Thank god I don't own Twilight or any of that scary jazz. Stephenie Meyer has to take responsibility for all the horrid characters and suchlike; I wouldn't take it if you hit me with a baguette. Oh, and if you feel like it, you can call this a crack fic.
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I'd never given much thought to how I would die, though I'd had reason enough in the last few months to kill myself, being forced to live like this. I do have AIDS, HIV, and any other sexually transmitted disease you can rattle off, so I thought that it would be pretty much insured that I'd die from one of them; but, unexpectedly, no. It's true that this is about the best thing I could ask for, the most wonderful (actually, the only pleasant) surprise to happen to me these past few months, but it was a surprise none the less.
I held my breath as I stared across the long room into the dark eyes of my savior, and he smiled pleasantly back at me as he took out his beautiful notebook.
Surely this is a good way to die, as a self-sacrificial end to the nightmare I'd been living for the past few months. It would be noble, even, to end it in such a way. That ought to count for something, right, Kira-God? I'll get to rape some nice Light-virgins after this, right? Because if I don't, then I am so totally not doing this anymore.
I pulled my mind away from this sacrilegious thought to consider my past, hoping Kira hadn't heard my temporary disloyalty.
If I'd never gone to Forks, I would never have known anything about my effervescent stalker, excepting the fact that he sparkled like a thousand disco balls whenever he peered through the glass of my bathroom window as I took a morning shower, or stared at me through my bedroom window as I picked out my outfit for the day. As this knowledge struck me, I closed my eyes and wished it was so, but when I opened them again, the same sight greeted me. As welcome a sight as this was after months of torture in Forks, it could have been duly delayed to a more convenient time if I had never left Arizona in an useless attempt to get away from my stalker. I regret this particular decision so much, but when life forces a nightmare onto you so far beyond your imagination, it's not reasonable to grieve about how exactly you wake up from it---or in this case, fall asleep.
Kira smiled in an angelic way as he sauntered forward to kill me.