Broken Vase

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Haruhi tried to save two girls from a couple thugs who attacked them in the cave at the beach. This time, one of them discovered she was a girl. This time, there was no one to run for help. No one to come rescue her. What happened next left Haruhi broken like a shattered vase. How will she pick up the pieces? What will the rest of the host club do if and when they find out? - Trigger warning, character is recovering emotionally from being raped, nothing explicit

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Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club or make money off my stories. I just play with the characters for my own amusement.

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Chapter 1

"Hey, leave them alone!" Haruhi shouted as she threw a bucket of starfish and other small sea creatures at a thug. He and his buddy, who were both obviously drunk, had grabbed a couple of girls who were by themselves in the cat-shaped cave at the private beach they were visiting. Haruhi had seen what happened and intervened. There had been no time to run for help, even had she thought of it. Her only thought was to get those thugs to let the girls go and leave before they hurt anyone.

"You little runt!" the thug with the starfish on him yelled. He brushed them off, then threw the girl he was holding into the arms of the other thug and grabbed Haruhi by the wrists.

"What are you going to do now, loser?!" he screamed into her face. His knee came up and connected hard with the space between her legs. From what she'd heard, Haruhi figured that the blow would have hurt a lot more if she had been a boy, but it sure hurt enough!

"Wait a second," the thug looked at her in surprise and suspicion. He had obviously not felt the body part he had been expecting to feel when his knee connected with her groin. "Are you a girl?"

Haruhi couldn't stop him as he let go of one of her wrists and grabbed her by the crotch. "You are, aren't you! Ha ha!" he laughed with a leer. "This should be fun!"

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Haruhi didn't know how long it lasted, but eventually he let her go. He laughed as he dressed himself and stumbled drunkenly away. Haruhi couldn't move. She couldn't do anything but lay there, curled in a fetal position, crying. She sobbed huge, racking sobs. They would have been screaming sobs if her neck and throat hadn't hurt so badly. Her whole body hurt so badly. Her skin was covered in cuts and abrasions from the cave ground. Her muscles were sore from thrashing against him as hard as she could. She was bruised all over from how he had manhandled her. Her throat was raspy from when he had choked her. Her head pounded from the after-effects of all the blood that had been trapped there during the choke, as brief as it was. Her scalp burned from when he had pulled her hair. And down there? Down there was FIRE! It was sore, bruised, ripped apart FIRE!

She huddled further in on herself and sobbed some more. He had hurt her. He had taken from her. He had smashed through her virginity with cruel glee, and it felt like he had ripped apart her soul. She wasn't a person anymore. She was damaged. She was shredded, torn, broken, shattered. . .

Shattered. . .

Like a vase.

Her breath caught as the image formed in her mind, crystal clear. The image of the vase she had knocked over when she first stumbled into the host club. Her memory of that vase's fall played across her mind's eye. She saw the pedestal tumble when she bumped it. She saw the vase detach from that which had held it up. She saw it fly through the air, with her helpless to stop it. She saw when it struck the ground. She saw everything that held the vase together, everything that made it beautiful, everything that gave it worth, shatter into tiny pieces.

It was a perfect metaphor.

Each piece had been jagged and sharp. She had learned that the hard way when she cleaned up the mess and cut her finger against one of the edges. Now she felt as if every edge had dug into her flesh, cutting open not just her finger but every part of her body. That was how she felt on the outside. On the inside, she felt a hollowness. No, not a hollowness. It was nothingness. The vase had been hollow when it was still whole, but that meant it could be filled with the most beautiful flowers. It could still bring joy to those around it. It still had worth and meaning. Once it shattered, there was no hollowness. No space ready to be filled with beauty. Instead, there was nothing.

She thought of her host club friends out there on the beach somewhere. She thought about her father. She thought about her classmates and teachers and neighbors and friends. What would they see when they looked at her now? What would they think if they knew what she was now. How would they act now that she was shattered? Now that she could provide no beauty, no joy, no anything to them. Sure, they wouldn't blame her. Nobody blamed the vase for breaking. But that didn't matter, did it? The host club had made her sweep up the broken pieces of that vase and throw them away. Would her family and friends throw her away as well?

No, they wouldn't throw her away, exactly. They wouldn't exile her from her home and school, and leave her out on the street. But they wouldn't look at her the same, either. They would distance themselves from her. They were all whole and filled with life. They wouldn't want to be around someone who wasn't whole, too. They would be disgusted with her. Maybe they would try to put on a brave face, at least for a while. Try to pretend. But it would be obvious, and it wouldn't last long. They'd find other friends, other vases so to speak. She was shattered.

The image of the vase falling and striking the ground played in her mind over and over again as she sobbed.

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After a while she pulled herself together enough to open her eyes and take stock of herself. God, she was a mess. She was covered in dirt and grime and. . . bodily fluid from her attacker. White fluid. She knew what it was but her mind shied away from the name. She was on her period, which meant she was also covered in blood. She remembered hoping that the attacker would stop when he realized it was her time of the month, but it didn't faze him. Maybe he was just too drunk, or just too high on his power over her. Maybe blood didn't bother him at all. Whatever the reason, it didn't matter. Blood covered her lower half. As she looked at herself, she realized there was blood on her upper half, too. He had gotten blood on his hands and there were bloody handprints all over her. She was nauseated by the sight. There was also blood on the ground. Oh god, how was she going to clean all this up?

As she thought of this, she realized that anyone could walk into the cave at any time. They could come and see her like this. A jolt of fear ran through her. She couldn't let anyone find her like this.

A shattered vase.

The image played through her mind again as she frantically looked around for her clothing. She couldn't let anyone find her like this! Not the host club, not the guests, not the Ohtori private security force, nobody!

'Wait, the guests!' she thought. What had happened to those two girls she had tried to rescue? What happened to the thug who held them? Haruhi had no clue. Her attacker hadn't paid any attention to them once he started on her. She remembered hearing the girls scream and the other thug laugh, but she hadn't been able to look at them and their voices disappeared quickly.

Haruhi berated herself. Here she was focusing on herself when those girls might be hurt. Haruhi tried to spring to her feet but the pain in her body intensified at the movement. Her muscles screamed at her when she tried to move. It took a huge effort, but she managed to get herself to her hands and knees. She didn't know what she could do to help those girls in her condition, especially if either thug was around. Her head was still pounding and she couldn't think straight. She looked up to see her shorts nearby. She picked them up and realized her hands were bloody. Was that blood from her abrasions of from her period? Probably both. A thought struck her. It could also be from her broken virginity. A screaming sob hit her before she could stop it. Well, it would have been a screaming sob if her voice worked properly. She raised one hand to her neck and felt the bruises. Closing her eyes, she was racked with sobs again.

It was several minutes before she was able to control herself. When she opened her eyes, she saw that she had gotten some blood from her hands onto her shorts. She realized they'd be completely covered in blood if she tried to put them on again. She looked down at herself and saw the white stickiness on her skin. She closed her eyes and tried not to vomit. Having her attacker's white bodily fluid on her made her sick. She wished she had a towel or something to clean it off. Maybe there was something around here she could use. Looking around, she saw her shirt and bra a little ways off and crawled over to them. Her shirt was intact but her bra wasn't. The clasps were ripped off, making the garment unwearable. It wouldn't make a very good towel, especially since it was covered in dirt, but it was better than nothing. She wiped as much of the white stuff off herself as possible, then threw the bra with the offending liquid as far away from her as she could. She looked down at herself. The improvised towel had barely made a dent in the mess on her. She knew she'd get her shirt filthy - well, filthier, it was already covered in grime from the cave floor - if she put it on. She needed water to clean herself. She swallowed and felt how dry her throat was. She needed water to drink, too. She looked out of the mouth of the cat-shaped cave and saw the ocean. Saltwater wasn't fit to drink and wouldn't exactly get her clean, but it would probably serve well enough to get the blood and other fluids off her. The cave was on cliffs overlooking the sea. Haruhi wondered if she could jump from the cave into the water, or if the fall was too great and the rocks at the bottom too sharp. She decided to find her underwear before she went to look.

Before she could begin searching, however, she heard Mori's voice calling her name. It sounded like he was running towards her. She heard another pair of running footsteps as well, but they stopped nearby and she heard Tamaki's voice calling her name. It sounded as if the two hosts were searching the area for her. Other running footsteps and other voices - these belonging to Kaoru, Hikaru, and Hunny - joined the others.

A shattered vase.

They couldn't find her here! They couldn't find her like this! Haruhi didn't think. She held on to her clothes for dear life and moved as fast as she could towards the cliff. When she got there, she didn't pause to look. If she was a shattered vase already, it didn't matter if she broke herself further. It didn't matter if she died. These weren't rational thoughts. They weren't even conscious thoughts. They were just an overwhelming need to not be seen.

She jumped.

The water hit her and she went down several feet before her momentum stopped. She swam back to the surface, gasping for air when her head broke water. The salty water in her nose and mouth burned, but she was just relieved that she still held on to her shorts and shirt. Looking up, she didn't see anyone on the cliff, but from the voices she heard, she knew the others had heard the splash and were coming. She swam to the cliff wall and managed to find a piece of rock to hold on to that wasn't visible from the cliff top above. From what she could see of herself the swim had washed off most of the bodily fluids and some of the grime, and she dressed as quickly as she could in the water.

Her shirt was barely settled when she heard two more splashes as Mori and Tamaki dived into the water. She had barely enough time to put her shorts on before they came up to the surface and saw her. Tamaki reached her first and, grabbing a rock to steady himself as she had, pulled her into an embrace.

"Haruhi! Oh Haruhi!" he repeated over and over in relief.

"We've found her! She's alright!" Mori shouted up to the cliff top. Haruhi didn't look. She just buried her head into Tamaki's wet shoulder and concentrated on not sobbing again.

A broken vase.

'NO!' she mentally yelled at yourself. She forcefully pushed the image of the vase out of her head and concentrated on her breathing. If she let the image stay, she was going to cry again, and she couldn't allow that. Not in front of Tamaki and Mori. Not in front of anyone. Breathe in, breathe out. Tamaki was holding her head to his shoulder in one hand and talking to her, but she didn't hear him. She concentrated solely on her breaths. Mori swam up next to her, said something she also didn't hear, and pulled her to him. She kept her eyes open but unfocused as he maneuvered her into a position where he could swim her to shore. She vaguely wondered if he'd had lifeguard training. It was highly likely. Breathe in, breathe out.

Next thing she knew, they had reached dry land and she was being carried in Mori's arms. She let herself lay limp as he carried her across the beach. Tamaki walked beside them, his face a thunderhead. Haruhi wondered why he was upset, but didn't have the energy to ask.

After a while the other hosts ran to them, all talking at once. "I'm fine," she told them in her raspy voice. "I just need some water."

Hunny drew a water bottle out of the lunch tote he carried and handed it to her. Her friends continued voicing their concern over her, but she ignored them as she drank gratefully. When her throat was functional again, she handed the now-empty bottle back to Hunny and resumed assuring everyone she was fine. They obviously didn't believe her, and she realized they wouldn't when she was being carried like a child. She really, really didn't want to walk on her own, especially with her lower region still on fire, but she steeled herself and asked Mori to put her down. He was reluctant, but at her insistence he very carefully set her on her feet. Immediately, Haruhi realized her mistake. Her legs wobbled and gave out on her. If Mori hadn't been holding her, she would have fallen. In a second she was back in his arms, and everyone was clamoring worse than before.

Tamaki's temper finally broke and his voice rose above all the others. "What were you thinking?" he demanded, putting his hands on her shoulders. "You know, you're not like Hunny. You're not a martial arts master. What were you thinking, going after them by yourself? You against two guys? You should have come to us for help! Don't forget, you're a girl!"

The onslaught shocked Haruhi. He was right. She was only a girl. A weak little girl! The fire between her legs proved that if nothing else did. She should have run for help! She was incredibly stupid! She had put herself into this situation. No one blamed a vase for falling. What happened to it wasn't it's fault. But she wasn't like a vase, not in this respect anyway. What had happened to her WAS her fault! Tamaki blamed her. They all blamed her. They were right to blame her!

All this went through her mind in a second, and her will to hold back her tears crumbled. She buried her head in Mori's chest, unable to face Tamaki or the others. She sobbed. She grabbed Mori's shirt and clung to him like a child, and she sobbed. Tamaki immediately started apologizing and the others swarmed over her, telling her not to cry, that it was all right now. Kyoya, the only one who hadn't said anything so far, Haruhi dimly realized, calmed everyone down and said they should get her to a doctor.

That shut Haruhi up immediately as her chest tightened in terror.

A broken vase.

They couldn't take her to a doctor. Then everyone would find out what happened. Right now they only knew that she had been hurt, but she could probably pass it all off as getting hurt falling on rocks or something. At the least she might convince them that the thug had only beaten her up, thinking she was a boy. Anything but the truth! If she went to a doctor, though, they'd do a full exam and discover the full extent of her injuries. They'd find out that she was now shattered and worthless. Sure, doctors were supposed to maintain confidentiality, but they were all part of the Ohtori medical system. Would they really keep secrets from a member of the Ohtori family if he pressed them? Even if they did, Kyoya had a way of finding things out if he tried, and in this she was sure he would try. There was no way he wouldn't learn everything. He might or might not pass that information on to the rest of them, but even if he was the only one who knew, it was still too much.

Again, these thoughts all passed through her mind in the blink of an eye. They weren't even fully formed thoughts, just knowledge she had deep in her bones. Immediately after Kyoya spoke, Haruhi screamed, "No doctors! No doctors! I won't go to a doctor!"

Everyone looked shocked. Then they all, with the exception of Kyoya, started clamoring again. They insisted on taking her to a doctor, and Haruhi insisted, getting more and more desperate, that they not. She buried her face in Mori's shirt again and cried, whispering over and over again, "No doctors."

"No doctors," Mori said in a firm voice. Haruhi looked up at him with wide eyes, surprised and grateful for his support. He looked down at her with an unfathomable expression, then bent to kiss her forehead.

"I agree," Kyoya said into the silence that followed. Haruhi leaned her head against Mori's chest, letting out a relieved breath. She closed her eyes and listened as Kyoya Ohtori, a member of one of the world's most prominent families of doctors and medical management CEO's, continued in an authoritative voice, "She's gone through a huge trial. Forcing her to go to a doctor or do anything she doesn't want to do right now would only harm her further. What she needs now is rest. In the morning when her head is clear, we can revisit the idea of getting her medical care. For now, we need to go back to my mansion. The car is waiting."

'Thank you, Kyoya, thank you!' Haruhi repeated over and over in her head. She tried to say the words out loud but they wouldn't come. Instead, she just held on to Mori, crying quietly.

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Author's note: I'm always looking to improve as a writer, so reviews and constructive criticism are encouraged.