AN Here's a one shot that's slightly off the normal path of my writings. I hope you enjoy it and have a nice night. PS I don't own TT
Raven didn't think it was possible for the world to be any colder than it already was. The bright, clean, pure white of the snow that had fallen around her only made her feel more alone. The cold marble of the grave she was sitting next to made her heart ache. She didn't mean for anything to happen, she thought it was just going to be a normal mission, but that didn't go as planned.
Raven sighed and closed the book she had been reading. Her chest throbbed with a hollow ache. She hadn't been this alone in a very long time. Her eyes stung with tears that either refused to fall, or froze as they left. Raven wasn't too sure which it was anymore.
Her fingers traced the smooth marble and Raven relished the burn. The pain of her frozen fingers reminded her that her heart, however crushed, still beat in her chest. It wasn't as if she had a choice, the last promise she had made before the incident claimed a victim was to survive even when there wasn't much hope for her.
It had been seven months, over half a year, since Jinx had passed. Raven still hadn't cleaned her stuff out of their shared home. Her belongings littered the house like she was still living. When Raven woke up from the nightmares that plagued her mind, she still sometimes thought Jinx was right next to her. The feeling of nothing but air and sheets that met her body when she tried to reach for Jinx brought her back to reality though.
The guilt that Raven felt washed out any hope of her feeling any positive emotion at saving the others. She had lost what gave her world life. If only she had been a second faster, or told Jinx to stay at the tower, maybe Jinx would still be with her. Thoughts of this nature plagued Raven daily. She was unable to do much without having some sort of emotional turmoil.
The Titans didn't know how to help either. Starfire tried to help her move on and tried to help distract her, but all the things she did reminded Raven of things that she and Jinx had done. Cyborg tried to console her and be her shoulder to cry on, but Raven hardened herself and tried to tell him she was fin so that he didn't have to worry about her. Beast Boy failed at trying to cheer her up on a normal day, but she appreciated the fact he would try anyway. Even Robin couldn't help the darker-than-usual Titan.
Raven's eyes scanned over the reserved section of Jump cemetery. This place was reserved for those who earned it. Heroes along with other who had died protecting the citizens of Jump were buried here. Although it was usually visited quite often by the public, it was empty and eerily silent. Raven supposed it fit in the freezing weather of the late December afternoon she had picked to visit.
The aching, tingling sensation ran up and down Raven's legs as she stood. Raven often took short walks around this section while she was visiting Jinx. She smoothed out the fabric of the navy, fur-lined cloak she was wearing. Although she wasn't on active duty with the Titans until she had finished grieving for her lost love, she still wore the winter uniform she had picked out in case they needed her.
The soft crunch of Raven's footsteps seemed to echo in the empty cemetery. Although she had seen the statues and tombstones hundreds of times, she still enjoyed seeing them, especially in the winter. They were pieces of the people that they represented. Whether is was the small playful cat statue that sat atop Jinx's tombstone to show her playfulness and cat-like appearance, or the larger statue of Terra that wasn't too far from where Raven was walking, they all held a piece of who they were meant for.
Raven paused and stared at the statue of her fallen former teammate. Although she had betrayed them, she chose the right path in the end and for that they made a memorial for her. Beast Boy had overseen many of the important details about it, such as the pose, but the rest of the team had helped. Raven noticed a withered bouquet of flowers stood as the base of it, covered in a thin layer of snow. Beast Boy must've dropped these off a few days ago. She thought to herself. She knew she wasn't the only one who had journeyed to this cemetery on occasion. Each of the Titans had someone here that they wanted to pay respects to for one reason or another.
Raven cleared some of the snow off the statue's shoulder and the crook of her arm. It was a shame to see such a lovely memorial covered by the white powder. Raven silently paid her respects to the girl, and then made her way along the rows of tombstones. It had started to snow again. Small white flakes fell upon Raven, their pure white color sticking out in comparison to the violet of her hair and the navy of her cloak.
A shiver ran down Raven's spine as the temperature started to sink into her body. She pulled her hood over her head, and pulled her cloak around her thin body. Raven's eating habits had started to go downhill ever since Jinx's passing. She didn't need much food to begin with, and Jinx's passing had further decreased her appetite. She wasn't completely starving herself, she ate when her body told her it needed food, but those times seemed to only come once every other day. Even then Raven only ate a meal that was equal to a fraction of a normal adult's meals.
A bird cawed in the distance, which gained Raven's attention. She turned to where the sound is coming from and saw a large black bird sitting next to the cat statue that was on Jinx's tombstone. Raven silently floated over at looked at her namesake. Normally the bird would have flown off, but this one stayed and held eye contact with her. Raven made a fist and held her arm out. It didn't take long for the bird to flutter over and land on her arm. She flinched as the talons went through her sleeve and barely scraped the skin, but once the bird got used to it perch, it let go slightly.
The raven that now perched on Raven's arm was slightly smaller than the ones she was used to, but was beautiful nonetheless. It's inky black feathers seemed to melt together, only to be separated by the reflecting light and bites of snow. Raven stroked the head of the bird, and a small smile came to her face as the bird seemed to lean in to her touch.
Even though it was extremely odd for a bird, much less a raven, to be in Jump city in the middle of December, Raven didn't think to question it. She was used to all manner of strange things happening when she felt extreme sorrow for something. All she knew was that if something was wrong, one of her namesake would show up to comfort her. They were a constant in her life, and she thanked Azar that they were here now.
Raven stood there for a good while with the bird. Once it had gotten tired of perching on her arm, it gently perched on her shoulder. The silence of the cemetery was now broken to Raven, as the bird often fluttered its wings or cawed to remind her that it was still here. She didn't know how long that would last though.
As soon as the question of how long the bird would stay crossed her mind, it jumped and flew back to the statue of the cat, took one last look at Raven, and then flew up and out of the cemetery. Although Raven was slightly sad to see the creature leave, she also felt some of her sadness leave with it. It was as if the bird had silently taken some of the burden off of her shoulders and flew away with it. Animals did always seem to know what to do to make a person feel better, even if it was just silent companionship.
Raven brushed the snow off of the book that she had left by Jinx's tombstone and picked it up. After finding a spot that she could sit without getting too much snow on her, she sat and leaned against the tombstone once again. She opened the paper book to where her crumpled bookmark stood and began to read aloud, trying to imagine that Jinx was sitting beside her and listening like she used to always do.
"Running out of tomorrows, I repeated to myself in my room, sprawling across my bed to finish another midnight marathon of homework. Sometimes I felt as if there were no tomorrows, that everything, my whole life, was crammed into one long day. A continuous stretch of meaningless time. Sometimes I even wished there was no tomorrow, if this was all I had to look forward to." Raven read to herself. She normally wouldn't read a book like this, but it had been one of Jinx's favorites. She always said that it sounded like their story even though it really had nothing in common with them.
A caw startled Raven as she started to read again. She looked up to see a familiar feathered face standing in front of her. The raven had returned to her. The bird hopped around for a couple of seconds before pecking at something on the back of Raven's cloak. Raven went to pull her cloak away from it, but noticed a small weight on it that she hadn't before. A quick turn revealed a small kitten curled up in her cloak trying to warm itself and sleep.
The kitten was small with silver tabby markings, and fluffy hair. It was clearly going to turn into a long-haired cat. It seemed to be a day of strange animals for Raven. First a bird out of season in the wrong city, and now a small kitten. Raven scooped up the kitten in her hands and was amazed as it didn't fight. The kitten had no collar or means of identification, but its fur was soft and smooth, not matted and greasy like an alley cat or a kitten that has been on the streets for a while. Raven put the kitten into her lap and smiled as it curled up and went to sleep. It was definitely a cuddly one.
The image of the small kitten sleeping peacefully in her lap also made Raven's heart ache dully. She missed her kitten, her Jinx. A glance to the cat statue on Jinx's tombstone definitely didn't help that feeling. Jinx often used to lay her head in Raven's lap as she read. They were never at the cemetery, but all of these happenings were hitting a little too close to home for Raven.
Before she had time to really process those thoughts though, Raven felt the talons on her thigh. She looked down to see if the bird was pecking a the kitten again, but was surprised to see it settling down and pulling the kitten under its wing to prevent the snow from falling on it. The kitten, sensing the faint warmth of the bird, cuddled up to it and nuzzled it before falling into a deeper sleep.
Raven smiled despite herself and placed her hand on the edge of Jinx's tombstone.
"It looks like us, huh Jinx? I wish you were still here. Life is kind of horrible without you. I guess I need to control myself, but if you're listening can I ask you one thing? Should I take this kitten with me? I know the raven will fly away, but this kitten doesn't need to be in the cold." Raven spoke to the air. She didn't know if Jinx could hear her, or if she was even listening, but she hoped that if she could she would answer her.
A slight breeze picked up, shaking the branches of the dead trees. The leaves that had been laying under the ledges that had prevented the snow from falling on them picked up and blew past Raven. She shivered and pulled her cloak closer to her, being careful not to disturb the pair that laid on her lap.
That; however, didn't work. The raven raised it head a cawed softly at her one last time before jumping off of her and letting the breeze help it take flight. It only took a few minutes before it got to an acceptable height, but then it circled once and flew off. Raven watched it as its body became nothing but a small speck in the late December sky. Raven shivered and moved the kitten to her lap.
The kitten mewed quietly and curled closer to Raven. Raven gently ran her hand over its back and grinned as it purred. She lifted the small kitten up to get a better look at it and gasped as she got a look at its eyes. Although one was blue and one was green, which in itself was odd, for a second Raven could have sworn she saw the kittens eyes flash a familiar pink. Raven held the kitten closer to her face, trying to see if it would happen again, but before she could move the kitten it placed its paws on either side of her face, and licked her on the nose. Despite the roughness of the tongue, Raven beamed at the gesture.
Raven grabbed her book and stood up, being careful to hold the kitten so that it would not fall from her grasp while she was walking. Raven leaned down and placed a small kiss on the top of Jinx's tombstone before looking up to the sky.
"Thank you Jinx. I'll take good care of her." She spoke to the clear sky. She knew that somewhere up there Jinx was smiling at her. She knew that Jinx would have wanted Raven to move on with her life, but even though she knew it she didn't think it was going to happen any time soon, even with this new kitten. Raven silently walked towards the exit of the cemetery.
Raven knew deep down that she wouldn't be over Jinx anytime soon, but as she walked out of the cemetery with the small bundle of silver fur in her arms she knew that one day she might be able to move on. Jinx's death had left a sizable hole in Raven's heart, but she was ready to start getting her life back together. Raven spared one last glance at the marble statues and tombstones as she walked down the sidewalk next to the area and looked back up at the sky. A cold December breeze let her know that Jinx was still watching her, and that she forgave her. That was all Raven needed to walk home and start taking care of the small kitten that she had found, and had named after a catlike bubblegum haired thief that once stolen her heart.