This is a modern day fanfiction between all three assassins Altair ,Ezio and Desmond it's just a quickie one shot 's mainly Altair winding up Ezio and getting into a pretty serious slanging match. There will be offensive language in English and italian,sexual and homophobic references. and im so sorry about my grammar i know it's really bad : (. i hope that you all enjoy it!.

Slanging Match

It's a ordinary day in the year 2012. It is 10 O ' clock in the morning, Altair and Desmond are already up. Altair is shirtless with grey tracksuit pants on. Desmond is wearing a black shirt with a red, tribal eagle on it.

Ezio's bedroom door opens slowly. A young woman with red hair walks out, then another one with jet black hair. Both of them are very pretty. The redheaded woman are wearing a very short red dress, while the woman with the black hair is wearing black tight leggings and a fitted brown top with black flowers on it. Ezio comes out of his bedroom, smiling at both of the young women. He is almost naked, with only a pair of navy blue boxer briefs on. He walks out with both of them into the kitchen area. He kisses the red headed woman, then he kisses the other woman with the black hair.

In his thick italian accent, he says, "I will let you two out." He walks over the appartment door. The women follow him to the door. Ezio unlocks it and the women walk out. The woman with the red hair turns around, saying, "You will call us, won't you? We can always do it again."

Ezio " Oh si. I will, il mio tesoros." He gives them a sexy smirk it works everytime, especially when he speaks italian.

Both of the women swoon over Ezio as he speaks italian. They walk down the stairs while Ezio waves goodbye to them both.

Altair " Like we haven't seen that display before," Altair grumbled. " Oh call us please! Because we are STD ridden hookers!" Altair said in a high pitched voice, mocking the two women that just left.

Desmond tried his hardest not to laugh when Altair did his girly voice, even with his heavy arabian accent. Desmond agreed with Altair.

Desmond " How many times do we have to hear i will call you before? like 30 times now or even more than that i've lost count?.

Ezio "i will call them back! the redhaired women oh god she was so so bene at the un pompino and the one with the black hair was a cio che e buonpoilota i loved it.! "

He smiles at his ancestor and his descendant they both pull disgusted faces at Ezio

Ezio "Oh and They were clean actually! old man! and at least i get some action and a release what do you get You're cazzo amico Malik and you are so gay for him!.Yes malik no malik three bags fucking four malik! you might aswell start sucking his balls i mean you're half way there already!. he rules you like the little una brutta you might aswell start acting like one.!"

Altair " I bet you wasn't even safe with them was you? remind me again how many women you have impregnanted this week then?. tell me im very interested to know he says sarcastically i just hope that you're gonna pay child support you dont want to be a dead beat dad do you allah knows that you can afford it spoilt little rich brat!, And You really can't talk at all how about you're little artist friend whats his name oh yes leonardo a gayass name for a gayass artist iv seen the way he looks at you Ezio he really wants to fuck you're shitter.! "

Altair smiles at Ezio with a big shit eating grin on his face.

Ezio "None you stronzetto i am very very safe with the women i sleep with and i do have standards i just dont fuck any women with a don't you dare pick on leonardo behind his back!."

Ezio walks over to Desmond he gives him a death glare.

Ezio " do you have something to say to me aswell? " hes got his arms crossed over his oilve hairy toned chest. he is standing right in front of him his junk nearly in Desmond's face.

Desmond looks up at him " no grandpa i dont but i do have this to say please for the love of god get your junk out of my face im eating my breakfast and you stink! go and get a shower!. "

Ezio shakes his junk in desmond face and it's not exactly small desmond turns the other way.

Ezio " i only stink of sex by the way those women worked me into a sweat all night.! "

Desmond " I am scared for life now thanks for that grandpa! "

Ezio "oh you loved my big italian salami in you're face bambino. "

Altair stands up sticking up for his youngest descendant he walks up to Ezio and gets in his face.

Altair " now go and do as desmond says got it or do you think thats a bit to complicated to get into the head of you'res thats if theres anything in there that is.?" he pokes Ezio in the side of his head hard with his finger.

Desmond " i think his brain is in his penis Altair. "

Altair turns back to glance at desmond " i was thinking the same thing kid "

Ezio rasies his voice to Altair " unless you're a very attractive woman do not touch me!. "

Desmond rasies his voice " i'm not a kid! "

Ezio annoys desmond more " whatever you say bambino "

Altair " yeah you're right there i mean i might catch something off you how many STDS do you have?. " he pulls a face at Ezio

Ezio tilts his head to the side and gives Altair a sarcastic grin he walks off the kitchen counter he grabs a cup and pours some hot coffee into it .

Ezio " Oh my il mio amico che mi sei mancato " He smells the coffee it fills all of his senses he thinks gorgeous coffee this has gotta be one of the best things that his descendant has ever introduced him to ever he never used to drink coffee untill he found out that desmond drinks it.

Altair is still standing up his chest is very chiseled and a darker tan unlike Ezio's they all stay quite for a little bit in the awkward slience.

Ezio take's a sip of the hot coffee he chokes on it from being so hot he taken in more the liquid into his mouth then expected.

Altair smirks and thinks this is his chance to make Ezio look dumbfouned in a thick arabic accent " You're mother choked on me last night just like that mother fucker!. "

Desmond puts his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing at Altair's serious burn he wasnt expecting that from him at all!.

Ezio drops the cup once filled with hot coffee. Ezio marches up to Altair and gets right in his face.

Ezio " DONT YOU DARE TALK ABOUT MY MADRE LIKE THAT DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME! "

Altair is just laughting in Ezio's face they both come up to the same height as each other.

Ezio trys to calm down he comes back with.

Ezio " Well at least my madre is still alive cazzo unlike you'res is it was a CAR accident wasn't it?. "

Altair snarls at Ezio he's getting way too angry now.

Altair " i was only five years old when that happened you're sick fuck bringing that back up again!."

Desmond thinks Altair and Ezio have gone way it was just a bit of fun at first but now it's some other shit! altogether.

Altair whispers in Ezio's ear you might of won the battle but i will win the war!. "

He shoves past Ezio and walks to his bedroom and slams the door closed.

Ezio shouts at the top of his lungs "OH I AM SO SCARED THAT OLD MAN IS GOING TO BEAT ME UP WITH HIS FUCKING ZIMMER FRAME!."

He walks to the bathroom and slams the door shut.

Desmond is still shell shocked at what has witnessed his two ancesterors having a slanging match like a couple of kids and having it end in tears and tantrums he thinks " why cant we all just get along!. "

Itailan Translations

My friend i have missed you - il mio amico che mi sei mancato.

Blow job - pompino.

Good rider - cio che e buon poilota.

Fuck - cazzo.

Mother - madre.

My darling's - il mio tesoros.

Little shit - una stronzetto.

Little bitch - una brutta.

Fucking friend -cazzo amico.

Child - bambino