The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own X-Men Evolution and GI Joe characters is at the bottom of a birdcage somewhere. Just a mad little one shot fic that ran through my mind. It should have just kept going.
Stop the Presses
"Extra! Extra read all about it!" Jamie ran around with his clones distributing some kind of newspaper. "Danger Room closed for repairs! Again! Read all about it!"
"What's there to know?" Ray asked. "Some nut filled the Danger Room up with chocolate pudding again."
"Probably Pietro," Rogue huffed.
"Actually my money's on Bobby this time," Ray said.
"Why Bobby?" Rogue asked. "It wasn't filled with snow or anything."
"Exactly," Ray said. "Snow would be too obvious. That's why it's got to be Bobby."
"Your logic astounds and frightens me sometimes," Rogue said. "Especially frightens."
"What the heck is this?" Logan asked as he picked up the paper.
"Jamie put out a newspaper," Ray told him.
"The X-Times?" Logan read the headline.
"Yeah it's all about things that go on in the mansion," Jamie told him as he stacked more copies of his newspaper. "As well as things that really interest us kids."
"Britney Spears' Plan for World Peace Using Hot Dance Moves?" Logan asked as he read.
"Like I said stuff that us kids are interested," Jamie shrugged.
"JAMIE!" Scott shouted as she stormed up with Jean behind him. "Jamie I wanna talk to you!"
"Uh oh," Jamie gulped and tried to run off.
"Yeah, uh oh," Jean snapped as her telekinesis held him in place. "We're not thrilled about these little articles you keep printing about us!"
"What articles?" Rogue asked. "Oh are you talking about the one that covered your last date?"
"YES!" Scott snapped. He showed Logan the papers. "The little creep followed us to the movies the other night!"
"Hey I needed to do a review of Alien vs. Predator," Jamie said. "So I figured why kill two birds with one stone?"
"I'm gonna kill you if you don't stop following us!" Scott snapped.
"You saw an R rated movie?" Logan asked Jamie.
"Never really got a chance to," Jamie said. "Those two never made it to the theater. They ended up making out in the projection room. That turned my stomach more than any movie could!"
"You have a point," Rogue said.
"And all the fighting I see around here every day…" Jamie waved.
"DIE! DIE! DIE!" Tabitha and Amara screamed as they threw time bombs and fireballs at Bobby on the lawn.
"Yeah I guess between the Time Bomb and the Fire Princess, Aliens and Predators must seem pretty tame," Logan winced as he saw the carnage out the window. "Ow! That had to hurt!"
"Uh should somebody go out there and stop them?" Scott asked.
"Somebody should," Logan said.
"AGGGHH! MY BUTT'S ON FIRE! OWWW!" Bobby screamed.
"But that somebody ain't gonna be me," Logan said.
"I think I've just found my new front page story," Jamie said. "Gotta go…"
"Not so fast young man," Jean grabbed him by the collar. "What about all this stuff you've been printing about us?"
"Hey since Ben and J-Lo broke up there's been a void," Jamie explained. "We need a new hot couple to obsess on."
"Yeah but not us, okay?" Scott snapped. "Look at these papers, Cyclops and Jean's secrets for a happy relationship, Cyclops picks out a code name for Jean, Jean's bedroom tricks?"
"That last one isn't mine," Jamie said.
"The Misfit Post," Logan looked at the headline of the paper. "You mean the Misfits have a paper too?"
"Trinity puts it out," Jamie sighed. "They stole my idea, along with my underwear."
"Oh this I gotta see," Scott groaned as he looked at it. "Loch Ness Monster turns down X-Men membership to form a rock band? Xavier's secret alliance with aliens from outer space? Xavier's evil twin goes on a rampage? Jean's secret crush on…Wolverine? Oh this is all made up!"
"Yeah nothing but lies," Jean coughed. "Especially that last one!"
"What kind of papers have its reporters make up news without checking the facts?" Scott snapped. "I know, successful ones…"
"This is nothing but sensationalism!" Jean snapped. "A bunch of garbage made up just to grab attention!"
"No wonder their circulation's better than mine," Jamie remarked as he read.
"This is the biggest load of garbage I've ever read!" Scott snapped. "Nothing but Misfit lies and propaganda."
"Duncan Matthews: Proof That Neanderthals Still Live Among Us," Rogue read a headline.
"Okay I admit they got that right," Scott remarked.
"Yeah and the cartoon of Senator Kelly being run over by a steamroller is pretty good," Peter said as he walked up to them.
"Where?" Scott asked.
"Page five," Peter showed him.
"Oh yeah," Scott chuckled. "That is funny! Hey look at the one of Magneto! That's a riot! You know Toad's not that bad a cartoonist."
"Yes he…WHAT?" Peter stopped as he read another article. "OH THIS IS NOT FUNNY!"
"What?" Scott looked at it. "Oh boy…"
"How bad is it?" Rogue winced as Peter changed into his armored form and stormed off.
"Let's just say it's a very interesting article by Lance on what happened on a date with Kitty," Scott groaned. "I hope they don't show up today!"
"Hello everyone!" Todd hopped by. "So how'd you like our paper?"
"And of course they do…" Scott sighed as the Misfits entered the room. He looked upwards. "Why do you hate me God?"
"Ooh! I know the answer!" Fred said excitedly.
"Me too!" Lance said cheerfully.
"ALVERS!" Peter stormed up to him. "I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"
"Not if I get my hands on him first!" Kitty screamed.
"Oh so there is a reason for everything," Scott grinned as the two angry X-Men cornered Lance.
"How could you write this trash about me!" Kitty snapped. "Especially since we never had this date!"
"What are you talking about?" Lance asked.
"THIS!" Peter shoved the paper in Lance's face.
"You have a lot of nerve writing that!" Kitty fumed.
"I swear I didn't write that article!" Lance shouted.
"Well if you didn't then who did?" Peter snapped. They both heard Pietro giggling. "MAXIMOFF!"
"Hey inquiring minds want to know," Pietro grinned.
"Yeah specifically how you managed to get a whole end table shoved down your throat!" Peter grabbed one and held it above his head.
"I'd certainly read that," Lance snarled. "We can write the article together!"
"GET HIM!" Kitty ordered and the three started to chase Pietro around the mansion.
"Well that little mystery is solved," Logan said.
"OW! OH COME ON JUBILEE!" Bobby screamed as he was chased around outside. "OW! FIRE BAD! FIRE VERY BAD! TABITHA CUT IT OUT! I SAID I WAS SORRY!"
"Now he's got Tabitha, Jubilee and Amara after him?" Logan's jaw dropped. "What did he do?"
"Whatever it is I think we should stop them before somebody gets killed," Scott sighed. "Namely Bobby." Then he heard a loud boom of thunder. "Is your Dad here Althea?"
"Oh yeah," She told him. "He snuck out to avoid changing the babies' diapers."
"AW COME ON BABE! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A COMPLIMENT!" Shipwreck ran by with Ororo chasing him.
"Publishing my weight and measurements in that stupid paper as well as taking plastering a picture of me in my nightgown with the caption 'Shipwreck's Love Goddess' is not a complement!" Ororo screamed.
"I didn't see that in our paper?" Todd scratched his head.
"He didn't put it in our paper," Xi told him. "He put an ad describing it in the regular paper."
"Oh well that explains it," Todd remarked.
"But babe! Everybody knows you love me anyway! YEOW!" Shipwreck shouted. "It's not like I showed you topless or anything!"
"Yeah he's got those pictures stashed in his drawer!" Todd called out.
"Thanks a lot Wart Boy!" Shipwreck ran past them.
"THAT'S IT! YOU'RE DEAD SHIPWRECK! YOU HEAR ME! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD!" Ororo shouted.
"STORM NO!" Althea shouted. "LET ME HELP YOU!" She ran after them.
"DRAKE YOU ARE SO DEAD!" Scott shouted as he was now with the girls chasing Bobby around.
"Aw come on Scott!" Bobby shouted. "It was just a little dent in the car!"
"Fine I'll put a little dent in your head!" Scott shouted.
"GET 'EM GIRLS!" Jean shouted. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DRAKE! HOW COULD YOU TAKE PICTURES OF US IN THE GIRLS'LOCKER ROOM?"
"It wasn't easy…" Bobby grunted. "YEOOWWWW!"
"DIE QUICKSILVER! DIE!" Lance made the ground tremble as the other three mutants chased Pietro around.
"Hey Squirt, I gotta ask you something. Is there an obituary section in your paper?" Logan asked as he watched the mayhem go on.
"No," Jamie answered.
"Something tells me you're gonna need one…" Logan sighed.