She's on her way back from the toilets when she finds her. There's nothing wrong, she tells herself, with trying to settle the tension between them, no matter what Ivy says.
Karen seems like a nice girl. She's new, that much is obvious. Maybe she just needs a friendly face in rehearsal.
"How's it going in there?"
"How do you think it's going?" Maybe Jessica isn't going to be that friendly face.
It stings, more than it should for someone she doesn't care about, when she gets called horrible. She's never been called that before.
"Wow."
She knows that Karen goes on some kind of rant and that it's getting a little too loud and that she should probably pull her away from the door but those eyes. It's cheesy, but she gets a little bit lost in them.
When she does realise, she pulls her by the arm. Something about her speech hits home, and without really realising, Jessica offers some help.
She can't do it alone though, which is why she finds herself a few hours later, with Bobby and Sue, teaching Karen how to act like everyone else.
Bringing them was a good thing, she decides. Without Bobby they wouldn't be eating Chinese in Karens apartment in the middle of an intervention.
Karen might have pretty eyes, but she can't just go insulting Jessica's friends like that.
"Ivy's fine!"
She's still a little bitter about the comment but when they're dancing and Karen's eyes sweep over her every few seconds, she forgets it.
When they're leaving the bar that night, she gives Karen her phone number with a warning of "I lose my phone a lot, so I might not reply."
Later, as she's lying in bed, she receives a message: 'Thanks for tonight x'
She sleeps better than she has in a long time.
So what if she might have developed a tiny little crush on Karen Cartwright.
She's a professional, it doesn't throw her off her game, so she figures it won't hurt anybody.
She's texted her once or twice, but Karen and Jessica have never really spoken alone for an extended period of time, so she's a little nervous when she approaches.
"Listen, I just got a last minute recording gig, but I booked a bar mitzvah for tonight…Could you sub for me?"
When Karen's face lights up at the mention of five hundred dollars, Jessica feels incredibly proud of herself. When Karen comes into rehearsal the next day with a frown on her face, Jessica thinks she might have made a mistake.
She definitely made a mistake, she thinks, when it could have been her calling Bobby Raskin about a recording session. Jessica doesn't get jealous easily, she's used to the ensemble, but there's a pang there right now.
She notices that she doesn't get so much as a "thanks" from Karen, and that hurts a lot more than it should. For the first time in a long time, she cries herself to sleep that night.
Bobby notices that something's changed. They're talking in the studio the day before the workshop, before Karen arrives.
"I'm just a little bit annoyed that I gave her the one gig that Bobby Raskin was at."
"Oh my god, you like her."
"What? No!"
"Jessica, I have been your best friend for the past five years, and the only time I've seen you get this wound up about something it was over that girl in the coffee shop. You liked her too."
"Fine, I might, but she's got a boyfriend. I have no chance." She sees Karen opening the door and mumbles under her breath, "And don't you dare tell her."
She's happy for Karen, she really is, when she gets called back in, but she's still a little bitter and maybe yes, Ivy's right, she does just get handed everything.
Leigh Conroy is a distraction at least, and when she leans over to Bobby to whisper, "I want to do that," it's all that's on her mind.
No matter how happy Jessica is for Karen, she's happier when she decides to stay for the workshop instead of going to meet Bobby Raskin. Still, the role of a good friend is to at least pretend to try and convince her to go. That's all she can be right now; a good friend.
The workshop runs smoothly, all things considered, right up until intermission. When Karen falls off the bleachers, Jessica's the first to her side, one hand on her arm, the other on her waist. It's genuine worry, because that was quite a fall (and excuse the cheesiness, but she really does just want to kiss it better, she thinks it would work) but Karen seems alright.
She texts her that night jokingly: "You bruised?"
Honestly, she wasn't expecting a reply, but her phone rings five minutes later with a crying Karen on the other end.
"My bruises hurt. I need a distraction. Can you come over?"
"What about your boyfriend?"
"He's out of town for a few days. Please." She practically sobs, and it breaks Jessica's heart a little.
"I'll be there in ten."
True to her word, she's there before ten minutes have even passed, drink in hand. Karen's cheeks are tear stained, and she doesn't look like she's done yet.
They drink until the bottle's empty, until Karen's tears have dried.
"Why did you really ask me here?"
"Because I'm upset and I needed someone too be here for me."
"Why are you so upset? You've got everything." It's not malicious, it's just a
statement.
A beat passes before Karen answers, "I think Dev's cheating on me."
"No he isn't."
"What?"
"I mean, no, he probably isn't." The alcohol's made her confident, and this will only
end badly, "Nobody would cheat on someone like you."
It gets a little awkward after that. The conversation returns to small talk, until Karen
says she's going to bed. Jessica makes to leave, but she's stopped by a feeble,
"Please don't go."
It's stupid of her to stay, but she does, and she ends up in Karen's bed, (in the bed that she shares with her boyfriend) both clad only in underwear. Drunk Jessica is no better than sober Jessica at refusing Karen so somehow she ends up spooning Karen, despite the awkward height difference. Sometime around five am, when the first morning light starts to creep in the window, Jessica notices the bruises from the day before properly, for the first time. They're big, and purple, and ugly, and she can't stop herself from pressing a gentle kiss to each of them.
After she goes home the next morning, nobody calls. It's the same all the way through the week, no news about the workshop, no calls from Karen, so when she gets a text from Bobby asking her bowling, she can't refuse. It's the perfect thing to take her mind off it.
She collapses onto her own bed that night, alone, but smiling.
They see each other at dance class, but Karen doesn't talk about what happened that night, and Jessica really doesn't mind.
She's a little upset about it, but she can tell that Ivy's got bigger problems, so it seems selfish of her.
Halfway through 'The Higher You Get' she can tell that Ivy's drunk, or doped up, or something, but that doesn't stop her from noticing Karen at the side of the stage. She makes a mental note to go and talk to her at the end, but Karen leaves with Ivy, so she just tries to forget the false hope.
When the call comes in about the workshop being back on, Jessica blasts music through her apartment and dances until she's too tired to go on.
And ok, she may get a little jealous of Karen from time to time, but she's genuinely happy and so, so proud that she gets to understudy.
And in the thrill of it all, so what if she gets a little touchy-feely? So what if her hand lingers on Karen's waist longer than it's meant to?
It is a little evil when Jessica agrees to the bet with Bobby, but in her defence, she is betting in Karen's favour.
She doesn't regret it, though. Especially when Ivy turns up at the bar with them and she can just see the friendship between her and Karen blossoming. Jessica's not stupid. She knows Ivy's faking it, but Karen's buying into it and she thinks that might be worse.
Karen sings 'Never Give All the Heart' beautifully, and it hits Jessica a little close to home, so much that she sheds a tear or two as Bobby's arm wraps around her waist to pull her close.
Karen dresses up for the movie star, which makes Jessica a little jealous, even though she has no right to be. Why would Karen ever dress up for her? It's not like
she's famous or they're dating or anything.
She does get jealous when she sees the headlines, implying that Karen's a lesbian. She laughs when Bobby shows her, but she's still bitter. She wants to be the one that the media are seeing with Karen. She wants to be the one to have to deal with speculation. She'd rather that than this; lying at home reading the articles over and over again and feeling a little more down each time.
She's bored and Bobby and Sue and Derek and Ivy and everyone she would usually hang out with is busy, so Jessica texts Karen.
"You free tonight? Wanna go out for a drink?"
Fifteen minutes later she gets a reply
"Sorry, I can't, Rebecca's taking me out! Why don't you take Bobby or someone?"
"They're all busy. I'll see you at rehearsal tomorrow."
She sits with her phone all night, waiting for a reply that never comes. She wakes up the next morning, still fully clothed on her sofa, her phone on the floor where she must have dropped it. Still nothing.
Karen greets her at rehearsal with a hug, and holds her tight while she whispers in her ear, "I'm so sorry about last night." Jessica just squeezes her back before moving over to where Bobby lies on the floor. Every few minutes her mind flickers back and she can't stop the smile on her face.
They're going to Boston. They're going to Boston and it's the most excited Jessica's felt in a long time. It's not even that big of a deal, because she's been to Boston before, also as a member of the ensemble, and nothing's really different. Except that this time Karen's here, and that fact makes her a little bit giddy.
So she doesn't get to room with Karen, which is disappointing, but it's been so long since she spent time with Ivy, and she can be a bitch, but Jessica does miss her. Sometime around half one in the morning, Ivy mumbles something about not being able to sleep without a warm body next to her and somehow they end up in the same bed.
It's warm and it's intimate, although it's purely platonic, and it feels nice in a way that Jessica hasn't felt since the night at Karen's. She sleeps like a baby.
Karen tells her about Dev wanting to come and visit, and Jessica doesn't even tell her not to let him because of selfish reasons. Tech is a war even for her, and she's used to it. She doesn't know what she's thinking when she tells Karen about her college boyfriend.
"We were throwing things at each other." It sounds harmless enough and Jessica doesn't elaborate. She doesn't get into how the fight started when she met a girl on her first show and tried to break up with her boyfriend. She doesn't tell her just how violent he got, or how "we were throwing things at each other" really means "he threw things at me." She doesn't mention that it took six months for her to get out of there, and longer for the bruises to completely heal. She doesn't tell her, because nobody knows and frankly, she's embarrassed. She hates that she ended up in that situation, and it would kill her for it to happen to Karen.
Ok, so maybe tech isn't as fun as she remembers. That's why all of the ensemble ends up in the room she shares with Ivy, to wind down and get drunk. She's already tipsy, and bringing back another packet of beers when she finds Karen in the doorway. Images of the last time they were drunk together flit through her mind, but she shrugs them off and invites her in.
This time it's more of a happy drunk than before, and happy drunk Jessica is even more handsy than happy sober Jessica. She doesn't even care though, because Karen's tense, and she's making it her job to relax her. It dawns on her that maybe she should have offered to talk and just gone somewhere quieter, but happy drunk Jessica also isn't known for the best advice.
She looks up ten minutes after Ivy's finished and Karen's gone, and it makes her all kinds of sad all over again. She asks Bobby where she went and he mentions something about Dev.
She grabs her phone from the floor and sends a text.
"Come back to my rom when you're finished with your boyfriend. We can go somewhere to talk."
It takes her ten minutes to type out and correct her spelling mistakes, until it's a legible enough message that Karen should understand.
The party ends shortly afterwards, and everyone leaves, including Ivy. Jessica's left alone in the dark, she doesn't know how long for, but she doesn't fall asleep. There's a knock on the door and she makes a noise to say, "It's open, come in."
The light comes on, and Jessica sits up, not quite prepared for the sight of Karen with makeup running down her face. She feels completely sober now, and she's up wrapping her in a hug before she can blink.
"What happened?" Is whispered softly against Karen's collarbone and another sob breaks from the girl. She guides them to the bed so they're sitting against the headboard.
It takes fifteen minutes before Karen's in a fit state to talk, and even then she only gets one sentence out, "He cheated on me."
There's nothing Jessica can do. She doesn't know what it's like to be in that situation, so she just holds Karen tight until her breathing evens out, and she knows that she's fallen asleep. She pulls her down the bed slightly, so they're lying properly. The pain that she saw on her face when she was awake doesn't go away, and it breaks Jessica's heart a little.
"He must be crazy to cheat on you," she whispers, and before she can help herself she's leaning down to press a chaste kiss to the corner of her mouth, before snuggling down beside her and falling asleep.
Karen's gone when she wakes up. She honestly doesn't know why she expected her to stay.
When she bumps into her on the way to rehearsal, Karen seems calmer. She tells Jessica what was wrong and acts like the night before didn't happen. It breaks her heart a little bit more, so she distracts herself with worrying about Ivy.
Dev turns up after their first preview and Karen seems to have forgiven him, so Jessica throws him a quick, "Hi, Dev," before grabbing Bobby and whispering to him that she needs a drink.
They get the next night off and when Karen and Dev start acting all couple-y, Jessica thinks that shots is the best idea that Ivy's ever had.
Maybe it's not the best idea if they're going to church the next day. Still, Jessica's never been to church and it's new and exciting and Karen and Sam sing beautifully and for a while she just forgets everything.
"It's my fiancé."
Jessica's all but given up hope. She lies down across the steps resting her head in Sue's lap.
"Her fiancé?"
Sue strokes her hair gently, "You ok?"
"You know what? Screw it. I'm done feeling sorry for myself. I'm going to be happy
for Karen."
That, however, is easier said than done. She stands by her side as she phones Dev to tell him that she's Marilyn. She hugs her once she's off the phone and tells her how proud she is.
She is proud, when Karen somehow manages to learn the whole show in a day. She's in the dressing room when Ivy comes in, and tells her about Karen and Dev.
"They've broken up," is all it takes to get her heart racing a little.
If anything, it makes her even more proud because Karen's going on tonight despite that.
She had told herself that she wouldn't do anything. She's still being the supportive friend, and that means not acting on her feelings when Karen's upset. Still, something changes inside her as she watches from the wings when Karen sings 'Don't Forget Me'. She's there when the show ends, the first to Karen's side, the first with her arms around her. She plants a quick kiss to her check and whispers about how great she did before someone else is pulling them apart and hugging Karen.
They all go out for drinks that night, all of the cast together but Jessica can tell that Karen's still down about Dev. She sits next to her, and when she reaches for her hand under the table and bumps their shoulders together, Karen doesn't complain.
One by one, everyone starts to leave, until only Jessica and Karen are left.
"You ok, girl?" Karen responds with the faintest shake of her head. "You want to talk about it?"
"Can we go for a walk?" They do. They leave the bar but end up walking in the direction of the hotel. Karen talks about Dev, mostly, about how she thought he was better than that, even after the time with RJ, and how she was stupid, and all Jessica can do is listen. When she's finished, they walk in silence until they reach the Jessica's hotel room. They hug, and Jessica asks if Karen wants to stay the night.
Ever since the night of their party, Ivy hasn't been back (she heard Dennis say something about her getting her own room) so Jessica's been sleeping alone. Karen politely declines, and Jessica knows she said she was done feeling sorry for herself, but it hurts. It really hurts.
She's almost through her door when she must have dropped her sanity, because she just thinks to hell with it and she's turning back the way Karen went. She half runs, to catch her by the elbow and spin her round to face her and she shouldn't be doing this, there's going to be repercussions, she knows, but a hand's already cupping Karen's cheek and another is at the back of her neck and she's pulling their faces together before the voice in her head wins.
Karen doesn't speak when she pulls back, just stares.
"You don't deserve what Dev did to you. You deserve somebody who loves you enough not to cheat on you."
"What are you saying?"
"I could be that person. I love you."
"No, you don't, you can't. Jessica, I'm sorry."
It's crumbling. She can feel her resolve breaking down, and hear it in her voice as she tries to speak, "Please. Please, just give me a chance."
"I'm so sorry." And Karen's gone, and Jessica's left alone in the corridor. She leans against the wall, and slowly sinks down it, and doesn't move until the morning.
She wakes up in the same position. Her tears have dried on her cheeks, and as she hears a door opening, she struggles to her feet. It's Bobby.
"What are you doing?"
"I kissed her." The shock on Bobby's face says it all. "I kissed her and she turned me down."
His arms are around her in seconds as a fresh wave of tears come over her. "I love her."
"I know. It's okay. She'll come around."
"No she won't."
"She will! And I know this because you are a beautiful and wonderful and talented girl, and if I was straight, you would be my first choice."
Another door opens somewhere down the hall as they're hugging, and Bobby whispers to her that it's Karen. She expects her to walk on by, and ignore her, but the footsteps stop beside her while her face is buried in Bobby's shoulder.
"Can I speak to her?"
"Can she speak to you?" Jessica nods, pulling away and motioning for him to leave. There's a few moments of awkward silence, but Jessica isn't going to try and break it. If Karen wants to talk, then she can talk.
"You're in the same clothes as yesterday."
"I didn't make it back to my room last night. I was a bit…upset."
"I'm sorry, that was my fault."
"Yeah, it was." Jessica doesn't even care that it might be insulting, it's true, and right now she just doesn't have the patience for being the 'nice girl'.
"Do you want to come back to my room? So we can talk?" It's a bad idea, Jessica thinks, she's just going to get turned down in a nicer way, but she agrees, regardless. Karen sits her down on her bed while she stands a few feet away.
"You were right. You were right and I was dumb because you're beautiful, and lovely, and amazingly talented, and you could be that person for me. I haven't stopped thinking about you all night." Jessica's gobsmacked, but before she can fumble for some words, Karen's on her knees in front of her and they're kissing again and it just feel like the most right thing in the world.
Bobby catches her eye when they show up that morning holding hands, and winks exaggeratedly at her. It get's worse when Karen's called to run over a scene and leaves her with a peck on the cheek. There isn't really any backlash. No one really cares who dates who, they only care that the show gets the proper attention.
Jessica falls asleep that night, curled up to Karen with her head resting in the crook of her shoulder, happier than she ever remembers being.