Title: Gradient
Characters/Pairing: One-sided KaiKoto, Haruto
Rating: K
Words: 2,139
Summary: He's never spared the effort to get to know her until he took the first step, and the more he did, the less he found he knew about himself. Fill for ZeXal ficathon—kaito/kotori; she's turning 18 in a week and his hopes are up
Warnings: Very vague spoilers beyond 116, originally written shortly after 104
A/N: Well, took me long enough to publish this here! I've just been putting off editing it so it's presentable enough. Aaaanyway I think I ship this to some extent now help.
Attachment was something Kaito never thought he could have with anyone else other than Haruto, not after Chris had cast him aside so ruthlessly in the rain all those years ago—had it been a decade, really? Yet the transition to being what they once had had been such an ease, just so natural; but it just wasn't, couldn't be all the same again, but he would never stop looking up to Chris as an older brother, a mentor, a friend.
Developing attachment between others after Chris, however, was never in his plans. It was strange and foreign, to have someone look out for him, first in the form of Yuuma, then Ryoga, when he received their thoughts as they had received his, despite the misgivings of their first meetings. Yuuma, who had so pure a heart that couldn't bear to see others hurting at the expense of himself; Ryoga, who was in a position so much like his, fighting for his younger sibling; the three of them had the utmost respect in each other, as well as a camaraderie that at first felt odd but at the same time left a warmth in his heart which he had once closed off to everyone but Haruto.
And that warmth did spread, not to just his irreplaceable comrades, but with many burdens lifted off his chest, he didn't realize how little thought he needed to put into a smile until a few years ago, when Kotori of all people made a passing remark that she was glad he was smiling so much more, and not frowning all the time as he did in the past. She only said it out of teasing, when taking a break from tutoring Haruto in his physics homework, and he had just finished a call with his father, away on a business trip. He had stared at her disbelieving, and then she had laughed over a glass of water before retreating back into the dining room to resume her coaching.
They didn't get very close until three years ago, after the Numbers business was far behind them; Haruto had just begun schooling, and since he was behind everyone by a few years Kaito went in search for someone that would keep him more or less on track; if he weren't busy, he'd have done it himself. He had considered hiring a professional private tutor, but he had not been reassured with the notion of Haruto being alone at home with someone they barely knew, so instead he had ran everyone in his trust list through his head—Yuuma was tossed out of the running immediately—and it was with slight reluctance that he chose her; Ryoga or Rio were second on his list, but their activities were so closely associated that if Ryoga couldn't spare the time, Rio couldn't either, and he would have asked the latter instead anyway, because he wasn't entrusting Haruto's studies to Kamishiro Ryoga no matter how good his grades were.
Kotori's grades weren't exemplary, but good enough to be in the top ten percentile, and Kaito thought he knew her well enough to place Haruto in her hands—along with Yuuma, she had been among the first to express concern for his younger brother's well-being, and Haruto had long taken a liking to her. She had agreed quite readily too, even before he had gone through any terms or schedules with her.
He didn't cross paths with her often for a few months—she would be done when he returned from the laboratory, and any words they would exchange were farewells. Work hours then became more flexible when Chris started coming over to help out now and then, plus the addition of more technicians that allowed him to finish early or take work home and watch over Haruto; his condition may have improved, and there's Kotori too who would ring him up if the slightest problem cropped up, but Kaito still found it difficult to relax his protective older brother side, and well, more time to spend with Haruto was always welcome.
So he ended up spending time with Kotori a couple of times each week too, listening to her soft voice while he tapped away at his laptop in the adjacent room. Her sessions were often in the late evenings, creeping past ten o'clock on occasion, but the one time he had offered to let her ride home on Orbital, she had refused politely along with the assurance that she could take care of herself; Kaito had given Orbital prior orders to keep an eye on her way home whenever she was kept so late anyway, since it didn't sit well with him to let a young girl make her way home in the dark, so he let her go.
He had been mildly surprised to see them watching a movie on the couch instead one day when he returned home, and Haruto had shortly told him that they were done with tutoring for the day before they continued with the movie, both staring wide-eyed at the screen as their hands dived blindly into a bowl of popcorn. Well, Kotori had been doing a much better job than he had anticipated—not that he had been underestimating her, but… fine, maybe he had been. Just a little.
Even when Haruto was on par with his peers already, and Kotori had moved on to high school, the sessions continued, and no one really had anything to say about it when Kotori just ended up hanging around in their home sometimes because Haruto was such a fast learner, sometimes working on her own assignments, and she asked after Kaito more often, about what exactly he did at his job, how he was getting along with his father, how his health was doing, and he didn't find much of a reason to not entertain her queries. And then he started asking after her life too, which she always claimed isn't as fascinating as his seems to be, to which he shot down and quietly admitted that he'd never had any experience in public school and hearing her talk about it was, well, nice. Conversation between them turned to more trivial topics as the weeks passed and soon it was natural to just talk whenever they could (he had been aware of Kotori's abilities in the sciences, having witnessed her commandeer Astral's spaceship away from a black hole and handle Orbital as if she had been doing so all her life, but Kaito found himself pleased when he could also hold decent discussions with her on such topics); she wasn't as boisterous and excitable as Yuuma, nor did she have Ryoga's edge and aggressiveness, so it was a pleasant change of pace, talking to her.
She fell ill one week, although she had mentioned to him that she wasn't one to fall sick easily, and somehow the apartment's silence felt… uncomfortable, without her around when she usually would be, and Kaito couldn't quite concentrate on the work in front of him. He didn't notice that his finger had been restlessly tapping away upon the table for nearly ten minutes until Haruto brought it up, and then he'd promptly shoved his laptop away and announced that he'd be retiring early for the night. For the next couple of hours he shifted around in bed, wondered how someone is able to assault his thoughts so thoroughly, when he'd never even clashed with them in a duel, nor met with a major conflict with them as he did with Mizael. Kotori was a friend. A good friend, one of his closer ones that he happened to be getting to know more in recent times. That's all.
He couldn't really meet her eyes the next time he saw her, and Kaito chose to ignore the odd inquisitive looks Haruto was shooting in his direction. He couldn't quite understand either, when he was sending Kotori off one night, the quickening thumps within his chest as she wished him a good night with that warm smile of hers. He brought a hand up to rub at it—it wasn't a new feeling, Yuuma, Ryoga, and a few other selected duelists have taught him of the same feeling, but it was the first time it started up at such an arbitrary moment, and it felt different, somehow. What was it, about Kotori, that stirred his emotions this way? And then she had fawned over him and asked if he was feeling alright, in the same endearing way he's seen her do with Haruto when he went into a coughing fit, and he had waved her off with a vague promise that he had been taking care of himself, and fortunately it wasn't a lie in the least.
Kaito preferred to tackle his problems head-on, but when he's faced with an unfamiliar battlefield, in a realm that he had no experience in and didn't know where to start analysing, Kaito found himself at the rare circumstance of a loss. He was... not afraid, but apprehensive of these new emotions that surfaced around Kotori, and continued nagging at him in her absence. And then Haruto had, in his middle-school boyish voice that was on the verge of breaking at any moment, lightly commented one day, "do you like her, brother?" and he could have meant that in the way of her tutoring or the most platonic, friendship kind of like, but that did not cross Kaito at all; his thoughts having slammed into a brick wall, he went through the rest of that day in an odd sort of stupor, and was tongue-tied for an answer when Chris asked why his work was just a tad bit sluggish compared to his usual efficiency.
Kotori had reduced her number of visits in the past year, busy with studying for her finals and entrance examinations for university, and he wasn't going to deny it, he had been so attached to her presence that some nights just didn't feel the same without her; he was relieved to put these emotions aside for a bit, however, since in the grand scheme he decided they weren't much of a priority anyway, but since he had come to terms with them, he refused to leave them unsolved in any case. Then Yuuma had casually mentioned the other day, after returning from one of his adventures, that he had found an artefact that would be perfect for Kotori's birthday next week, and that was when Kaito realised that he… had never properly thanked her for helping Haruto, for… anything, really.
He didn't know what girls liked, he was even more unsure when it wasn't just any girl. After scouring the mall for the better part of an afternoon and explaining to countless sales personnel that she's just a very important friend, he finally settled for a bag of candy, bundled up with a soft white ribbon; it still seemed pretty generic and thoughtless for all the hours he spent deciding on it, but it was the thought behind the gift that counted, right? Plus, her love for candy was the second thing he knew about her, the first being that she's a childhood friend of Yuuma's. Eighteen was a milestone; Kaito himself didn't do anything for his own—he had actually only remembered when the date was over for a few weeks, and there was no cause for celebration when each day that passed then was one step closer to hell—and he's never really understand why birthdays mattered so much, but for Kotori… it felt the right thing to do. He recalled that she used to harbour a crush on Yuuma, but that was years ago, and he'd been dating Ryoga even before Kotori started tutoring Haruto—how did Kotori ever handle that piece of news, anyway—so, now, maybe was the time—
It's not like him to hop around an issue, to waver upon his feet, he had no clue if she felt the same way, fearful that his actions would mar the friendship they had been building up; he stored the candy in his room, away from Haruto's prying eyes, for he was sure to be curious, and kept it out of sight, out of mind as the weekend drew near. He wasn't going to see Kotori on her birthday; he'd be at the lab while the mini-party for her went on at Yuuma's house, and he's not sure if she'll continue remaining in Heartland City beyond high school, when the following spring rolled around, so if he was going to… talk to her about what's been bothering him for months—
… Well, he thinks with a heavy sigh as he hears the intercom announce that she's at the door, there's a first time for everything.