Another Sherlock one-shot! Inspired by the third season of course.
True and utter pain.
It hurts more than anybody would expect it to. Mostly because they never expected him to feel pain. He was supposed to be the indestructible. He was supposed to be the solid rock that felt nothing.
Nothing at all.
After all, that is how he tends to work. He gets what he wants done while detaching his emotions and disregarding the sensitivity of clients to find the answer to every problem he is faced with.
So obviously no one expects him to feel a thing towards anyone or anything.
Especially not at a wedding.
Especially not dark ,dismal thoughts at the single most happiest event of his best friend's life.
God, he didn't even know that he was anybody's best friend.
But the fact that he is somebody's best friend is exactly same thing that causes Sherlock pain.
At first he didn't care about anybody and no one cared for him. The only one who did care about him just the slightest, little bit was Mycroft, but who cares about that dolt? Let other people think he was freak, at least he actually got things done unlike the imbeciles at Scotland Yard.
Then along came John. John Hamish Watson. Honestly, Sherlock didn't give a rat's ass when he showed up. He was somebody who Sherlock could share a flat with and therefore not pay a fortune for rent.
Unfortunately, John is so charming and so… John that Sherlock couldn't help growing a sort of affection for the doctor.
John was the one who taught Sherlock not to throw away his client's feelings. He taught him that one should be grateful for his loved ones, and hell, that Sherlock even had loved ones.
So, like the complete and utter ass that he is, Sherlock payed John back by making him witness his death.
He wouldn't tell him that it was a fake one until two years later. But by then, John would have moved on.
Why? How? John wasn't supposed to move on… Of course, it made John happy, so it was… fine… but what about Sherlock?
He finally opened himself up and John was just going to… Abandon him?
Things wouldn't be the same. He wouldn't have a roommate that made sure he ate his food, who tagged along with him to the most dangerous cases where they could potentially die… And who would get the milk when he ran out?!
John finally made him appreciate the little every day actions of loved ones for loved ones just in time for Sherlock to miss those actions when John left.
Fine. John could leave. If that's what made him happy. Because that's what Sherlock really wants.
John to be happy.
Because if there is one single man who deserves the best of the best, to be the happiest man in the world, it's John Hamish Watson.
Sherlock swore, his first, last, and only vow, that his whole life will now be to ensure the happiness of the Watson's.
That's why he had to shoot Magnussen. Because otherwise, Sherlock would drag John into trouble. Trouble that a newly made family man doesn't need. So Sherlock gladly gave himself up for John's happiness.
John will always exist as the one person that he will never leave vulnerable to danger. He is the one thing that can bring Sherlock back from the dead.
Because John is Sherlock's pressure point. Always will be.
His Last Vow ensures it.
People didn't think Sherlock could ever feel pain.
But he feels it, loud and clear, bright and hot and extremely, innately so.