A/N: For Helebette over on tumblr, because it's a great idea. I feel like Emma would be Yoshi. I don't know why.
This is abso-fucking-lutely nuts.
If you'd have told Emma Swan yesterday – hell, if you'd told her about three hours ago – that she would be sitting, naked, on the floor of Regina's room playing video games, she would have had you committed before you could say "Once upon a time."
And yet here she was.
Emma giggled. It made a great happy ending.
It had all started a long, long time ago in a land far, far away.
Regina's kitchen.
She'd been given a whole hour to spend with Henry and that hour was now up. Being a responsible Sheriff, Emma had brought Henry back home. On the kitchen table was a covered plate of cookies labeled For Henry. And, just as clearly although unwritten, not for Emma.
Which was when she'd noticed carefully stacked brownies under a glass dome. Henry'd seen her looking. He was a good kid, and he'd tried to warn her. "Those are mom's brownies. She never lets anyone touch them."
Emma was not a good kid. She wasn't a kid, for one, and for another she'd practically made a living doing things people told her not to. So she shrugged off Henry's warning and snagged one of the brownies. It was moist, and chocolate-y, and she was just licking crumbs off her fingers when Regina walked in.
The mottled look of shock and anger on the mayor's face was nearly worth the argument she knew was coming. Henry, being smart as well as good, took one look at Emma, shrugged as if to say 'I told you so,' and high-tailed it to his room.
"Sheriff Swan, what the hell do you think you're doing?"
Uh-oh.
Emma had seen that look before, on the faces of countless orphanage matrons when she'd slipped out after dark or been caught smoking or drinking or any of a myriad of other offenses.
There was nothing for it.
She really had no choice.
She grabbed a brownie and shoved it in Regina's open mouth. The brunette swallowed in shock, eyes wide. Hearts stopped beating. The world stopped spinning. Birds stopped singing and held their breath.
Regina very calmly backed Emma up against the counter, reached behind her, grabbed a brownie...and ground it into her face.
Thus began a food fight of epic proportions, which directly explained Emma's currently naked state. By the time they'd stopped flinging food at each other – which may or may not have been because there was no more food to fling – Emma was starting to figure out why Regina didn't let anyone else eat her brownies.
Emma smiled. Heh. That's what she said.
"Hey Regina!"
"What?" Regina tried to give her a patented HBIC glare but it was marred somewhat when she tripped and nearly fell on the stairs. They'd decided to take this party to her room while their clothes were in the wash.
"I ate your brownies!"
"Yes. You stole my brownies. You are a thief, Sheriff." Emma found that hilarious and Regina tried to glare again, with somewhat more success now that she wasn't trying to move and emote at the same time.
"Just get into my room, Emma."
"Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me, aren't you?"
"What the hell?"
Emma looked at her in disgust. "The Graduate? Dustin Hoffman? Anne Bancroft? Oh my god, no wonder Henry ran away, you probably don't even have a television."
Regina poked Emma in the chest. "I have a television. I just don't watch trashy movies like you. I am a good mother."
"You're poking my boob."
"Oh. So I am." Regina poked it again, for good measure. Pokey, pokey...
"Regina. Ow."
"Sorry."
Emma was surprised to see that Regina did, in fact, have a television. And underneath it...
"Woah! I haven't seen one of these things in years! Does it work?"
Regina joined her on the floor after managing to wash most of the food off of her body.
"I guess so. It was Henry's" She said, as if that explained everything.
"Fire it up."
"Why?"
"'Cause I wanna play. Or are you afraid to get your ass kicked?"
Regina stuck her tongue out at the Sheriff. "Hardly. I'm just afraid for your fragile ego. It wouldn't do to embarrass my new Sheriff once again."
"Put up or shut up, Mayor."
Confidently, Regina clicked the cartridge in place and powered on the system. The opening screen for Mario Kart 64 flickered to life on the television.
"You're going down."
"I can't wait to see you try."
Five minutes later Emma was doing a naked victory dance in the middle of Regina's room.
Ten minutes and a lucky blue shell later and Regina was fist pumping in the air.
"Sonofabitch!" Regina had used lightning on Emma and then squished her as she sped by. Regina cackled evilly.
"I thought you said you were good at this game?"
"But, but, not when you're cheating!"
Regina was stopped at the finish line, clearly waiting for Emma to catch up so she could inch over and rub defeat in the blonde's face.
Emma clenched her controller in sweaty hands. Her eyes flicked to Regina's face. Then back to the screen. Then to Regina's face. All of the brunette's attention was focused on the screen.
Emma made a command decision. For the good of Mario Land.
She leaned over and licked Regina's exposed nipple.
"Holy shit!" Regina dropped her controller to cover her chest and Emma zoomed across the finish line.
"Yes!" Emma triumphantly cried."In your face!"
Regina tackled Emma, pinning her against the soft carpet.
"You cheated."
"Oh yeah?" Emma let her eyes trail hazily over Regina's naked body. "Whatcha gonna do about it?"
"Would you like me to seduce you?"
Emma grinned. "What?"
"Is that what you're trying to tell me?"
Emma tangled her fingers in Regina's dark hair, pulling her down for a deep, hungry kiss.
And they all lived happily ever after.
Until Regina discovered Call of Duty.