Not Yet

NOTE: I do not own Scorpion or any of its characters or storylines. This is set before 1x06 (mainly because that episode was so amazing, I want to write another separate one-shot for that – which hopefully will be completed soon). Anyway, enjoy!

Please don't stand so close to me
I'm having trouble breathing
I'm afraid of what you'll see right now
I give you everything I am
All my broken heart beats
Until I know you'll understand

It came out of nowhere.

Well, kind of. Not really. Who knew?! Paige certainly didn't.

Walter had always been endearing to her. There was just something about him that she had never quite been able to put her finger on. She'd seen it the very first time they met. It feels like a lifetime ago now, in that old diner she'd spent so many familiar hours until he walked in and changed everything. She had watched him playing what she now knows was chess with her son. She had seen the way he looked at his son with genuine intrigue. And despite the fact that he coldly insulted her and Ralph, or so she thought, the fact that he went, calling Nicos out on his cruelty, made her think about Walter long after he'd left.

She understood these sorts of feelings. A kind of fascination. After what they went through together that very first day, and everything that happened after that, it was understandable. It was the life or death situations. The high pressure conditions. The intimate nature of their team and the roll they all played in Ralph's life now. It made total sense.

What she didn't quite understand was how she felt completely safe around him. The way something inside of her seemed to burst open and draw itself in, when he looked at her. His eyes never wavering, intense, tearing right through the parts of herself she had forgotten were there. The way he challenged her, to think and be more than she thought he was. And she appreciated it. The way he made her feel more visible. More seen. More real.

But it wasn't that simple. He was her boss. Well, she thought he was. Although technically, Cabe was his boss so…. It didn't matter. She was made a part of the team to work. And it was her job to help them all communicate and understand people who weren't like them. To help them get in touch with their emotions, not get lost in her own. It was the very ability to feel, see and explain emotion that made her useful to Walter and the rest of the team.

She didn't want to push him. If she said anything, she would. He wasn't ready.

And in truth, neither was she.

She had been hurt. More than once. And hurt severely. After everything that happened with Ralph's father, she wasn't sure if she could go through that again. Let alone put her son through it. To let Ralph and herself fall in love with a guy and let him into their lives, only for him to walk away and leave the two of them heartbroken. But Walter was starting to make her think that maybe not all relationships were like that. Maybe it just took the right one to not make it feel like living on borrowed time.

She had a lot to learn about her own feelings, before she could involve anyone else in them. She had to remind herself how to open up to a person. Let them see all the deepest parts of herself; remember to trust they won't just leave.

So she tried to forget whatever she was feeling when she went into work each day. She stole a glance at him every so often. She didn't let herself get distracted at his presence, or reach to touch him instinctively, without much thought. She buried her feelings, hidden away in the most secret part of her heart, and went on as normal, convincing herself it the right thing to do.

It just wasn't their time.

Not yet.

The sun is filling up the room
And I can hear you dreaming
Do you feel the way I do right now?
I wish we would just give up
Cause the best part is falling
Call it anything but love

It had come out of nowhere.

Well, technically that was not 100% correct. Walter knew that.

Paige was undoubtedly attractive. He didn't have to be a genius to work that out. He had recognised it the first time he saw her. Months ago now, in that diner where all their lives had changed. He had watched her leading an old man to his table, chatting to him kindly. He saw how she showed genuine interest in the man, and smiled with sincerity. He saw how her hair gently framed her delicate facial features. And despite the patent rings under her eyes, her clear iron deficiency and the fact that she was obviously exhausted and overworked, Walter knew she was conventionally pleasant looking.

He understood physical attraction. It was biology. It was the symmetrical nature of her face and her hip to waist ratio making her attractive. It was the testosterone being released in his body. The dopamine and serotonin in his brain, causing him to think of her and feel pleasure whenever she was near. All logical. Science.

What he didn't understand was the warmth he felt at her presence. The way that something inside of him he didn't recognise churned when she laughed. Her smile etching across her face and sinking into her eyes, opening up parts of himself he didn't think existed. The way she challenged him, like few others did, in ways beyond the intellectual and logical. And he enjoyed it. The way she made him feel like a regular person. More human. More real.

But it wasn't that simple. She was a mother. And it wasn't that Ralph was a problem, he cared about the kid a lot. Ralph had so much potential and was only just beginning to realise his capabilities; a splitting image of Walter at that age. Which was exactly why there were complications. A major incentive for giving her a job was to help teach her how to connect with Ralph. Walter didn't want to get in the middle of that. He could tell how important it was to her.

He didn't want to hurt her. If he did anything it, he would. She wasn't ready.

And in truth, neither was he.

Walter knew he was closed off. Although he had been told so on multiple occasions, he didn't have to be: he knew. And sure, Walter had been in romantic relationships before, if that's what you would call them. They seemed more like distractions to him. Distractions deemed acceptable and encouraged by society. Distractions that supposedly made you 'normal' and prevented you from being ostracised, that just kept him from his work. But Paige was beginning to make him think that maybe not all relationships were distractions. Maybe it just took the right one to make the whole exercise functional and valuable.

But it wasn't an exercise, and he shouldn't think of it in those terms. He didn't want an exercise or experiment with Paige. He didn't want to think of her as a distraction. He didn't want to be closed off. She deserved more than that.

So he shut down whatever he was feeling when she was present, which wasn't very difficult for him. He watched her without a word. He didn't let his emotions get the better of him, or say something that neither of them was ready for. He kept his thoughts locked away in the deepest corners of his mind, and went on as usual, content that what he was doing was for the best.

It just wasn't their time.

Not yet.

And I keep waiting
For you to take me
You keep waiting
To save what we have

So I'll make sure to keep my distance
Say, "I love you," when you're not listening
How long 'til we call this love?

Song: 'Distance' by Christina Perri

(Please note: the lyrics are not written in the order that they are appear in the original song)