Konnichiwa, Minna-san! ) I just can't deny my love for YuriyxKai angst. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the storyline. The lyrics are taken from the wonderful song 'Disarm', sung by the Smashing Pumpkins. Ta-da!
Disarm you with a smile
And cut you like you want me to
Cut that little child
Inside of me and such a part of you
Ooh, the years burn
I wrapped the bandage around my upper arm slowly. I couldn't believe it. Of all assignments, this one. This person. Most precious to me. I would've been crying by now if I wasn't taught to not show any emotions. Every time I thought about this task, the chills ran down my spine. Goosebumps covered my arms. I didn't want this, yet I had no choice. It was his life, or mine. I gulped. I didn't want to do this. I couldn't. I wouldn't be able to. A silent tear trickled down my cheek. I couldn't...
Flashback
"Yuriy?"
I looked up. A Kai of barely 9 years old looked at me with a cold seriousnes on his feateres.
"Kai-kun!" I broke into a wide smile at the sight of my best friend, completely forgetting the Beyblade research Boris asked me to do.
Kai's eyes softened at the sight of my wide grin. His whole posture relaxed as we looked into each other's eyes. An ice blue gaze met a crimson one, and we finally realised for the fullest the effect of our presence on each other.
End Flashback
I gritted my teeth in fury as I neared the end of the bandage wrapped around my arm. Silent tears didn't stop trickling. Why these memories? They only prevented me of succeeding in my task. Kai... I couldn't... Images of what was going to happen drifted trough my mind. The surprised look of Kai as he would fall down, blood flowing from the wound in his chest. No... I had to abandon them. I had to abandon the memories. Yet, so impossible. All these years passing by, he had always been a part of it, in my heart. I'd have to cut it all out in such short time.
I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my choice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you
I picked up the other bandage and started redoing my actions, only changing the arm. Me and Kai, we always had this bond. We were both too mature for our age, we had always been. As 9 year olds, we would have deep conversations while the other boys were doing normal boy stuff as far as that was possible in the abbey. But we, Kai and me, we had a better friendship than those boys would ever have. It would survive everything. Or so we thought. He made the decision to leave the abbey while I decided to stay. That was where our close friendship slowly faded away. Although, I can't deny, we still had one strong bond.
Slowly, I turned around, watching the door. I was ready…
Disarm you with a smile
And leave you like they left me here
To wither in denial
The bitterness of one who's left alone
Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn, burn, burn
I watched the light behind the window and the vague outline of my victim in depressed silence. Was this how the future was supposed to be? Without Kai?
I didn't know. I had none of these answers. Yes, I was left behind by him, left alone in the abbey while the unknown time crawled further, slowly, ever so slowly. This should be my revenge, despite being friends. I should be happy to see him moaning for death, his arms grasping in air in one last powerless struggle for understanding why I betrayed him. Despite this knowledge, I knew I'd never be able to do it. It was there all the time, that knowledge, just too deeply hidden for me to grab onto it.
With a sigh, I opened the door to the apartment building, the light from the hall inside blinding my sight at first. Automatically, I started walking up the stairs, since I'd been there before, only with a different purpose.
I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my voice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you
I stopped in front of his door, feeling empty. I didn't feel sad anymore, I simply felt emotionless. All will had left me. Unlike last time I murdered someone. Ironically enough.
I ringed the doorbell, and a few second later I overheard Kai's soft footsteps on the grey carpeted floor, turning the key with a click and opening the door.
"Yuriy…" He was mildly surprised to see me standing at his door this time of the night, even though he was still dressed. I looked him into the eyes, my face a mask without emotions able to be read. I knew his feet were covered in the soft grey socks he always wore when he was inside. I knew the shirt he wore was the shirt he had worn when he had gotten his fantastic job at the BBA facility, and I immediately knew that today had been an important day at work for him because of that shirt. I knew. I knew him too well. Maybe this was all for the better.
I pushed him inside, closing the door behind me to stifle the sounds I would make while doing my job. I envied Kai so much, although he never knew. I was annoyed because he had had the guts to run away from where hell was, because he had the better job, because he wasn't traumatized by past and present like I was. This was only righteous!
"Yuriy, what're you doing here so late?" Kai asked, his face not changing from his usual expression.
I smirked slightly. "Don't worry about it."
With that, I launched myself forward, pulling a knife out from behind and grabbing him around the waist, plunging it into his chest with a sickening, sucking sound.
"Yuriy…" He let out in hoarse, shocked tone of voice, shock in his hold on my wrists, shock in his eyes, shock everywhere.
The blood soaked my fingers, my hand, my wrist, my arm. I kept my hold on his waist and let myself slide down on the blood-stained carpet, staring at my friend's face, almost realising the impact of what I had done. The life was slowly leaving his face, his eyes blank, as knowledge finally reached me.
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
I couldn't live without Kai. He was, always had been, a part of my heart that I would never be able to live without. Together, we had reached a point of understanding beyond having to see each other every day, beyond having a close friendship. And it would never come back. My knowledge was very simple: I had wasted my friend's, my soul mate's life for nothing. I had to die anyway. I wasn't able to live without him, or with the knowledge of me being the one who shed his blood. Perhaps this was the way it was meant to be, perhaps destiny had always prepared me for this passionate murder.
It was at that point that I realised that tears had mingled with Kai's blood, on his face and chest. My tears. Kai was dead now, without a word spoken. Now, it was my time.
And I did the same as I did to him. I buried the sharp edge of the knife deep inside of me, and I died, leaving all the shame, the problems, the experience of us, us abbey kids, behind.
In that moment, I understood everything, the whole world, religion, hope, friendship, love,…
And Destiny…
Ne, review? -pout- Mucho appreciated it would be!
Ja Ne!
-CRL