A/N: Honestly, I just wanted to write Shane jerking off...it ended up with a little more plot than I planned but I've always been the type to word vomit. Also, I adore Rick Grimes more than any character on the face of the planet but this is written from Shane's POV so I had a little fun.
The days weren't the only thing growing shorter when winter finally came to the Greene farm. Shane could feel his patience eroding away bit by bit, his frustrations rising as the temperature dropped. It should've been a welcome relief to no longer fall asleep in a puddle of his own sweat but instead he laid awake, forced to either hear the sounds of Lori and Rick's bickering every night or, even worse, their lovemaking. He wasn't sure which pissed him off more and he wasn't sure it really mattered anymore. Actually, Shane was positive it didn't. Lori and Rick had made it abundantly clear...his feelings on anything no longer mattered.
They wouldn't have believed it but he really was trying to behave. If he'd had it his way the baby in Lori's belly would know it's true father, the boy in the barn would've met his end before even making it to the farm, and the group Shane had busted his ass to keep safe wouldn't be spending their nights in tents on frozen dirt but inside, forcing old man Hershel to finally make room for the people who'd keep him and his pretty little daughters safe. And yet he done none of that, even though Shane was confident he could have, he was capable of terrible things. Isn't that was what they were always crying about anyway?
But no.
Instead he stayed in his tent like the good boy they all wanted him to be, his back aching and his ears straining to hear the voices coming from Rick and Lori's tent that was just a few feet from his own. Shane knew if he could hear them then everyone else at camp could too, everyone could hear as Lori reminded her husband how very dangerous Shane could be, how loose of a canon he'd supposedly become.
"I know he killed Otis," Lori spoke, the desperation in her voice cutting through the dark. "And Rick, he thinks this baby is his."
Shane couldn't help but laugh. Now not only did everyone in their group think he was nuts but Lori had just announced her personal business to the world. How could one woman put so little thought into the shit that came out of her mouth? It was proof that she needed Shane, needed someone to protect her from herself, much less the dead.
"I talked to him. He's been better, Lori. What else can I do?" Rick asked his wife, using that calming tone Shane recognized from the decades they'd spent as partners. It made Shane roll his eyes and it must've made Lori do the same.
"He isn't gonna just let this go. How could he, how could anyone?"
Shane could hear that edge in Lori's voice and it made his jaw clench. God how he hated the nagging and he'd heard enough of it since the world had turned to shit. A part of him wanted to make sure she was so safe she'd never have to nag anyone again and another part of him just wanted to get as far away from her as possible. Shane was torn and instead of taking action to make either choice happen, he stayed still, his hands starting to go numb from the cold outside. Or maybe it was from clenching his fists.
The worst part of it all was that Lori was right.
How was he supposed to just let this baby go? Even in a perfect world how did anyone just walk away from their child, much less in a world where Shane had nothing? Rick's coming back had seen to that and Lori's attitude toward Shane since had driven the last nail in the coffin where Shane's hope resided. Even though he'd ruined himself mentally to keep her safe since Atlanta, had done the worst things to keep Carl alive, all either of them could do was shake a finger at him like he'd been a naughty child. He was the glue that had kept their family together and yet they sat a few feet away, trying to figure out how to best tame the devil their needs had created.
It was a load of shit, every last bit of it, made even worse when the sounds of Lori and Rick's disagreement slowly turned into comforting kisses. Shane knew what came after that - the nylon tent shuffling, zippers unzipping, a sharp intake of needy breath when Rick slid inside his wife.
He hated himself for the twinge of jealousy that took root in his gut but he hated himself even more the flicker of arousal that settled down even lower.
How long had it been since he'd gotten laid? Not that long, but far longer than Shane was used to going. Even before the dead had started walking Shane had gotten around, quite easily in fact. Getting his cock wet was about as easy for him as target practice and truthfully, wasn't that all it really was? Setting his sights on the target, watching them closely, deciding the perfect moment to make a move...it always worked, his aim was excellent. Except this time. This time his target was a married woman that, no matter what he did, would never welcome him with open arms, at least not again.
Still, as he laid there in the dark, the sounds of Rick and Lori's moans growing louder and more frantic, Shane's cock twitched in his pants, begging for a release.
It wasn't the only thing in need of a release. Shane was horny, pissed, and pissed for being horny.
The sounds of their sex filled the chilled air, the slapping skin, the ragged breath, it was making Shane feel just as crazy as they all claimed he already was.
There was a baby he wouldn't be allowed to raise, a friendship he'd ruined, a woman that he could barely speak to, and a group that refused to accept his protection even though he'd proven himself long before Rick had shown up. It was hard to remember why the hell he was even trying so damn hard to please them since he knew it wouldn't amount to anything. Never did, never would.
Shane had never been the best at school, he wasn't like Rick, but he knew frustration was too small of a word for what he was feeling. Everything had been ripped from him and handed to a man that would never survive this new world, Rick was about as lost as a fart in a fan factory.
If his sexual appetite was well known, his temper was infamous, and it was quickly rising. A release was needed, even if it was just the type that Rick was still pounding his way towards.
Finally, Shane sat up with a jerk, stalking out of his tent before he could change his mind. Taking a shift on guard duty wasn't even an option, they didn't trust him anymore for that either, his boots instead trudged towards the big house, Shane already daring Hershel to wake up and object. The old fart had agreed to let them relieve themselves inside during the night if needed and even though he didn't have to piss, he definitely needed some relief.
Winter was in full effect and even though Shane could see his breath as he crossed the lawn it did nothing to chill the fire burning inside of him. He was about to blow one way or another, his cock was still uncomfortable in his pants and his mind was still back in Lori's tent.
The farmhouse was surprisingly quiet and Shane felt yet another disappointment. Truth be told, he wanted a chance to snap on someone, anyone would've worked. Hershel, Maggie, Patricia, it wouldn't have mattered. He had a mean streak and he was antsy to use it, another need that would go unfulfilled. Even if someone had been awake, stealing a snack perhaps, Shane knew he had a million reasons he could've pulled out of his ass for his reason being there - a visit to Carl who still slept inside, taking a leak, scrounging up an extra blanket, the confrontation he was itching for never would've happened no matter how badly he craved it.
He'd always assumed the Greenes had it nice, sleeping inside when the temperatures dropped, but he stood in the living room, chills threatening to take over despite the thick jacket he was forced to keep on around the clock. The generator ran overnight but Hershel had strict rules that it was only to be allowed for the fridge until morning.
With a quick look around the room and seeing nothing but the faces of people he didn't recognize in pictures frames staring back at him, Shane headed towards the stairs.
Showers were sparse when the world ended, much less hot ones. During the day the group typically had to fight over who got to shower first, before the hot water tank emptied, and Carl usually won that fight. Not that Shane minded, he loved the damn kid, but he also loved the way steam had a way of easing his muscles and relaxing his mind.
Upstairs was just as quiet as downstairs and within moments Shane was locking the bathroom door, stripping out of his layers.
While the water heated up he took a moment to look at himself in the shabby old mirror that opened to the medicine cabinet. Shane had never been particularly vain although he did take good care of himself, but even he could admit the end of the world had improved his physique if nothing else. There wasn't an ounce of fat around his waist, his abs were more defined than ever, his v-lines were sharp and pronounced. Of course, his back also ached worse than ever and knees threatened to give out on occasion but Shane knew better than anyone he couldn't win 'em all.
And the steam turned out to be exactly what his sore muscles had needed.
As soon as the scalding hot water hit his back Shane let out an audible groan, swinging the little curtain around the tub.
If anyone dared to disturb him what were they going to say? Deny a cold, tired man a shower? None of them had the balls, at most Hershel would bitch himself another fit. On the list of horrific things Shane had done, and the list was growing alarmingly fast, sneaking himself a hot shower was probably the most relatable for the people around him.
The steam was doing its job, already the rage he'd felt moments earlier was starting to simmer. Facing the water, he ran a hand over the stubble on his face, taking a few deep breaths to try and release what little was left. His last hot shower had been in the very same bathroom, except he'd been shaving his head and working himself into the darkest of places.
The dark places were growing old and something about Lori led his mind straight to them.
Instead, he focused on the water dripping down his skin, how the heat from the shower did little to curb the heat that had settled below the belt earlier. Jerking off was also a rare luxury now. Shane was always either too busy, too tired, too angry, or all three combined.
But with his mind clearing it was easier to concentrate on his physical needs. For a split moment his mind wandered back to her, back to their tent and the sounds that had gotten him hard in the first place but Shane immediately closed his eyes and shook his head, refusing to jerk his cock to Lori Grimes. Rick could have the damn woman and her nagging too. With his skin scalding hot Shane felt peaceful for once and there was nothing peaceful about his relationship with the Grimes family anymore, he needed to get as mentally far away from them as possible.
Facing the wall he let the water hit him for a bit before rubbing a hand over himself, still half hard. Immediately his dick stiffened, making Shane shut his eyes and do it again, sending a slow steady grip down until his fingers rested around his head. The tightness that he'd felt in every muscle the last few weeks seemed to settle in his nuts, aching for a release.
He almost thought of her again.
It was hard not to, Lori had been the last woman he'd slept with and damn if his dick wasn't aching for a wet pussy to slide into.
But he didn't want a dead lay that would only fuck him in dark corners or in the dirt, Shane wanted a woman that wasn't afraid to touch him, wasn't bothered by the things he'd done, one who'd run her fingers through his hair instead of clasping the wedding band dangling from her neck.
A few more patient strokes and Shane's cock was fully erect, eager to finish the fantasy he was crafting as the room filled with steam.
Perhaps there was another woman out there somewhere, one with curvy hips and enough tits for him to bury his face into, a woman that moaned his name out loud when he parted her lips and made himself comfortable within her 'd be soaked when he slowly rocked his hips, she'd dig her fingers into his ass, when his hand went for her clit she'd already be halfway there.
Shane wasn't quite ready to go too quick yet, he wasn't ready to come back to reality. The hot flesh under his palm was stretched tight as the ache for release grew but he refused to give into temptation. It was getting harder to breathe in the humid air but it made Shane's jerks slow and patient, every so slightly growing in intensity as he opened his eyes and watched his hand work over himself.
Once upon a time he'd loved watching his cock slip bit by bit into a tight pussy. The feeling of her walls stretching to accommodate him, the flutter once he was balls deep...it was always followed by a moan of appreciation.
This time it was Shane that moaned.
Bracing himself, he placed his free hand on the tile, leaned his forehead against it, his efforts slowly starting to pick up speed.
He had always liked it a bit hard once things got started.
There had to be a woman left on the planet that would've agreed, especially once she got warmed up, and Shane knew he was damn good at warm up. He didn't mean to toot his own horn but he had more experience than he had sense and sometimes that was all that mattered.
Maybe he'd work a slow circle over her nipple and wait to pop it in his mouth once the the tiny bud was nice and hard, maybe he'd roll it between his teeth before clamping his lips around her and sucking hard enough to make her squirm. When her moans grew frustrated, he would've slid a hand between her legs and circled her clit to the same tune of his mouth.
The picture in his mind made Shane's cock burn, he was so hard he shuttered with the next flick of his wrist.
He did the same thing to himself that he would've done with a pussy - he eased up, pulling a hand away from his cock right before his balls tensed and he unloaded. It was the worst type of torture,to come so close to the edge only to be pulled back, but finally Shane understood why women always squirmed and cried when he finally returned with slow, lazy pumps, reminding them, and himself, of the peak that was just out of reach.
Shane pumped his hips, his sensitive cock pulsing, his mind going back to the picture he'd been crafting.
She'd be tight, just like the skin stretched over his stiff dick, but also wet, the sound of his easy and steady strokes would fill the room, as would the scent of her arousal. He'd spread her legs wide and watch his cock slide into her cunt, watch the moment it pulsed around him when the rock of his hips turned her frustrated cries back to moans of pleasure, her slick walls would flutter and give him an appreciative squeeze, just like the hand he jerked himself with.
Even though Shane wished it could be real, the image in his head was doing enough.
Tilting his head back so the water sprayed the pulsing veins in his neck, and elsewhere, Shane finally gave in.
His hand sped up, focusing on the magical spot right above the base of his dick, giving his head a tight jerk when he swiped over it, his mind going back to where he'd left off.
She'd also be almost there. Shane would've finally let go of her thighs, trusting her to keep herself spread eagle for him, maybe he'd use that free hand to pinch her nipple, a nice tug or twist, whichever one made her pussy start to flutter around him.
The water was dripping over his face when Shane felt his cock harden, past the point of no return, as he worked over himself so hard his biceps flexed...the same way he would've fucked this woman that didn't exist. It'd be relentless, both of their hips rolling, chasing that high, until finally her legs would wrap around him, pulling him as deep as her body would allow and Shane would let go, pump by brutal pump, spilling inside her.
Unfortunately, all he really had to cum onto was his own hand but Shane opened his eyes to watch anyway, a few hard jerks milking himself until every last dropped had been washed down the drain, his dick almost too sensitive for those last few strokes.
In the time it took his legs to stop feeling like putty, the water had started to turn cold, fast.
He hadn't even noticed the small drop in temperature at first, he'd been too lost in his own little world - a world he wished really existed. A world that would never exist if he continued to orbit around the Grimes family. Shane knew he was going to be fighting Rick until one them finally won that fight and there was only one way for that to happen, a thought Shane didn't much like thinking about.
He made quick work of turning off the water and getting dressed, he didn't even bother toweling off. Nor did he bother to be quiet, he'd already gotten what he came for and if any confrontation came from what he was doing, it wouldn't matter, Shane knew he wouldn't hang around long enough to hear it.
The air outside was twice as frigid with wet skin and clothes that were clinging to him.
Still, he didn't let it slow him down, he didn't want to change his mind.
Back at the small camp they'd set up in Hershel's field, Shane went straight to his tent, barely even bothering to shake his head in disgust when he noticed Glenn had fallen asleep on watch. They all deserved Rick as a leader, they were asking for it. Let a herd come through and kill them all, they were dead men walking anyway.
Of course, he didn't completely mean that, not all of it.
After gathering his clothes and making sure his gun was secured on his hip, Shane stopped long enough to pause and look back toward the large farmhouse - where Carl was fast asleep. Carl would be screwed most likely. But Shane knew him staying wouldn't change that. Rick had the group in his control and there was nothing Shane could do to save Carl anymore than he already had. And as for that baby growing in Lori's belly - it'd be lucky if Lori even lived long enough to give birth. But perhaps Shane could save himself, or at least find people who understood, maybe even a woman that actually enjoyed a good fuck instead of simply tolerating it.
He refused to look at Rick and Lori's tent.
It was with his keys dangling in his free hand that he walked towards the little green car he'd planned to leave in all along, feeling like he'd dodged a bullet.