One Shot: Hurt
(Logan's P.O.V)
It's been a slow and horrible month here in the house and nothing will ever be the same, not ever since that painful night a month ago. Virgil and Roman are slowly moving on with life like normal after what had happened but they still aren't like how they were before that horrible night.
-Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face. You told me how proud you were but I walked away. If only I knew what I know today. Ooh, ooh-
I look up at the blank roof of my room that feels as if it is closing in around me. I let my held back grief over what happen not only that night but over what I should have done better to let Patton know that I love him as well.
"I'll never get to tell him… he'll never know that I loved him with all my heart." I cry as I curl around one of my pillows and just let the bitter and angry tears fall from my eyes onto my pillow.
-I would hold you in my arms. I would take the pain away. Thank you for all you've done. Forgive all your mistakes-
I should had been more open with him and seem much less emotionless but now I can't even see his smiling face or hold him in a hug that we both loved so much.
-There's nothing I wouldn't do. To hear your voice again. Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there-
I am looking at Patton's contact in my phone and I am oh so tempted just to call his phone in the hop that he'll answer but I know that he won't. I know that all I'll get for the call is his silly voicemail but it doesn't compare to the real him or warmth in his voice.
-Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do. And I've hurt myself by hurting you-
I shouldn't have told his that his dad jokes where bad or that he shouldn't be proud if I had made one by accident as they always made him really, really happy. I was just jealous of his bubbly personality that could get you to smile and that he could be that happy almost all the time.
-Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit. Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss. And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this, ooh, whoa-
Most days I just want to hide away from the bright and cruel world that took my sweet and cute Patton away from me.
"Why? Why did you have to take him away from me?" I cry into my pillow as I curl around it tighter in the hopes that I'll disappear and that I don't have to deal with this large hole in my chest.
-Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand? Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am-
I don't understand why his life was taken that night, I've tried to do everything that I could to figure it out… is he proud of what I am doing for him?
"What did I do wrong… why am I being punished with the memory of his death!?" I cry out into my pillow… I wish he was here to help me to figure this all out and that I can say I love him.
-There's nothing I wouldn't do. To have just one more chance. To look into your eyes and see you looking back-
I turn so that I am looking up at the roof of my room and think over how I want more than anything to see my precious Patton once more and to know he is seeing me back. I would be happy if I get even one more chance to be with him again and hold him close.
-Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do. And I've hurt myself, oh, oh, oh-
Maybe I should have done more than I did with him instead of saying that I had work or other things that need to be done, that we had enjoyed life and that I had given more of my time.
"Poor Logan, I can't imagine what he must be going through… he loved Patton." I can hear Roman mutter rather sadly as he passes my door with Virgil most likely but it don't care right now.
-If I had just one more day. I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away-
Patton I love you so much and I wish that I had told you that… I wish that I had at least one more day to say that to your face and to let you know that I missed you so, so much.
"Patton, I… I love you so much and that I was a fool for not tell you while you were here with me and the others!" I scream into my pillow as I let the tears flow down my cheeks once more.
-Oh, it's dangerous. It's so out of line. To try and turn back time-
The thought has gone through my mind about what if possibly of managing to go back in time and saving him. I let out a sob as I know that not only is it impossible but it's dangerous as it would change everything.
-I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do. And I've hurt myself by hurting you-
I sit up and pull out from hiding Patton's beloved grey cardigan and hold it tight against me as I give up on trying to stop my tears and let them flow freely down my cheeks and onto my bed.
"I'm sorry I couldn't save you… I wish that I could have done something, anything at all but I just couldn't…" I mumble brokenly into the piece of clothing.