Bar Knight Fight
The sun was beginning to set in Edinburgh, its golden rays casting the shadow of a girl carrying a box of nutrients for her comrades upon the darkened paved road. A mere human would have collapsed from exhaustion after a mere twenty trips, however, Welrod Mk II was on her fiftieth and last trip, barely breaking a sweat. Although, she did feel quite famished.
"Sir, that's the last box of rations," Welrod called out as she slammed the final crate down into the rear of the two and a half ton truck.
"Splendid work, Miss Welrod! Hop into the cab and we shall be off on our merry way," a soft kind voice replied, barely heard over the roaring engine of the truck. Commander Eric Blair had accompanied Welrod on her first mission as adjutant: that being the collection of rations from the nearby town of Edinburgh. Flour, meat, vegetables, and all sorts of dairy products were accounted for and packed into the rear bed of the truck. On arrival, these ingredients would be sent off to the kitchens, where Springfield would work her magic, crafting the most delectable of suppers.
Welrod sauntered up to the cab of the truck and climbed inside, sitting beside her commander who was busily adjusting his GPS.
"You know Sir, you could just have me give you directions, I am trained in cartography of over fifty countries including Scotland," Welrod stated as she watched her commander struggle with the exact coordinates.
"Miss Welrod, I appreciate your assistance, however I do not require your aid at this time. Sit back and get some rest, we will be back at Sector 78 before you know it!" Eric replied as he finally plugged in the coordinates and accelerated down the road.
Alright Sir, don't say I didn't want to help you.
Welrod raised her legs and rested them on the dash and dozed off, the methodical sound of the truck's engine fading as she passed into unconsciousness.
Thump, thump, thump
With a start, Welrod woke up to the sound of a repetitive thumping noise coming from inside the cab. The truck had stopped at the side of the road, high beams casting their light upon the darkness ahead of them.
Thump, thump, thump
The girl looked to her left to see her commander repeatedly slamming his head against the top of the steering wheel, beyond frustrated at the piece of technology that had led them astray. Welrod glanced at the clock: it was now half past ten. They should have arrived at base half an hour ago.
"Sir, are you alright?"
The man stopped his self-abuse for a moment and looked back at Welrod.
"Oh, I'm doing just swell Miss Welrod. This piece of human creation has taken us on a tour of the Scottish countryside. Isn't that lovely? How thoughtful of it!" The man then turned to the GPS, "If only I WANTED TO TAKE A SUNDAY DRIVE!"
Recalculating Nyah~
"QUIET YOU!"
With a burst of anger the man repeatedly slammed down on the horn, interrupting the still night with the sound of spastic honking.
"Sir… I think you need to take a breather, hold on let me see if there's a town nearby," Welrod replied concerned as she opened up the glove compartment and procured a map horribly out of date. The girl glanced at where the GPS roughly placed them and located the spot on their roadmap. Luckily for them there was a town just north of them that could provide a place to recuperate.
"Alright Sir, there's a town half a click north of here, let's pull in and ask for directions, even grab a bite to eat, sound like a plan," Welrod asked in as soothing of a tone as she could.
"A-Alright. Get me there," Blair replied through gritted teeth. The truck again started rolling down the road, its engine returning to its rumbling cadence.
Recalculating Nyah~
"I'm going to turn that off now Sir."
The party drove in silence down the unlit road, spotting a faint glow in the distance. As they approached, the faint outline of a building appeared out of the darkness. The party pulled into a parking spot and exited the truck. Welrod glanced up at the bar sign, spotting the name of the establishment swinging in the breeze: Kong's Arms. On the door of the bar was another, more foreboding sign: No Androids Allowed.
"Hmm, not friendly are they?" Welrod said with a bit of a chuckle.
"Eh, they will hardly notice, much less be sober enough to stand. Come now Miss Welrod, let's grab a bite and some directions."
Blair opened the door and let his compatriot enter the establishment first. Inside, patrons were huddled underneath hanging televisions playing the latest football match. Off to the side, the bartender was wiping off the top of the mahogany counter with a rag, and upon noticing the two companions motioned for them to saunter over. Welrod, with Blair behind her, calmly approached the counter and sat side by side on two empty barstools.
"Ain't from round 'ere are ye?" The gruff bartender mumbled.
"I'm afraid not, we happened to get lost on our return to S-"before Blair could respond he received an elbow from his compatriot, "-Shotts."
"Aye so you two really aren't from round 'ere; you two on a date or somethin?"
The two companions' faces flushed a deep red hue as they stammered out a response.
"N-no we were out collecting s-supplies for… charity!" Blair blustered.
"Y-yes we were gathering food for the… the… orphanage!" Welrod added.
"Whatever. What can I get you for?"
"Rum and coke for myself, and for my companion…" Blair responded as he glanced at his companion.
"A medium dry martini, lemon peel. Shaken, not stirred." Welrod replied.
"We don't 'ave that fancy drink 'ere…" the bartender said as he stopped wiping down the counter.
"She'll have what I'm having." Blair continued, as he looked at his adjutant with a nod.
With a grunt, the bartender bent down and procured two glasses, a rum bottle, and two coke cans. The man proceeded to pour out the drinks for the two companions and returned to his work.
"Bottoms up Wells!"
"Cheers Sir."
Both patrons clinked their glasses and took a sip, gently setting them down a moment later.
"Ah… now that was refreshing. Would you like me to order some appetizers Miss Wells? Miss Wells? Wells?" Blair repeated to his companion, who was staring blankly ahead.
"Hmm… oh… yes that would be fine *hic*"
"Right… bartender, could you please prepare the pigs in a blanket for us?"
"I bet they're warm and toasty!" Welrod added happily.
"Y-yes… I would assume so," Blair replied confused, Welrod's grammar usually was not this casual.
The girl took another sip of her drink as a large man sat down next to her. The girl let out another hiccup as she turned to address her newfound companion.
"Hello!" Welrod chirped, only to be met with a grunt in reply.
"My Commander and I are on a road trip! Isn't that lovely?!"
"Good for you I guess…" the rotund man replied.
Put off, Welrod decided to inform the man of his ungentlemanly conduct, much to Blair's immediate concern.
"Oi! That's now how you're supposed to treat a *hic* Lady! Tell him commander!" Welrod looked towards her companion who was trying to appear lost in his drink.
"Hey, you! Could you tell your woman to piss off?"
"I apologize Sir, I did not know my companion could not hold her lager, especially only after a single drink…"
"Hey! I can *hic* hold my lager better than *hic* you can~" Welrod slurred.
"I know you can Miss Wells, just calm down and…"
"You don't have to be so *hic* formal commander. You should *hic* refer to me *hic* by name: Welrod Mk II!"
Every patron in the bar stopped what they were doing and stared down the two companions, one blissfully unaware, and the other beyond panicking.
"Oi! The bloody sign said no androids allowed!" The bartender called out from the back.
"I'm not just a T-Doll thank you very much, I'm Blair's COMPANION!"
"Y-yes Sir, we will be leaving immediately. Please give our appetizers to the… lovely patrons. Sorry to bother you all! Don't mind us, just go back to your soccer game…"
The large man sitting next to them stood up and blocked their path, glaring at the man he towered over by at least a head.
"What the fook jou just say?"
"Ehehe that we will be kindly leaving…"
"Didn't you hear him you engorged drunkard? He said soccer. S-O-C-C-E-R! Hehe, how BOLD of you Sir!" Welrod was officially out of commission; Blair would have to cope with this on his own.
"If there's two things in this world that I hate wif a passion, its androids, and fookin Yankees pretending to be posh." The man cracked his knuckles and let out a wicked smile.
"Blair's not scared of you! Right commander!?" Welrod chirped.
Blair looked back at his companion to retort, but out of the corner of his eye spotted a fist swinging for his head. Fluidly, Blair dipped his head left and dodged the blow, effortlessly moving behind the attacker and slammed the villains head into the counter. Another patron approached Blair from the side, swinging his right hand in a hook towards Eric's jaw. Blair deflected it away, and countered with an uppercut to the man's gut, causing the man to stumble backwards winded.
"Hehe, there's a bear with a chair behind you!" Welrod warned.
Without thinking, Blair ducked feeling a heavy object ruffle the edges of his hair. The barstool impacted against Welrod's frame, shattering on impact.
"That was very rude!" Welrod said unphased.
In an effort to end this charade, Blair turned to his adversary in a fury, repeatedly slamming his fists into his chest again and again, his opponent stumbling backward under the repeated blows. Before he could land a decisive strike however, the man from earlier grappled around Blair's chest. Eric slammed his head backward, breaking his assailant's nose and sending him plummeting to the ground.
"Miss Welrod! Your assistance is required!" Eric yelled as he was picked up and thrown over the counter.
"You're doing splendid Sir! You can handle those… whoops!"
Welrod had attempted to seat herself but missed entirely falling down and landing on top of the recovering assailant's hand with a sickening crunch.
"Oh! Deary me!"
Meanwhile, Blair had recovered from his flight and threw himself back across the counter, into the large man's chest causing both of them to crash through one of the tables, spilling the drinks of two more patrons. This was all that was required for the bar to spring into an all-out brawl, as patrons started wailing on one another without mercy. Blair gave the large man one last punch, before rolling off of him and returning to his companion, who was happily crushing his other assailant's arm.
"Get… this… bitch… off!" The pained man sputtered.
"Such vulgar *hic* language! You need only ask politely! *hic*" Welrod retorted.
"Miss Welrod, I believe it's time to go. I'll find us a more pleasant eatery." Blair said as he helped his companion to her feet.
"How gentlemanly of you Sir. Isn't my commander so wonderful?" Welrod asked the groaning victim.
"Apologies for the hand my good man, but I dare say you earned it," Blair called out as he bolted out of the bar with Welrod giggling at his heels.
The two mounted the truck and stepped on the accelerator, the bar soon disappearing into the darkness once more. Blair let out a sigh of relief as he looked at the GPS.
Recalculating Nyah~
"To hell with it," the man muttered as he turned the GPS off and drove silently down the road. He then turned to his companion, who was smiling out the window.
"Are you alright Miss Welrod? That was a mighty hit you sustained…"
"Oh Commander I'm fine, T-Dolls can take more than that puny whiff. Although… *yawn* I do think I'm going to have a nap." The girl stretched as she tried to make herself comfortable, her eyes only half open.
"By all means Miss Welrod, rest your eyes and-"Eric stiffened as Welrod gently laid her head on his left thigh.
"You have soft legs Sir…"
"Uh… I… uh…"
"Thank you for taking me out to dinner, it was a wonderful evening."
"N-not a problem Miss Welrod. Rest easy now."
"Mhmm…" Welrod replied as her breathing pattern eased and she drifted off into a dreamless slumber.
Right, no drinking for that one. Was that really just a rum and coke? That's all it took? Oh well, at least she enjoyed herself.
Eric then hesitantly reached his hand down and ruffled Welrod's hair a bit, before returning his hand to the wheel and focusing on the long road back to Glasgow taking care not to move a muscle lest he disturb his sleeping companion.