Disclaimer: I own nothing in here except Delilah and the story itself. Bioware owns DA:O...if I did than ALL my Wardens would be able to marry Alistair if they wanted! Not just my Noble!
Delilah smiled in relief listening to her companions. The Landsmeet was over, Alistair had accepted the decision to become King and now they could get on to the business of ending the Blight. It was only about a year ago that she had gone through her Harrowing and was promoted from a mere apprentice to an actual Mage. At the time the biggest thrill the brunette had was flirting with the Templar Cullen, now here she was rubbing shoulders with an Arl and not to mention a soon to be King.
Almost as if her thoughts conjured him Alistair strode through the doors. Delilah turned towards him feeling a rush of pride and love at how much he had changed and accepted the fact he was becoming King. Her smile slipped slightly at the look on his face.
"Alistair?" she asked.
He glanced away for a minute before looking back at her, "We need to talk."
That didn't sound promising at all.
"I'm not going to question why you made me King, I'm even starting to come around to the idea I think. It could be an interesting future," the former Templar began.
Delilah frowned, Alistair had been her champion in the duel against Loghain and as soon as he'd killed the traitor he had immediately accepted the crown. There had been no 'her making him king'. If anyone had a hand in that it would have been Eamon.
"However me being King raises some questions about us. About you and me," he continued.
"What questions? I thought you were in love with me..." or was that a lie the Amell mage wondered silently.
"I am, believe me I am, but this is all I can think about since the Landsmeet." Alistair explained. "First there's the fact that we're both Grey Wardens. It's not just a question of obligation, but of blood. You're aware that Wardens don't usually live to become old, right?"
Delilah's frown grew, of course she was aware of that. It was one of the many things Alistair himself had told her about being a Warden. "Of course I know that, but how does that affect anything?"
Alistair glanced away from the mage in front of him marshaling his thoughts again, he knew this had to be done but it was harder than what he had planned on. "As King I am going to be expected to have a child, an heir, especially as my death is assured. Assuming anyone with the taint can or even should have a child."
"But...don't Grey Wardens have children?" the mage asked hesitantly.
"Not with each other. Even one parent having tainted blood means not having children is recommended. All t he Wardens I knew that had children had them before they joined the Order." Alistair flinched inwardly at what he was next about to say, he loved Delilah, that factor was not in question and he knew what he was going to say would hurt her deeply but it must be said, "I will need to find a wife, one who can bear a child..." The former Templar watched the woman in front of him pale at his words, they both knew the Chantry would never allow her, a mage, marry into the throne. "One who will live to raise it. I don't relish it...but I will have a duty as King."
Delilah flinched at those words, as a mage if she ever had children the Chantry would take them away from her, as they had to Wynn, and no matter how much the woman inside her ached to have a child of her own it was the mage inside her that knew she could never do to her own child what had been done to herself.
Alistair watched emotions, none of them good, fly over his lover's face and wanted to stop right then and there, take her in his arms and swear he didn't mean any of the things he had just said. Unfortunately for them both it would be a lie and they had always sworn to never lie to each other, as Wardens and lovers. "I love you, more than I ever thought possible," his voice cracked some and he swallowed before continuing on. "However, I have to face what this means. I can't run away from it anymore."
"You must be joking. Please tell me you're joking," Delilah pleaded fighting back the tears that threatened to overspill. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined that this would happen. Now at least she understood how Jowan must have felt.
Alistair shook his head, "No. I'm sorry, it's not a joke. I wish it were." He watched Delilah blink rapidly and could see tears forming in her dusky brown eyes. "I can see it becoming very hard to tear myself away from you. Impossible even. If this is what must be...then...then I have to do it now." Do it now before he no longer had the nerve to do so, watching the pain on her face was more than he could stand. "I'm sorry."
"Why do this now? Why not wait to see what happens?" the mage questioned jumping at his words of having to do it now. Perhaps if they waited he would change his mind. She prayed the Maker that he would answer positively to her questions, but Delilah knew in her heart that the Alistair she adored and loved and always did what was right would never agree to waiting.
"If I don't do it now I fear I never will be able to. I'm sorry...I have no choice," he replied proving once again to the mage how well she knew the man she had fallen for.
"So..what happens now? Are you leaving?" she asked softly wondering if being near her would perhaps prove too tempting to him.
"No, we still have our duty as Grey Wardens. That hasn't changed," even though everything else has was what was left unspoken.
"So...this it it," Delilah said quietly. "It's over." All the wonderful times, all the laughter and love...it's over.
"I think it is best. For both our sakes."
The mage nodded, she didn't want to accept it but once Alistair made a decision there was no turning him from it. Ever. Looking up she met his eyes smiling shakily. "You'll be a good King."
Alistair eyed her sadly, "I would gladly trade all those things for what I really want. I..need to go back to the camp. Be by myself for awhile." He continued on more briskly, "Arl Eamon has already left for Redcliffe. He says the army is gathered there and almost ready to march. As soon as we're ready we should head to Redcliffe ourselves. The Blight awaits, right?" With those last few words he turned and walked out of the room.
Delilah stared after him stricken to the soul, and would probably have remained like that for some time if Morrigan hadn't spoken up, "Well, that was typical of him."
Stunned the Tower mage realized that Alistair had dumped her in front of all their companions. "Excuse me," she whispered and fled the room unable to bear the sympathy or pity of her companions.
As the misfit group settled camp for the night after their long trek on the road Delilah found her eyes straying towards Alistair. Pride demanded she leave it be, but her heart demanded she try once more. Maker forgive her, if she had known what she knew now back when she was 'helping' Jowan and Lily with their escape plan she would never have gone to Irving and would have done all she could to help the young couple, despite the fact Jowan was a blood mage.
Steeling herself the Amell mage approached her former lover. "I want to talk. About us."
"Really? I was pretty sure we'd already said everything that needed saying."
Opening her mouth the words that came out proved once again how much he meant to her, "Are you going to be alright?" What she had wanted to ask was if he could really end it...just like that.
Alistair gave her a gentle smile, "Not really, no. But that doesn't change the facts does it?" He sighed. "I love you. I'll always love you. But there are things that are more important than I want. I wish it were otherwise."
Delilah sighed, there were so many things she wanted to say but pushing him on this matter would only hurt them both and possibly end up with him resenting her. "I know...I know... I just...I wish it were easier."
"I don't think anything's supposed to be easy about being King. Or a Grey Warden." He sighed, "We have a job to do, so please...let's focus on that. Thinking about you is just too painful. And too tempting."
"Of course...I'm sorry." Delilah retired to her tent, knowing that the canvas thin walls would do little to muffle her sobs but at that point not caring. She should have listened to Wynn when the elder mage had advised her to end it with Alistair, end it before either of them got in too deep.
The sound of the tent flap moving caused the Tower mage to lift her head a hope rising her spirits briefly, only to be diminished at the sight of Leliana.
"I am sorry, I know you hoped I was Alistair." the bard said as she entered her friend's tent.
"I did, although I don't know why. Alistair has made his choice and we have to live with it."
Leliana sat down next the mage, "You cared for the Templar in the Tower did you not, and yet his words did not affect you as strongly as this does. Why is it different with Alistair?"
"Cullen? Oh I adored flirting with Cullen, and I did care for him but it was a mere crush...a flirtation of what I could not have. Alistair was the real thing. I love him with all my heart, and that is why even though it hurts me I will let him go rather than have him grow to resent me." Delilah shrugged and gave her best friend a small smile, "I will be ok, Leliana, I will focus on the ending of the Blight and than I will go do what I can to rebuild the Wardens. That will give me something to hold on to, something to concentrate on and forget."
The redhead wrapped the woman in her arms holding her tightly. "You will never forget him, but in time it will ease. That's the one thing Zevran and I agree on."
Delilah pulled back to look up Leliana, "You and Zev?" Her tone was shocked.
"Not like that! He approached me after that debacle in the dining room with Alistair. He was concerned for you and wished to know what I thought. We both understand what is it you feel, however he figured you would not take kindly to him entering your tent unannounced, and that despite Alistair's protestations that nor would he."
The mage giggled because she could see Zev trying to enter her tent and either herself or Alistair taking exception to it. "Zevran looking out for his hide as usual?" Delilah sighed softly. "I'll be ok, I promise. Tonight I'm going to let myself be a woman, not a mage, not a Warden, and just take advantage of the factor that everyone knows I'll fry them to a crisp if they so much as mention my weakness. Tomorrow I'll be The Warden."
Leliana smiled gently, "You never have to be The Warden with me, Delilah." With one last hug for her cherished friend the bard left the tent and the woman to her grief.
Delilah paced the hall outside her room her thoughts in turmoil. Chances were quite good by this time next week she would no longer be among the living. Yes Riordan had said he would try and take that final blow himself as he was the oldest, and chances were if the Blight had not happened he would be going on his Calling soon. Alistair had told her that Duncan's time was coming and Riordan was inducted into the Order at the same time.
She was the de-facto leader of the Wardens, despite bowing to Riordan's judgment both him and Alistair looked towards her for the final decision. Alistair...things had been tense between the two of them and yet they still managed to deal with the duty of being Wardens. Which is how it should be, and should have been from the beginning.
Her eyes turned towards Alistair's room...the King's chambers. If Riordan should fall it would be up to the two of them to end the Blight, yet...Ferelden could not be without it's King. Her lips thinned into a straight line, if Riordan should fall it would be her that took that final blow, not Alistair. Ferelden needed it's King.
Decision made her mind was easier for it. Entering her room she paused startled.
"Do not be alarmed. It is only I," said Morrigan.
"Morrigan?" Delilah questioned looking at her fellow mage, "Is everything all right?"
"I am well. Tis you who are in danger."
Frowning the Tower mage watched the Witch of the Wilds as she explained her plan of having Alistair sleep with her and conceive a child. Jaw tightening against the onslaught of pain that Morrigan could have Alistair's child and not her (no to mention it was very illogical to follow that thought through) Delilah considered the options.
"It has to be Alistair?"
"Yes. I know you well, my friend, you will take that final blow yourself if need be, and how would Alistair feel if the woman he loves sacrifices herself?" Morrigan's words hit straight to the heart of the matter. Alistair would try and make the final blow himself if Riordan could not. "He trusts you, surely you could convince him to do this."
"Alright, Morrigan, you've made your point. I will see what I can do." Delilah couldn't keep the bitterness from her voice. She was to try and convince her former lover, the man who still held her heart, to lie with another woman when he would no longer do so with her. The irony was not lost on her.
Leaving the room Delilah let her feet guide her to the rooms that Alistair was in. "I see you can't sleep either," his familiar voice joked when he saw her. "I also saw Morrigan outside your room earlier, and the look she gave me...that was icy even for her. Is something up?"
Trying to linger on the moment of talking to him she avoided his question, "You can't sleep? Are you alright?"
"Not really," he sighed. "I see all these men look at me and...I see it in their eyes...I'm the King. It suddenly feels real." Than his blue eyes focused on her, "But this isn't about me. This is about Morrigan. I'm tired but I'm not stupid. What did she want?"
"...You know I love you right?" Delilah said suddenly.
Alistair looked startled, "I...wasn't sure you would feel that way after..." He trailed off.
Delilah studied him, thought about the factor of getting him to agree with the ritual, the knowledge that they would be turning their backs on what the Warden's stood for...yet the Wardens' had always done whatever was necessary to end the blight. Finally she shook her head and stepped back. "I can't do this. Never mind, I'm sorry to have to disturbed you, Your Majesty."
"Delilah, wait, what is it? What's wrong? And since when do you call me Your Majesty?" Alistair questioned.
With her back to him she answered, "It's nothing, just something silly. And since you made it quite clear you're the King. Now excuse me I need to get some sleep."
Morrigan was furious with the woman she had come to think of as a sister as Delilah explained there would be no ritual. "You're a fool!"
"Morrigan, I'm sorry. Please...don't do this."
"'Tis your decision. Now I must go." With that Morrigan strode out of the room and Delilah felt a surge of magic as the Witch of the Wilds transformed to an animal and left the castle.
"Farewell, my friend."
The Warden panted as she stared up at the huge dragon before her. It was just her, Sten, Shale and Leliana. She had left Alistair behind to protect him despite his protestations. It had been for the best. Now here she was staring up at the damned Archdemon that had defined her life for the past year.
Her thoughts went back to her friends good bye's, from her confessing her love for Alistair one last time, to Zevran's 'Say hi to the Archdemon for me. He never writes anymore' that had made her laugh just as the elf had planned.
Pulling her thoughts sharply to the battle she spied a great-sword embedded in a darkspawn. Without further thought the mage ran forward grabbing at it. Using all her strength, thankful for being an Arcane Warrior, she tore open the dragon's neck.
Roaring in pain it collapsed to the ground, giving her the perfect view of his head. Lifting the sword high she slammed it down into the beasts head. Delilah cried out at the surge of power that slammed into her, the Archdemons' essence, attracted to her taint, slammed into her and the last she thought was at least Alistair would live...and he would be a good king.
Alistair performed Delilah's funeral, saying all the right things. Even giving the mages a chance to police themselves. It was what she would have wanted. No, that wasn't quite true. All Delilah had wanted was to be happy and be free...and be with him.
He stared down at the lifeless body of Delilah and reached out and brushed his fingers across her cheek.
"Alistair?" The King glanced up from the body of the woman before him to see Zevran and Leliana. "She loved you to the last," the bard said softly.
"And how exactly would you know that?" was the harsh question.
"Do you really believe she would ever stop loving you?" Zevran demanded.
"No," was the anguished reply. "Why? Why did she leave me behind?! I should have been the one to kill the Archdemon!"
"Because, mio amico, she loved you and wished for you to live and be a good King."
"I would give up everything, my crown, my throne...everything just for a chance to see her again, to hold her again..." Alistair stared down at the new Hero of Ferelden. "I was an idiot, to do and say what I did."
Leliana placed her hand on Alistair's shoulder, "She knew you loved her, and she did this for you. And she left this for you." The bard handed the new King a rose, the same one that he had given Delilah. It was still as fresh as the day he had picked it.
"How..?"
"She enchanted it, and she knew that it was quite possible she would not survive to see the end of the Blight. Delilah told me if anything happened to her that I was to give it to you. Remember, Alistair, she did what she had to, as a Warden and as the woman who loved you to the exclusion of all else," Leliana explained.
Zevran smiled at the King, "Remember her and cherish the memories, mio amico, and relish in the knowledge that she loved you enough to keep you safe."
"Or she didn't want to live knowing that I would take a wife, one who could have a child and live to raise it," Alistair said bitterly.
"Enough!" snapped Zevran, "Alistair, you are being a child. Delilah loved you and only you." The assassin affected a pout, "The lady even turned down my amazing massage."
"I wonder why," Leliana said sarcastically. "The point, Zev, is trying to make is that Delilah did not regret anything with you, oh she may have thought it and may have said it but I know my dear friend. She was happy with you, and she would want you to be happy. Be a good King. For her." With those words the bard and the assassin took their leave of the King to say his last good byes.
Alistair looked down at the still body of his beloved. "I love you, Delilah. I'm sorry for hurting you, I'm sorry I wasn't there. I will be a good King, I will show you that you didn't die in vain." He bent over and kissed her still lips gently and with all the love he possessed. "You will be remembered, and I will never forget you." He caressed her cheek gently. "Good bye, my love." He kissed her once more for the first time since she died letting tears fall down his cheeks. With that last good bye the Warden King stepped back. He would be true to his word, he would be a good King and he would never ever forget her or the love they had shared.
A/N: So this story just came to me last night as I was playing Dragon Age Origins. I should have been working on Change, in fact had all my notes up and the story up and I had this stuck in my head so I had to get it out. Just my take on the Warden and Alistair's feelings over him breaking up with her and her sacrificing herself to end the Blight and save Alistair's life. As always please R&R!