A Higher Power
If he could, he would sell his soul to Satan—the master of manipulation, deceiving, and wickedness. He'd offer it up to the evil in this world if it could only heal his pain and wounds, take away the one thing he'd never feared more in his existence on this Earth. He's heard many stories about what Hell was like; that it felt like your soul was trapped in a line of fire, tormented, and in an eternal pit of darkness. But was it any much different from the gnashing of teeth, bones being twisted and stretched in unnatural positions, and his body burning and sweating? It was possible he was already in Hell, if such a place existed. That it was his own sick, twisted punishment for causing the death of Sarah—be it accidental or an act of self-defense. Whatever higher power was up there disapproved and frowned upon something he did in the past so greatly that they forced this torture upon him. Once a month, for hours upon hours, he'd be alone. Alone in the old Lockwood family cellar bound in chains and wolfsbane in his system, and endure the reality was that inevitable to come.
(He had already done it twice, but once was more than enough.)
But then he'd look at Caroline.
He'd watch her move with such grace, smile and greet strangers on the streets and the teenagers she considered classmates as if nothing was keeping her up late at night, stricken the worry about the safety and protection of her friends and loved ones. He'd listen as she checked over the list of materials they would both need to provide for that nights transformation and/or that upcoming school event ("Kelly, did you hang up the..no, no, no. Red and gold streamers! Green just clashes with everything!", everyone would hear her shriek, her eyebrows shooting up and her finger pointing up at the decorations that apparently were completely wrong). He would sneak glances at her every once in awhile, her hands held up centimeters from her mouth that hung slightly ajar with her knees pulled up against her chest as she watched a movie he knows she knows she's seen more than she can count on both hands. The way she would stir and mumble in her sleep, and the way she'd sing along to one of the many songs she'd heard on the radio that afternoon while cleaning up around the house. The way she would look at him; fearful and staying a safe distance away from him as he hunches back against the cool, cellar wall, his muscles sore and feeling like they were crying out in pain (or maybe that was him) and she would run over to him, kissing his temple and massaging her hands comfortingly into his shoulders.
("You did it, Ty. You did it," she'd whisper into the top of his head as they rocked back and forth on the ground together slowly like a mother with her child, squeezing him just a little bit tighter after every transformation)
He'd look at Caroline, and feel the guilt coarse through him immediately. He'd take it all back and bare a smile, because there was no backing out now. They were in this together, and there was no way in hell Tyler Lockwood would leave the one person who's stuck with him when nobody else volunteered to; the one person who didn't leave him.
... .. ...
Sometimes when he saw Matt Donovan, his blood boiled and felt his hands clench into fists, a voice in his head screaming to throw a punch or two at his former best friend. Maybe sometimes he came off as arrogant and didn't know much about being in a legitimate relationship (the last girlfriend he had was Vicki Donovan, and even though he did really like her, it didn't change how he treated her and acted like she was his property rather than girlfriend), but he wasn't an idiot. He didn't turn a blind eye to the way Caroline would always stand to defend him against a smart remark Tyler would mutter under his breath, and check The Grill for any signs of him upon entrance. Matt was never the one to be over the significant other very quickly, always pouting in the corner and wearing a not so subtle tone of hostility when talking about her or the Lockwood. In Tyler's eyes, Matt had no place to mope about the breakup when he was the one who decided to end it; decided that her being a vampire was just something he could not handle or capable of accepting. When he had promised to take care of her while he wasn't going to be able to, and to treat her like the princess everyone knew she was..he broke that too. Just like he had broken her heart.
Asshole.
She deserved better than Matt Donovan. Hell, she deserved better than anything anyone in this town could offer her. It frustrated him that she thought differently and did nothing to move on from her first love. Tyler always figured that with girls, they spent a total of two weeks crying and pouring their hearts out to their best friends and eating their bodyweight in ice cream and would find a new guy to close in on starting a full, complete cycle. But obviously with Caroline, it was complicated. She'd closed herself off to him on the matter, always not always sure if he'd even be open to discussing what feelings she had left for her ex-boyfriend and his ex-best friend. He knew she had Elena and Bonnie to talk to, her absolute best friends. But somehow he had the feeling that she was holding back on spilling her guts out since, well...they were all in different worlds. Elena was involved in the mess that was the Salvatore brothers, and Bonnie with Jeremy and the whole witch thing. Sympathizing about a breakup seemed like the least important thing in the world right now. Tyler understood, though. Because he was alone at one point. Felt like he had nobody to confide in, had nobody to turn to when he had questions that needed answers. But he hoped she knew she had him.
(Whatever she needed, he'd be there.)
... .. ...
It had been three weeks since Matt broke up with her, the school year coming to a close in just a short while. She wasn't comfortable talking about the breakup, and he respected that. But the signs were there. She missed him and his all too familiar grin, and the way he made her feel human again. Like nothing had changed between then and now as long as she was wrapped up tight in his arms. Tyler asked her about it one night when they sprawled out on her bed, textbooks open to a chapter they were reviewing and their notebooks flipped to a clean sheet of paper ready to jot down any notes they needed. It hadn't been long before Tyler drifted off into a silence before he realized that he no longer had the blonde's attention, it having been replaced by the silver bracelet on her wrist that she traced with her index finger. The bracelet Matt had bought her and dropped off that night he climbed through her bedroom window and confessed that he loved her for the first time. Yeah, guys talked too.
"You still love the guy?"
He knew it was a stupid question. Any blind man could see it too. But Caroline only shook her head, her eyes still glued to the jewelery.
"No."
She then gave him a smile, a smile he knew was way too forced to be genuine and sent a clear message of "not now", and turned back to her textbook, beginning where he had left off in the chapter.
... .. ...
It's at a party at some seniors house that one night after finals were completed that Matt came out to the public about his new relationship with Morgan Peters, and it devastates her.
(He only knows this because he's staring straight at her from across the room after getting himself a drink)
She doesn't cry or storm out of the room like any other teenage girl he'd seen do, but instead readjusted her posture and congratulated the new couple with a twitch of a smile and a hug. But it's also the night she drinks herself into oblivion, to the point where she slurred half her words and stumbled in her high heels every few steps. He wraps an arm around her waist, allowing her small figure to rest against his side as he lead her back out to his car. He knew she was a vampire, and she was already technically dead, but even under those circumstances he wouldn't allow her to position herself in the drivers seat or remain at a house party alone where there were horny guys more than willing to take advantage of a girl in an emotional, drunk state like she was in. She's strong, smart—he would know after many years of listening to her brag about being on the honor roll list year after year—and hot. It's difficult for even him to keep his mind from traveling to a much different place whenever he let his eyes roam her body, catching sight of the way her body looked incredible in a tiny black dress that hugged her curves perfectly.
It only takes ten minutes of sitting in silence until he reaches her home that he realizes she's woken up from her short nap, her gaze cast outside the window into the darkness and the breeze hitting the trees leaves sideways to the left. He doesn't know what to do, because he knows anything he would usually say would bring out a very emotional side to a girl and he was never the one to know how to handle a girl in tears. So he doesn't say anything at all. He gets out and walks gracefully over to her side, lifting her out of the car and into his arms while her only reaction was to hang her arms loosely around his neck.
As it was to be expected, her mother was out for the night. And in that moment, they were both grateful because he didn't want the town sheriff to get any ideas of him carrying her drunk daughter into her bedroom late at night. Liz Forbes must have known they were friends by now, but she was still her mother and Tyler Lockwood was still a guy. A guy with a reputation. The few odd times Liz had been home while Tyler was over, she and Caroline didn't talk too much. This tense air exchanged between them, like they weren't certain of just what to do or say whenever they were around each other. He supposed it came from the past values and the belief system her mom had growing up colliding with the fact that her daughter was now the one thing she hated the most and wanted to dispose of in this town. That's why sometimes he held a protective arm around the back of her seat or back whenever a possible threat came around. Nobody knew when an attack was being planned until they were hit, and with the Council getting on their backs about the roaming vampires, Tyler would rather die than see hurt inflicted upon Caroline Forbes again.
Placed ontop of the covers, he began pulling them halfway over her body when a cool touch of her fingers grabbed his hand, screeching him to a halt. Those blank eyes stared back up at his, biting her lip and tugging him down closer to her.
"Stay," she whispered softly, just loud enough for him to understand, "Stay with me please."
All he does is nod, but he doesn't really need to because she knows deep inside he'd do anything she asked him to. She had stayed with him when he was enduring the scariest night of his life, so staying with her in the midst of heartbreak was no a brainer. He'd stay as long as she wanted, as long as she needed. And the thought of that only scared him, because he wasn't supposed to feel this way. Not this strongly. She wasn't available. Physically, yes. But far from emotionally. Her heart was still Matt's, as much as it angered him to think so. Caroline didn't need any more complications to deal with in her life. Dealing with Matt and staying alive was hard enough already. It would be selfish to think of this moment as anything more than a friend helping a friend.
So that's the reason he pushes the ache in his heart away as she moves closer to him, the fabric of his shirt clutched into fists, and the reason why he ignores the mixture of vanilla and cinnamon that he could only identify with her.
"You can cry, you know. You can cry if you want to," he tells her, watching closely as her lower lip quivered and trembled, tears daring to spill out. Those words, the okay, had been enough for her to finally let go. Her whole body shook underneath the covers, his immediate reaction to pull her closer and smooth back her hair, planting tiny kisses on the top of her head.
And there was no judgement as he lay there with her, hushing her softly and tightening his grip on her. He barely noticed when the tears stopped flowing, sleep finally reaching the vampire at last, too lost in his own thoughts and the feeling of having her in his arms again. One day he'd show her that Matt Donovan wasn't worth her tears, that there was someone better for her. Caroline Forbes deserved the best, and nothing but the best.
He was going to show her.