A/N: Sorry I haven't been posting, guys, I've been epically busy. Damn Year 11. But I'm back (sorta) and I shall be posting as often as I can. :D Anyways, this is my first FF fanfic. I hope you enjoy, reviews are luffled, feel free to correct me on anything. Aerith is alive in this fic, btw, I do realise that she died in canon. :) Oh, and requests for fics might be fulfilled :D Tell me if you want a sequel!!!
Zack. The puppy. The idiot. The dreamer.
These were the names he had borne when he was SOLDIER 2nd Class.
Zack. The surpriser. The prodigy. The follower.
These were the names he had borne when he was SOLDIER 1st Class.
Zack. The hero. The matyr. The light.
These are the names he bears now, dead.
He watches as Cloud defeats Sephiroth again, winces when Cloud winces, hopes when Cloud hopes.
He knows that now he and Cloud are almost one person.
He wonders when he fell in love with Cloud.
He still loves Aerith, of course. Aerith was his first love, and he knows that in a way he'll always love her. But she's so fragile. Like glass, beautiful and full of light, but so easy to break. It's not going to do Zack any good to love her, because she wouldn't be able to bear his love.
Cloud is different.
Innocent, yet still having that terrible knowledge of the world. Pure, but with blood on his hands. Beautiful, but all hard lines and sharp edges. Fragile, but never going to break. Happy, but constantly depressed. Friendly, but always alone.
It hurt when Cloud fell in love with Tifa.
It hurt more when Cloud fell out of love with Tifa.
Because Zack knows what he feels is wrong. And Tifa was an excuse to shun that for a while.
He has no issues with men loving other men, he knows that's not wrong.
But loving Cloud? Loving the only person he doesn't want to love, because he knows that Cloud is too damn fucking good for him?
That, he has issues with.
xxx---FFVII---FFVII---xxx
Tifa and Aerith are whispering. Zack is worried. He watches as they gather materia, glancing furtively over at the corner where Cloud sleeps soundly, sitting on a church pew.
Zack is really worried.
The girls go over to the flowers in the floor, and sit down among them. They beckon to the people over in the other corner who Zack can't quite make out...they walk over and Zack sees them.
Reno, scarred and flippant. Rude, silent and tough. Cissnei...Zack still thought she was pretty. Vincent, dark and brooding...Zack thought he could maybe fall for Vincent, if he didn't remind him of Genesis so much. There was Denzel, the child with the wide eyes. Yuffie...he remembers when he met Yuffie, remembers how he had marveled at her energy. She hasn't changed.
They all sit down in the flowers, and Zack is having a freak out because no one, no one, squishes Aerith's flowers, not even her closest friends.
What in Midgar are they doing?
Tifa passes out a strange looking materia to everyone sitting in the flowers. The materia glows like mako does, but instead of the sickly green he associates with mako it's strong and vibrant, like mint leaves or pine needles. Aerith starts to hum and everyone closes their eyes. She lets her voice lift and carry, creating light soaring high notes like the purest birdsong. She sounds like spring and life and beauty, and it hurts to hear all the things he'd never have again.
He doesn't notice the pulling sensation at first.
Then he looks down at the ethereal form he has, the only substance he has, and he sees it disappearing.
That's when he really begins to freak out.
Everything starts to fade into white and it's like dying again, but it doesn't hurt like it did last time, it's just so fucking bright and it's burning, he's burning, and he's breathing and he feels.
He opens his eyes
(his real eyes, they're real)
and he looks into the sun, and he can see. He can really see, and he's aware, he's aware of everything. He feels the press of petals into his back and the prickle of grass blade on his skin and he smells flowers, and he hears them still humming, they're still humming, because they still have their eyes shut.
So he opens his mouth
(his real mouth, it's real now, it's all real)
and breathes in and wets his lips and speaks, and he can speak, he remembers how to speak. And so he says:
"I'm alive, I'm alive...fuck...I love you all..."
And everyone's eyes snap open and Aerith screams a little and some part of his mind knows she didn't expect it to work.
But it did.
He breathes in again, tasting the air and feeling so exhilarated, and he knows he will never again take anything for granted. He speaks again, "Is Cloud awake? Does...does he know you did this? That you were going to do this?" They all shake their heads, and the sadist in him smirks, because this is going to be fucking interesting, isn't it?
Then he realises he's naked.
Ooops.
"Uh...Tifa? Can you get me some clothes?" he asks, because Tifa seems like the go-to-person on things like that. Aerith for scary magicky stuff and healing, Tifa for domestic stuff and realistic positivity. Dilly-dally, shilly-shally.
Tifa blinks at his request and nods, standing up. She starts to walk away, then half turns back and asks "You're about Cloud's size right?" and he looks down and it's the body he had when he died, when he was Cloud's current age, so he nods and says yes and she walks away.
And he's still lying down and he feels exposed, every little scar he has laid bare for them all to see.
(because his scars are all little, no one ever got him good, and there's no bullet scars from the day he died, and why is that?)
So he sits up and brings his knees together and hugs them, feeling fragile and human and vulnerable, because he's mortal again.
They're all staring.
"Sooo...the Turks are here, huh? How's life, Reno, Rude, Cissnei?" he says, attempting casual conversation. Then he realises that he just asked them how life was, and that he was dead less than a minute ago. Reno realises too, and he blinks, and Zack blinks, and Reno starts to giggle, so Zack giggles too, and it gets louder and louder and more and more hysterical until they're crying because they're laughing so hard. Then Tifa comes back, and all she does is roll her eyes and smile indulgingly. She passes him a SOLDIER First Class uniform, and he dresses, and it all feels so real and he can't get over it.
He stretches, standing up, and looks over at Cloud, because he's not awake yet. He's sleeping like an angel, because that's what he is, and Zack is loathe to wake him but loathe to leave him asleep. So he walks over and stands in front of Cloud. He puts his arms under Cloud's thighs and his back, and lifts him up in his arms, and carries him to the flowers, and Aerith knows, he thinks, and she is smiling, and so is Tifa because she knows too. And they're both crying and smiling. And it's beautiful. It's so fucking beautiful.
He lays Cloud on the flowers and leans over him, a hand by his head and the other resting on his own leg, and he looks at Cloud and he's so impossibly good. So good.
And then Cloud opens his eyes. They widen, glowing mako-enhanced blue eyes widening as far as they can go, and Zack realises that Cloud is going to have a killer puppy dog look. And all Zack can do is smile, and he thinks he's crying, and then a drop land on Cloud's face and Cloud reaches up and touches it and his eyes widen more.
He whispers..."I'm...not dreaming?"
And Zack finds no words to answer so he just shakes his head.
"This is real?" Cloud asks and Zack just nods, because talking is pretty much impossible.
And Cloud reaches up and grabs Zack's head and pulls it to his chest and Zack knows this is what happened just before he died but this time they've switched positions and neither of them is dead.
And he starts to sob and so does Cloud, and they just clutch at each other like they're drowning and it's so good, but it hurts too in a way because they're letting out the pain, and he hears words in Cloud's sobs.
"Zack, fuck, Zack, I missed you, I missed you so much, I missed you everyday, it hurt so much, don't leave me again, oh fuck, Zack I missed you."
And Zack can't say a thing so he buries his face in Cloud's
(chocobo, chocobo)
hair and he clutches at him more and he'll nevernevernever let go.
Never.