friend could see through that and stop.

When he finally dared to lift his chin up slightly and peek at Seth again, their eyes met and he found him lying comfortably on his back, his arms crossed under his head. "Let me know when you're done feeling sorry for yourself so we can arrange your flight, ya coming to Iowa and you're not coming back until we're done talking or you get some help." he guffawed and Dean just looked away again, unable to stand the sight. "Man, I'm sorry but you should see yourself. Dean Ambrose, the infamous Jon Moxley, is only afraid of two things, talking with an old friend and that the world knows where he's been sticking his dick for years."

While Dean was feeling pathetic, there was a limit to how low he was willing to drag his pride, so he decided that he'd had enough and turned around to get out of there.

"Dean." the authority on Seth's voice made him stop in his tracks immediately. "C'mere. Hey-" as he turned around, all that was left on the other man's face was the exhaustion he knew his own face projected and his next words were barely a whisper. "C'mere, please?" Dean's mind spun out of control, unable to process Seth's mood swings on his anxious and drunken state. "I'm trying to help you, I'm sorry I just make things worse... But I need us to talk, I'm human too and it's gotten to be too much for me too." they stared at each other as Seth sat up, and Dean hadn't really even thought of it when he found himself sitting down at the edge of the bed, within reaching distance.

Dean sensed physical pain in his heart under the guilt the consequences of his actions. It was really easy to forget that he was not the only one in the world, the only one whose personal life and career were on the line at all times. And it was too easy to make Seth pay for shit that wasn't his to carry.

Unable to stand the look on the tan face anymore, he crawled towards him and threw his arms around his body, squeezing him so hard they both fell backward and started laughing again at their own stupidity. When both calmed down, Dean craned his neck from where his head had fallen against Seth's shoulder and he hoped his poker face was as convincing as it looked in his mind. "If I go to Iowa with you-" he dawdled, feeling dizzy from the sudden movements and melting under the arms that wrapped lazily around him. "You promise we'll never speak about this again?" he begged and let his head rest on the juncture of Seth's neck and shoulder.

He felt the rumble of silent snickers vibrate against his body and the movement as Seth rolled his head to place a brotherly kiss on the top of his hair. "Whatever you want as long as you let me help you, Dean. Or we can stay here if you want." he offered with a giddy smile.

Dean sank even further into his body, starting to relax against the warmth emanating from him and under the fingers rubbing little trails on his side over his shirt. "Can we just stay here?" He breathed, his eyes sliding shut as he ignored the voice inside his head telling him that he didn't deserve Seth either.

This time he didn't only feel Seth's laughter, he heard it. "Whatever buddy." an exaggerate dorky grin pulled at his face. "We'll stay here all week if you want."

Dean hummed contentedly. "Whatever." he mimicked, feeling a small smile fight its way into his lips. He frowned when the gentle fingers drew away from his side and felt a friendly tap on his back.

The air had lightened a bit and booze was switching them to a calmer, more comfortable state. Dean decided to destroy whatever tension was left by trying to be his usual self. He nuzzled into Seth's neck, grazing the bearded skin with his nose and grinning in pure mischief at the contented sigh that escaped his lips.

It was the perfect moment, so he did what he did best. Annoy Seth. He clenched a wide, annoying but not painful bite on the brunette's jaw and hummed some stupid song while he did so.

"Aaargh- fuck you!" He got the reaction that he wanted as arms and legs thrashed around trying to push him off. Dean barked with laughter and rolled off Seth's body to avoid getting hit. You can't get any more disgusting duuude!"

Dean battled his eyelashes in the image of the purest innocence he was able to portray, boasting as he lifted his index finger up. "And that's why ya love me." He powered up to prop on his elbows, his head balancing slightly and making his dorky grin dance in the air. "See what I just did?" he shook his head in disappointment at Seth, who just rolled his eyes in boredom and lied next to him. "I was tryin'a have this adult, nice conversation with you and you had to start with your bullshit. What the fuck was I talking about before I was so rudely interrupted?" he ignored the irked groan and rolled over again, draping half of his body on top of Seth's, burying his face on his neck for a moment and making himself as heavy and irritating as he could.

Seth gave up and tried to lift his harms to make a peace gesture, but Dean had him trapped and could only shove at him apathetically. "Fuuuuuck. I give up!" he snorted softly as his eyes closed and the blonde just smiled at the sight.

Stopping to think about it for once, he leaned towards his friend's face and brushed a nonchalant kiss on the corner of his lips. That was as far as he could reach from his position, feeling the slight shift into a small smile. He'd have time to torment himself for it later. "I fucking can't get any luckier." mouthed Dean as his lips grazed the warm skin with each word. "I don't deserve you either." his grin widened against the shivers he felt running all over Seth before he looked down at him and shifted, their mouths so close they were touching but not kissing.

"We were talking about FCW and ya said something about stuff you'd never forget." the nasal voice slurred against his lips with the same ease as they were inches apart.

"Y'know we're fuckin' ridiculous don't cha?" it took a while for the chuckling to let him speak again. "Yeah, I know what I was gonna tell ya." he mumbled dreamily as the memory of it hit him. Dean just pressed a quick peck on Seth's mouth before he rolled over to lie on his back again, turning slightly on his side so they could look at each other. "I'll never forget the first time I stood in front of the FCW building." he confessed like someone who shares their deepest secret, his hairs standing in awe at the memory.

Notes:

And that was chapter 1 :) Let's start slow and unveil little by little! Chapter 2 will take us directly into Dean's arrival to FCW. I'm so excited about writing this!
For Part 2, I decided to give you and myself a bit of a break so chapters will be shorter and easier to digest. It will also allow me to update more often now that I barely have time to breathe or sit down and write. Editing won't be so heavy for me so you can expect better chapters and writing.

As always, I love getting your comments and feedback and chat with you about them, so please comment -comments are open for guests too-, tell me what you liked, what you hated it, what you think can happen. Remember you can always drop me a line on Tumblr (Besaster) if you want to and that I will post previews, updates and little random bits on the process of writing this mammoth of a series.

But now it's time for me to shut my mouth (fingers?) and catch up on Survivor Series.

Tell you a secret? I've been dropping little tributes on this series, bonus points if anyone catches them ;) Thanks for reading and see you soon!