Title: Can't Keep It Inside
Summary: Sam can't keep it to himself anymore; he lets Andy know what's on his mind regarding the situation with Luke.
Rating: T, for some mild language.
Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue, it owns me.
A/N: I was debating on making this a story or not, but I settled for a oneshot. Hopefully you all enjoy it.
"Yo! I think you busted my nose!"
"That's what you get for resisting arrest." Officer Andy McNally grunted through clenched teeth as she pulled the middle-aged man from the squad car, bloodied nose and all. "Maybe next time you will think twice about making me run after you."
"For making us run after you," Sam Swarek corrected, stepping from the driver's seat. "No one likes to run on a full breakfast, Joe."
The handcuffed man, Joe, fought against his restraints. "I didn't even do it, man!"
And pushed him up against the wall to silence him. "If you don't stop resisting I'll give you a matching black eye."
Sam laid a hand on his partner's shoulder, easing her away from man. "McNally, why don't you go clean up that mess while I book him, hmm?"
Andy swore to herself as she stepped aside, letting Swarek take over. "Whatever."
She stormed through the squad room, towards the women's locker room. She barely stopped to steal a glance of her reflection on the small mirror in locker, before grabbing her clothes and heading towards the showers to clean off the blood from her face that 'Joe' had so kindly smeared across her face. She finished her shower in record time and went to find Sam, but found herself face-to-face with the very man she was trying to avoid.
"Luke, please, not right now." Andy begged, unable to take any more of his apologies.
"One of the rookies said you were covered in blood," Luke began with concern, "I just wanted to make sure you're okay. What happened?"
"Nothing, just got some of a suspect's bloody nose on me. I'm fine." She responded shortly, looking around the room for Sam.
Luke sighed in relief. "Thank God. Here, I bought this for you."
Andy, who was now several steps ahead of the detective, sighed audibly. "Luke, no more presents."
"No, it's not like that," he assured, pressing something warm into her hands. "I got it from that place we visited on Twelfth Street."
Andy looked down at the coffee cup in her hands and couldn't help but smile, despite her current distaste of the man in front of her. "Thank you," she said sincerely. "This sure beat the crap Sam likes… speaking of which, I have to go."
"Sure, I understand. I'll see ya later."
Andy wanted to roll her eyes, but she knew he was right. Even if he hadn't been acting stalkerish towards her, they worked together—there was no ignoring Luke Callaghan. With another sigh, she took a large swig of the caffeinated liquid, hoping it would keep her awake the rest of the day. Her shift had barely begun a few hours ago, she had a long day ahead of her.
"Hey!" Sam called out as he walked past her. "I'm going to grab a cup of coffee, you want one?"
Andy shook her head and held up the coffee in her hands. "No thanks, Luke brought me one."
Sam paused on his quest for his own cup of joe and opened his mouth, but then quickly closed it, seeming to hold back a comment. "Of course he did," he finally spat sarcastically. "What are ex-fiancée's for, right?"
Andy rolled her eyes, oblivious of Sam's hurt expression.
"Let's go," Sam muttered, heading towards the garage.
"I thought you were going to grab some coffee…?" Andy stated, confused.
Sam threw his hands up in the air, as if surrendering. "Who needs damn coffee anyways?"
"Okay spill. What did I do this time?" Andy finally asked during the last hour of their shift.
Sam raised his eyebrows and shrugged from behind the driver's wheel. "What are you talking about?"
"You know what I'm talking about," Andy responded with all seriousness. "You've been acting weird all day. You've barely talked to me the entire shift, and there was that thing with the coffee this morning… I'm just trying to figure out what happened. Before that, you were your normal, charming self."
"Charming, huh?" He spat bitterly.
Andy turned in her seat to face her partner. "What the hell is going on, Sam?"
She watched as the officer in front of her pursed his lips and slowed his breathing down, as though to keep control of whatever was bothering him. "Nothin'," he finally spoke, his voice betraying his words. "Nothing's wrong, I'm fine, you're fine, we're both fine. Why can't you just leave fine enough alone?"
"Because you're not fine." She argued, eyeing him carefully. "You haven't acted fine all day."
Sam didn't bother to reply as he turned the car down an alley, parking it. "I think I saw something fishy back there. I'll be right back, don't go anywhere."
"Come on, Sam. You didn't see anything, stop ignoring me." Andy said as she rubbed her head, annoyed.
He slammed the door shut and walked away, leaving her in the car alone with her thoughts.
Andy tried to piece things together in her mind, but she couldn't explain it. He had been normal when they started their shift. He made his usual lame jokes, took her to breakfast, asked her about her weekend, all normal things. What had changed? Did their suspect from earlier say something to tick him off? Maybe this wasn't even about her. That must be it, because she couldn't remember doing anything to offend him.
A minute later, the car door opened and Sam slid into the seat next to her. "It was nothing."
"Did our bloody-nose guy say something to you?" Andy asked, not randomly at all in her mind.
Sam looked at her, confused. "What?"
"You've been acting weird since we've brought him in; I was just wondering if he said something to you to make you act weird."
"No, bloody-nose guy didn't say anything to me. I'm fine. We have half an hour left; can we just finish this in peace?" He sighed and closed the door. Pulling out his keys, he started the engine.
Andy crossed her arms, not really wanting to give up, but settling for the peace.
They rode in silence as they finished up their shift and headed back to the barn. Andy took off towards the locker room before Sam barely had a chance to break. She stripped off her uniform and changed into jeans and a t-shirt in record time. She pulled out the rubber band that was keeping her tight braid together and ran her fingers through her curls, feeling the tension of the day fade away. She was so ready to go to bed.
As she left the room, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She didn't need to read the text to know it was from Traci, asking her to come to the Penny. She pulled out her phone to decline and in the two seconds of not watching where she was going, bumped into someone. She quickly put on her apologetic smile and looked up. "Oh… it's you." Her disappointment was obvious.
Luke smiled back. "Hey…" he said hesitantly. "How'd your shift go?"
"Fine. I'm really tired though, so I'm going to head home." Andy began to walk past him, but Luke stepped in her way.
"Please talk to me, Andy. Think about what you're doing. Don't throw away our year together without at least talking to me, you owe me that much."
Andy's eyes widened in surprise. She was about to respond that she wasn't the one who threw their relationship away and that she didn't owe him a damn thing, but Sam spoke before she had a chance as he squeezed past them in the hallway.
"Yeah, Andy, don't throw away such a great relationship without talking about it first. You owe him that much." She had never heard him speak like that before. He sounded hurt, sarcastic, annoyed, angry, and about a billion other emotions at once.
"Hey man, what's your problem?" Luke questioned, pissed that Sam had interrupted their conversation.
Sam smiled all too sweetly as he backed out of the station. "No problem, man."
Luke turned back to Andy. "Andy, please—"
"Leave me alone, Luke." Andy ordered, pulling away from his outstretched hand. She hurried outside to try and find Sam. It didn't take long to find him, but when she did she was shocked. Her partner was kicking the wall to the station with such force she was sure he was going to damage himself. She hurried to his side and pulled him away from the offending building."Sam! What the hell is going on with you?"
Sam looked at her, his eyes angry. "What the hell is wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with you, Andy?"
The brunette took a step back, surprised by his burst of anger.
"Why do you let him do that to you?" Sam spat, angry.
"Who? Luke? I don't let him he just does it."
Sam laughed bitterly. "Right. He just does it." His voice got high as he mocked her.
"He screwed up, and he's trying to fix it. It's normal."
"There is nothing normal about that, Andy."
"What's your problem?" Andy demanded to know. "You sound like you're jealous."
The officer laughed again, turning away from her. "Duh!" He turned back; his face filled with pain. "When are you going to get it through your thick skull that I am jealous, McNally? Callaghan cheated on you! He freakin' cheated on you and you're acting as though he stood you up for a date. What the hell? A guy who does something like that doesn't deserve you. And you know what? You make the rest of us fill like shit if we can't even compete with a cheating bastard."
Andy stared wide-eyed at the man before her. It was easy to identify the emotion behind his words: hurt. He was hurt, more importantly he was hurt by her. She hadn't realized it. She never imaged her words, her actions in this situation, would even affect her partner in any way. But here he was, standing in front of her, hurt, betrayed, and rather broken looking.
"You know what? Forget it. I'm done. I'm done with all of this crap. You like him, you don't like him, it doesn't matter to me anymore. I'm tired of seeing you pretend everything is okay. I'm tired of pretending I'm okay with the two of you. I'm done trying to be okay with it, done with being happy for you, feeling sorry for you, having any feelings revolving around you! I'm just done."
"Sam," Andy's eyes were filled with tears, now she sounded broken. "I'm sorry."
Sam Swarek stared at her for a full minute before he let out a deep sigh. Shaking his head, he took a couple steps towards her. "I'm sorry, I was out of line. You didn't deserve that."
"No, I did." She lowered her head, ashamed. She searched her mind for the right words to say, but nothing seemed right. Nothing seemed good enough.
Sam groaned. "McNally, I didn't mean to make you upset—that's the last thing I wanted. I know you're going through a lot and maybe you pretending nothing happened is your way of dealing with it, I don't know. I understand in my head that you're hurt, and that's why you're doing what you're doing, but I can't seem to convince my heart of it."
Andy broke. The tears she hadn't expected began to flow freely now. She slid her hands over her mouth in attempt to muffle her sobs, but it was no use, they were the only sound Sam could hear. "I'm sorry," she apologized again. "I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean to do… I don't know how to do this, Sam. I don't know how to be that girl. I'm sorry—"
"Stop apologizing." Sam ordered, placing a hand on her shoulder. "You're making me feel worse."
The rookie cop only cried harder. For the first time since she stumbled upon the truth of Luke's infidelity, she allowed herself to cry, to mourn the loss of the life she should have had—the life she thought she wanted. Amongst the rationalizing and the pretending it didn't happen, a part of her believed it. A part of her thought things could be normal again. That part of her was now gone. She no longer believed that lie. All the plans she once had, all her dreams she had envisioned with Luke were gone in an instant.
Sam didn't hesitate a second longer to wrap his arms around his crying partner. "Andy…" Her name rolled off his lips with such care and affection.
"Why would he do this to me?" Andy wailed, her words barely understandable as she pressed herself closer to Sam.
"I don't know," Sam answered truthfully,
"What's wrong with me? Why wasn't I enough?"
Sam pulled away from her, trying to look at her face, but she turned away from her. He brought his hand up to her chin and moved it until it was parallel to his. Her face was scrunched up, as if trying to hide it within itself. "Don't say things like that."
"I need to know," the woman insisted, her tears nearly gone as she became all serious. "I need to know why someone would do something like. I keep asking myself what—"
"Andy you're perfect. You are more than enough. Luke is the one who messed up, not you. Luke is the one who is not enough, not you." Sam's hands shook as he spoke, Andy could feel he believed what he said with every fiber of his being. "I wish I could make you see what I see."
Andy smiled sadly, reaching her hand to touch Sam's face. "Why are you so good?" She asked, not understanding how badly her words cut into him.
He placed his hand on top of hers, wanting to keep hers close. "I'm not."
"I should go," Andy pulled her hand away, missing the look of disappointment on Sam's face. "I'm tired."
Sam nodded, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Yeah, me too."
Andy was the first to move, stepping away from him. "I'm sorry… about everything. Luke, the tears, everything."
"Don't worry about it." Sam said with a smile. "That's what partners are for, right?"
"I'll see you tomorrow?" She asked with a little excitement in her voice.
Sam nodded. "Yep, I'll be here. Always."
Andy smiled. "Thank you, Sam. Have a good night."
"You too, Andy."
Ta-da! That's it. How'd you like it?