The Pimp Cane
By
Kuro-Kasai-Tenshi
Summery~ After the run in with Malfoy Sr. and Jr. at Flourish and Blotts, Harry ponders as to the purpose of Lucius' cane.
Warnings~ Crack. Wierdness? Pointless and meaningless stuff that doesn't make sense. Maybe some AU. Its also pretty damn short, since it's a Oneshot.
EDIT: There was a mistake to the original story, so I had to fix it. (Thanks NearKunn!) Also, I would like to thank everyone who has read this story, or will read it, you guys ROCK! And I love reading your reviews, they make me laugh, and sometimes even make my day! Thanks!
Once back at the Burrow, everyone settled down. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley in the kitchen, Harry, Ron, and Hermione in the living room, the twins in a corner, and Percy and Ginny up in their rooms.
After a while of meaningless chatter between Ron and Hermione, Mrs. Weasley announced that dinner was ready.
About ten or so minutes into the meal, Harry turned to Hermione, and poked her arm to get her attention. Once he knew he had her attention, he voiced a question that he had had on his mind for most of the afternoon.
"Hey Hermione? Didn't Mr. Malfoy's cane look a little….. odd?" She shot him a questioning look, neither of them quite noticing that they held the attention of the entire table. Seeing the look, he clarified.
"It looked like a Pimp Cane to me."
Silence.
"…."
…..
"You know, it did look like a Pimp Cane. Does this mean that he's a Pimp?" at that seemingly innocent question, Mr. Weasley started to choke to his drink. Blushing when he stopped coughing, he directed a statement to the curious children.
"No Hermione. I don't think that Mr. Malfoy is a Pimp." The looks on their faces did not bode well for anyone. Harry replied indignantly to that response.
"But he has a Pimp Cane! Surely, he is a Pimp. People just don't walk around in public with a cane that elaborate and expensive looking, unless they are declaring that they are a Pimp! It just screams Pimp! He must be declaring subtly that it's a pimp cane in the guise of being a wealthy person, so that the authorities don't question him on his pimp status. He totally looks and acts like total Pimp! His demeanor, attitude, and body language practically scream 'Look at me! I'm a Pimp, cuz I've got a Pimp Cane! Just ask me about my hoes! I'll sell them for the right price, but it will be a high price, so bring on the cash!' Don't you agree 'Mione?"
The entire Weasley family was shocked into silence by his little rant. They were shocked even further when Hermione just nodded, agreeing with him. Poor Ron was looking very confused. He spoke up at this point.
"Mum? Dad? What's a Pimp?"
Harry answered his question before either of the Weasley parents could.
"A Pimp is a person, usually a guy, who is in control of a group of whores, or prostitutes. They will give him part of their wages in exchange for his protection from persistent customers. However, he also can, and usually will, abuse his 'authority' over them by abusing them, or taking what he wants from them without so much as a warning. This is where the Pimp Cane comes in. It is a symbol of their wealth BECAUSE of the fact that they are a Pimp. They also use it to hit their whores, and generally beat them up. But some Pimps don't want to dirty their precious Pimp Canes, so they usually just use the Bitch Slap."
A little bit of Ron's innocence and his soul died that day. And so did little pieces of the other Weasleys' souls, at least, those who were there that day to hear this.
In Malfoy Manor, Lucius Malfoy stopped and sneezed.
"Lord Malfoy? Are you okay Sir?"
He waved off the question.
"It was probably just nothing. Now. How much have you earned this week Tanya? If it isn't up to your quota, you know what'll happen, don't you?
Tanya, a Wizarding Prostitute from Knockturn Alley, nodded her head. God, she just HATED Lucius Malfoy being her Pimp…
End.
A/N: Now, I know you all are pretty disappointed with me, if you are a reader of my other fic, Snow White Queen. However! Right after this, I shall be posting an A/N concerning SWQ. It'll tell you all you need to know regarding it. Anyway, I hope you guys liked this little oneshot. I found it sitting on my computer, just waiting to be read over and posted. It's a little humor to brighten the day. Hope ya'll liked it! J