Author's note: Inspired by a performance of Rent by a new theatre company near where I live. During Without You, Collins carried Angel around the table, gently laid him down, then knelt beside him. At one point toward the end of the song, he clasped Angel's hand between his own,then lifted his face heavenward, as if he was praying. This is what I imagined he was saying. Please note that I've taken liberties in picturing Collins' religious upbringing.

How do I do this again? How am I supposed to start?

Our Father, who art in Heaven...

Barukh atah Adonai, Eloheinu, melekh ha'olam....

No, those don't seem right. Maybe I'm trying to hard, or thinking about this too much. I'm not Catholic like Mimi or Jewish like Mark. Although I wear the kufi and have studied Islam and Buddhism, I wouldn't call myself a Muslim or Buddhist.

Let me start again.

God,

Yeah, that's better. When my Gran used to pray, she'd just get down to business. I'm not sure I'm even doing this right. It's been a long time since I've tried. Hell, it's been years since I even thought about you ... is it alright to say hell in a prayer? Great, now I've gone and offended the Almighty.

I'd better start again, and sorry about that slip of the.. mind I guess, since I'm not saying the words out loud.

God,

It's been a long time since I said my prayers as a child, kneeling next to my bed as my Gran looked on. I guess I was too preoccupied with chasing after new ideas and asking new questions. I forgot the reassurance that faith brought me when I was young, long before I knew anything about Aristotle, Confucius or Nietzsche. As I grew older, I fell in love with knowledge and new ideas. I loved learning the different ways people answered the big questions in life, but I forgot to find my own personal truth.

I suppose it's fitting that an Angel brought me to you; one that I met on Christmas, no less. In the past moths, I've been the happiest I've ever been in my life. Angel is the centre of my being and is my light and my everything. Because of him, I know there is beauty and light in a world so many see as ugly and dark. I now know love and that's the proof of your existance: "God is Love."

But now I'm watching the coughs wrack Angel's fragile body. I clutch him to my chest as his face contorts with pain. He shakes and shivers while the disease is physically dragging him down. Even through it all, he remains brave, fights through the pain and makes certain to make the most of the life he has left. I guess that's why I'm praying now. Please, make it easier on Angel. He's already suffered so much, that I can't bear to see him in any more agony. Ease his pain and soothe his soul.

I admit, I'm scared of having to face this myself one day. This virus is like a ticking bomb in my blood. I'm not really afraid of dying, but I am scared of being alone. I know my time with Angel is limited. Please give me the strength to let go when I need to, and the ability to carry on after it happens. Help me remember what it feels like to have so much love that it erupts from both our souls and spreads out to the world. Help me get through the mourning and dance again once more.

Tom Collins

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4