Special

:: SPECIAL ::

By Rachel

:: A visit from a good friend leaves Cordelia with a (temporary) gift she wishes she didn't have ::

Authors note: I started this in January 2001, and am just now starting to continue it in April.

Sorry if the events now no longer match the show(s). Visit my personal archive at http://www.geocities.com/rachelfromihj/fanfic.html

~*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~

Cordelia's face lit up when she saw her old friend for the first time in almost a year. Her smile was the first genuine smile in nearly that long and the hug they shared instantly skyrocketed her lifting mood.

"Willow!" She gushed.

"Cordy!" Willow sighed, closing her eyes and grinning from ear to ear as she held the former Sunnydale High cheerleader in an embrace. "God, I've missed you!"

Cordelia almost cried. "You, too, Will…" She pulled away and grinned at the blonde just past her. "This must be Tara…it's so nice to see you!"

Tara smiled and awkwardly stepped into the misty eyed woman's open arms. Willow beamed.

"Good to see you, Cordelia…I'm really glad to be here."

"I'm so glad you're both here," Cordelia smiled again, brighter this time, if that amount of brightness is even possible, and the three girls sat down at the table in the posh little café in downtown LA.

"Did you have a hard time finding the place?" Cordy asked, resting her elbows on the surface of the pink linen tablecloth as she leaned forward eagerly. Willow rolled her eyes and blew out a hard breath.

"These one way streets are killer!" She quipped then wiggled out of her coat.

"We circled the freeway onramps like six times before we figured out how to go left," Tara said.

"Yeah, L.A. is like that," Cordy sighed. "It takes a lot of getting used to. But gosh, I'm so glad you're here. It's been too long."

"How are Angel and Wesley?" Willow asked resting her chin in her hand.

Cordelia smiled.

"We have sooo much catching up to do!"

~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~

2 hours late, their empty plates cleared away and their half-empty teacups cooling before them, the three girls sat giggling; so hard they were near tears.

"…And then, Dawn moved back home, ooooooohhh! Buffy was so pissed!" Willow slapped her hand down on the table and leaned into Tara's shoulder to smother her laughter. Tara reached up and touched her cheek, shaking her head in utter amusement.

"Dawn?" Cordelia asked, her smile faltering just a little.

"Oh, she was really upset, at first!" Tara said, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "But eventually Buffy warmed up to her, and now it's as if she's been here all along. I'm so glad Buffy killed that Glory demon,"

"That Glory demon was scary," Willow beamed, her voice matter-of-factly, though she spoke more to Tara than to Cordy. Tara nodded her head and the two girls started laughing again. Cordy was at a loss

"Who's Dawn?"

"Huh?" Willow said looking up.

"Who's Dawn?" Cordy repeated. "Someone I know?"

Tara and Willow stared at her for a moment.

"Dawn." Willow said simply, as if that solved everything.

"Yeah, you know…Dawn."

"Uh…no." Cordelia sat back in her chair. The girls stopped laughing.

"Dawn." Willow stressed.

"I don't know Dawn." Cordelia insisted. Willow sat back in her chair, her mouth agape.

"Dawn." Tara smiled, leaning forward. "Dawn Summers. Buffy's little sister?" Willow nodded her head and Tara smiled encouragingly. Cordelia stared at them blankly.

"What are you talking about? Buffy Summers never had a little sister. She was an only child."

This stumped the two girls before her.

"No, I mean, yeah!" Willow shook her head in confusion. "Yeah, Dawn is her sister. She came home this year."

"She and Buffy used to fight all the time," Tara explained. "But now they get along. Buffy's almost…protective," She glanced at Willow who shook her head encouragingly. "…of her. They go everywhere together. Its as if she never left."

Both stared at Cordy.

"I've never heard of Dawn before."

"No…" Willow started insistently.

"Maybe she just never mentioned it to you," Tara said thoughtfully. She shook her head and looked at Willow. "Maybe Buffy never told Cordelia…"

"Yeah," Willow nodded. "Um, maybe she didn't tell you, just because, you know, she thought…you…um…"

Cordelia finished for her. "Because she thought I was a bitch."

"Yeah." Willow smiled. Then frowned. "NO! I mean, no, not because you were a— she thought— you…um…"

Cordy watched her. Willow looked for Tara for help.

"Maybe…" Tara looked down. 

Cordelia folded her arms and thought about it for a minute. "Hmn. Maybe…"

Eh, it didn't matter. Cordy flung her hands into the air, rolled her eyes and grinned. "What do I care if Buffy has a phantom sister! I don't care that she never introduced me. What's the big deal anyway? So she's got a kid sister…(mumbled) who no one's ever heard of… Big deal! What's it got to do with now!"
Willow and Tara brightened. Tara reached across the table and squeezed Willow's hand. That brought up another subject. Cordelia quickly forgot about Dawn…

"God, you guys are so lucky…" She cooed, leaning forward again. "You really look so happy together!"

Willow glanced at Tara. They shared a smile. "We are." She said meekly.

"That is soooo great…"

Cordelia sat and stared at the two girls as they recounted the events leading up to their current relationship. Cordelia was mesmerized. By the time they were done; she was practically laying across the table, lost in an empty daze, eyes green with envy. It was almost concerning. Tara and Willow didn't comment.

"What about you?" Willow asked, turning the tables and switching the focus to the brunette with the forlorn expression across from her.

"Yeah!" Tara said. "Do you have any…certain someone…in your life?"

"Yeah!" Willow gushed, watching her with interest. "There has to be a guy! And we want details!"

Cordelia sat forward, as if she were about to divulge a juicy secret. Both the other girls leaned forward in anticipation and watched Cordelia's face intently as the first word started to slip out. She smiled slowly and after a moment said most disappointedly, "No… There's no one. And there hasn't been for a very long time."

Willow and Tara's faces fell at her slightly pained expression. All were silent for a moment.

"No one?" Willow finally asked sympathetically. Cordelia shook her head in confirmation.

"No."

"Not even a date???"

"Nope."

"Oh."

"You must be so lonely!" Tara said. Willow gave her a quick look, but it was too late; already said, already implied. It really didn't bother Cordelia. It was the truth. She was lonely…and now it was completely obvious to both the lesbians, er, girls.

"Well," Cordelia said, trying to lighten the sudden change in mood. "I get kinda busy. And it's kinda hard to meet the right kinda guy when you're up to your eyelids in demons…(mumbled) especially the ones that try to impregnate you…And besides! I…I…" Cordelia's smile faltered and she leaned forward covering her face in her hands dramatically. "OH, WHO AM I KIDDING! I DRIVE MYSELF INSANE LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT GUY BUT EITHER THEY'RE MARRIED, DEMONIC, MARRIED AND DEMONIC, ADDICTED TO THEIR JOBS, OR MARRIED!"

"Uh, you said that already," Willow whispered.

"I KNOW I SAID IT!" Cordelia snapped out loud. She groaned and lowered her hands. "It sucks! There's not a decent guy left in L.A.! Boy, did I come to the wrong place looking for a social life… I can't even get a date. I haven't been out to dinner in EONS! I tell ya something, I would settle for a cup of coffee in a Styrofoam cup and half a bagel, hold the cream cheese, if I could just meet Mr. Right! But does anyone even ask me out for coffee??? NO!!! Does anyone even notice when I get a new dress or a new pair of shoes? OF COURSE NOT! DOES ANYONE REALLY NOTICE WHEN I'M EVEN HAVING A GOOD DAY OR NOT??? NEVER!!! IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR SOME DECENT ATTENTION! I MEAN, REALLY! IS IT TOO HARD FOR A GUY TO PAY ME A COMPLIMENT ONCE IN A WHILE??? MAYBE MENTION HOW NICE I SMELL OR HOW SMART I AM OR EVEN JUST THAT I'M GOOD FOR SOMETHING BESIDES TAKING UP FREAKING SPACE!!! I'M A FREAKING WOMAN! DAMMIT! I HAVE NEEDS!!!"

"That's tough," was all Tara could say.

"But what about the guys?" Willow asked. "Wesley, and—"

Cordelia rolled her eyes and hissed a deep breath.

"The pre-occupied bookworm, an angry vigilante, oh! And don't forget, the moody, uncommittable, undead guy??? I think not! Do you honestly think that any one of them pays me any more attention than…than…than…" Tara and Willow waited. "THAN THEY PAY EACHOTHER??? I'M SO SICK OF BEING TREATED LIKE ONE OF THE GUYS! JUST ONCE…just once, I want someone to look at me and go, 'Gee Cordelia, you look nice today! Like a woman! Not like a tired out demon hunter-slash-vision girl, no, not at all!  Say! Would you like to accompany me along on a picnic? Or to a movie? Or to the carwash? Or out to pick up some groceries???'…I mean, IS IT REALLY TOO MUCH TO ASK!!! I just want someone who will appreciate me once in a while, no matter if he's Mr. Right or Ronald McDonald!!! I just want…I just want…" She sighed. "I just want…(mumbled) to feel special."

The witches stared at her tragically.

"Well," Tara finally said optimistically. "There'll be someone!"

"Yeah!" Willow echoed. "You'll meet some great, good looking, rich, intelligent guy," Tara nodded. "…and you'll fall in love, and get married and have like a hundred beautiful babies!"

"Yeah!"

"…and a big house and an expensive car, and…and…"

"Um,"

"…and a really great dog!"

"Yeah! A great one!"

"Yeah," Cordelia repeated softly. She lowered her eyes when she realized they still thought all she cared about was money and expensive cars…'Spoiled, little Cordelia, summing up a guy by the size of his wallet!' Ah, hell, who was she kidding! That is the way she was, is, was, and who cared to change it! If you're going to meet a guy, he might as well be rich, right? Cordelia slumped in her seat, realizing how screwed up her priorities had always been. No wonder she didn't have anybody now…who the hell would want her? Karma, karma, karma.

"Don't look so sad," Willow said, stretching a hand out and placing it over Cordelia's. "You'll find someone, and then you'll be as happy as we are."

"Don't worry, Cordelia," Tara sighed. "You'll meet someone, you really will."

"Yeah," Cordelia feigned, smiling as hard as she could muster. "I know, I know… Can we just talk about something else now?"

~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~

Cordelia hugged Willow and Tara goodbye and made plans to meet them again one last time before they left for home at the end of the week. She smiled as they parted, but when she turned away and walked back towards the parking garage, she felt something close to tears well up in her eyes.

She knew the girls hadn't meant anything by what they said, but still…it hurt…a little.

What hurt more was the resurfacing funk she was about to fall back into now that it was back to business. She found Angel's car, which she had so conveniently borrowed in order to drive across town to meet the newly arrived vacationing girls, and unlocked the door and climbed in. As she set the key in the ignition switch, and the car roared to life, so did Cordelia's sudden anger at her crappy situation. Immediately she placed blame on Angel, Wes, and Gunn (because, come on, it felt better than blaming herself), and made the decision that as soon as she got home, she was going to let them have it.

Cordy threw the gear into reverse, backed out of the spot, and shot out onto the street like a madwoman. She gripped the steering wheel tightly, grinding her big, white teeth, and ready to explode when she thought about what her life had become. When she thought about all the lonely Saturday nights she'd spent working on a case or patching Angel up after a fight or reading some stupid Latin book that Wesley was making her study… She growled low in her chest at the thought of how much time she had spent clutching her head in pain and swallowing down bottles of Aspirin after one of those god-awful visions while the rest of the guys took off with weapon in hand and grin on face to do a little "cleaning up" (as Gunn so fondly liked to call it). They got to go out and fight, which they enjoyed, while she stayed at home nursing a skull-splitting headache, which she DEFINITELY didn't enjoy. And when they'd get home, would they say, 'Gee, Cordelia? How's your head?' or 'Poor, Cordy…is there anything I can do?' Would they offer to make her some tea? Tell her to lay out on the couch and offer to rub her feet? NO! They just walked in, bragging about how tough they looked and how hard they fought and how much evil demon ass they kicked while poor Cordy just sat there, swimming in her boredom.

At least Angel would make breakfast afterward. That was at least one thing.

~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~

By the time Cordy pulled into the underground parking structure beneath the deserted Hyperion Hotel that Angel called home, she had simmered down. By the time she walked in the door and saw their blank faces as she passed by, she had lost her nerve. And by the time she had went into the bathroom and closed the door and sat on the toilet seat ready to cry again, she was too tired to care. What was another day without being noticed…nothing special. So why bother anyone else with it.

After all, they had work to do.

~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~

That evening Tara crawled into bed beside Willow who was busy reading a book. Willow glanced up and smiled when Tara leaned forward and brushed the hair back from her eyes.

"So you can read better," She explained.

"Thank you."

Tara turned and picked up her own book and started to read as the two girls sat quiet in their hotel room. She flipped through the pages of an old ancient scripture containing some powerful spells that she and Willow planned on practicing at home the following week. Tara sighed contently as she read, and felt Willow's toes brushing against her leg beneath the covers. She thought about how lucky she was to have Willow, and that brought a smile to her face. Then she thought about how unlucky Cordelia had been, and that brought a slight frown.

"Willow?" She said before even thinking.

"Yeah?"

"Think we could do something to help out Cordelia? Not anything big, but maybe just a…'push,' you know, to give her some oomph?"

Willow thought about this. "What'd you have in mind?"

"Well, I don't know," Tara thought. "Maybe we could make her a charm or something, something she could carry that would make people notice her…"

"No," Willow said. "Cordelia wouldn't use it. She wouldn't want help from magic for something like this… Besides, she might take it the wrong way if we handed her a talisman and go, 'Here! Wear this and some man will like you!"

"Oh," Tara sighed. "I guess you're right…that does sound kinda offensive."

"Yeah."

"Well…hey! Maybe we could just cast a little 'special' spell, or something! And not tell her about it!"

"Special?"

"Yeah, like, you know, just to make her feel good. If she feels good, then people around her will start to notice, and they'll start feeling good, and then feeling good will be sorta associated with being with Cordelia and then someone will ask her out."

"Like make it contagious?"

"Yeah! No…well, sorta."

"Hmn." Willow thought hard for a second.

"Oh…forget I said it," Tara sighed quickly, taking Willow's hesitation as a sign it sounded dumb. "I'm sorry, it was a stupid thing to think, a stupid idea. I'm sorry…"

"Don't say that,"

"Cordelia's your friend, you know her best. If you don't think it's a good idea, then I'm sorry I thought of it. I'm sorry I brought it up."

"Tara! It's not stupid!"

Tara looked up at her. "It's not?"

"No! In fact, I think it's a nice idea," She smiled at Tara's lightening face. "A great idea, actually! I think Cordelia could use a little oomph myself. You know, she was always so bright…even when she was being rude…and now, I just don't see that light inside of her. Its as if she's lost it somehow. And her sex appeal…"

Tara stared at Willow.

"…she used to ooze with the 'I'm-a-sexy-woman' vibe 'everyone-wants-me'. Now, its like, I don't know, not the old Cordelia."

"She looks great, and all," Tara said.

"Oh yeah! She's still beautiful,"

"But she doesn't seem as happy,"

"Yeah…she seems depressed."

"Willow…"

"Yeah…"

"Let's do it now. Let's do an anti-depressant spell and try to make her feel better."

"Okay," Willow smiled.

"Okay."

"You get the candles, and I'll, um, get the candles!"

"Okay!"

The girls jumped out of bed.

"Yay! Cordelia is going to be so happy!" Tara said excitedly as she fumbled through her Wicca bag.

"She really is!" Willow nodded, digging through their other magical items. "I'm so glad you thought of this! You're so smart!"

"Aww, thanks, Will!"

"Of course!"

"I love you, Will!"

"I love you, Tara!"

The girls stopped and stared at eachother.

"This is going to be great!"

"Yeah! It is!"

~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~

That night, Cordelia had fallen asleep on the long, black, leather couch in the lobby near the front door. One of Wesley's Latin demon books rested comfortably across her chest, and she stirred a little in the midst of a dream. Her breath came out in soft, long sighs, and she for once looked peaceful. She had fallen asleep after one of those head stabbing visions while waiting for the guys to come home…

~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~

Tara closed the circle and stood facing Willow as she lit the last of the candles. Both of their mouths moved very softly, a faint murmur of the repetitious chant they used to call upon the deities. Willow cracked a smile as her lips moved effortlessly around the words. In the flickering candlelight, the girls moved towards eachother and grasped hands. They closed their eyes and kneeled to a restful position in the center of their circle on the floor, adjacent to the waxing moon, which shone high and bright (as bright as could be in the L.A. smog) through the wide-open window of the hotel room. The girls wished in silent prayer for Cordelia Chase to feel happy.

"Think we should add a little extra?" Willow whispered, peeking at Tara with one squinted eye. Tara peeked back.

"Yeah,"

"Should we cast a wanting spell?"

"Couldn't hurt,"

"Okay,"

They let go of each other's hands, and Tara turned towards the makeshift alter of candles, censur, Grimoire, and offering plate. Willow opened her satchel of herbs and started removing the useful ingredients and dropping them into their tiny, three-pronged iron cauldron.

"Ooh! Add some almond oil," Tara said.

"Okay!" Willow opened a little glass vile and dripped a couple of drops into the pot. "Would you say about four?"

"Five,"

"Okay."

"Five days should be long enough…don't you think?"

"Yeah,"

"Okay."

Tara started the rite.

"I draw down the power of the moon, the goddess, the lover

Merging with your power, I summon strength of will.

I bring to this night love and appreciation for Cordelia Chase…"

Willow added more to the cauldron.  (mumbled) "A little Vervain, a pinch of rose petal, heliotrope…hmn…what else…oh, yeah, some moss for binding...Hmn. Pepper? Energy??? Sure, why not! Cordy's gonna need energy to keep up with all those men,"

A giggle escaped her, but didn't break Tara's concentration.

Soon Willow joined in with Tara's prayer:

"Love and grace, love and grace, love and grace, love and grace…"

~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~

Cordelia mumbled something in her sleep. If someone had been there, they may have noticed the faint light that ran over her features and disappeared into her skin.

~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~

The light of the candles grew brighter with each passing verse. Finally they finished the rite.

"…and let he that be near her yearn her embrace."

               

"That outta do it."

"She should notice a difference by morning."

Willow and Tara smiled at one another as the flames burnt down, and then out.

~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~

"Cordy?" Angel called as he and his crew bound through the door into the quiet hotel. Gunn was grinning with victory, though he looked a bit tired. Wesley, who had a slight limp after taking a hard kick to the kneecap earlier by a Gondor demon that hadn't liked him pointing his crossbow at its head, didn't smile as much as each step proved to become more painful.

"I think It's started to swell," He called out to no one in particular.

"I am so hungry! You making eggs, right?" Gunn called after Angel.

"Of course…Cordy?" Angel called again as he slipped out of his jacket. He paused and looked down at the sleeping beauty resting comfortably on his chair. Gunn walked up beside him.

"Why do she get to sleep while we're out there getting our asses kicked? That's not fair…Girl has got to wake up!" He started to reach down to shake her, when Angel caught his arm.

"Ah, let her sleep," He said.

"What for! We been doin' all the work!"

"Because I don't want to hear it when she gets pissed at you for disturbing her."

"I agree," Wesley said looking over their shoulders. He read the title of the book. "She'll be grumpy enough as it is, after reading that book. That is the most frustrating piece of nonsense…"

Cordelia started to stir then, and silently let out a yawn. Gunn gave her a disdainful look as her eyes fluttered open and she sat up rubbing her hair. Wesley gave her a disdainful look when she let the book fall to the floor in a heap, then rested her foot on it as if it were a footrest instead of an important piece of demonology.

"I said it's frustrating, not foot worthy!" Wesley nearly shouted as he hobbled over and after knocking her foot off of it, picked up the book.

Cordelia looked up at the three men. Rubbing her tired eyes she yawned again, and let out a not so enthusiastic,

"Oh. You're home."

At the sound of her voice, Wesley turned back and stared at her. She looked up at him expectantly but he said nothing, just stared.

"What?" She said flatly.

Gunn had turned to walk away, but then paused mid-motion and turned back to face her.

Angel stood idly.

"You look…" Wesley started.

Cordelia waited. "Well?"

"You look…"

Again Cordelia waited. Angel did too, and actually looked over Cordelia once or twice trying to figure out what it was Wes was staring at. When he didn't speak, just stood there with his mouth hanging open, Cordelia shot him a dirty look and sighed.

"I know I look like crap, Wesley. I just woke up for gods sakes! Give me a break!" She pushed herself out of the chair in a huff and started to walk towards the kitchenette. Angel stood there, trying not to grin at her irritation, and was surprised when both Wesley and Gunn stepped towards her and simultaneously said, "You look beautiful."

 

Cordelia and Angel both spun around to face them in shock.

"What?" She snapped.

"You, do," Wesley said, taking another step forward, apparently forgetting about his hurt knee as he stood upright and straight and without a whimper. "You look radiant, Cordelia," he said softly. "Absolutely gorgeous…"

"ARE YOU DRUNK???"

"No."

"Girl, you do look kinda gooood," Gunn said , his eyes lingering on her form as she stood in the doorway between rooms. Gunn did a double take and looked her up and down again. Cordelia's jaw dropped and she looked to Angel. Angel didn't know what to say, so he turned and looked astoundingly at the other two men. Both men stared intently at Cordelia, and Cordelia broke the silence.

"OK! You guys are acting WAY WEIRD tonight, I'm going home!"

She grabbed her purse off the leather sofa and started towards the door.

"I'll give you a ride home!" Gunn and Wesley said practically in unison.

She paused, spooked, and glared up at both of them.

"No way!"

"Please, Cordelia, it will be my honor!" Wesley said.

"I'm a better driver!" Gunn interrupted.

"No you're not!" Wesley snapped. He looked back to Cordelia. "I'm a safer driver!"
"With you driving her, it'd take her all night to get home! You drive like an old man!"

"I most certainly do not!"

"You want to bet!"
"I might take that wager!"

Cordelia appearing outraged, looked from one man to the next.

"I'm taking her home, man," Gunn growled.

"NO, Charles, I am."

They held a heated gaze on eachother with Cordelia standing between them. She looked at Angel expectantly, but found him completely clueless with his mouth hanging open. In a huff, she turned back towards the door, dug her keys out of her purse and called, "I'm taking Angel's car! I don't need a ride from either of you!"

She started through the door, and Wesley and Gunn grew immediately silent, looking almost lost as she disappeared out into the hallway.

They turned and looked at Angel. "D-don't you want some eggs?" He called out uselessly.

~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~*+*~::~