Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

A/N: This…might be a little messed up. I wanted to explore what it would be like if Sasuke had pretty much completely lost his will…I guess the appropriate thing to say here is, I hope you enjoy it.

Warning: Contains a dubious consent sex scene. Not for underage readers. You were warned.

A Broken Mantra

It was raining.

Fat, cold drops of it fell lazily against his skin, rolling along his cheeks and catching in his already soaked hair.

It stung.

It stung his eyes and his skin and his heart, but he figured it was fitting.

It had been raining that day as well. Though at that time it had been different, the rain had been harsher, sharper, more persistent, and their places had been switched.

Before, years ago (though he couldn't remember how many, but it couldn't have been that much) he had knelt in triumphant and shattered victory, lost in pain and disgust and stubborn dignity, staring down into the serene face of his defeated opponent.

Now…Now, he was on his back, his body stiff and pained, the ever present sneer gone from his face as he looked blankly into the devastatingly blue eyes of the man that knelt over him.

Yes, years before their places had been reversed, but now it was clear who the victor truly was.

The battle itself had been short, almost ridiculously so. It had been clear from the beginning who was going to win, even to him, and the ending had been so painfully anticlimactic that he could almost laugh. Almost.

However, he supposed it was perfect. As perfect as anything could ever be in this world.

He hadn't wanted it enough and Naruto had wanted it too much.

He didn't know when he stopped caring, when he stopped wanting to win, but it was so painfully clear to him now that he had had no real intention of walking away from this.

He had no desire to continue on like this anymore. He had nothing left. Death was a welcomed promise at this point.

And death by Naruto's hands was the most pleasing way he could think of to part from this hell.

He closed his eyes slowly, blocking his vision from the face that would end his life, and waited for the final blow to come.

It never did.

Instead a calloused hand settled hesitantly on his cheek and his eyes flew open, catching with the blue that was searching for something in his face, though he didn't know what.

He opened his mouth to speak, to question what in the hell the other thought he was doing, but Naruto spoke first.

"They asked me to kill you." The voice that spoke to him was soft and husky from overuse. Sasuke blinked slowly at the words, calculating them one by one, trying to determine if they held any real meaning at all.

"Who?" Was the question that came slowly from his chapped lips. It sounded brittle and frail, an in all honesty he really didn't even care, but he felt it was the only thing he could ask.

"Everyone." It was said so nonchalantly that for a moment Sasuke wondered if the other man was kidding, but then he continued. "Everyone asked me to kill you, Sasuke. Everyone that I've come to care about, looked at me with love in their eyes, the same type of eyes that had once only been directed at you, and pleaded with me to end your life. Pleaded with me to erase you from this darkness and destroy this monster that plagues their memories. Pleaded with me to stop the breath of the boy who lies so defenselessly at my feet."

"I never knew you were so poetic." He bit out sarcastically, trying to ignore the way his chest tightened at each word that was spoken to him. He just knew he wasn't going to like where this was headed. Naruto continued on as if he hadn't heard the jab at all.

"They told me I could no longer save you. That you were beyond that now. They told me that I was the only one that could kill you. That it had to be me, like it was my duty, my God-given right to end you."

"Congratulations."

He had barely gotten out the last syllable of the word before he heard the resounding smack and felt the stinging burn across his cheek. His vision blurred temporarily and he let out a small groan at the added pain to his already injured body. He stared up with wide, unfocused eyes at the hand that had struck him, and its owner. Naruto was staring back at him, eyes hard.

"Don't interrupt me. I've waited far too long to say this to you so don't you fucking dare interrupt me now." Maybe it was the sharp eyes that devoured him, or the tone of voice he had never heard come from that sweet mouth before, but for some reason he found himself obeying. He simply stared back, waiting for Naruto to continue,

"I should kill you now. Nobody would say that you didn't deserve it. You've hurt so many people, Sasuke." 'Especially me' was left unsaid. Neither of them needed to hear it to know that it was true. "I could have everything I've ever wanted. I could have Sakura. I could have the respect and adoration of the villagers. Hell, they might even make me Hokage for it."

Sasuke gritted his teeth, growing tired of the seemingly endless prattle. Why did Naruto feel the need to say all of this? Wasn't simply killing him and finally putting an end to this enough? What was stopping him? Was he just trying to torture him?

"Then be done with it, dobe!"

He didn't even see it when Naruto moved, but suddenly the other boy was straddling him, his body protesting against the added weight on his legs. He bit his lip to stifle a cry as he was yanked up into a sitting position by his hair, his face stopping mere inches from Naruto's own as the blond practically roared.

"Listen to me!"

He clenched his eyes shut, breathing heavily through gritted teeth, as he waited for his head to stop spinning. It took him a moment to notice that the hands that had been tangled in his hair had moved to cup his cheek and encircle his waist. He would have struggled if he didn't realize reluctantly that those hands were the only things holding his body up.

"Just listen to me." It was said more softly this time and he opened his eyes, and held back a gasp when he realized just how close the other was.

"I would have everything I've ever wanted, except the one thing that I need." Sasuke's heart stopped at those words and he stiffened in those arms, hoping desperately that Naruto didn't mean what he thought he meant. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. He was supposed to die, right here, right now, why didn't Naruto understand that?

"No, you're not doing this, Naruto. Go have your dream. Go and live and be everything that everybody expects you to be, but leave me out of it!"

"Don't you get it, you idiot!? I don't want you! I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to constantly feel like I have to live up to the promises that I've made to myself about you. I don't want to feel like I'm not good enough anymore because I can't save you. I don't want this pain anymore, but I don't know how to live without it!… I can't live without you anymore, and I'm not going to."

"What the hell are you suggesting?" Sasuke shot back, his anger and panic slowly rising.

"I'm taking you back with me, Sasuke, and this time you're not getting away. I don't care what anyone else says, or what it means for me. I'll fight every one of them off if I have to, but you're coming back with me, coming home, where I can protect you."

"From what!?"

"From yourself! You have to be saved from yourself, from this constant world of hate that you've trapped yourself in."

"Then kill me!" Sasuke yelled out, his hands gripping the ones that had at some point come up to cup both of his cheeks. He held them firmly in his hands, not pulling them away, just holding onto them for support as he pleaded with Naruto to just end it already.

"I can't. I wont do it for anyone else, and I wont do it for you. Your future is with me. It was always meant to be like that, don't you understand? Stop fighting it. Stop fighting me." Naruto whispered, his forehead collapsing against Sasuke's own, and for a moment Sasuke wondered if Naruto was right, if they were always supposed to be like this, forever trapped in each other's embrace, and for that one moment he almost wanted it, wanted to continue to breathe in Naruto's air, because it would never be simple between them, it never had been, but Naruto had always been the one thing that he could never fully push away.

But it was only for a moment, one single moment before he was back to himself, back to the reality that he didn't belong here anymore.

"My only fate is to die, right here, right now, looking up into your eyes, perhaps even in your arms, but my future is not to survive there, warm and protected and so sickeningly safe because you don't know when to just fucking give up!"

"No Sasuke."

It was so final.

"Goddammit Naruto! It has to be you! I only want it to be you! Fuck, just kill me…please."

"I can't, Sasuke. I have to save you. I will save you."

"There's nothing left of me to save." Sasuke gasped, his words coming out choked and broken, and he tilted his head upwards to be bathed by the rain as Naruto's lips suddenly fell on his neck, leaving a burning trail of kisses, as he mumbled repeatedly and desperately against the soaked skin,

"I will, I will…"

He gasped at the feel of those oddly hot lips nipping at his skin. Never before had he felt anything like this, and for a moment he had to wonder what Naruto was doing. Since when had it been like this? He couldn't give in like this, he would have his way. He had to.

He pulled back, his head lulling slightly as it swam in pleasure-pain. Naruto just looked at him, his face rising in a blush as he too realized just exactly what he had gotten himself caught up in.

"What are you trying to do, fuck me or save me?" Sasuke growled, trying desperately to hold onto any form of anger that would ground him, even as a blush rose to his cheeks at his own words. He saw Naruto's lovely eyes widen a fraction, and an even more heated blush than his own stain those tanned cheeks, and he thought that that would be enough, that Naruto would finally come to his senses, but then something happened that made him desperately wish to crawl away from all of this, because he was sure that his legs wouldn't carry him now.

Naruto's face fell into a sad smile, his chapped lips lifting slowly upwards as a cold look of remorse came into his eyes, "I'm not even sure if there's a difference anymore."

Sasuke opened his mouth to say something, whether it was to yell in indignation or beg Naruto not to do what he was hinting at, he wasn't sure, but he never got the chance because Naruto's eyes hardened in determination and in an instant he was flipped roughly onto his stomach. He actually did cry out this time, a short keening noise that he would have been embarrassed about any other time, but now his vision was blurring and he was struggling, struggling desperately because Naruto's fingers were already ripping the material of his shirt. He felt it strain against his skin before the material gave away completely and he felt the rain hit lazily against his now bare skin.

"No, no! Naruto stop! I cant! Please, I can't!" He called out, hoping to reach the man who was now running his nails along his sides, causing Sasuke's back to arch involuntarily. This couldn't be happening, it just couldn't. Naruto couldn't do this to him! Why wouldn't he listen!?

Somewhere through the panicked fog of Sasuke's mind he realized that it wasn't the pain that he feared, it wasn't the act of his one last piece of innocence being ripped away. No, no, that wasn't it at all. He just didn't want to feel this much, and Naruto was forcing it from him, forcing him to give in and accept that things weren't in his control.

His head slammed down into the mud, his mouth opening into a silent cry as Naruto's calloused fingers came up to pinch his nipples, his nails scrapping unforgiving against his sensitized skin, and it was too much, too much, and he didn't know what to do, didn't know how to fight this, how to fight the one person that he might have ever been willing to give his soul to, as that person roughly took it away.

"No one ever touches you this way do they?" Naruto's husky voice breathed against the shell of his ear, sounding strained and almost afraid.

"Like what?" Sasuke hissed, his voice breaking off in his throat as Naruto's teeth caught on the flesh of his nape.

"Like they love you."

And that's when it happened, that's when he couldn't hold it in anymore. No sooner had those words left the other's mouth that he felt the tears stinging his eyes and a broken sob ripped itself from his throat.

"No, no please, kill me, just kill me! I'm not worth being saved! You can't, Naruto! Don't make me feel this way." He practically screamed, the tears blurring his already clouded vision , and he felt Naruto's hand reach up to cup his forehead from behind, rubbing it almost soothingly, fingers tangling in his matted hair, even as the other worked hastily to unfasten his pants.

"That's right, you bastard. Cry, just fucking cry already." Naruto growled, before yanking him back by his hair, turning his face and slamming his lips against his own. It was a rough kiss, full of all the anger and pain that Sasuke had caused over the years, and yet overflowing with this sense of reverence and devotion and a promise that he wouldn't ever be able to escape from this again. With Naruto's lips and teeth and tongue he promised everything that Sasuke had been trying to run away from, and he accepted it, opened his mouth wide as Naruto devoured him whole, and all the time he cried, cried like he hadn't cried in years, like the child he once was, too long ago for him to remember, as Naruto fucked him through his mouth and into his heart.

Naruto broke the contact and his face once more fell forward into the mud. His pants were stripped from him, along with his underwear and he was exposed fully to Naruto's eyes, and in this space that was so wide and open, they were utterly alone, as they always had been.

He tried to curl in on himself, to hide his nudity, even as he thought bitterly that there was no point anymore. But Naruto's hands stopped him and forced his body to stretch out in a way that was beyond painful now.

"No more hiding, never again."

He forced himself to stay still, and he could practically feel Naruto's eyes roaming over his prone form. He yelped as hands grabbed his ass and spread his cheeks apart, exposing his hole and what was left of his pride and he shivered as Naruto leaned down once more to whisper in his ear. "You're so selfish, so disgustingly selfish, and you've bathed yourself in this wretched need to destroy everything that's ever hurt you. You should be so ugly, so hideously ugly, but you're not. You're beautiful, this beautiful, broken creature that I'm going to fuck into this mud."

Naruto's finger barely skimmed his clenching hole before he was pushing it in as far as it would go, the rain adding the only lubricant. Sasuke gasped, his own fingers clawing at the dirt as Naruto wasted no time before shoving another in and spreading them apart. It was a cruel, quick preparation, but they both knew that it was what he deserved. He barely had time to think before those fingers were removed, and he heard the distinctive sounds of a zipper being pulled down and Naruto spitting into his hand, and then he was fighting to stay aware as he felt the blunt head of Naruto's cock pushing against his first ring of muscles before sliding all the way in in one long glide. And it was painful, a different type of pain that he didn't know how to ignore because it was so inside of him, but Naruto's hands had covered his own in the mud and Naruto's weight had settled onto his back and Naruto was panting into his ear, terrified little sounds of devastated delight. And he thought that Naruto would slam into him again, do this quickly and roughly as he had done everything before, but instead Naruto pulled out slowly, forcing Sasuke to feel every ridge of him, and his head spun in overwhelmed pain even as his heart began to crave this, crave this sensation that only Naruto give.

The rhythm was slow, reverent, and soon the pain was dissipating and being replaced with something Sasuke had never thought he would feel, and all that time he cried, cried for everything that he had lost and everything that he had seen and done, as Naruto tried to cleanse him with his cock and his mouth and his body. And still Sasuke wondered if it would ever be enough.

"I need you, Sasuke. Please understand, I need you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." And for the life of him Sasuke couldn't understand why Naruto was apologizing after everything that had happened. Didn't he deserve this? Hadn't he asked for it? But Naruto was placing kisses across his shoulders and thrusting into him so gently, as if he was something pure and Sasuke couldn't bring himself to ask why.

He was nearing his completion and he knew Naruto must be too, they were so young after all. The blonde's pace was increasing and Sasuke was crying out with every thrust, nearly screaming when Naruto angled just right to hit a spot inside of him he hadn't even known existed and his lover was reaching in front of him to stroke his straining cock.

And then he was coming, spreading his seed across that tan hand and the earth that laid below, and he felt something hot spurting inside of him and a strangled sob from behind and he knew Naruto must have as well. He collapsed forward, Naruto falling on top of him, and he realized belatedly that the rain had stopped and now the water that was falling on his bare back was saltier and more pained as Naruto sobbed into his shoulders, pressing kisses against his dirty hair.

"I have to save you, I have to." Those words were just repeated over and over again until they no longer made any sense to him, and all Sasuke could say in return as his fingers tightened with Naruto's own and he struggled to breathe was,

"Please…save me."