Inner Ignorance Forgotten
Care of Magical Creatures was cancelled today. The snow just came out of no were and somehow managed to blanked the ground in a thick layer of white flakes. What else is there to do than to sit somewhere in the school? I chose the library as my place of rest; the common room is really just too dreary. There's a nice window seat overlooking the grounds; I sit in it and feel the cold seep through the windowpane. I don't really mind the cold. It's so much simpler than what I feel inside. I feel so lost, staring of into space. The book I picked up was only brought to make it appear like I had a purpose in the library, it's something about magical creatures that live in forests. Thoughts begin to pour from my head. It's enough to drive me mad. I hate it! I hate how this all hurts so much, and yet how it's so desirable, this cold loneliness. I slam shut my book and grimace, it always the same.
I look over and it just so happens they are standing there. By them I mean Potter, Granger, and Weasley. For some reason I can't stand them. They always seem to best me, to out do me. I suppose it's not their fault, but my father makes it seem like it's mine, and it hurts. So I poke fun at them whenever I get a chance. I don't really know why I do that either. I put aside my book, draw up my knees and rest my chin on them. I'm not in the mood to deal with them, so I'll sit here quietly and hope they don't notice me. I see a bit of my reflection in the window, my gray eyes, my hair so light it's almost white, my pale skin, and my dark dark robe. I look like some sort of ghost or dead creature. I close my eyes; I don't want to see myself any longer.
I catch snatches of some quite conversation, but one catches my minds attention. Granger is going to stay in the library; the other two are going somewhere else; all the better if there's less of them to deal with. I slowly open my eyes and gaze over at Granger. She's seems to have pulled out a large volume, but she's distracted and is not reading it. Suddenly I get the feeling that she knows I'm looking at her, and I quickly turn my attention toward my book. Out of the corner of my eye I see her turn and look at me, and she goes back to her book and shivers. I smirk to myself, let her shiver all she likes.
I can't sit like this anymore, so out in the open, so I grab a quill and some parchment from my bag, and pull the dark blue curtains closed. I take my quill and begin to draw; I don't really know why I like to draw sometimes. It starts out a picture of a place that does not exist. Dark pillars reach up over, almost curving, I was never good a drawing straight lines. Up in the back I mountain rises up, a snow-capped mountain at that. A hill also forms the other half of the horizon, but a hill much closer to the viewer. Upon it I start drawing the silhouette of a dragon, it's all dark and lonely. I don't know why but I start drawing all these dead people on the ground. Impaled with swords or arrows, or just generally cut to ribbons. I think the ground had been snow-covered, but now you couldn't tell. In the foreground across from the pillars I drew a figure standing leaning against an unseen wall. You only saw part of his face because he was looking out over the battle. After I finish I look over my work. Quite disturbing, but it isn't half bad. Of course my father wouldn't like it, so I'll put it with so many of my other drawings.
Once again I look out over the grounds, but this time I see a lone figure wading through the snow, leaving a single path through it. The person goes up to Hagrid's hut and knocks on the door, and is let inside. Suddenly my heart is filled with loneliness. I would not be let inside, I would continue walking my own way through the snow. Continue on my way, passing the hut by. In fact I probably wouldn't even ask to come in. It was probably Potter going in, but why alone? For some reason I can't stand looking at the single track leading through and around the thickly falling snow, so I get up to leave pulling back the curtain. As I go to put the book back Granger is looking at me suspiciously, humph, probably thinks I was breaking the rules or something. I replace the book back on the shelve were a found it, and turn to leave never looking back.
I go out into the long gray stone corridors and walk aimlessly down them. Soon I start feeling odd inside, like I'm closed up inside my own body, and my muscles want to explode over the walls, but want to stay deep in me all at once. I need to escape from this stone cage, so much like home. I find myself speeding to a fast walk, and then to a run until I finally break through the front doors to the world outside, and I stop in my tracks. The snow is swirling and blurring the world into bliss. Sweet freedom, I don't mind the fact that I don't have a cloak on; the cold feels like it's bringing me out of a bad dream. I go out and begin to jump around in the snow; I fall down into it and let the cold seep in, watching the snowfall around me. Suddenly I feel the need to sit up, and I look over, and a dark figure is approaching, as it nears I see that it is in fact Potter returning from Hagrids hut. I stand up for a second, and our eyes lock. We just stand there for a moment staring at each other, but Potter breaks the gaze and continues walking as my eyes involuntarily follow him for a bit longer. After I stop looking I fall back into the snow. For some reason whenever Potter looks at me it turns me off, it wasn't that way when I first saw him, but now whenever I see him look at me I feel like a great weight has been shoved onto my shoulders. I end up saying everything with a sneer or a smirk and I can't help it, even if my brain screams in my ear to stop it. Why... why must it be that way?
I get up to go back inside, now even the outdoors feel like a cage, the reason why I cannot tell. I move to go back inside, I can't stand it anymore and I want to go to the common room, as I go in, Potter and Weaslay are at the top of the stairs. I can feel Weasily gazing at me with disgust, so I just haunch my shoulder and go quickly down the passage to the common room. As I finally enter the common room, Pansy looks over and gives me a mean look, at fist I'm a bit confused but it hits me suddenly and all I want to do is go up to my bed.
I sit in it and pull the curtains shut. Just the other day Pansy and I had a fight, I don't remember it that well, but I do remember the last part. Pansy said I was arrogant. But I'm not... I'm not...
No I am, but not so much arrogant as ignorant, yes I'm ignorant, too ignorant. I just curl up into a tight little ball and fall into something close to sleep.
Authors note: If you read it carefully you'll notice Draco ends up answering all of his own questions. You could get a philosophical about this peace, but I'll let you do that on your own. If you have any questions feel free to e-mail me.
Disclaimer: Sorry, I don't own Harry Potter, or any of the other characters mentioned. I'm just using them to get a point across to a reader, don't punish me please.
Care of Magical Creatures was cancelled today. The snow just came out of no were and somehow managed to blanked the ground in a thick layer of white flakes. What else is there to do than to sit somewhere in the school? I chose the library as my place of rest; the common room is really just too dreary. There's a nice window seat overlooking the grounds; I sit in it and feel the cold seep through the windowpane. I don't really mind the cold. It's so much simpler than what I feel inside. I feel so lost, staring of into space. The book I picked up was only brought to make it appear like I had a purpose in the library, it's something about magical creatures that live in forests. Thoughts begin to pour from my head. It's enough to drive me mad. I hate it! I hate how this all hurts so much, and yet how it's so desirable, this cold loneliness. I slam shut my book and grimace, it always the same.
I look over and it just so happens they are standing there. By them I mean Potter, Granger, and Weasley. For some reason I can't stand them. They always seem to best me, to out do me. I suppose it's not their fault, but my father makes it seem like it's mine, and it hurts. So I poke fun at them whenever I get a chance. I don't really know why I do that either. I put aside my book, draw up my knees and rest my chin on them. I'm not in the mood to deal with them, so I'll sit here quietly and hope they don't notice me. I see a bit of my reflection in the window, my gray eyes, my hair so light it's almost white, my pale skin, and my dark dark robe. I look like some sort of ghost or dead creature. I close my eyes; I don't want to see myself any longer.
I catch snatches of some quite conversation, but one catches my minds attention. Granger is going to stay in the library; the other two are going somewhere else; all the better if there's less of them to deal with. I slowly open my eyes and gaze over at Granger. She's seems to have pulled out a large volume, but she's distracted and is not reading it. Suddenly I get the feeling that she knows I'm looking at her, and I quickly turn my attention toward my book. Out of the corner of my eye I see her turn and look at me, and she goes back to her book and shivers. I smirk to myself, let her shiver all she likes.
I can't sit like this anymore, so out in the open, so I grab a quill and some parchment from my bag, and pull the dark blue curtains closed. I take my quill and begin to draw; I don't really know why I like to draw sometimes. It starts out a picture of a place that does not exist. Dark pillars reach up over, almost curving, I was never good a drawing straight lines. Up in the back I mountain rises up, a snow-capped mountain at that. A hill also forms the other half of the horizon, but a hill much closer to the viewer. Upon it I start drawing the silhouette of a dragon, it's all dark and lonely. I don't know why but I start drawing all these dead people on the ground. Impaled with swords or arrows, or just generally cut to ribbons. I think the ground had been snow-covered, but now you couldn't tell. In the foreground across from the pillars I drew a figure standing leaning against an unseen wall. You only saw part of his face because he was looking out over the battle. After I finish I look over my work. Quite disturbing, but it isn't half bad. Of course my father wouldn't like it, so I'll put it with so many of my other drawings.
Once again I look out over the grounds, but this time I see a lone figure wading through the snow, leaving a single path through it. The person goes up to Hagrid's hut and knocks on the door, and is let inside. Suddenly my heart is filled with loneliness. I would not be let inside, I would continue walking my own way through the snow. Continue on my way, passing the hut by. In fact I probably wouldn't even ask to come in. It was probably Potter going in, but why alone? For some reason I can't stand looking at the single track leading through and around the thickly falling snow, so I get up to leave pulling back the curtain. As I go to put the book back Granger is looking at me suspiciously, humph, probably thinks I was breaking the rules or something. I replace the book back on the shelve were a found it, and turn to leave never looking back.
I go out into the long gray stone corridors and walk aimlessly down them. Soon I start feeling odd inside, like I'm closed up inside my own body, and my muscles want to explode over the walls, but want to stay deep in me all at once. I need to escape from this stone cage, so much like home. I find myself speeding to a fast walk, and then to a run until I finally break through the front doors to the world outside, and I stop in my tracks. The snow is swirling and blurring the world into bliss. Sweet freedom, I don't mind the fact that I don't have a cloak on; the cold feels like it's bringing me out of a bad dream. I go out and begin to jump around in the snow; I fall down into it and let the cold seep in, watching the snowfall around me. Suddenly I feel the need to sit up, and I look over, and a dark figure is approaching, as it nears I see that it is in fact Potter returning from Hagrids hut. I stand up for a second, and our eyes lock. We just stand there for a moment staring at each other, but Potter breaks the gaze and continues walking as my eyes involuntarily follow him for a bit longer. After I stop looking I fall back into the snow. For some reason whenever Potter looks at me it turns me off, it wasn't that way when I first saw him, but now whenever I see him look at me I feel like a great weight has been shoved onto my shoulders. I end up saying everything with a sneer or a smirk and I can't help it, even if my brain screams in my ear to stop it. Why... why must it be that way?
I get up to go back inside, now even the outdoors feel like a cage, the reason why I cannot tell. I move to go back inside, I can't stand it anymore and I want to go to the common room, as I go in, Potter and Weaslay are at the top of the stairs. I can feel Weasily gazing at me with disgust, so I just haunch my shoulder and go quickly down the passage to the common room. As I finally enter the common room, Pansy looks over and gives me a mean look, at fist I'm a bit confused but it hits me suddenly and all I want to do is go up to my bed.
I sit in it and pull the curtains shut. Just the other day Pansy and I had a fight, I don't remember it that well, but I do remember the last part. Pansy said I was arrogant. But I'm not... I'm not...
No I am, but not so much arrogant as ignorant, yes I'm ignorant, too ignorant. I just curl up into a tight little ball and fall into something close to sleep.
Authors note: If you read it carefully you'll notice Draco ends up answering all of his own questions. You could get a philosophical about this peace, but I'll let you do that on your own. If you have any questions feel free to e-mail me.
Disclaimer: Sorry, I don't own Harry Potter, or any of the other characters mentioned. I'm just using them to get a point across to a reader, don't punish me please.