Title: Alone, Forgotten
Summary: Daryl realises the three big mistakes his made since joining the group. Set season two up until the episode 'Nebraska', so if you haven't got that far, there will be spoilers for you.
Notes: A one shot that may potentially become something more.
He'd fucked up.
Seemed there was a reason why he was always alone in life because from the looks of things, being part of a group fucked every thing up.
His first mistake, was trying to help.
It had been a simple case of being useful to start with. The fact that Rick picked him, sought him out for the task of tracking down Sophia because after all, who else was going to do it? He was the best man for the job and it became his job, lead the group in the search.
He was fine with that, liked it even. Something he could do besides just hunting because it seemed no matter what he bought them back, they were never really grateful for it. The seemed to want a whole damn cow; steaks for the grown up's and make burgers for the kids. He lost count of the times he'd bought back squirrels to the camp and seen at least one person roll their eyes at it, like they could do any fucking better.
He remembered clearly when Rick, Shane and Carl had hung back at the church they'd found and he'd lead the others back in searching for Sophia and how despondent Carol had become and for some reason, rather than keeping his mouth shut, he told her, outright that they'd find her girl.
He'd believed they would back then so it wasn't like he was lying, but as time went on, his hope started to fade. Damn, if he hadn't made a song and dance about her being alive that day, maybe he have conceded sooner. He been so determined to do this though. To prove he was more than just some squirrel hunter.
The Cherokee rose was supposed to be his way of telling her. His way to let her know that maybe they wouldn't find Sophia alive. But it seemed lost on her. She was smiling after he gave it to her, told her the story. And he realised she hadn't really listened. She'd seen the flower, thought the story was cute or whatever the fuck women thought but she never really listened to it.
The rose grew for the dead kids. He made it clear. He doubted at first whether he'd mentioned it or not but he recalled it, exactly how he'd told her the story and he knew she'd heard but she hadn't listened.
So he did his bit. He went out that still, hoping.
He found the doll and even his own faith in finding Sophia was restored. Because it got there somehow. It got to a point where he was able to find it and maybe it was some kind of sign. Telling him to push on and not give up on her. It even made him ignore the fact that there was no trail out there. Not even slightly.
They trod over the same ground and he never even saw what might be a trail from Sophia. He kept it quiet that if she was still in these woods, she wasn't in the area near the farm.
He even kept that all inside when Shane questioned the search for Sophia. It was him who came to the defence before anyone else. The doll... it was all he had. He couldn't say anything better. And when Shane ridiculed him for it his anger was mostly because he knew he was fucking right. The personal insults didn't hurt half as much as the realisation that he'd been tormenting Carol by making her believe her girl was alive still.
He felt every bit the pussy Merle had always called him. And for some reason, he wanted to prove that he wasn't. Prove it to the group, to Shane. So when Shane came around handing out guns, asking who was with him, he didn't think twice. He didn't think much to the barn being open, the chaos and shouting, the pleading from Rick and the cries from the Greene family as long gone family members popped out ready to kill them all. And it was fine. Because while he didn't feel that concerned that the barn was full of walkers in itself, if the door was open and the walkers were heading towards the group, that was different. They all shot without mercy or remorse.
Not until that last faint walker growled somewhere in the barn and the were still poised, ready to kill whatever came out there. But it wasn't that simple when they saw that small girl, familiar to them all but now distorted with death and decay. It was Carol's cry that snapped him out of staring at the girl. Her voice growing louder as she called the little girls name as she ran towards her. Luckily for him, she passed right by him and he dropped the gun without even thinking, grabbing hold of her and gently lowering her to the ground keeping his arms wrapped round her. Within minutes it was over. Rick shot her and there was silence except for the women crying, gentle sobs filling the air. Carol tried to see Sophia, tried to get closer and he stopped her, told her not to and that was when she lashed out at him. Broke free of him and ran off.
He felt a flush of humiliation at the rejection, even knowing her grief was controlling her and skulked off, seemingly not even noticed.
It took him a while to pluck up the courage to follow Carol into the RV where she'd hidden herself away. He was careful around her, walking slowly and quietly like she might turn on him and attack. She turned to see who had followed her, just looking with dead eyes for a moment before turning away, nothing in them, like she didn't even recognise him and if she did, she didn't give a shit.
He felt uneasy as he sat there, but it felt right. Like he should be there, and that Carol shouldn't be alone.
He paid little attention to the drama going on outside because he really just didn't care any more. He didn't see anyone until Lori came by, told them that they were ready to bury Sophia.
He didn't expect her to refuse. Didn't know what or how she'd react, but why the hell wouldn't you go to your daughters funeral?
He didn't understand it, and because he didn't understand, he felt the anger brew within him.
As soon as they were done, Rick saying a few well put together words about Sophia on behalf of her missing mother and Hershel doing the same for his lost family, they split up.
He decided right then and there that he was through giving a shit about anyone in this group.
They could all go to hell for all he cared.
His second mistake was not getting the fuck out of there when he had the chance.
He needed some space. Wanted to be by himself for a while.
At his very core, he'd still wanted desperately to find that little girl and knowing it was over, he felt as though he had no purpose any more. Hershel could provide them with all the food they needed, the farm had chicken's, cattle and that meant that the one thing they'd needed him for was no longer required of him.
And then he thought that maybe when Rick had asked about his plans, not owing them anything it was a hint. Maybe Hershel hadn't wanted him here. Probably less so after he stole his horse and almost lost the damn thing forever. Maybe Rick was asking but really making the suggestion. Go before we have to ask. He didn't know for sure, but he thought Rick was a little more forthcoming than that. But Rick had a lot on his mind recently. Sophia, Carl, Lori, Shane all problems that he was trying to sort out, deal with in some way. Maybe he was just another problem he didn't really have time to deal with.
Maybe he was just hoping he'd get the hint and make this one thing easy for him.
A short way from the groups camp was a chimney. Just a chimney, the last remains of a building that had once stood in that spot. He'd headed there after the burials and busied himself finding sticks he could make into arrows. His own survival depended on himself and for that he needed his crossbow. It wasn't like he could go to some hunting and outdoor store any longer so he'd do it the old fashion way.
He was content out there. Nothing to remind him of all that had happened.
It wasn't until Lori Grimes showed up and wanted him to go get Rick and Hershel that the calm he'd managed to hold onto started to fray and as she demanded why he'd be so selfish, he exploded. Like he actually needed to defend himself to this woman, like he did nothing. There were plenty of others in the group, not just him and any one of them could go and do this chore from the sounds of it. Drive into some quite little town and pick up Rick and she wanted him to fucking do it? he'd clearly given the group the impression he just loved looking for waifs and strays but no fucking more.
She at least got the hint quickly and retreated back the way she came. Glad to be rid of her, he sat there continuing to work but his anger simmered at the way they used him.
He thought back to the time he'd spent being part of the group and he realised that they'd never done anything but use him and laugh at him. He remembered the way T God had bought up his chupacabra story when he and Merle had joined the group back at the quarry and how dale retold it with that bullshit tone to his voice. Rick had looked impartial but the dumb-ass Farmer kid had outright laughed in his face. he bet the others probably did the minute he left them. He didn't care whether they believed him or not, but they could say it to his face, like a man.
All they wanted from him was food and to pick up chores not good enough for the mighty Rick and Shane to do.
Well fuck that.
He discarded the knife and stick and headed back to the camp.
he headed there so full of steam, spoiling to hit someone but getting there proved a disappointment. No one was about. He knew Rick and Hershel were in town and he guessed the others were in the house now, having managed to worm their way inside. Probably told Hershel that it wasn't the life they lived, being holed up in tents. Fuck them. He'd happily stay out here, better than being in with those people.
Except he wasn't going to stay here. He'd come to get his stuff and move away. He wasn't quite ready to up and leave the group but he wanted to be away from them and their dramas. Didn't want to get dragged in looking for little lost kids any more or being the taxi for Lori fucking Grimes. He'd considered just grabbing his sleeping bag and heading off with that, especially if people were about and were prone to making a fuss. But no one was here and he decided he might as well get the whole lot here and now and he wouldn't have to bother to come back again.
He was a pro at collapsing a tent and had it packed up in no time, everything else was in bags still, no one was stupid enough to take things out like this was a fucking holiday. He was moved away in no time.
He saw the truck head back and Andrea, Shane and T Dog go back to their camp. He had a good enough view to see that none of them looked his way, looked to see where his stuff had gone, where he might be.
He'd made the right decision, he decided right there.
But he also realised what mistake number three was.
His biggest mistake was that he cared.
Fuck.