Author's note: Here is the first chapter in my new fic. There will be about 20 or so chapters, depending on how it all works out. I hope we can all work together in this excruciating wait for Silver Shadows and come up with some working theories about how the rescue will happen. This is my take on it. Please review. I am also available for discussion on my Tumblr (booksrockmyface).

Title comes from Say Something by A Great Big World. Give it a listen.

Happy reading!

Giving Up

A Bloodlines Fanfiction

Chapter One

Adrian closed his weary eyes and reached out with his magic. He felt everywhere he knew, looking for the familiar signs of Sydney's mind. It was as though he could feel a tingling on the edges of his periphery. She was out there, she had to be.

But there was nothing. Even after all this time there was still nothing. Almost a month. He gave a frustrated groan and sat up from the couch. He picked up an ash tray from the table, full of ashes from the cigarettes he'd quit for her—only to start again with the stress of her loss—and threw it across the room, screaming in rage.

His phone rang in his pocket and he answered it, knowing exactly who it would be.

"I know, Jailbait." He said softly.

"You know what?" Jill asked gently.

"That you're trying to study. Or something."

She sighed. "No, actually, I was just trying to have a talk with Eddie."

"A make-out talk?" His teasing was half-hearted.

She chuckled. "Occasional kisses aren't making out. And we're supposed to be related. Anyway, I need you to relax a bit. You're running on fumes and taking energy from me."

He paused a moment. "I'm sorry."

"I know." She took in a deep breath. "Just get some sleep. Eddie and I will bring you food in a bit. I know you haven't gone shopping in a while."

"Whatever you want, Jill." He felt so defeated and he knew he sounded even more.

"Adrian?" She sounded so far away. "Adrian, please don't go away."

He gritted his teeth and tried to find his way back to himself. It took several minutes, but he could hear Jill at the back of his mind the whole time.

"You're okay. You'll find her. Stay, Adrian. Come back to yourself. Come back for me."

"Jill." He whispered.

"Yeah, I'm here." She assured him.

He took a shuddering breath. "I need company, kid."

"I'll be right there."

"Thanks." He pressed end and then sat the phone on his chest. He closed his eyes and dozed as he waited.

"Don't wake him." Jill warned. "We booth need it."

Adrian came awake slowly. He heard the hushed conversation between his shadow-kissed friend and her guardian. He lay there listening in as long as possible.

"He hasn't found anything? At all?" Eddie asked.

"Nothing. Eddie, I'm so tired." She whispered. She sighed. "Adrian, I know you're awake."

He lifted a hand to wave.

"You could have slept longer." She sat a plate down on the coffee table. "Eat. We'll go to Clarence's tomorrow."

He nodded. "I need to find Sydney."

"I know you do." She said kindly. "We all want her back safe. But we can't get her right now. You'll find her eventually."

"That's not good enough, Jill." He snapped.

She put a hand on his arm. "Hey, don't be like that. Don't give up."

"Jill." Eddie handed her a plate.

"Thank you." She took it and sat beside Adrian. "You can't give up. I won't let you."

Adrian smiled and scooted the food around on his plate. "How are you going to keep me from giving up?"

"I'll figure something out." She smiled, but it melted away. "What would your aunt say if she knew you were thinking like this? Or your mother?"

"Better to be gone, Jill." He said softly.

"Think of Sydney." Eddie said. "We have to find her, Adrian."

"I'm trying." He argued. He slammed his plate down on the coffee table and lit a cigarette.

"She won't be too happy you started that habit back up." Jill pointed out.

"At least I haven't been drinking." He countered as he took a long drag. "Anything from your investigations?"

Eddie shook his head and spoke between bites. "Rose has nothing. Lissa and Sonya have been trying dream-walking, too."

"Which you would know if you would answer their calls." Jill said under her breath.

Adrian gave her pleading look.

Eddie continued. "They've also gotten nowhere, but they both know you're better at that particular spirit skill."

"They have more important things to worry about anyway." Adrian flicked the ashes away and onto the carpet without a care. "There has to be something you missed."

"I missed nothing." Eddie argued. "We know it's the Alchemists."

Jill added, "And you know she's going to be re-educated. The question is where is she being re-educated?"

"It could be anywhere. There are Alchemist facilities all over the world." Adrian smashed out his cigarette and sat down heavily in a chair. He put his face in his hands. "She has to be drugged or something. I can't reach her. She's not sleeping normally."

They sat in silence for a long time. Adrian occasionally mumbled to himself. Eddie kept shoveling food away and Jill looked anxiously between them.

She sighed. "I can't take much more of this."

Both of them looked up at her.

"Please, Adrian, you have to do something." She begged.

"Work on the block, Jailbait." Adrian rubbed his face. "Might help to just forget somehow."

"Forget what?"

He looked at her and the side of his mouth quirked up. "Forget that we're missing someone we care about. Make out with your boyfriend for a while."

Jill and Eddie shared a smile. Jill spoke, "I could probably do that."

Eddie mumbled, "I have a lot to do."

"One of them is me." She said with a giggle.

Eddie smiled. "You've been inside his head too long."

"There are worse places to be." Adrian said with a smirk. His face fell. "God, I miss her."

"We'll find her." Eddie assured him.

Jill stood. "I have a test tomorrow." She watched Adrian anxiously for several moments.

"I'll be okay." Adrian assured.

"If you need anything, you call." Jill kneeled in front of him. "Sleep. At least for a few hours. You're no good to Sydney exhausted."

"Yes, Mom." Adrian sighed. "I'll sleep. I promise."

He watched them leave and sat staring at the door for a long time. He moved to the couch, reclined, and once again called up his magic. He reached out as far as he could. Nothing. More nothing. He reached farther, using so much more of his magic than he needed. Still nothing.

Adrian let out a frustrated sigh and let the magic drain away. He stared up at the ceiling. All the grief and exhaustion flooded over him. He rolled onto his side and curled into a tight ball. He hadn't felt this horrible in months. Ever since Sydney came into his life and made his life more bearable.

It was dark. So dark. There was a weight pushing down. He needed Sydney. But he'd never find her. There was no way of knowing where she was. She would be re-educated to believe he was evil; something to be feared. And in that, he would be nothing. Without Sydney, life wouldn't be worth living.

But Jill would never forgive him. He had sacrificed so much to save her only to let himself go.

Adrian rolled onto his back and lit another cigarette. He pinched the bridge of his nose to push away the ache behind his eyes.

"I'll finish this and then I'll shower and go to bed." He shook his head. "Talking to yourself, Ivashkov? You're going crazy." He chuckled. "Very short trip."