Andrei - Moldova

Luca - Luxembourg

Franz - Kugelmugel

Stelios - Cyprus

...

I dunno what the fuck it is, but I found the WIP a few days ago and thought it was so stupid it was worth continuing. Here's my shitty LuxMold fake dating au... take it.

Finally, a free computer.

Suppressing the urge to cry in relief, Andrei pounced like a wolf on a lamb, collapsing onto the swivel chair and marking it as his own. Mentally, though. He didn't pee on it whilst maintaining eye contact with the accounting student currently glaring at him, as tempting as it was. A glint in their eyes said they were contemplating killing him for his computer, but instead they just readjusted their many binders and stormed back down the stairs. Yeah, run. Maybe there was a computer somewhere else.

It was late in the evening and all four floors of the library were still stupidly full of tired, wired students rushing to finish assignments and essays before the Christmas break. Andrei had told himself he'd get everything done before the day it was due, but that proved to be impossible. There was so much to get done! Well, not a stupid amount but his friends kept dragging him to the student bar, kicking and screaming, he swore. Of course, asking his friends would reveal he generally had to be dragged from the bar kicking and screaming.

Three hours in, and he was on the verge of tears. He never wanted to see another word document again. He never wanted to touch a computer again, even for porn. And he certainly never wanted to submit anything via turnitin again.

Still, he was on the last assignment for the last course, then he could go back to his room and most likely slip into a coma for the entire weekend, the sesh be damned. And then… Andrei bit his lip. What a shitty Christmas ahead.

He decided to focus on his piece instead as he opened a blank document. 600 words of creative nonfiction that contained the start of a narrative, as well as some example of research. Really, all things considered, not the toughest work out there. He just wish he has more than an hour and a half to write the entire thing. But he'd only just finished writing his short play for another assignment. It was safe to say if he had to so a harder degree he'd have folded like a lump of butter under a laser.

It was almost draining, having to be creative on-demand. It was sapping the writer out of him at times, and he longed to get back to his Castlevania fanfiction, despite that fact that he'd probably be completely burnt out for the entire Christmas break. Which was a shame, because he had plenty of inspiration right now, now that there were so many other things to work on.

He needed to focus. One last push.

He'd decided to write about being an immigrant in London, comparing his and his friend Franz's experiences and how people treated a migrant from Central Europe as opposed to Eastern Europe. It was already putting him in a bad mood just thinking of how certain customers at work treated him.

But it would make a good topic for his piece: he had plenty of first hand, primary experience and there was only so much angry poetry a person could get out about a subject. And slam poetry too. It wasn't something Andrei really had an interest in, but ranting in front of his class turned out to be quite therapeutic. Sometimes the lecturer had asked him to and everything.

He took out his notebook where the notes he'd had the sense to write on the bus were kept… in messy handwriting because speed bumps. There was a line of pen across half the page and he spared a moment to glare at it.

A blur of white whirled past the corners of his vision and a hair of hands slapped the table either side of him. Andrei jumped, covering his mouth to kill a scream that would surely get him thrown out and dammit he needed this computer!

"Andy! Just the man I was looking for!"

Andrei wasn't the only person glaring at what turned out to be Luca Henri Gabriel Benjamin Morgens, his stupid tuft of hair – as usual – was falling over half his face like he was the protagonist of a forgettable dating sim. Despite all the stresses university had to offer, he never looked dishevelled, or even tired. Luca always seemed to take pride in his appearance, from never turning up in pyjamas or even jog bottoms, and probably had his own daily skincare routine because who the hell looked that good that early in the morning? He was giving a sheepish grin, one Andrei knew couldn't mean anything good.

He was a few years older than Andrei, finally making it to the second year of a course after changing his degree… Andrei couldn't remember how many times he'd been told. At least he'd decided on film, after going through various periods from a week to a year of accounting and finance; archaeology; architecture; business and management studies; drama, dance; economics; geography; history; history of art, architecture and design; French; law; linguistics; politics; and marketing. The two, despite Andrei being a fresher, did actually know each other. Vaguely. They somehow had overlapping circles of friends and were both part of the LGBT society, but apparently not close enough to warrant him remembering Andrei's name.

"Larry?" He asked, smiling smugly, "what do you want."

Luca huffed. "It's Luca."

"And I'm Andrei."

"Oh, I apologise."

A pause.

"Are you not going to apologise too?"

"Nah, mine was deliberate. You know, revenge. I thought we were friends, buddy."

"Acquaintances," Luca huffed, but seemed to let it slide, resting his arms delicately on the monitor. He stared down at Andrei, giving a civil smile. Andrei just glared back.

"What do you want?" he hissed.

Luca bit his lip, having found a sudden interest in Andrei's illegible notes. Andrei scowled.

"I'm busy, so out with it."

Luca's eyes snapped back to him, a sheepish smile in place. "Fancy a walk?"

"I have no intention of getting off of this chair until my assignment is done," said Andrei flatly, "also I have just over an hour until the deadline so can't this wait? Until I'm finished?" Or maybe even tomorrow. Or never, because fuck off Luca.

Somewhere in the room, someone wailed about the header sheets generator being down. Of course it was down! Everyone needed to use it. Luckily for Andrei, he'd thought to make his already. Not totally stupid, that was him!

"Well, no," Luca grimaced, "I'm not the only one who left everything to the last minute."

"I did not leave everything to the last minute," Andrei hissed.

"Either way, I have to look for a computer and get an essay done," Luca continued, "so could you just lock it and come with me?"

Andrei wondered if it was worth refusing outright, or would that only result in Luca… staying. Probably pleading with Andrei and wearing him down and wasting even more time. With a scowl, Andrei locked the computer, dumped his bag on his chair to mark it, and followed a delighted Luca into the stairwell.

"What?"

Luca just glanced up and down the stairs to check they were alone, taking his time and pissing Andrei off that little bit more.

"Andrei..." the tentative tone in his voice told Andrei that Luca still wasn't certain on his name.

"Yes?" he drew out the word, folding his arms.

"I have a proposition for you," began Luca, finally, "look, um, I heard you weren't going home for Christmas."

"Yes." God his friends were such blabbermouths.

Luca just smiled, oblivious to how Andrei bristled. "How would you like to spend the Christmas break with me?"

He'd rather spend Christmas in the hospital wing of a prison.

"I'd rather spend Christmas in the hospital wing of a prison. Why?"

"Can't a guy do something nice for a friend?" A guy could. Luca? No way. Sure, he was Franz's friend, but the man had a slimy quality that always threw Andrei. Plus, he was the most self-centred, frustrating prick Andrei had ever met, just floating around like he was the prince of the campus and- alright! Andrei was a little jealous. And attracted. And it was a terrible mixture of emotions that put him in a mood so foul even Luca could sense it.

"Look," he sighed, "I have to be honest. I need a boyfriend."

"I need a million pounds and a dicking down, but - unlike some people - we can't all get what we want." Curse his stupid heart for fluttering. Oh God, was he blushing? Just what was Luca getting at here?

"Well, to be more specific, I need a fake boyfriend."

Oh. Right. Should've been obvious from the phrasing. If Luca was asking him out he'd have asked him out, not gone with 'I need a boyfriend'. Who would even say that? Someone who thought human connection was a commodity? He glanced over at Luca. Yes, of course.

"A fake boyfriend?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, um, my parents have been most unpleasant lately," Luca explained, "so I would like someone to play the part of a complete arse of a boyfriend. You know, as revenge."

Was he having some bizarre dream? "Is this late teenage rebellion or early midlife crisis?" Luca was twenty-six. Had he really not matured in all that time or had constantly changing degree stunted his mental growth?

"I will cover all your expenses," Luca pressed, ignoring the question, "you will be well-fed, and get to grope me whenever you want. In fact, I encourage PDA! And alcohol use."

"And you think me – an Eastern European – will fit this role because I'm clearly supposed to be drunk and sleazy?" His brother was, but that was besides the point. "Is that why you're asking me and not someone you're closer to?"

Luca flinched. "No. Not at all. I asked Stelios first, but he's going to Cyprus for the holidays." He really wasn't helping himself here. "Also he wanted to be paid in money."

"And you think I won't?"

Luca whined. "Please. I'm supposed to be going to Spain in the summer – I need to save up all I can."

Oh sure, Luca fucking Morgens was short on money. He totally, completely, utterly believed that.

"Everyone else is going home for Christmas, or have better things to do. Come on, I thought we were friends!"

"Acquaintances, dumbass."

Another whine.

Andrei groaned. "Look, what exactly is in it for me? Because I don't particularly like you, and you're costing me valuable writing time which is making me resent you even more. The idea of spending a month or so with you isn't really doing it for me."

"Well," Luca began pacing, counting on his fingers and still managing to look elegant. He was so graceful, even when looking so stressed he could just collapse into a pile of dust. "Look, besides the food and expenses: my sister is a master baker-"

"That a euphemism?"

"Good! Remember that so you can say it to her face!" Luca genuinely smiled at that. Just how bad were his family? "Anyway, it's somewhere nice to stay over Christmas. With people. I dunno, we usually go to Cornwall for the holidays. My brother has a cottage down there, really cosy. Also you get to kiss me whenever you want."

"And why would I want to do that?" He could feel his face burning. He wondered if it would be worth making a run for it and avoiding Luca for the rest of his life.

Luca just gestured vaguely at his face. Who did he sell his soul to to have that much self esteem? Andrei hated him.

"I mean, you get to be in my presence," he continued, "and, let's be honest, I'm the whole package. Anyone would be lucky to have me."

"Get a real boyfriend, then." Andrei barged past him, but Luca placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Please," he muttered, looking so utterly pathetic Andrei almost felt sorry for him. Almost. "I'm throwing myself at your mercy here. I don't have anyone else."

Andrei looked at his miserable face, then thought about his plans for Christmas: crying into a pot noodle and jacking off. It wasn't like his month could get any worse. "Fine," he threw his hands in the air, "I'll do it. God, this better be worth it."

Luca beamed at him, holding Andrei's hands in his own. "Thank you so much! I owe you big time!"

Then he slapped his ass and disappeared down the stairwell, leaving Andrei in stunned silence.