Harry Potter was sitting in the great hall eating bacon, eggs, and toast as he surveyed the scene before him. Ron and hermione were arguing (again) over who owes who 5 galleons and a chicken.

"Hermione you owe me a 5 galleons and a chicken" Ron said in a singsong voice. "Correct" said an exasperated hermione "you owe me 5 galleons and a chicken." "Okay, so where is my chicken?" Ron asked.

Harry thought this was pretty funny but nonetheless he tried to ignore it.

Over at the staff table McGonagall was looking at umbridge with disgust, she had decided to dye her hair the same color of pink as her outfits.

Really? thought Harry because an ugly pink bow was not enough?

Felling sick by the color, Harry looked over at the slytherin table where he got an even bigger surprise. Draco Malfoy was listening to music on a Sony Discman. "Hey Malfoy, did you know that you're using a muggle prouduct?" Harry yelled.

Malfoy took a look at his CD player and fainted. Everybody laughed at him.

With a screech the post owls flew in carrying mail. Hedwig flew in last and landed next to Harry. "Hello hedwig" harry said to her. "Hello Harry" hedwig replied. Ron and Hermione looked shocked.

"Harry did your owl just speak in a human voice?" Hermione asked him. "Yup" said hedwig "and that's not all I can do, look"

She flew to the front of the great hall and opened her beak, making a noise like a vacum cleaner she gobbled up all the bacon in the great hall as it flew to her. Everyone turned to her in surprise.

"Well" she said "I got to be going now, bye Harry" and she flew off. Snape sat at the staff table laughing his head off with dumbledore and McGonagall looking at him as if he had lost his mind. Umbridge looked at Harry with glee. "AHA I KNEW IT" she shouted "YOUR OWL IS HOPING TO OVERTHROW CORNEILUS FUDGE SO SHE CAN BECOME MINISTER FOR MAGIC HERSELF." Harry just looked at her.

"My father will hear about this" Malfoy yelled

Lucius Malfoy did hear about it indeed, and he was quite annoyed "how does Delores come to such a ridiculous assumption?" He asked himself. He decided eventually to send a howler demanding answers

He went downstairs to his office to record the howler. Grabbing a chair he sat down in front of an old wind up phonograph. Grabbing the crank he twisted it several times to make sure the spring was tight, but nothing happened. "Reparo" he said tapping his wand on the side of the phonograph causing it to dismantle and repair itself. Now with that done he placed a blank record on the turntable and turned it on.

With the recording complete Lucius played it back once then placed the record on top of a piece of parchment and slipped both into an envelope. As soon as he cast sonouorus on the envolope it turned red. He called down his eagle owl which took one look at the howler and tried to escape, but he cast petrificus totalus on it. " take this to Harry Potter please" he said before releasing the spell and chucking the poor bird out the window.

The next day...

Harry sat down at the great hall with Ron Hermione and Neville when hedwig arrived, "now don't go eating all the bacon again" Ron and Hermione scolded. Hedwig rolled her eyes "you're no fun" she muttered. Suddenly Lucius Malfoy's eagle owl landed in front of harry carrying a red envolope. "why is Malfoy's father sending me a howler?" he asked as he opened the envelope which began yelling at him.

"HARRY POTTER, WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE THAT MY SON IS WRITING TO ME ABOUT YOUR OWL TALKING AND STEALING PEOPLES BACON! YOU NEED TO KEEP HER UNDER CONTROL! I WILL NOT HAVE HAVE MY SON STARVE BECAUSE YOUR OWL WAS HUNGRY!"

The letter flew over to umbridge

"AND YOU, DELORES, WHAT IS THIS THAT I HEAR ABOUT YOU COMING TO THE ASSUMPTION THAT HARRY'S OWL WANTS TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT JUST BECAUSE IT CAN TALK! DO YOU REALIZE HOW RIDICULOUS THAT SOUNDS? IF I HEAR ANYTHING ELSE LIKE THAT I WILL FEED YOU TO THE GIANT SQUID MYSELF"

The letter shredded itself and everyone stared at it before bursting into laughter. With the laughter died down everyone realize their toast was missing

"Yum yum, that was delicious" hedwig said sitting on the headmasters chair eating the last bit of toast. Upon seeing everyone pointing their wands at her, she blurted out "HARRY MADE ME DO IT" before taking off through a window.

Seconds later the great and powerful Harry Potter ran screaming out of the great hall as everyone else began chasing him around the school wanting revenge for their missing food.

The end