A/N: This is just a short to start off the holiday season. I hope you enjoy the read. Reviews are welcome. NC
The Impala's tires ate up the road as she sped down the road carrying two stoic brothers in her. The moment was somber and neither brother offered to start a conversation since both were grieving in their own way. They had lost one of the most important person in their lives a short time ago and were still trying to come to terms with it. The youngest looked down when his cell started to ring and worked on digging it out of his pocket.
"H'llo." Sam said in a dull, lifeless voice.
"Sam, honey how are you?" a soft lyrical voice asked. "I heard about Bobby, the old coot...I thought he was too ornery to die."
"Me too." Sam mumbled as tears filled his eyes and threatened to fall. He looked away and quickly wiped a hand across his face so his brother wouldn't see.
"I want you and your brother to come and see me. Spend Christmas with me. You two shouldn't be alone right now and it would do both of you good...Besides, I haven't seen you in a long time, you're due for a visit." Missouri told him.
"I don't know..." Sam replied glancing over at his brother's stony profile. "I don't know if Dean..."
"Let me speak to your brother." she stated firmly in a no nonsense voice before he could say more.
"Here." Sam said holding the cell out to his brother who frowned and looked at him.
"Who is it?" he questioned not offering to take it.
"She wants to talk to you."
Dean's brow creased more as he kept his eyes on the highway and reached for the cell with his hand.
"Hello?" he asked not sure who he was going to be talking to.
"Dean Winchester I want you to listen to me, don't talk, I'll do that. I know losing Bobby like you two did was a hard blow and I know you don't know what you're going to do without him. But I want you to hear to me and listen good..." Missouri spoke sternly to him. "Christmas is almost upon us and I want you boys to spend it with me. Bobby would want that and Dean if you won't do it for yourself, do it for your brother. Give him some normal in his life for a couple of days. I know both of you need to grieve and come to terms with the loss and what better place than with someone who cares for you. You know my place is a safe haven for both of you...Think about what I've said before you answer child."
Dean remained silent and glanced sideways at Sam when Missouri mentioned Sam's name to see him worrying with the hem of his jacket like he was trying to keep his hands busy. He could see him fighting back tears and trying to be strong as he tried not to ease drop.
"I bet it would do both of you good to have a little down time Dean. I'm making pies for the Christmas meal and I know how much you love my pies..." she bribed him in a teasing voice.
Dean couldn't help the small half smile that played across his face at the mention of pie and remembered how good they were. He thought about what she said and if it had only been him he knew the answer, but he had his little brother to think about too. He could tell Sam hadn't been sleeping much and he had a drawn, haggard look on his face and grief filled eyes that stared through you when he looked at you. He couldn't say anything to him because when he looked in the mirror he looked the same way, maybe even worse.
"Alright." Dean finally got out.
"You made the right decision honey. How far away are you?"
"Probably a day's drive or so."
"I expect you to head my way and take your time. Don't need you wrecking now, that wouldn't do at all. I'll have your room ready and some home cooked food waiting on you."
"Okay, see you soon." Dean replied handing the cell back to his brother. "Guess we're going to Missouri's." he stated not missing the little spark that leapt to his brother's eyes as he glanced over at him for a quick moment before sitting up a little in his seat.
"That's good..."Sam whispered breathing with relief that Dean decided to go. He would have said yes without any hesitation, but knew it was up to Dean, not him. "You know we can't go empty handed. We need to at least pick up some food and a gift for her." he said cautiously. "It is Christmas..."
Dean pursed his lips and thought about it as he watched the scenery around them fly by. Sam was right, even though she had invited them, they needed to stop somewhere and pick some things up. Food for one thing, since it was still five days until Christmas, meaning they would be there several days. The more he thought about it, the more he decided Missouri was right that they needed to take a short break and relax and recharge. There weren't many people left now in their lives and it would be nice to see a friendly face for a change.
"When we stop for gas I'll map out a route for us." Sam offered trying to break through the silence that had been going on between them since it happened.
"Good, I'll need to stop in an hour or so. Baby needs gas." he nodded still keeping the walls up around him so no one would see how bad he was hurting.
spn
Sam headed into the convenience store to use the restroom and grab something to drink. He planned on making a list of things to pick up once they got to Lawrence and before going over to Missouri's house. He was doing it in his head and barely registered the people around him. Once he was finished in the restroom, he checked out the drink selection and saw Dean come in and head for the back where the restrooms were located. He noticed the staining of dark circles under his eyes and how flat his affect was. He had tried to talk to him about what happened, but Dean cut him off real quick. He knew he was torn between their loss and trying to stop Dick Roman before he destroyed the world. He sighed sadly and picked up a bottle of green tea before heading to the cashier. He knew Dean would get something if he wanted a drink and headed out to the Impala to wait on him.
"Are we driving straight through?" Sam questioned when Dean came back out carrying a soda and jerky and dropped into the driver's seat.
"Probably not, no use wearing ourselves out before getting there. I'll get us halfway there and we'll stop."
"I can drive some too you know." Sam stated.
"I'm fine." Dean growled out.
"Here's the shortest directions to Lawrence." Sam replied knowing it wouldn't do any good to offer again. He gave Dean the scrap of paper to read over as he cranked the Impala to head back out.
Dean accepted the paper and glanced over the directions and stuffed them in a pocket. He got back out on the road and headed for the nearest interstate that would take them west. The tense quiet inside the small space was awkward and Dean switched on the radio to dispel the uneasiness.
Sam stared out the side window as the grief and sadness settled on him pulling him down again to a place where it didn't hurt so much. He wasn't as good as his brother at hiding his emotions. Dean had been doing it since he was four years old and it was ingrained in him. Very few got to see that side of him and that was how he liked it.
Dean was true to his word and drove until darkness fell across the land before finding an exit that had both a motel and restaurant to his liking. Sam didn't bother to talk much since he could tell and see how closed off he was and hoped Missouri could work her magic and get him to open up. He didn't like seeing Dean like this and knew he was trying to shoulder all the blame for Bobby's death.
spn
The Impala passed a sign that read Lawrence three miles and Sam sat up straighter in the passenger seat. They had made good time and it was early afternoon.
"Are we going to stop at the grocery store before going on over to Missouri's?" he questioned his brother.
"Yeah, might as well get it over with." Dean mumbled back seeming disinterested about it.
"There's a coffee and tea shop beside it I want to go in to get Missouri a Christmas gift."
"Knock yourself out."
"I figured we'd pick up some basics, eggs, milk, bread, coffee; that kind of thing and we can always go back out if we need anything else." Sam continued ignoring Dean's blasé mood.
Dean grunted but didn't say anything else as he watched for the turnoff they would need to take once he got into town. Traffic picked up and Dean had to slow down to match the speed of the other vehicles not wanting to attract any unwanted attention. Even with Bobby gone, they couldn't give up on their fight to stop the Leviathan from taking over. Things had been quiet lately, but that didn't mean it wasn't about to heat up again.
"Looks like everyone's out doing shopping..." Sam mumbled to himself as he looked around the parking lot when Dean turned into it. He knew around the holidays things got crazy and people did too.
"Let's do this and get out of here." Dean grunted quickly finding an end space and parking. He wanted to keep his Baby from getting banged up by stupid shoppers.
They got out and headed for the entrance to the store. Sam glanced around and saw the shop he wanted to go into on the way out and made a mental note of it. He grabbed a cart since Dean didn't offer and pushed it along behind him as he made his way into the food section of the store.
"Why don't you go to the dairy part and I'll grab some fruit and vegetables?"
"Whatever..." Dean huffed heading deeper into the store trying to dodge distracted shoppers.
Sam sighed softly knowing all this was a front for Dean. It was his way of beating his emotions down and not letting them see the light of day. When they had burned Bobby's body, Dean was so tense and shut down he hadn't even cried and Sam knew that was not good. It was going to build up inside of him and explode out if he didn't let himself feel something. He hoped Missouri could help him cope with it all and give him some peace so he would be more himself again. Sam moved through the fruit section picking up several things and on to the produce to grab some bagged salad. He found the dressings and was looking them over when Dean came back carrying eggs, bacon, milk, cheese and jerky. He dropped them in the cart and waited as Sam chose a salad dressing.
"Wouldn't hurt to pick up some yogurt too. We both like it." Sam offered trying to draw Dean into conversation.
"I'm grabbing a box of cereal." Dean said ignoring Sam's comment as he walked away checking the signs for the aisle he needed.
Sam shook his head and moved on deciding to pick up a small box of detergent and fabric softener so he could wash up their dirty clothes since he knew they were both low on clean clothes. He knew Missouri wouldn't mind and he didn't want to use up her supplies. It was still four days until Christmas and he hoped to sneak away to find Dean a gift this year. Usually when it came around they agreed not to buy each other any thing, but he wanted to try and boost his brother's spirits this year. He looked up when Dean came back with cereal and a six pack of beer.
spn
The house hadn't changed much since the last time he had seen it, Sam thought as Dean pulled into the driveway and stopped. He thought Missouri had repainted the outside and there were a couple of new flower beds out front. He got out and went to the back to help carry in the bags of groceries. He would take in the gifts he had gotten when they got their bags so she wouldn't see them. Sam was starting to get excited about seeing her again because he knew the calming effect she had on him. She could talk him off a ledge with only a few words and it felt good to she was there if they needed her.
Dean used his elbow to ring the bell and waited as he couldn't but look around for danger. He was always the hunter no matter the situation. The click of locks could be heard and the door was opened by a short, coca skinned, dark haired woman whose face broke into a warm smile when she saw them.
"Land sakes let me look at you two." she cooed in her soft sing-song voice. "It's been too long, come on in." she said stepping aside so they could come in.
"Hey Missouri, we come bearing extra supplies." Sam said smiling happily at her and holding up the bag he had.
"My goodness you boys didn't have to do that. Well let's go to the kitchen and get the things put away. I just pulled some fresh baked cookies from the oven. I bet you're hungry after your drive."
"That sounds good." Sam replied seeing Dean wasn't. He gave him a frown and bitch face to let him know to be civil and polite.
"It's alright Sam, I understand." Missouri said as she led them to the back of the house where the kitchen was located.
Tantalizing aromas drifted from the room making Sam's mouth water and his eyes light up when he saw the cookies cooling on racks by the stove. He sat his bags down and looked to Missouri who nodded before taking one and biting off a big bite. He hummed to himself as the sweet, warm, delicious taste assaulted his taste buds making him feel warm and content inside. Just being in her house seemed to drive away the stress and worry both brothers were facing.
"These are really good." Dean finally said after taking a bite and picked up another one. He knew Sam was right, she had been kind enough to invite them, and he needed to be nice no matter what was churning deep down inside of him.
"It's an old family recipe passed down from my great-grandmother." she said as she began to unload the bags. "You know you boys didn't have to do this."
"It's the least we could do." Sam said picking up another cookie too. "You've got two more mouths to feed. Let me help."
"It's fine Sam, sit down and I'll get you a glass of ice cold milk to go along with your snack." she insisted pulling two glasses from the cabinet. "Would you rather have coffee Dean?"
"Milk's fine, thanks." he said around a bite of cookie.
"What smells so good? Besides the cookies that is." Sam questioned.
"I have a pot of beef stew on for dinner tonight and a loaf of homemade bread is rising to cook later." she said checking the large pot on the stove.
"Is there anything I can help you do?"
"No, no, you two need to relax and rest until dinner after your long drive. Tomorrow you two can help with the decorating." she chuckled seeing the sour expression on Dean's face at the mention of decorating. "Now Dean, it wouldn't be Christmas without dressing the house for the occasion so you just stop that train of thought." she chastised him shaking a wooden spoon in his direction.
Sam snickered but shut up when Dean turned his frowning gaze his way. It was still amazing how she could read their thoughts before they were spoken. He saw Dean squirm in his chair for a moment before the wall went back up shutting him off from the others. Sam was seeing it more these days and it worried him. It seemed with each new disaster looming in front of them, they seemed to drift further apart instead of closer together. Sam knew his brother and could tell something was eating at him, but he wouldn't talk about it. He hoped maybe this downtime would help bridge the gape between them.
"After you finish those cookies, why don't you take your things upstairs and rest? It'll be a couple of hours before dinner is ready." Missouri suggested looking to the brothers as she sat glasses of milk on the table for them.
"Alright." Dean replied tiredly. He hadn't really let Sam drive very much and he was feeling the exhaustion sneaking up on him. He had not been sleeping well since Bobby died and it was beginning to show.
"I laid out clean towels in the bathroom and if you need more they're in the linen closet. Yes Sam you can do some laundry while you're here. I want you to make yourselves at home here."
"Thanks Missouri." Sam nodded liking that word. There home was gone now, burned to the ground by the Leviathan, so now the only one they had was Baby. She had been the constant their entire lives. She carried them through the good and the bad, the pain and the bloodshed, the loss and the despair and she never wavered, never let them down. He finished off his milk and took Dean's empty glass to the sink to rinse out before following him outside to get their things.
spn
"You want the bathroom first?" Sam asked his brother as he sat his bag on the bed to open it and get out his bathroom bag.
"Sure." Dean mumbled stepping across the hall to the bathroom and closing the door.
Sam looked after him and wondered how to get his brother out of the funk he was in. He hid the bag of gifts in the closet and pulled out clothes separating the dirty from the clean. There was a dresser against one wall that had empty drawers for them to use so he stored his clean clothes in there leaving the other for Dean. He looked up when Dean came back in looking worn down.
"If you'll leave your dirty clothes by the door I'll start a load of laundry while we eat." Sam offered picking up his bathroom bag to take with him.
"Fine." Dean replied using one word answers. He turned his back on him and opened up his pack to start pulling waded clothes from the bag.
Sam sighed softly and headed to the bathroom glad Dean was at least doing what he asked. Sam knew Dean had been on cruising autopilot ever since Bobby died and was pretending he was okay. He might be able to fool the other people around him, but he couldn't fool him. Sam knew his brother and could see right through his hard nosed, tough, no nonsense attitude and knew he was hurting. He finished up in the bathroom and walked back into the bedroom to find Dean stretched out on his bed with an arm draped over his face shielding his eyes. Sam didn't say anything as he quietly made his way to the other bed and sat down to take his boots off before lying down on top of the covers. He listened closely to his brother's breathing as it evened out and slowed as he went to sleep. Sam waited twenty more minutes before quietly sitting up and slipping from the room, watching to be sure Dean didn't wake. He wanted to talk to Missouri without Dean and he wasn't really sleepy since he had napped on the drive over.
spn
Missouri was pouring tea when Sam made his way into the kitchen and was surprised as she sat two cups on the table and sat down.
"Guess it took your brother longer to fall asleep than you thought." she commented looking up at Sam before sipping carefully on her tea.
"I wanted to be sure he was asleep." Sam replied taking a seat across from her and cupping his cup with his cool hands. It felt good as the warmth seeped into his hands.
"I take it you want to talk about your brother." Missouri started giving Sam the opening he needed.
"Ever since Bobby died...Man...Things haven't been the same with him." Sam said quietly looking down at his hands. "I know Dean's blaming himself but it wasn't his fault. He's not letting himself grieve... He's shutting everyone out, even me and won't talk about it. I'm scared for him Missouri...Holding all this in...He's going to explode and it won't be pretty." Sam explained looking up with pain filled eyes.
"Oh honey, I felt part of it when you got here. That boy...He does hold so much inside of him and wants to shoulder all the burden himself. It's okay Sam, I'll see if he will talk to me." she told him. "So how are you doing child?"
"It still hurts and I miss him so much." Sam whispered as tears filled his eyes and he blinked quickly trying to stop them from falling.
"You need to grieve; it's a natural process Sam. How can you move on and start healing if you don't let yourself feel those emotions. Let yourself grieve dear, it doesn't make you seem weak or less a man." she said reaching to take one of his hands and squeezing it lovingly.
Sam's breath's hitched as a half sob escaped from him and he felt the tears slip from his eyes to run down his cheeks. He used his other hand to wipe it down his face and felt his body tremble slightly.
"I miss him too Sam. His passing is going to leave a huge hole out there in the world, but in time the pain will lessen and we will learn how to live without him. I know he was like a father to you boys and he loved both of you very much. You know he will always be alive in our hearts."
"I know..." Sam said as his voice hitched and he cleared his throat and sipped some tea. The hot, sweet, fruity taste of the tea warmed him as he sipped more letting his emotions calm as his tears finally stopped. He though about Bobby and how he took care of them from the first time their Dad left them with him. Sam's first memory of Bobby was when he was around three and he didn't want him to touch him. He finally bribed him with a cookie and cup of milk. Sam smiled sadly as other memories floated through his mind of days gone by. "I better head back up so Dean doesn't miss me." he sighed getting up and putting his cup in the sink. "He'd be pissed if he knew I was talking to you about him."
"You leave your brother to me. Now go on with you, try to rest a bit." she encouraged.
"Thanks Missouri, I'll try."
spn
"The meal was great Missouri." Sam praised her as he wiped his bowl with a piece of bread and took a big bite.
"Why thank you honey." she cooed to him.
"It's good." Dean agreed quietly as he spooned more into his mouth. He ate slowly, not consuming near what he would normally would. He pushed a small portion around in the bowl before stopping and eating the last bite of his bread.
"We'll do the dishes since you cooked and clean up in here." Sam offered sitting back full and content.
"That's mighty kind of you young man. I've got some orders to fill so I'll go do that. You're welcome to watch television after you're done. I don't get many channels but you might find something or there's books on the bookshelf if you want to read."
"Don't worry about us. We'll find something to do." Sam replied when he saw Dean wasn't going to say anything.
"I'll be out in my workshop if you need me." she said getting up and slowly making her way out the back door. She had a large shed in back that held her herbs and spices she grew and dried to sell online. Between her readings and this, she made enough money to get by.
spn
"Are you done bro?" Sam asked as he started gathering up the dishes and taking them to the sink. "I'll wash if you want to dry."
Dean just nodded and got up stacking the rest of the dishes and moving to the sink. He looked around and found a clean dish towel to use and waited as Sam ran water to wash the dishes. He began to dry and stack them to the side as Sam washed. It didn't take them long to put away the leftovers and finish cleaning the kitchen.
"You wanna check and see what's on the tube?" Sam asked as he draped the wet cloth over the strainer and dried his hands.
"It's fine." he shrugged not really seeming interested. He grabbed a beer from the fridge to drink while he pretended to watch whatever Sam found on the television.
"Maybe we can find a movie or something or a game." Sam continued his one sided conversation. "I figured we'd make it an early night and try to catch up on some sleep." He looked over at his brother and wished he would talk to him. Sam found the remote and switched on the small television before taking a seat on the couch near his brother. He flipped through the channels and stopped on an old western they had seen before but figured it would do. He didn't think either of them really cared. Sam got up halfway through to put the washed clothes in the dryer.
The movie droned on and after a couple of hours Missouri stopped by to say good night and headed to her bedroom. Sam shook Dean to rouse him and turned off the television and headed back to the laundry room to see if their clothes were dry, while Dean headed on upstairs. He folded the clothes and took them upstairs with him. Dean was already in bed and buried under the covers when Sam stepped in to sit the folded clothes down and grab some sleep clothes. After using the bathroom and changing, he turned his bed down and switched off the lamp between their beds before slipping into it and settling down for the night. After stretching and wiggling around, Sam turned to his side and pulled the covers tight around him willing his mind to slow down as he breathed in deep breaths to relax. It wasn't long before he slipped into the realms of sleep letting his mind go deeper until he began to dream.
spn
Filtered light coming through the curtains woke Sam the next morning and he buried deeper under his blankets trying to decide if he wanted to get up yet or not. They didn't get many days where they could sleep in and he was going to take advantage of it. This had been the first real sleep he had gotten in a long time that wasn't plagued with nightmares. He glanced over to the other bed and saw it empty and rose up to listen and heard the shower running. Sam dropped back down and snuggled under the warm covers to wait his turn. It was hard to keep his eyes open as he enjoyed the quiet and feeling safe for a change. It felt good to let everything go for a short time and just act normal and enjoy the festive season. They didn't have many good memories of this time of year and hoped they would make some this year. His breathing even out again and he dozed back off not hearing his brother come back into the room. Dean moved quietly around so he wouldn't wake Sam before heading downstairs to see if Missouri was up and to have his first cup of coffee. He didn't function well until he had his caffeine fix.
"Hello child..." Missouri sang to him in her soft, lyrical voice. "Are you the only one up?"
"Yes, figured he needed the sleep." Dean replied trying to be polite but still remaining aloof.
"Why don't you grab your jacket and go watch the bacon for me? It's on the grill outside. It does smell good cooking, but it's a bear to get that odor out of the house if you cook it inside."
"Alright." he said as he poured a cup of coffee. Dean stepped into the laundry room and found his jacket. He slipped it on and grabbed his coffee before heading out the back door.
"And Dean, leave some for your brother..." Missouri cautioned him with an arch of her eyebrows.
The air was crisp and he puffed once and saw his breath billow out in front of him. Dean opened the grill to check the bacon and decided it needed to cook a couple more minutes on that side before turning. The aroma hit him in the face making his mouth water in anticipation. He closed the lid and stepped to the railing to look out across the frost covered backyard. He watched as birds of all kinds flew into the corner area where Missouri had various birdfeeders and a bird bath that stood empty now since the water would freeze now. The birds flittered and jumped and fought for a place to eat. Down below a timid rabbit hopped under the feeders to savage what it could from the dropped food from above. Looking closer, Dean saw a little mound of greens and cut up carrots that looked like had been put out earlier and figured Missouri had fed the critters before starting breakfast. He sipped on his coffee to warm himself and turned back to the grill to turn the bacon so it could finish cooking.
spn
"Good morning child, how did you sleep?" Missouri asked Sam as he stepped into the kitchen his eyes darting around for his brother. "Don't worry, he's outside manning the grill cooking the bacon." she answered before he had a chance to ask.
Sam craned his neck to look out the window and saw the back of his brother standing there. He sighed with relief and pushed his still damp hair back from his face. "I slept good, best in a long time. You do know it's like letting the fox in the hen house letting Dean cook the bacon right?" he asked with a chuckle. "There might not be any left for breakfast."
"I know, but it gives him something to do and I warned him to save some for you." she laughed softly.
"Is there anything I can do?" he asked as he stepped to the coffee pot to pour a cup.
"You can set the table for me. The bacon will be done shortly and so will the cinnamon rolls and eggs."
"It all smells good Missouri; this is really a treat for us to have real meals for a change." Sam praised her as he sat three plates around the table and added silverware. He looked up when Dean came inside with a platter of bacon in his hands. He noticed the redness of his face and watering of his eyes from the cold and took his coffee cup to pour more.
"Thank you Dean, wash up and take a seat and I'll get the rest on the table."
"Yes ma'am." Dean said shucking his jacket and heading to the sink to wash his hands. He let the water run hot and quickly washed them trying to get them warm.
"Are you having tea for breakfast?" Sam asked Missouri when he saw a tea pot sitting by the stove.
"I am, it's ready to pour dear." she told him as she took the rolls from the oven. "Be careful this pan's hot." she warned Sam sitting it on a pot holder to cool slightly before adding the icing. She took the other bowls and platter to the table and sat them in the middle before going to the fridge to get the icing for the rolls. "You boys go ahead; I know you must be hungry, growing boys like you are."
"Alright." Sam said sliding into a chair and looking over at his brother. He could detect a subtle change in him and hoped being here would give him the time he needed to come to terms with things. He picked up the bowl of eggs and spooned some on his plate and held it out to Dean. "Eggs?"
"Sure." Dean said accepting the bowl and putting some on his plate. He sat it near Missouri's plate so she could get some.
"Alright now..." Missouri said placing the plate filled with cinnamon rolls on the table. She waited for Dean and Sam to look at her before speaking softly. "Bless this food for our body and thank you for the company this holiday season. Watch after those who are not with us anymore...Amen"
"Amen." Sam whispered softly looking down at his plate for a moment before picking up his fork to start eating.
"I see you did save some bacon for your brother." Missouri teased Dean as he bit into a stripe of bacon.
Dean chewed slowly and looked over at Sam for a moment before answering. "Yeah, figured he needed the nourishment."
"Well both of you could do with a few extra pounds on ya."
"With all this good food I think you've got that covered." Sam laughed cutting off a bite of roll and popping it in his mouth. He hummed with contentment thinking he hadn't tasted anything better.
"A friend of mine is delivering a tree this morning and I need you boys to go up to the attic and get down the decorations for me."
"We can do that." Sam said already feeling a hint of excitement as his eyes sparkled. "Right Dean?"
"Yeah." Dean said not looking up from his plate.
Sam's face feel slightly hoping Dean would pick up some of the spirit and happiness of season. He hoped this might snap him out of his funk being with a friend and celebrating. He saw Missouri studying Dean for a moment but she didn't say anything and went back to eating.
spn
"You boys be careful up there. The boxes should say Christmas on them and they should be over to the right if memory serves me correct."
"We'll find them, don't worry." Sam told her taking the key for the attic door and following Dean upstairs.
They went to the end of the hall, past their bedroom to a door that led to the attic. Sam unlocked it and looked up the narrow, steep steps before feeling for a light switch. He flipped it on but only a small amount of light filled the stairs making it look even gloomier.
"Here." Dean said holding out a flashlight for Sam to use.
"Thanks bro." he said taking it and carefully making his way up the steps to the top that opened out into a large room filled with old furniture, boxes, chests, and other odds and ends collected over the years. He sputtered and swatted at a spider web that he ran into, swearing under his breath. Sam let the light pan around the room slowly looking for the boxes Missouri wanted.
"Over there." Dean told him taking his arm and moving the light to the middle of the room where some boxes were stacked on a table. They could just make out Xmas on them.
"Do you want me to hand them down to you?" Sam asked stepping toward them.
"Fine." Dean said turning to move a couple steps down waited for Sam to hand him the first box. He heard something fall and cussing from his brother and stepped back up to see what had happened. "You okay?"
"Damn spider." Sam fussed stomping his foot down hard on the floor. He twisted it around for good measure before being satisfied it was dead and turned to pick up two of the boxes. "I may need another shower after this..." he complained. "I can still feel it crawling on me."
"You'll live." Dean shrugged and took the boxes from him to take down.
Sam frowned for a moment thinking any other time Dean would have been teasing him about being a wuss or a girl afraid of a little spider. He sighed sadly and went to get more boxes. There were seven in all, but they weren't large so he could carry two at a time. When he had the last one, Sam made his way back down the stairs and locked the door behind him. Dean was already gone with some of the boxes and Sam stacked the remaining carefully to head downstairs with them.
spn
"Thank you boys. The tree is on the deck. Joe was nice enough to trim the bottom for me and if you'll shake it good to get any loose needles off before bringing it in." Missouri instructed them as she moved a few things in the living room to put the tree by a window.
"Alright." they said together before going to get the tree.
"Nice." Sam commented when he saw the Frasier fir leaning against the railing. It was about six feet tall and shaped perfectly to Sam. He took a hold of the trunk and gave it a good shake watching to see if many needles fell. After turning it around several times to check it, he deemed it ready to go inside. "Grab the bottom and I'll take the top."
Dean reached down and hooked a hand around the trunk and started in first, being careful not to hit anything along the way. They found Missouri had a tree stand out and waiting for them. Dean guided the tree into the stand and let Sam hold it straight while he tightened the screws to hold it in place. Once he was done, they stepped back to be sure it was straight and the best side was on the outside.
"Joe did good this year. That is a pretty tree."
"Yes it is." Sam agreed studying their handiwork.
"Now Dean, you take the lights and check them before we put them on the tree." she ordered handing him a box with strings of lights in it.
Dean looked down at the box for a moment before moving to a chair near a wall outlet and sitting down. He pulled the first small bundle out and was glad to see they were wrapped on a holder and he wouldn't have to untangle them. He found the end and plugged it in and looked at the lights making sure they worked.
"Sam if you'll help me with the decorations...There are some that sit on the mantle and tables." she said looking in a box and nodding. "This is a manger scene, it goes over there."
"Yes ma'am." Sam said taking the box and moving to a table near the television stand. He began to unwrap each statue from the box and removed the wooden stable last. He took his time setting it up thinking this was a first. When Christmas rolled around most years, they would grab a bucket of chicken and fixings and watch the game. Even if they were close enough to be at Bobby's, they didn't put up decorations. Bobby did try though; he would get a turkey or ham and they'd have a huge meal and exchange a couple of gifts and it was back at it. They didn't really take the time to enjoy the holiday. He stored the bubble wrap back in the box to use when the decorations were taken down and moved it out of the way. Sam looked over at his brother who was trying to find a burned out bulb on a string of lights and smiled. He at least looked a little less stoic and closed off so that was a good sign.
"You're the tall one here child, start wrapping the lights around the tree while Dean works on that strand."
"Sure, I can do that." he said taking the lights and weaving them among the tree's branches. He checked to see if they were even and attached another strand and continued on down the tree trying to be sure the plugs were hidden.
"Found it." Dean grunted looking in the box for a new light and snapping it in place. He plugged them back in and watched them sparkle.
"Thanks." Sam said taking the last string and working it around the tree leaving the plug hanging. He saw Dean had an extension cord to plug into the outlet by the tree and let him do that.
"Here you go boys; you can start putting these on it." Missouri told them sitting two boxes by the tree. "I need to go check on something."
The brothers looked down at the array of ornaments in the boxes and Sam was the first to take one out and hang it on the tree. It wasn't a moment before Dean started doing the same. Sam examined each one, while Dean just hung the randomly around the tree not caring what they looked like. He finished his box quickly and stepped back while Sam calculated where each one should go to get the maximum effect. He stood back and checked it out before moving several to different spots before he was satisfied.
"Looking good." he mumbled studying it for a moment. "Look there's tinsel too, c'mon this'll make it look even better." he said excitement in his voice like a young child. He offered Dean part of the pack but he wouldn't take it. Sam turned back to the tree and began to carefully drape the tinsel on the tree piece by piece. Dean took a seat and watched Sam content and lost in his own little world as he hummed to himself.
"My goodness you boys did a good job." Missouri praised them when she saw the tree.
"I know." Sam laughed deciding he had put enough tinsel on the tree and put the remaining back in the package.
"We'll wait for night to turn the lights on to get the full effect of it. One of you can hang the wreath on the front door."
"I will." Dean said quickly and got up to do it leaving them standing alone in the room.
Sam watched Dean walk away, a sad and helpless look on his face. It was like he wanted to get away from it all. He didn't want to allow himself to feel happiness or any kind of emotions right now. Sam thought he was letting the guilt eat at him so much it hurt worse to feel.
"It's alright Sam. Dean will find his way back." she assured him.
"Do you think you could send me on an errand and you talk to Dean?" he asked quietly not wanting Dean to hear.
"I think I can arrange that. You can go get me some yeast for making bread this afternoon."
"Thanks, I can do that." he nodded giving her a half hearted smile.
spn
"Sam would you be a dear and run to the store and pick up some active dry yeast and marshmallows for me?" Missouri asked as they sat around the table after lunch. "I thought I had some but guess I'm just getting forgetful in my old age."
"No problem, can I borrow the Impala?" Sam asked his brother.
"I'll drive." Dean stated starting to get up, but stopped when Missouri laid a hand on his arm.
"Dean would you be a dear and stay here and help me?" she asked pleasantly.
He let his body fall back in the chair and stared at her for a moment before pulling the car keys out and handing them to Sam. "Be careful." he mumbled sternly.
"I will." Sam said getting up to find his jacket and head out. He planned on looking for Dean a gift and having a copy of an old photo made. He zipped his jacket against the cold air as he closed the front door behind him and looked up at the wreath Dean had hung on the door. He reached out and touched it for a moment before heading to the car.
spn
"Why don't we go sit in the living room where's it's more comfortable?" Missouri suggested sliding her chair back to get up.
Dean didn't say anything as he got up and followed her from the kitchen. He sat down on the couch because he knew this had been a setup to get him alone with Missouri. His body was tense and he clenched his jaw so he wouldn't say something he'd regret.
"I know you're mad child, but don't be...You know your brother means well. He's worried about you." Missouri said as she sat down beside him. "What you've had to endure your entire life is more than any other person could have handled. The things you and your brother have seen and gone through and the losses you have suffered are almost unbearable. But you are strong Dean, much stronger than you even know. Losing Bobby was horrible child. I know he was like a father to you...Even more than that...He was your life line, your anchor, and it hurts so much you don't think you can go on, but you have to. But Dean you have to let it out. You can't keep all that grief and sorrow and anger bottled up inside of you and you know it." she told him clasping his hands in her's.
Dean never once looked up as Missouri spoke to him. He could feel her warm hands gripping his tightly and fought the tears that wanted to fall. His emotions were churning around in his gut and his heart ached so badly he didn't know if he could go on.
"You're putting up a wall and shutting everyone out and all they want to do is help. Honey, it doesn't make you less of a man to show emotions. I know your Daddy drilled into you that doing that was a sign of weakness, but he wasn't always right about some things. Let yourself feel child...Doing that believe it or not will help ease that gut wrenching pain...Look at me Dean..." she whispered softly.
Dean slowly raised his head and raised his tear filled eyes to look into her gentle, kind, caring face.
"We all miss him Dean...There will never be another Bobby Singer...We all can honor him by continuing the battle...You don't have to forget him to move on...He'll always be in your heart..." she said softly laying a hand on his chest over his heart that was beating rapidly.
Dean closed his eyes for a moment and tears rolled from them as he grabbed his lower lip between his teeth to stop it from trembling. A shiver ran up his back and he trembled slightly before Missouri pulled him into her arms and held him tight.
"It's okay child, let it out...It's fine..." she mumbled to him as she rubbed his back and let him cry on her shoulder. She could feel his body tremble in her embrace and cooed and hummed to him for comfort. "You don't need to carry this burden alone child, let those who love you help. You just have to let us in. You know Bobby would call you a damn fool idjit for doing this to yourself..." she whispered in his ear hearing a soft chuckle from Dean. He remained in her embrace longer than needed, but he thought it felt so right and it had been so long since he felt this kind of comfort and love. They heard the front door open and Dean pulled away wiping his face on his shirt sleeve and clearing his throat trying to pull himself back together.
"I'm back." Sam called sticking his head in the door to look at both of them before taking his purchases on to the kitchen. He could feel something had changed while he was gone and hoped it was for the better. Sam wanted his brother to open up to him and let them do this together. He wanted his brother to have a happy Christmas and to make some good memories for a change. They didn't have many of those anymore.
spn
"Are you ready?" Sam asked in an excited voice as he knelt by the tree getting ready to plug it in. He was as happy as a kid again and looked to his brother seeing a small smile playing on his lips and that made him smile wider. He was seeing a small light in his eyes now that had been gone for so long and Sam felt a ball of warmth building inside of him.
"Go ahead child." Missouri told him seeing he was about to burst.
Sam reached down and plugged in the cord and quickly stood back as the lights came on. It made the room seem to be filled with stars from the heaven and after a few moments some of them began to blink on and off. Sam laughed and clapped his hands in delight taking it all in. He was like a young child seeing their first Christmas tree.
"You did good bro." Dean whispered draping an arm around his shoulders and giving him a half hug.
Sam couldn't stop the tears filling his eyes at his brother's words and the his touch that he had been wanting for so long. All resolves broke and he wrapped his arms around his brother holding him tight. Sam heard Dean grunt and felt his body stiffen for a moment before the hug was returned and Sam let a sob escaped from his lips.
"I'm sorry bro..." Dean mumbled to him. "I was being selfish and didn't think 'bout how you were feeling. Bobby's death..." Dean started by had to stop to find his voice again. "I hit both of us hard..."
"It's okay..." Sam whispered through his tears as his breath hitched in his chest.
"No it's not..." Dean said moving both of them back to sit down on the couch. He never let go of his brother who clung to him like a drowning man. "You were grieving just as much as I was, but I shut you out and couldn't see past my own sorrow." he said not bothering to wipe the tears coming from his own eyes. He could feel Sam's body trembling in his arms and felt the wetness on his neck where his face was buried. "Bobby would of kicked my ass for this..." he whispered half smiling when he felt a weak laugh from Sam.
"I-I miss him so much..." Sam mumbled into Dean's neck.
"I know Sammy, so do I. But we'll get through this like we have everything else that's been thrown at us. We just have to be strong for each other." he told him rubbing small circles on his back.
Neither brother noticed that Missouri had slipped from the room to give them some privacy or that she had turned on a small radio that way playing softly behind them. Dean shifted them slightly so they would be more comfortable and sat there holding his brother as they both grieved and he allowed himself to feel. He looked toward the tree thinking of the warmth and joy that it brought and thought he saw a familiar shadow by the window and a gruff voice whispering, "It's 'bout damn time you idijits...' before it was gone. He smiled to himself and blinked away his tears as part of his heavy load seemed to lighten. He could feel Sam calming and his hitched breathing even out, but he didn't pull away and Dean didn't force him. He would stay like this as long as Sammy needed it, as long as they both needed it.
spn
"I'm going to be doing most of my cooking today so we can enjoy Christmas tomorrow." Missouri told the brothers as they finished their lunch.
"Can I help?" Sam asked as he wiped his mouth with a napkin.
"Sure you can help me cook and Dean...You can be the taste tester." she said nodding her head liking her decision.
"I need to run a quick errand first." Dean said taking his plate to the sink. "I'll be back in a couple of hours."
"That's perfect! When you get back you can taste what we have cooked."
"If you need anything text me." he said heading out leaving Sam standing there with his mouth open not sure what just happened.
"You can close your mouth now Sam, I told you Dean would come around." she told him with a short laugh. "Let's get these dishes cleaned up and we'll start putting the dishes together."
"Just tell me what you need me to do." Sam said shaking himself out of his surprised moment and went to the sink to start some wash water. "I can't thank you enough for what you did for Dean."
"Why child, he did it for himself. I just gave him a little guidance and push in the right direction." she told him picking up an apron and tying it around her waist. "Be patient with him, it maybe take time but he's coming around."
"At least he's speaking in more than one word again. That drove me nuts. I couldn't get him to talk to me." Sam said. "I missed it... I missed him..."
"Sam, I think that plate is clean." she told him since he had been washing the same plate since he started talking.
"Oh, sorry sorry..." he gushed, blushing slightly as he put it in the rinse water and picked up another.
It didn't take them long to finish up and Missouri began to pull things from the fridge and sit pots out. "Sam if you'll get the potatoes from the other room and peel them for me."
"Sure." he said looking in the laundry room and finding a basket with potatoes sitting on a shelf. He picked it up and carried it to the counter by the sink. Missouri set a bowl by him and a knife to peel them with. "Thanks. How do you want them sliced?"
"Chunks will be fine."
"Got it." he said grabbing a potato to peel. He wasn't used to doing this kind of thing and carefully worked on not taking too much skin off as he concentrated on his job.
Missouri began to hum softly as she started putting together a batch of cookie dough to cook for tomorrow. She was going to do the pies tomorrow morning after Christmas breakfast. She wanted them to be fresh for their Christmas meal. Missouri was going to get most of the sides done or ready to be cooked today to save time tomorrow. She had gotten a spiral sliced ham for their meat and had planned for all the sides to go along with it.
"So...how many potatoes was I suppose to fix?" Sam asked cautiously when he saw the number he had peeled thinking maybe he went a little overboard.
Missouri looked over at him and laughed as the expression on his face. "Don't worry child we can use some for mashed potatoes and potato salad."
"Why don't you put water over them and sit them aside for now. We'll put them on to cook in a bit. You can take out six eggs and put them on to boil for me."
"Alright." he said doing as asked.
"After than you can dice up some celery and onions for the potato salad."
"Should I call Dean to be sure he's okay?" he asked running water over the eggs before sitting them on the stove to cook.
"Let him alone Sam, he's fine." Missouri scoffed at him. "He's probably doing some shopping." she assured him.
"I know but I still worry about him."
"I know you do Sam. I think he'll be back shortly." she said seeming to know something he didn't.
Sam sighed and continued to follow Missouri's instructions and helping where he could. It was great to have some semblance of normal, even if it was only for a few days. About an hour later, Sam heard the front door opening and closing and relaxed when Dean strolled back into the room.
"You're just in time to try the cookies." Missouri said taking a napkin and placing a warm cookie on it. "These are different from the others you had."
Dean accepted the offering and looked at the cookie before biting off a piece and chewing. He looked thoughtful as he took another bite tilting his head like he was really thinking about it. "They're just as good as the others. I wouldn't turn either of them down."
"Open." Sam ordered holding a spoon with potato salad on it out to his brother who pulled back for a moment to eye the spoon. "Please..." Sam begged giving him his best little brother look.
"Fine." Dean said taking the spoon from him and nipping a small bite of the concoction. He smacked his lips and ate the rest handing the spoon back. "Needs more salt."
"Always the critic." Sam pouted but added a little more salt and carefully mixing the ingredients. He found the lid for the bowl and sealed it taking it to the small fridge in the laundry room since the other was getting full. "Did you get your errands done?" he asked.
"Yep." Dean said not bothering to elaborate.
"You boys need to go to bed early tonight so the spirit of Christmas will come."
Dean and Sam looked at her but didn't say anything to her remark.
spn
Sam was already in bed when Dean strolled in from the bathroom. He looked over to his brother and could just make out his face by the light of the lamp.
"You still awake bro?" he asked softly.
"Yeah, somethin' wrong?" Sam mumbled trying to suppress a yawn.
"I know you tried to pull me out of my funk, but I wasn't ready. It was just so overwhelming..." he said moving to his bed. "Thanks for not giving up."
"I never would have..." Sam said as a single tear slipped down his cheek. He reached to wipe it away and swallowed back the lump in his throat.
"Get some sleep Sammy, mornin'll be here 'fore ya know it." Dean told him squeezing his shoulder and ruffling his hair. He turned off the light and got in bed and lay there listening to his brother sniff and cough lightly before burying his head into his pillow. Dean settled down and listened to the sounds around him, thinking of another place and another time.
spn
"Hey! C'mon it's Christmas morning!" Sam hissed with joy as he shook his brother awake.
"Go 'way..." Dean grumbled trying to bury back into the covers but found Sam wasn't going to give up.
"We need to go see what's under the tree." he insisted pulling the covers off Dean and smacking him with a pillow.
"Alright already..." Dean growled out wiping sleep from his eyes and sitting up to see Sam bouncing around the room grabbing clothes and racing for the bathroom. He couldn't help but smile. Seeing Sam this happy was the only gift he needed. Lately neither of them had any reason to feel happy and they were due this. He looked around for his clothes as Sam rushed back in and threw his sleep clothes on the bed and stood waiting for him. "I'm going..." Dean grunted shuffling to the bathroom.
"Do you think Missouri is up?" Sam asked quietly as they made their way downstairs.
"I smell coffee so I guess she is." Dean said looking into the living room at the lit tree and noticed new gifts were under there besides what he had put under there after Sam went to sleep.
"Merry Christmas!" Sam cried out giving Missouri a hug as she stepped from the kitchen.
"The same to you child." she laughed in delight. "There's coffee in the kitchen and I'm sure we're going to open gifts before breakfast."
"Coffee first." Dean said heading for the kitchen. "I'll bring you a cup." he called to Sam.
"Wow! Everything looks perfect." Sam commented staring at the blinking lights on the tree and seeing the gifts underneath. Missouri had put on some Christmas music that was playing softly in the background to set the mood and when Sam glanced out the window he thought he saw snow falling. "Hurry up Dean, we need to open presents."
"I'm coming, don't rush me." he shot back before coming back with two cups of coffee.
"I'll hand them out." Sam decided stooping down and picking up gifts to read the tags.
"Thanks Missouri, seeing Sam like this was the best gift I could get." he whispered to her as Sam busied himself with making three small stacks of gifts.
"I agree. It's time both you boys had a little happiness." she agreed sitting back and taking in the scene in front of her. Both brothers were allowing themselves to put aside their troubles and enjoy the moment and the spirit that floated in the air. They could go back to saving the world tomorrow.
The End