A/N: Hi, this is a crossover between Lord of the Rings, and Trailer Park Boys. I hope you enjoy.
Bubbles was lost, and it was all Ricky's fucking fault. He had told him and Julian that he did not want to go on anymore dope raids, but they did not listen to him, insisting that they needed backup in case things got fucky.
They don't give a fack if they go to jail and leave me behind, he thought bitterly as he stomped through the lush green grass. Who will look after my kitties until I get out of this situation?
Bubbles had agreed to meet them near the woods so they could plan. After ten or fifteen minutes of waiting, he had grown bored and decided to take a walk to stretch his legs. He wouldn't go far, and they all had walkies so they could communicate.
After about five minutes of walking, he decided to head back to see if Ricky and Julian had arrived.
He turned in the direction to where he thought the meeting place would be and began to walk. All he could see before him were trees along with the occasional deer.
Was he going deeper in? He shook his head, the beginnings of panic starting to enter his insides.
Just keep walking, you will find your way eventually, he thought as he turned to his right, hoping that this would be the way.
He was so caught up in trying to remember where the meeting spot was that he didn't notice the rolling hills and green grasses until the soundof a stream reached his ears.
He stopped to take a drink of water.
"What the fuck?" he yelled, gaping at the rolling hills that stretched for miles. Tears of frustration entered his eyes. Bubbles wiped them away furiously so they wouldn't fog up his glasses.
After drinking his fill, he continued to walk on. He had packed some granola bars and fruit, which would last him for a couple of days, so he didn't have to worry about that for now. The silence was rather unnerving as it pressed in all around him. Not a car or truck was to be heard which scared Bubbles most of all. Not even the occasional shot from the gun of a hunter.
He strained to see if there were any electric lights to indicate a city, but there were none to be found.
'Ricky, Julian, where the fuck are you?" he yelled. He continued to call their names as he began to run, panic was gripping him completely now. He was so focused on looking for his buddies that he didn't notice the sword pointing at him until its owner spoke.
"Who are you, and what brings you to the land of Rohan? Why are you so foolish to shout? Do you wish to bring orcs down on us? May haps you could be in league with Sauron." Bubble's mouth went dry as he stared at the line of stern faced men. All with very real armor on and swords as well.
Bubbles thought of medieval fair actors, but dismissed that thought at once. Would a medieval fair actor have such a cold and menacing look on his face? He looked like he was ready to fuck him up if he didn't start speaking soon.
He opened and closed his mouth several times, but no words would come out. His breathing quickened as his chest tightened with panic. Ricky and Julian would know what to do in this situation; they always seemed to know what to do. A choked whimper of fear escaped his lips as the tip of the blade pressed into his neck.
"I suggest you answer my question," the wheelder of the weapon hissed. "The hour grows late, and we do not have the time to tarry ere long." What the fuck is going on? Bubbles thought. Why are they speaking like they are from the fucking middle ages?
"I am Bubbles," he managed to choke out. "Please, I won't do you any harm; I just want to get back home to my kitties." The stern faced man gave him a hard look.
"We shall let our king pass judgment on whom you are," he said, grabbing a piece of rope. "I do not believe your tale that you are lost. I do not like the look of you. You could be playing a lost traveler to gain our trust, by bringing an ambush down on our heads." He bound Bubble's wrists together as he spoke.
"Why would I pretend to be lost?" Bubbles snarled as the man grabbed him roughly around the waist to place him on the back of his horse, but Bubbles would have none of that. There was no way he was going to be taken prisoner by this odd group of men. They were probley high as fuck on acid or something. He kicked out hard, trying to knock him off his saddle.
"Cock sucker!" he bellowed over the whinnying of the panicked horse. The tip of the sword was back at Bubble's neck, pressing hard enough to draw a bit of blood.
"Try that again, and you shall be dead,' the man hissed.
This is really fucked, Bubbles thought as he was placed onto the horse. This is all your facking fault Ricky you facking bastard.
"Can you at least tell me your name?' Bubbles growled. The panic was beginning to leave him, anger quickly filling its place.
"I am Eomer, son of Eomund, third marshal of the Ridamark. Though I presume you know who I am, your master may have informed you before sending you to us." Bubbles could feel the walkie bumping against his waist as they rode. Ignoring the cock sucker behind him, he quickly pressed the talk button and spoke.
"Ricky, this is Bubbles, I have been fucked. Some freaky men in medieval ware have kidnapped me," he hissed. Bubbles waited for a few seconds, but the walkie remained silent.
"Who is this Ricky you speak to?" Eomer growled. "Is it another one of your master's lap dogs?" Bubbles glared at him.
"Why don't you fuck off?" he growled back, wincing at the tight grip the ropes had on his wrists. He was quite certain he would have rope burn in the morning.
"You are in no position to make any demands," Eomer growled. "It is luck for you that we are near Edoras, only three miles to ride ere we reach the gates, and then we shall see if your story is true." Bubbles glared at him, ignoring the endless sight of grass and hills. He was amazed that these people were not sick of looking at the same sight every day. He did his best to tune out the chatter of the men around him with an imaginary game of space with himself and Col Chris Hadfield. This managed to cheer him up a bit as the planes rushed by them. These were some fast horses.
He couldn't ignore the thought at the back of his mind that showed him the lack of cars and technology. There wasn't an electric pole to be seen for miles. No wonder the fucking walkie wasn't working, it was far from range to pick up any signals.
He blinked back tears at the realization that he may never see Sunnyvale again. Yes, it was a fucked up place where everyone had their share of problems, but it had been his home sense he was a little fella, Ricky, Julian, and his kitties were the only family he had. The thought of never seeing them again was too terrible to contemplate.
He hoped that Julian and Ricky were not too worried about him, and that their dope operation was successful. They would probley have to hire Corey and Trevor.
They would sure fuck things up, that was quite certain.
"Your name is Bubbles is it?" Eomer asked.
"Yes it is, and stop laughing at me, I like my fucking name." He glared at the snickering men behind him.
"It is an odd name for a man to have," replied Eomer. Bubbles glared at him.
"That isn't a very nice thing to say. How would you feel if I said your name was fucked up? Not very well would you? So for the last time, stop making fun of my name." He wished that Julian was here, he would fuck these men up big time. A lump formed in his throat.
I shouldn't have complained about going with them, he said to himself. I don't give a fuck anymore, I just want them back.
His mood didn't improve as they drew towards the golden gates of Edoras. He could see a beautiful castle, or palace in the distance. He would have stopped to admire its beauty, but there was far too much on his mind.
"I am fucked," he whispered over the clatter of horses hooves on the coble stone. He was aware of Eomer roughly helping him from the horse, and then a stable boy leading him away.
"Come, we shall speak with Théoden our king. He shall pass judgment." Bubbles tried not to shake as he walked up the golden steps, barely noticing the golden haired woman watching them approach.
She beckoned them to follow her inside as he attempted to keep his breathing under control.
I really am fucked now, he thought as he heard the doors banging shut behind him.