Author's Note: This is set after Kurt and Blaine leave High School. It sort of self explanatory:
Kurt and Blaine broke up, but obviously still love each other. Kurt deal with it in a really terrible way and almost loses himself completely.
This will hopefully only end up being three or four parts, each just as long as the first. It has a really, really tragic ending planned.
Warnings: detailed sex, use of alcohol and drugs, possible self-harm, rape, abuse, could be triggering
My stories usually aren't like this! I hope you enjoy if you're into this angsty stuff!
Put one foot in front of the other, Kurt kept telling himself. He was clutching tight onto his phone (which annoyingly blinking red, showing that he had a text) and the handle of his Diane Von Furstenberg luggage. Everything is going to be just fine. Courage.
That did it. Thinking of one simple word that was once a comfort caused him to nearly have a panic attack when stepped hardly a foot outside of the airport. Blaine Anderson was the reason he was alone. Blaine had broken his promise. He wasn't referring to the silly promise that they would be living together in New York City, because even someone who dreamed up fairy-tales as much as Kurt did, knew that it might not work out that way.
Blaine had broken the promise that he would always be there. Kurt shook away the thought of that stupid boy, with perfect teeth and beautiful eyes. He was in New York City.
But this time, he was by alone. The last time he'd been here, his dad and Finn were helping him move into his dorm. The time before that, he had been with the New Directions at Nationals, as well as the time before that. Neither time had they ranked in the top ten. None of that mattered because this time, he was alone.
All his goodbyes had been said back in Ohio. It was time to turn over a new leaf. Was it bad to start over while still feeling bitter?
xxx
Did you get there alright? - Blaine
Thirty minutes ago.
Blaine knew he shouldn't be watching his phone, for Kurt Hummel of all people. Kurt had been the one acting like a drama queen (as usual), slamming doors, and throwing fits, over something that Blaine couldn't help. He hadn't been accepted into Colombia. That wasn't his fault. He was happy settling for Princeton, which just happened to be further away from Kurt then they'd originally planned. It was only two hours away on a day with traffic. That seemed like a life-time to the hardly fifteen minute walk between Columbia and NYU.
He hadn't spoken to Kurt in person in over a month. This was the first contact that Blaine attempted to make with him. He'd kept up with all of Kurt's dates via Facebook.
- I'm in a cab, in New York City, all alone... This is so surreal. - x Kurt
During Kurt's first weeks of college, he began getting used to the hustle of New York. Everything was so fast-paced and hurried. He liked it though. There wasn't much time to think about your past while hurrying about the campus and city.
Annoyingly enough, Blaine had gotten back into the pattern of texting him every day. He supposed he didn't have to text back, but he missed Blaine. There he was, sitting alone in a cafe, texting his ex-boyfriend. Could it really be any more pathetic?
He sighed and took a sip of coffee (which also reminded him of Blaine and their many trips to the Lima Bean). He sat his phone under the front of his text book, hoping to hide the flash of 'New Message: Blaine Anderson'.
"Hello there," a fairly familiar voice said.
Kurt looked up from his text book, with a dumb look on his face. Surely no one was talking to him. But oddly enough, standing above him was Alex, from his English class.
"Hi," Kurt said. He couldn't think of anything else.
"Studying this late on a Saturday evening?" Alex asked.
Kurt felt his cheeks flush. "Err, unfortunately."
"Mind if I disrupt?" Alex asked.
Oh, crap. Kurt forgot how to act when talking to a cute gay boy, when having coffee with someone other than Blaine. He nodded.
"You seem to be extremely familiar with Shakespeare. I don't understand how you need to study," Alex said. "Me on the other hand, boy do I need to study. Maybe we ought to switch places. You go out and enjoy the night while I sit here and study."
"Honestly, I was just bored," Kurt said. "I wanted some coffee so I decided to reread Macbeth and realized I knew everything about it, ever."
"I just don't care about it, to be honest," Alex laughed a little.
Kurt smiled, "Most people don't. Somehow, I can tell it's not because you're totally ignorant."
"Not totally?"
"Not totally."
Alex grinned. "Would you say I was totally ignorant if I asked you to go out with me? I mean, like on a date...sort of spur of the moment, right now."
Kurt opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't find the 'yes' on the tip of his tongue.
"I understand...if it's too sudden," Alex said. "I just thought maybe you'd noticed I was interested since there are 43 people in our English class and I chose to ask you questions."
"No! I want to," Kurt said. He felt his own cheeks flush. "I just wasn't expecting..."
"Right!" Alex smiled, "Let's go then?"
xxx
Blaine stared down at his phone. No messages. He kept looking at his phone until late into the night, when he finally decided Kurt wasn't going to text him back.
Going to an Ivy League school was much more easy-going than Blaine thought it would be. It was like a Dalton Academy, without a dress code and with girls. The school was large enough that everyone minded their own business. Blaine had made his group of friends. He'd even started going out with a boy.
He still didn't know what he wanted to major in. His parents were on his case about it. He found out that he really didn't care about going to an Ivy League school at all. He was usually playing guitar instead of studying while his roommate, Jeff, was away.
He couldn't shake off the 'I don't belong here' feeling.
Plus he missed Kurt.
A lot.
Kurt and Alex had started going out every weekend, usually to see a movie or a musical, and sometimes to dinner. Other times, they just stayed in one or the other's dorm room, depending on whose roommate was out, because boy, did they like to make-out. Kurt was shocked himself the night that he'd made the first move. It was only their third date. Kurt just couldn't take it anymore. He missed having someone make him feel special.
Alex wasn't the sweet, nice boy Kurt thought he was. He turned out to be rather sneaky and sarcastic. Kurt liked both of those things about him. Plus, his sandy blonde, always perfectly styled hair, perfect jaw-line, beautiful blue eyes, and tan complexion did help. Not to mention his nice body.
Their relationship turned physical very quickly. They snuck into a club (which Kurt found both terrifying and exhilarating), got a little drunk, and Kurt let Alex fuck him in the bathroom. It was disgusting, and dirty, and totally what he needed to get off of Blaine.
"Let's talk seriously for a moment," Blaine's boyfriend, Luke, said. "Let's dig into your past a little bit, Blaine."
"Certainly," Blaine replied, despite that he didn't like the sound of digging in his past what-so-ever. The past was what he liked to avoid. It brought up too many feelings.
"Actually, I just have one question. It, however, may lead into a series of questions," Luke said.
Blaine nodded. "Certainly."
"Who is Kurt Hummel and why are you always texting him?" Luke asked.
"That was actually two questions."
Luke was not amused.
Blaine sighed, "Alright. Kurt Hummel is my best friend from back in Lima. Surely you can understand that, having your best friend Ross around all the time."
Lying was alright at a time like this.
"That certainly is a relief," Luke said, smiling.
"Was that it?" Blaine asked, putting on his innocent eyes.
"It certainly was," Luke replied.
Blaine fought the urge to role his eyes at the amount of times that he and Luke said the word 'certainly' when they had a conversation. He smiled back rather seductively. To avoid further questions, he pressed his lips to Luke's. He could feel the older boy smiling into the kiss and he began running his hands all over his back, reaching for the edge of his shirt. It made him uncomfortable. Not that Blaine was a prude, by any means, he just hated that he wasn't with Kurt.
Getting into clubs in New York City was much easier than Kurt imagined. He hardly passed for his own age, much less twenty one. It became fun. The more intoxicated he became, the more fun it was. Clubbing slowly, turned into more of a lifestyle than a break. He found it was easier to forget Blaine when other men showed obvious signs wanted him too.
Kurt also found dancing with Jason to make Alex jealous fun. Alex had a particular dislike for Jason because he was older than both of them. The second night that he followed Jason into the bathroom was pushing it too far. Alex was having his fun trying to chat up the bar tender, so Kurt would have his fun too.
First, Kurt was being pinned against the graffiti covered wall and kissed all over. Oh, he enjoyed the attention. His eyes were closed while he smiled and he loved every second of it. Suddenly, the warmth of the other body was gone. He opened his eyes and noticed Jason hunched over the sink.
"Have you ever done coke before?" Jason asked.
Kurt shook his head.
Jason grinned, "You're so innocent and cute."
"You think?" Kurt challenged.
"Do this line."
"Fine."
Kurt chewed on his bottom lip. Maybe this was why Alex didn't approve of Jason. Kurt was drunk, but not drunk enough to think that doing cocaine was a good idea. He took the rolled up dollar from Jason's hand. He toyed with the edge of it of a few seconds before leaning over the counter and snorting it.
It burned some, and he coughed a little.
"You'll start feeling it soon."
Jason was right. Within the next fifteen minutes, he found himself feeling great. So great, in fact, that he was laughing. So great that he didn't give a damn about what Alex thought. So fucking great that Blaine Anderson didn't cross his mind one time.
xxx
"Blainers," Jeff said.
"Leave me alone to die," Blaine said, staring desperately at his phone. He'd texted Kurt twice last night and twice this morning, only to find that he got no response. Kurt was the only person he wanted to talk to right now. He felt like total shit, like an idiot. Only Kurt could help him feel better.
"It's not so bad," Jeff suggested.
Blaine groaned, "But it is! I saw him in the act of fucking another guy. We hadn't even gone that far yet!"
"Maybe that's why- I mean, he's not worth getting upset over, Blaine."
"Thanks, Jeff, thanks a lot."
"Was it Ross?"
"Yes."
xxx
That morning was the first morning that Kurt woke up without having even the vaguest idea of where he was. It was dark, except for a set of party lights and a crack between the shade and the bottom of the window. He wasn't wearing anything and he felt a warm body pressed against him. He was sore and began to feel panicky.
Soon, his eyes began to adjust to the dark. He decided to sit up and look around.
He concluded that he was inside the bedroom of someone he didn't recognize. His clothes were in an unknown place and so was his phone. He chewed on his fingers. He looked over the side of the bed and found a pair of boxer briefs. After a quick inspection, he realized they were his and slipped them on. He felt just a little better. The room had no other articles of clothes that even looked remotely like anything that he would wear out of the house. He sighed and went for the door.
Outside it, the living room was trashed. There was flipped over furniture, articles of clothing, empty cups and bottles. There were two men sitting at the kitchen table. Kurt felt himself turn red. He had no idea who either of them were.
"Well, if it isn't Hummel," said the blond man.
Kurt raised his eyebrows.
"Even beautiful the morning after," the other said.
Kurt smiled just a little. "Do either of you happen to know where I stripped last night?"
"Where didn't you is the better question," the blond said.
"Great, I seem to have made a spectacle of myself," Kurt said. "Well, I've lost my clothes and my phone. Beautiful afternoon." He figured he had nothing else to loose. He might as well admit his defeat.
"Here," the blond said. "I snooped through it and boy, is it yours. Someone named Blaine Anderson has been texting you all morning."
Kurt made his way to the table and took the phone from him. He looked through his messages.
- Kurt, can I please talk to you?
- I really need someone to talk to.
- Luke cheated on me and I feel like crap.
- Please cheer me up?
Kurt sighed. He glanced around the kitchen. His pants! His beautiful, red, Marc Jacobs fall collection pants. He scurried over to them and slipped them on. He put his phone in his back pocket.
"Settle down, have some coffee," the blond said.
"I can't, I really need to find my clothes and go," Kurt said.
"You were the one dressed all nice," the blond said. "I'm sure the scarf belongs to you."
Kurt nodded.
After finding and gathering his clothes, then getting dressed, Kurt made for the door.
"I'll walk you home," the blond said.
Kurt debated on whether or not it was a good idea to lead a strange man to his dorm. He decided he had nothing else to lose and went along with it.
Outside, snow was falling. The sky was grey and the wind stung.
"Where do you live?"
"On Campus at NYU," Kurt said.
"Holy shit, are you serious?" the blond asked, his brown eyes going wide.
"One hundred percent," Kurt said tucking his hands under his arms.
"I know you look pretty young," he said, "but I figured being in the bar you were at least 21. You are, right?"
Kurt shook his head. "Eighteen. I'll nineteen in a month and a half."
"Fuck, kid," he laughed. "Eighteen and you're already getting smashed and having sex with total strangers? Trying to die young or what? You're too pretty to wake up in a place like that."
"To be honest...I have no idea what happened last night," Kurt said. "To be completely honest, I don't remember you... at all."
"Whoa," the blond lifted his eyebrows. "What's the last thing you remember?"
"I remember...Jason."
"Jason? Jason Lawrence?"
"Yeah," Kurt said.
"Much too trashy for someone as classy as you look," the stranger said. "I saw you with him though. He was bragging about what a blowjob you give."
"Figures," Kurt said, feeling his cheeks turn red. "I vaguely remember a cab ride. I suppose that's how I got to wherever the hell I just was."
"My place," he said.
"Oh," Kurt said.
"I'm Mitchel," he said smiling.
"You seem to know me," Kurt said. "Did you fuck me? And if you did, was it good?"
Mitchel laughed. "Might have taken part in such an activity."
"And?"
"You're lovely, even drunk," he said. "Fuck, I knew I shouldn't have done it when you were that hammered."
"It's alright..." Kurt said. "I'm a really, really...horny, flirty, ridiculous drunk."
Mitchel laughed, "Yeah, I'm an easily convinced drunk."
Kurt chuckled.
"Let me buy you lunch or something," Mitchel said. "I feel terrible."
"A coffee would be lovely."
xxx
"It's your fault for taking me into the clubs," Kurt said.
"You're acting like a slut, Kurt," Alex said.
Kurt shrugged, "So."
"So, I'm your fucking boyfriend and I don't like it," Alex said. "I heard about how you let every guy at that party fuck you last night. I'm not an idiot, you know."
"You're an idiot for thinking that I care about you," Kurt said.
"I sure am," Alex said. "You don't care about anyone but yourself, Kurt. I know we've only been dating for four months, but damn, I thought it meant something to you."
Kurt shrugged, "Well, for every month I fucked a different boy than you."
"God knows you didn't fuck anyone," Alex said. "You let everyone fuck you like the slut that you are. Don't talk to me anymore. I'm through with dealing with you."
"Good," Kurt said. Inside he felt like bursting into tears. What had he let himself become?
"Hi," was the only thing that could come out of Blaine's mouth when he reached the outside of Kurt's dorm room. He just couldn't think of anything else to say. Kurt was standing there with his arms crossed and his hip jutting out to the side.
"Really, Blaine? All I get is 'Hi'?" Kurt asked. He moved to the side, allowing Blaine to come inside.
Blaine sat his bag next to Kurt's over-sized mirror fit for a movie-star. These days, with Kurt's ego, you'd believe that he was one.
"Must be nice driving your roommate away," Blaine said.
"Yeah, well," Kurt glanced at his reflection before turning to face Blaine. "Anyway, so the plan for this evening consists of dinner, being a tourist for a few hours, and clubbing. So, get your sweet ass back in that coat and let's go."
xxx
Dinner was wonderful, walking around the city hand in hand with Blaine and showing him around was even better. They reached the club and hardly stayed an hour. Blaine was being to handsy and Kurt loved every second of it. They got into a cab.
"I've missed your touch, Mr. Anderson," Kurt said, just a little but giggly from the two drinks he'd had. He put his hand on Blaine's thigh and slid it back and forth.
"God, I just missed you, Kurt," Blaine said, a little tipsy himself. He leaned into Kurt's touch. He put his own hands on Kurt and pressed his lips to Kurt's. He kissed him hard and needy. Kurt returned the kiss with as much force as Blaine, and let out a tiny moan. Blaine had missed the feel of Kurt moaning into his mouth, just as he did the right thing with his tongue.
When they reached the Campus, Kurt pulled Blaine up the stairs and into his room quickly. Kurt shut the door with force. Blaine pushed Kurt against the door and ran his hands up and down his chest. He un-tucked his shirt and pulled it over his head. Slowly, he kissed Kurt's collarbone and ran his tongue along his chest. He reached Kurt's nipple and sucked a little.
Kurt was gasping and moaning. He put his hands in Blaine's hair and tugged.
Blaine ran his tongue down Kurt's navel and sank to his knees. He undid Kurt's belt and began undoing his pants. He shoved them pant Kurt's thighs and to his knees. Of course, Kurt wasn't wearing underwear. His hands went to Kurt's hips, his fingers almost curling around Kurt's ass. His tongue teased Kurt's thighs, close and closer.
Kurt moaned desperately. "Blaine…please…"
"Please what?" Blaine asked, smirking against Kurt's thighs.
"Suck my dick, Blaine," Kurt said his hands spread out against the wall behind him. Blaine's laugh vibrated along his upper thighs, his breath touching Kurt's erect, needy cock. Kurt shivered. "Please, fucking just do it."
Blaine ran his tongue along the head, slowly down the shaft, leaving Kurt groaning in need. He ran his tongue along Kurt's erection multiple times, a little faster, just to make it last.
"Fuck, Blaine," Kurt moaned, palms hard against the door. He started bucking against Blaine's cheek.
Smirking, Blaine lowered his mouth as far as he could onto Kurt's cock. He pressed his tongue against the underside of his cock and started moving up and down, faster and faster, until Kurt's hands were in his hair, forcing his mouth down further and faster.
"Oh my God, Blaine," Kurt moaned, throwing his head back against the door. "I am so close, just keep doing—"
Blaine's mouth came off of Kurt's cock with a pop. He rose and pressed his lips to Kurt's slightly gaped open mouth. "Fuck me, Kurt," Blaine whispered against Kurt's neck.
Kurt shivered at the talk of it. This was the first time in a very, very long time someone had asked him to fuck them. He was hardly sure he heard right.
"I want you to fuck me hard," Blaine said, running his hand up and down Kurt's bare side. He pressed kisses against Kurt's neck.
"Get on the bed then," Kurt said. His cock was aching with need. "Get on the bed and get naked, baby."
Blaine obeyed. He pulled his shirt over his head and quickly began undoing his pants. He kicked off his shoes and pulled off his socks, while Kurt kicked away his own pants and shoes. Blaine lied back on the bed and waited.
Kurt scanned Blaine's naked body. Was it possible that he was better looking than ever? His tanned skin was practically glowing; dark hair lined his chest and led down his navel. He was toned as ever. Kurt crawled on top of him. He liked that he and Blaine were quite opposite, really. Kurt's skin was pale and dusted with light hair. He pressed against Blaine and kissed his neck.
Blaine put a hand on Kurt's back and ran it slowly up and down as Kurt whispered dirty thing in his ear.
Kurt reached over to his bedside drawer and removed lube and a condom. He tore the condom wrapper with his teeth and quickly put it on. Blaine's hands were on his hips, as he teased him a little. He applied lube to his fingers.
"Fuck," Blaine murmured when Kurt pushed in three fingers. He groaned as Kurt slowly moved them in and out. His pace quickened as Blaine's moans became from pleasure and not pain. "Fuck me, Kurt, damn it. Just fuck me," Blaine said.
Kurt smirked. "What was that?"
"Fuck me!" Blaine groaned.
Kurt removed his fingers. "If you're sure," he teased. He applied some lube to himself before positioning himself. Blaine's thighs were pressed against his hips. He slowly pushed himself inside, moaning and nearly losing control. Blaine screamed out and gripped the sheets. Kurt gripped one of Blaine's thighs and pushed slowly until he had filled Blaine all the way. "You alright?" he asked quietly, a question he wished people would as him occasionally.
"Give me just a second," Blaine panted.
Kurt took one of Blaine's hands and squeezed, trying to keep his mind off of Blaine pulsing around him.
Blaine positioned himself on his elbows. "Okay, fuck, Kurt move," Blaine said throwing his head back.
Kurt didn't need telling twice. He gripped Blaine's hips and slowly began working his want in and out. Blaine was bucking his hips along with Kurt's thrusts.
"Faster," Blaine growled. Still gripping Blaine's hips, Kurt quickened his pace. "Harder," Blaine panted. Kurt was gripping his hips hard enough to surely leave a bruise. "Fuck! Kurt, that's the fucking spot!" Blaine called as Kurt brushed his prostate. He pounded into Blaine moaning and whimpering, feeling the sensation in his lower stomach.
"Fuck, Blaine, I'm close," Kurt moaned, leaning forward to press his forehead against Blaine's. He pushed as Blaine bucked. Their lips met, hungrily and quickly.
"Oh my God, Kurt! I'm cumming. Fuck," Blaine moaned. He felt Blaine's hot cum leaking onto his stomach, and he was over the edge, thrusting hard until he too was releasing his hot seed into Blaine.
"I missed you so fucking much," Kurt panted, pulling out. He lied next to Blaine and grabbed his hand.
"I missed you too," Blaine said softly. He leaned over and kissed Kurt on the cheek.
xxx
Kurt hated to admit how much he loved waking up with Blaine's arms secured around him. Their bodies fit so perfectly together. He smiled to himself as he breathed in Blaine's scent, it was musky and reminded him of home. His eyes fluttered open.
"Good afternoon, sleeping beauty," Blaine said.
"Is it late?" Kurt asked.
"Only about fifteen til one," Blaine replied, running his hand along Kurt's bare shoulder. It was nice to have someone so familiar touching him. "But we had a late night."
"We did, didn't we?" Kurt smirked. He ran his hands along Blaine's bare chest.
"A beautiful night," Blaine grinned.
Kurt smiled and kissed Blaine's bare shoulder. "You've caught me off guard and swept me off my feet again, Anderson."
"Lucky me," Blaine said. It seemed like it was meant to be sarcastic. Kurt was able to tell it wasn't sarcastic at all.
Days blurred into one another. Weekdays were so, so slow and boring. Unless, of course, he had a boyfriend or a fuck-buddy, which wasn't uncommon. Behind his back, Kurt became known as a male-slut in the Tisch gay community. Not that it stopped anyone from getting with him because he was attractive, fun, and talented in many, many ways.
Sometimes, on nights that he was alone, he cried. He'd made this life for himself, and when it was in motion, it seemed okay. Sitting alone in his empty dorm room, however, it was lonely. So fucking lonely.
xxx
Piles and piles and piles and piles of books and essays and notes were on every inch of Blaine's dorm room. Between himself and Jeff, it looked like a room devoted to entirely studying. Although, at the moment, Blaine had disregarded all studying. His lap top was open in front of him and Kurt was on the screen in front of him. Skype was such a beautiful thing.
"How's your boyfriend?" Kurt asked, playfully.
Blaine tried to keep his face unreadable. He used to be good at hiding things.
"We've been trying to work things out since...the incident," Blaine said.
"I forgot what that incident was," Kurt said. "Can you tell me again?"
"You know damn well," Blaine said. Kurt just loved to do this, to play these games and make him squirm. It never used to be like this.
Blaine had made the terrible, terrible mistake of calling out Kurt's name while his boyfriend, Greg, was giving in a blowjob. It should have been kept between the two of them, but Greg loved to gossip and Blaine had a problem with saying no to Kurt.
When he told Kurt he and his boyfriend were having problems, Kurt poked and prodded via telephone for hours until Blaine had been drinking long enough to tell him. That conversation ended in phone sex and tears.
It embarrassed Blaine to even think about.
From the other side of the room, Jeff was giving Blaine this look. Jeff had been Blaine's roommate long enough to know that Kurt was just toying with Blaine.
"Alright, alright," Kurt snickered. "New subject."
"So, do you have a boyfriend?" Blaine asked, somewhere deep inside hoping for an innocent sigh and no.
Kurt laughed. "I don't do 'boyfriends'. I just fuck around."
Blaine bit the inside of his cheeks. A hot flame of jealousy went through him when he thought of Kurt being with someone else in that way. He liked to pretend that he was Kurt's only fuck buddy, but knew better.
The beat pulsed. Green, blue, yellow, and red light flashed. New York was the best damn place in the world. Kurt closed his eyes momentarily, feeling the rush from what he's just snorted. Strong, firm hands were on his waist. Oh, he didn't mind the attention. Lips on his neck, the feel of someone there. It was all a distraction.
"Let's get a room."
"Mmm," Kurt responded.
Next thing he knew, he was hand in hand with a man whose name he couldn't remember, pushing through people, to get to the exit. He was in a cab, sucking face with this person. He seemed like a pretty good kisser at the time, anyway. The drugs were screwing with his ability to judge, really. He didn't care about the kissing. He just wanted to fuck.
Why? This was so damn stupid and dangerous.
To forget Blaine, that's why.
Quickly, Kurt figured out that his only real friend was Mitchel. Sometimes, when Kurt was too much of a mess to make it home, Mitchel would take care of him and he was the only one who wouldn't take advantage of him. So, instead of having a huge party for his nineteenth birthday, like he swore he would, Mitchel brought a bottle of wine and they sat in Kurt's dorm room and drank.
"This is probably the first time I've had a drink like a gentleman since I've lived here," Kurt said.
"It probably is," Mitchel agreed.
Kurt chuckled. "It's pretty bad when you can agree." Kurt looked down at his lap. "I never used to be like this, you know. I used to refuse to even have a drink. God, I was a prude." He laughed a little. "But even when I started having sex, I was never a sex maniac."
"Things change," Mitchel said.
"Yes, they certainly do," Kurt said. "And I'll drink to that." He laughed and took a sip of his wine.
Mitchel smiled. "Why'd you decide you wanted to come to New York?"
"That's easy! Broadway!" Kurt smiled dreamily.
"And now you're here, two blocks away," Mitchel said.
Kurt sighed, "I know. I'm still a student, I still have my chance."
"You're so much better than what you're letting yourself be," Mitchel said.
Kurt nodded and looked back at his lap.
"I've heard you sing, and it's beautiful," Mitchel said.
"Thank you," Kurt smiled.
"I think you should sing right now."
"Why?"
"To remind yourself how much you love to do it."
Kurt put down his glass and stood up. "Fine," he said and cleared his throat.
"The hills are alive with the sound of music
With songs they have sung for a thousand years
The hills fill my heart with the sound of music
My heart wants to sing every song it hears
My heart wants to beat like the wings of the birds
that rise from the lake to the trees
My heart wants to sigh like a chime that flies
from a church on a breeze
To laugh like a brook when it trips and falls over
stones on its way
To sing through the night like a lark who is learning to pray
I go to the hills when my heart is lonely
I know I will hear what I've heard before
My heart will be blessed with the sound of music
And I'll sing once more."
By the end of the song, Kurt was in tears.
"Personally, I'm not much of a Sound of Music kind of guy, but you don't have to cry. It's not the worst musical out there."
He covered is face with his hands. "I'm so stupid," Kurt sobbed. "I've forgotten everything that makes me happy. Every time I was upset, I used to watch The Sound of Music and it always made me feel better. I never had to have a guy paw all over me to feel nice."
"Well, don't let yourself forget anymore," Mitchel said simply.
"I wish I could take you advice, but I think I'm too far in to pull myself out."
"I have a lovely idea for this summer," Kurt said, gazing out the window of his dorm room out to the night sky.
"And what's that?" Blaine asked coming up behind him and wrapping his arms around him.
"We should…you know see each other," Kurt said.
"Well, I thought that was an obvious thing," Blaine said and placed a kiss on Kurt's cheek.
"Just each other."
"That's still a few months away…"
"Please?" Kurt asked. He was letting his venerable side seep through. Blaine was good at getting that to come out.
"Fine, then promise me right now, when both our summer breaks start, right up until the end, we'll only see each other," Blaine said, standing beside Kurt, putting a finger under his chin to make him look at him. "Promise me."
"I promise," Kurt said smiling.
Blaine placed a small kiss on his lips.
"I love when you come to see me," Kurt sighed.
Kurt still had control, after almost year of living there. Control enough to keep his grades up and his father fooled. Sure, he didn't come home nearly as much as he promised he would, but 'practice' and 'term papers' and 'try-outs' were such great excuses for partying and sleeping around and drinking. He hadn't forgotten what Mitchel said, but hadn't tried to take his advice, either.
He hated to admit that he was glad to come home when summer finally came around.
"How the hell are you going to buy an apartment, Kurt?" his father asked.
"Well," Kurt said, "I made a LOT of tips as a waiter. Along with the extra college money due to scholarships. I believe I can do it." Actually, Kurt didn't care to discuss where the money came from. Men had started to think he was working for money. Sex and money. Kurt certainly didn't object.
"If I were you, I would wait another year, to build your money up and have some back-up, just in case, you know?"
Kurt nodded. Another year of driving off a roommate, he guessed. Either that of fucking one.
The New Directions meet up party was not up to Kurt's "party" standards. It was nice and homey. It was something that he needed. The familiarity of it all almost made him feel like he was back in high school;
Quinn was bitter and attempting to flirt with Finn because he and Rachel had survived the semi-long-distance relationship. Rachel had decided she would take her basic classes in Pittsburgh before moving on to NYU. (Kurt sort of wished she hadn't made that decision. She would've kept him in check... ) Brittany and Santana had finally gotten their feeling for each other straightened out and were still going strong. Puck apparently didn't get what 'lesbian' meant and spent the whole night trying to get them to have a three-way. Artie and Mike Chang were apparently bros. Then there was Sam Evans...
Kurt had always questioned Sam's sexuality. He was dumb, but smart enough to realize that Kurt was coming onto him after a few drinks. Sam was still hot as hell and as the drinks went down, more handsy than Kurt could've imagined.
Sam's lips were absolutely wonderful. His body was even better. Plus, this was just a hint of familiarity and made Kurt feel extremely comfortable. He'd had small fantasies about Sam before.
Clearly, Sam was familiar with having sex with a boy and taking charge too.
"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Blaine asked. "You come to Ohio and fuck Sam Evans before me?"
"I was drunk," Kurt said.
"Is that your fucking excuse for everything?" Blaine asked.
Kurt, for once, failed to have a hateful retort. "You're so sexy when you're angry."
"I'll show you just how fucking sexy I am," Blaine said. He pressed his lips to Kurt's hard, and drug his teeth over Kurt's lip. He could feel Kurt trembling against him. He was glad. "Get undressed for me, you slut."
Kurt was shock at how much it was actually tuning him on for Blaine to act like this. When other men were rude and demanding, he found it to be rather demeaning. But Blaine… this was just hot. He immediately obliged to Blaine's command and removed his clothes.
Blaine was actually furious. He couldn't believe that Kurt had done this to him. They promised each other they would spend the summer only with each other. He told himself a million times that Kurt was his and Kurt would keep his word, but he was wrong. Kurt had turned into something that Blaine no longer knew. But that didn't stop him. He still wanted to Kurt to badly to tell him to go away.
Angry sex was hot. Blaine pulled his own clothes off and kissed Kurt furiously, with teeth and tongue.
"Get on your knees," Blaine hissed.
Kurt couldn't help smirking before he bent over and rested his body weight on his arms. He swore that Blaine was the only one who could fuck him like this and made him feel like he still had some dignity left.
Blaine slipped on the condom and gripped Kurt's hips. "I know you're already loose, because like the slut that you are, you already let someone fuck you."
"You just can't wait any longer, can you?" Kurt asked, grinding his ass against Blaine.
"I do love your ass," Blaine said. He drew his hand back and slapped it.
Kurt yelped and looked back at Blaine.
"Too rough?" Blaine asked in a small voice.
"God, no," Kurt said. "Spank me again."
"Only when you're not expecting it."
Kurt couldn't help smirking. He felt Blaine lining himself up and thrusted inside with no hesitation. He arched his back and groaned in pleasure. A small voice in Blaine's head was telling him he should ask Kurt if he's okay, he shouldn't be so rough, he shouldn't put all his anger in this, but his lust and frustration had taken him over and he was thrusting faster and faster and harder and harder. Kurt was moaning his name and grinding against him. He gripped Kurt's hips and slapped his ass and cursed at him, called him awful names and Kurt was almost literally howling with pleasure. It almost made him angrier that Kurt was enjoying himself, but at the same time it was comforting, because he didn't want to be the one to hurt Kurt.
Soon, they were both sweaty and sticky and panting, lying next to each other, hands laced and eyes locked.
"I fucking love you," Blaine said.
"I love you too," Kurt said. "And I really mean that."
"Then, why, Kurt, why do you do this to me?" Blaine asked, sounding defeated.
"What?" Kurt asked, knowing exactly what he meant.
Blaine sighed. "I broke up with Josh this before summer break just so we could do this. Our relationship was going well! I finally found someone who I had things in common with, who didn't cheat on me, who looked at me like I was the best damn thing in the world…"
"Fine," Kurt snapped, jerking his hand away, "then go back to Josh, since he's so much better."
"Not better than you," Blaine said, feeling tears forming in his eyes. "Kurt, I love you. I really, really love you…but I want to be with you. I don't want to be another one of your fuck buddies."
"I can't do a long distance relationship," Kurt said not looking at Blaine.
"You can't do a regular relationship anymore, Kurt," Blaine said, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes, "You can't even keep a promise."
Kurt swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'm no good for you."
"I want you though."
"I want you too," Kurt said, finally looking over at Blaine. He reached over and wiped the tears from Blaine's cheek. "But I've screwed myself up so badly… I can't just stop it."