Attack of the Snow Woman
A Nutwood Before R.J. Special
It was three days before Christmas, and all of Nutwood was in festive cheer. All the children were out of school for winter holiday and were eager for the arrival of Santa Claus, but in the meantime had plenty of time for play.
Since Kipenzi Meerkat was unable to visit her home in Africa for another week, it was the first time she was going to have a Christmas in England. In an instant, she felt the spirit of it, as the Rabbit family she lived with decorated the house beautifully with red and green decorations, and had decorated a Christmas Tree in the living room that she thought was magnificent.
That morning, Kipenzi was awoken by Mrs. Rabbit's children Timmy and Judy, who were outside giggling. She looked out her window to see that snow fell, and the two rabbits were making snow angels, at least Kipenzi thought they were angels from their shape. Quickly, she put on her dress and jewelry, and went out to the kitchen to see Mrs. Rabbit making her breakfast.
"I thought you would be up by now Kipenzi," said Mrs. Rabbit, "It's a cold morning dear; you better eat this porridge while it's warm."
"What are Timmy and Judy doing out there?" asked Kipenzi.
"Playing in the snow," said Mrs. Rabbit, "Somehow this is the one part of England that always sees a decent snowfall this time of year."
"I think its beautiful Mrs. Rabbit," said Kipenzi, "I almost wish it could snow in Botswana, but it's too hot and arid for such a thing."
"Well I think it always perfect to have snow in time for Christmas," said Mrs. Rabbit, "We're out of plum jam, but we do have strawberry jam for your toast if you desire."
"Sure, I would love that," said Kipenzi.
"If you plan to go outside, your winter coat is in the closet," said Mrs. Rabbit, "It might be more of a fit than it was last year."
"It should be, but I didn't wear it much last year so I wouldn't know," said Kipenzi.
"Either way, I still stand by my choice to buy it a size higher. I don't have to be your birth mother to know you are a growing girl," said Mrs. Rabbit.
"Of course," said Kipenzi as she was served her breakfast. She ate her porridge up, and after brushing her teeth she put on her coat and a hat to go outside. The sun was peeking through the clouds, and the air was cold and crisp. She looked to the right to see Timmy and Judy looking through the shed for their toboggan.
"Will you take us sledding Kipenzi?" asked Judy.
"I would love to," said Kipenzi.
"This year I want to sled down the big hill." said Timmy as he took out the toboggan.
"No Timmy, we are not old enough for the older kids' hill," said Judy.
"But Kipenzi is an older kid, and she can make our sled fly," said Timmy.
"I haven't learned to make anything fly yet, not even an ember eagle," said Kipenzi, "and you know I would only do what your mother wants."
"Mum wouldn't mind," said Timmy.
"Yes she would," said Judy.
"Maybe we should ask your mother and hear what she says," said Kipenzi.
"Oh Kipenzi!" yelled what sounded like Gilmer Growler. Kipenzi turned around and a snowball hit her face.
"Hello Gilmer," said Kipenzi, "What are you trying to do, knock my earrings off?"
"Of course not, just having some fun," said Gilmer, "Tell me Kipenzi, do you still have the throwing charm?"
"You mean the baboon amulet? I sure do," said Kipenzi, "Have you found an old doll or stuffed animal for me to demonstrate it on?"
"You said we could use it on anything with arms," said Gilmer, "How about a snow woman?"
"A snow woman?" wondered Kipenzi.
"Snow women are just like snowmen, except they promote gender balance," said Gilmer.
"I thought so, you're always the activist," said Kipenzi, "Well I'm sure it would work, but what would the snow woman throw?"
"Snowballs of course," said Gilmer, "I heard that Phillip and Ogey are going to make a pre-Christmas visit to Mr. B, and I thought of a trick we could play on them as they walk by."
"I thought Phillip was going to be in Wales by now," said Kipenzi.
"He's still in town, he doesn't leave for Beddgelert until tomorrow," said Gilmer, "We better hurry over to the footbridge so that we're ready when they pass by."
"But Kipenzi said she was going to go sledding with us," said Judy.
"That's right, I was just going to play with Mrs. Rabbit's children," said Kipenzi.
"Oh goodness gracious," said Gilmer sadly, "Fine, I guess we can try this another time."
"Don't be angry Gilmer," said Kipenzi, "Maybe Timmy and Judy would like to help build the snow woman."
"But I want to go sledding!" yelled Timmy.
"We can go sledding later," said Kipenzi, "but I think what Gilmer has in mind would be a lot of fun. You just have to see it."
"Is someone yelling out here?" asked Mrs. Rabbit as she walked outside.
"It's alright Mrs. Rabbit, I just have a choice to make," said Kipenzi, "You see Gilmer came over wanting something, and Timmy and Judy want to go sledding."
"After I finish cleaning the kitchen, I could take Timmy and Judy to the hill," said Mrs. Rabbit, "That way you can play with Gilmer."
"Is that alright little rabbits?" asked Kipenzi.
"Only Dad calls us that," said Judy, "but I guess if Mum takes us it's alright."
"So much for the big hill," said Timmy.
"Now Timmy, some things in life are worth waiting for," said Mrs. Rabbit, "You can go now Kipenzi."
"One moment Mrs. Rabbit, I need to get something," said Kipenzi as she went back in to get the throwing potion from her bag. She then followed Gilmer to the old footbridge into the town square where they would set up.
Meanwhile, Phillip Fox went over to Nutwood Manor to show his friend Ogey Otter what he bought old Rupert for Christmas, and also to wrap his gift. When he came up to the doorstep, Ogey's younger cousin Wendy answered the door.
"Hello Ogey friend," said Wendy.
"Good Morning Wendy, is Ogey around?" asked Phillip.
"He's in his room," said Wendy. She took notice of what was in Phillip hands as he walked in, "What's that little man?"
"It's a miniature figure of a gardener," said Phillip, "Mr. B told me that his father was quite the gardener around his old home, and I think this would help rekindle his family memories."
"Does he still have family?" asked Wendy.
"Oh yes, he has grown-up children and grandchildren, none of which he could visit with this Christmas," said Phillip, "and for whatever reason he has also been feeling down the last few months, so I thought before I go to Wales I should give him something he would like."
"You are very sweet Phillip," said Wendy.
"You are making me wish I bought something for you," said Phillip as he giggles.
Wendy noticed that Phillip was blushing, "Why do you have red cheeks?"
"It's, well, that happens when it's cold out," said Phillip, "Now if you excuse me, I need to see your cousin."
Phillip took the secret passage up to Ogey's room, and knocked on the secret chest door but got no answer. He heard music, and peeked through to see Ogey and his Cousin Andy rocking out to "I Wish It Could Be Christmas" by Wizzard. Knowing that Ogey would never hear him with the music so loud, he came out through the chest, set down his present, and then made a pounce from behind Ogey, hugging him tight.
"AHHH! Monster! Monster!" yelled Ogey.
"Happy Christmas Ogey!" yelled Phillip.
Ogey turned around and saw his friend, "Oh yeah, hi Phillip!"
Phillip let go of Ogey so that he could turn off the record. Andy looked at the gardener figurine that Phillip brought. "What is this, a vegetable farmer?"
"Or a simple gardener, however you look at it," said Phillip, "It's my present for Mr. B."
"Ah come on Philly, that's a boring present," said Ogey, "Look what I bought Mr. B, its Sopwith Camel!"
"A Sopwith- Ogey, that's a stuffed camel with a tropical shirt on," said Phillip, "and it has a rather revolting grin I might add."
"Mr. B said he liked a Sopwith Camel, so I bought a camel and named him Sopwith," said Ogey, "I think he's from Bermuda."
"Camels don't live in Bermuda, they live in Northern Africa and Southwest Asia," explained Phillip, "and the Sopwith Camel was a British airplane flown in the First World War. Mr. B was talking about airplanes."
"Oh yeah," said Ogey.
"I thought Mr. B was in the Second World War," said Andy.
"He was Andy, but he knows about the first," said Phillip, "But anyway Ogey, unless you want to change your mind about your present, do you have the boxes and wrapping paper?"
"My grandmummy has it downstairs," said Ogey, "and I still say this camel is named Sopwith."
"And at least Mr. B will always know it's a present from you and not the Magi," said Phillip, "Let's go wrap our gifts."
Phillip and Ogey went downstairs to wrap their presents into the boxes and paper provided, and then left for the town square to deliver them to Rupert at his toy shop.
Later at the footbridge, Gilmer and Kipenzi were finishing their snow woman. It was a bit taller than both of them, and had button eyes, a carrot nose, cut up pipe cleaners for eyelashes, an old bonnet, and a purple scarf.
"I find it hard to believe that such a nice woman would throw snowballs at people," said Kipenzi.
"That's because you haven't used your amulet on it yet," said Gilmer.
"Of course not," said Kipenzi as she took out the baboon amulet which had a ring on top, and a leather string. She led the leather string through the ring of the baboon amulet which carried the spell, and then gently wrapped the string around the neck of the snow woman and tied the string together so that the amulet would stay on the snow woman, hanging on her backside. The snow woman then made a yellowish glow, and then picked up a snowball and threw it at Gilmer.
"Why didn't you tell me to get out of the way?" asked Gilmer.
"Don't forget what you did to me earlier," said Kipenzi, "Now you better get out of the way before it throws at you again."
"We should hide somewhere," said Gilmer, "Under the bridge or behind that tree?"
"Let's go behind the tree, we can better see what happens," said Kipenzi, "You are certain they are coming?"
"If Ogey said what I heard instead of Phillip, we wouldn't be doing this," said Gilmer.
"But Ogey likes Mr. B too," said Kipenzi.
"Everyone likes Mr. B," said Gilmer who then saw something coming down the footpath, "Quick, we better hide, I see someone."
Kipenzi and Gilmer hid behind the tree and looked at who was approaching. As it turned out, it wasn't Phillip and Ogey but instead Constable Airedale which concerned Gilmer.
"Oh no, it's the constable," said Gilmer, "We better get that charm off the snow woman or we'll get in trouble."
"Good thinking," said Kipenzi.
Panicked, the two girls ran down to their snow woman to get the charm off before he came up. Since they couldn't get the string off the snow woman without it getting caught on the carrot, Kipenzi had to untie the knot on the string which was a bit too tight. As she took off her gloves to fix the knot, the constable walked up and Gilmer knew she had to distract him.
"Good morning Constable Airedale," said Gilmer.
"Good morning Gilmer," said Airedale, "Did you make that snowman?"
"It's not a snowman, it's a snow woman," said Gilmer, "But yes I did make it, and Kipenzi helped me."
"Aye, I should know that a man would not wear that kind of hat," said Airedale, "I remember making snowmen a few times when I was a young lad in Inverness."
"Just snowmen and not snowwomen?" asked Kipenzi.
"Nothing for which the boys would make fun of me for," said Airedale.
"I got it off Gilmer," said Kipenzi.
"Got what off?" asked Airedale.
"Uh, we picked up a loose string stuck in the snow," said Gilmer.
Airedale laughed, "You never quite know what you pick up when you make snowmen. Well, carry on and have a safe Christmas lassies."
"Happy Christmas Constable," said Kipenzi as Constable Airedale proceeded to walk on the bridge into town.
"Phew, that was a close one," said Gilmer.
"I had better not tie it too snug," said Kipenzi as she retied the baboon amulet to the string, "There, we can hide behind the tree again."
After awhile, Phillip and Ogey were walking along the footpath toward town, feeling excited about delivering their gifts for Mr. B. Along the way, the two of them started talking about they are going to do over break.
"So Philly, I hear that after Christmas there's going to be a big UK premiere of the film Star Wars," said Ogey, "Are you going to see it over holiday?"
"I might, but only if there is a theater near Beddgelert showing it," said Phillip, "My mum's family lives in a part of Wales where both languages are spoken, and her father's family, the Llwynogs, are Welsh speakers. So unless there's been a Welsh dub of the movie I might not see it until I return to Nutwood."
"But you don't speak Welsh," said Ogey.
"Rwy'n gwybod bod rhai geiriau yn y Gymraeg." Phillip said that did know some words in Welsh.
"You said something nasty to me, didn't you?" inquired Ogey.
"No I didn't, I was just saying I know some words in Welsh," said Phillip.
"Well I'm of Gibberish descent and you don't hear me saying nasty things about you in Gibberish," said Ogey.
"You are not of Gibberish descent," said Phillip.
"Oh yes I am," said Ogey, "I'm from the Kingdom of Gibberland."
"It's not Gibberland, it's Gibbershire," said Phillip, "I've been there before and there are no otters that live there, only people in jester outfits like the jokers on playing cards."
"Are you sure they aren't Circush?" asked Ogey, "They sound like circus people."
"No Ogey, they are called Gibberish," said Phillip, "and there are no Circush, at least to my knowledge."
As they continued along the path, they came up to the footbridge where Gilmer and Kipenzi's snow woman was waiting for them. Behind the tree, the two girls waited patiently for them to pass by, giggling to themselves.
Not minding the snow woman, Phillip and Ogey kept walking along. As they started to set foot on the bridge into town, SMACK! The snow woman threw a snowball at Phillip, nearly causing him to drop his present.
Phillip turned around, "Alright, who threw that?"
"It wasn't me," said Ogey.
"I didn't think it was you," said Phillip, "I don't suppose it was the snow woman."
"You think the snow woman did it?" asked Ogey.
"It is possible," said Phillip, "Some snow people are ordinary and there are some who are alive. In fact, there was this one Mr. B told me about that-
" Philly got beat by a girl! Philly got beat by a girl! Philly got beat by a- SMACK! As Ogey danced around taunting his friend, he got hit by a snowball.
Phillip saw what threw it, "It was the snow woman!"
"Are you sure it's not the swine we don't speak of?" asked Ogey.
"Certainly not, I just saw it with my own eyes," said Phillip as he walked up to examine the snow woman, "Everything looks normal about it except this string around her. There must be something attached to it."
"Maybe it's an alien from the planet moon," suggested Ogey.
"Ogey for the last time, the moon is not a planet, nor can it snow up there because of the lack of water," said Phillip as he looked behind the snow woman to see the wooden baboon amulet, "Hey look at this, it's a wooden carving of some species of monkey."
"A monkey?" wondered Ogey who then started behaving like one, "Ooh ooh, ah ah ah ooh ah ah ooh ooh!"
"Stop it," said Phillip, "This looks African in origin, you know who in our class would be in possession of a thing like this?"
"Kipenzi?" asked Ogey, "But she wouldn't throw snowballs at us, she's too nice."
"She isn't fooling me," said Phillip, "Look at those footprints, one set of them has what looks like the print of dragging Meerkat tail."
"And the other looks like they were made by disco shoes," said Ogey.
"They're called platform shoes, which means that Gilmer is in on this as well," said Phillip, "And seeing where those footprints lead I think they are behind that tree. Let's follow them."
Gilmer and Kipenzi saw Phillip and Ogey run toward them, "I think they want to get back at us Gilmer," said Kipenzi.
"Not if we can help it," said Gilmer as she started making a couple of snowballs. She gave one to Kipenzi, and they both threw a snowball at the boys, "Take that you sinister boys!"
"What have we ever done to you girls, hmm?" asked Ogey.
"It's all Gilmer's idea, she wanted to see if my baboon amulet would work on a snowma- I mean snow woman," said Kipenzi.
"And I knew you were both going to be coming up that path, so I wanted to play a trick on you," said Gilmer.
"Well, aside from me almost dropping a fragile gift, I commend you both for being more clever then my grandfather could be," said Phillip, "Then again, he and his brother never were close to that one girl."
"What kind of gifts did you buy Mr. B?" asked Kipenzi.
"Philly has an establishment piece of porcelain, and I have a happy little camel," said Ogey, "What are you both getting Mr. B?"
"We wern't planning to buy him anything, should we?" asked Kipenzi.
"Of course you should, because he'll give you a ninety percent discount," said Ogey.
"That's not true," said Phillip, "We're just doing this out of friendship, I'm sure Mr. B wouldn't mind either way."
"Well I hope he likes your presents," said Kipenzi.
Suddenly, there was a scream from below. Phillip, Ogey, Gilmer, and Kipenzi looked down the hill and saw that Stephen Squirrel got hit by a snowball. He didn't look like he was taking it very well, so the four of them rushed to his aid.
"Stephen, are you alright?" asked Gilmer.
"How can I be alright if people throw snowballs at me?" asked Stephen, "Are Pincher and Warwick around here?"
"GASP!" Ogey started pretend choking as he always does when Pincher's name is said. Gilmer threw some snow at him to bring him out of it. "Stop being such a weasel brain!" she said.
"I can explain everything Stephen," said Kipenzi as she untied the baboon amulet from the snow woman to show him, "This amulet has the power to make inanimate figurines like this snow woman throw things, and Gilmer and I were using it to play a trick on Phillip and Ogey."
"We were just talking up on the hill and forgot that it was still tied to the snowman," said Phillip.
"Woman Phillip!" corrected Gilmer.
"Snow woman, pardon me," said Phillip, "But anyway Stephen, no one meant for you to get hit."
"That's alright, you don't have to admit anything," said Stephen, "I never thought a snowman or woman could throw snowballs, such a thing doesn't happen in America either."
"I thought everything was possible in America," said Ogey, "I hear there's this big space movie from Hollywood that's going to be released here soon, and it has the best special effects ever seen in a movie."
"Star Wars? Yeah, I've been told about it. It's been showing in the US for months," said Stephen, "My older brother in Ohio has seen it five times already."
"Are you missing your family?" asked Kipenzi.
"I'm not only missing them, I should be there with them right now," explained Stephen, "but my dad canceled our trip just so he could seal a business deal for his company. I guess some things are just more important to him than Christmas."
"I'm sorry Stephen, I guess we made you more miserable than you already were," said Gilmer, "Is there anything we can do for you?"
"No, it's alright. You don't have to trouble yourself," said Stephen, "My mom is still making dinner for us, and I'm still getting a present from my parents. Thanks though."
As Stephen started walking off, Ogey ran up to him with his present, "Here Stephen, you can have my present."
"Ogey, that's your present for Mr. B," said Phillip.
"But you said Mr. B wouldn't like it," said Ogey.
"No, what I said was that it's not what he was describing, I didn't say he wouldn't like it," said Phillip.
"You don't have to give me someone else's gift to make me happy," said Stephen, "Like I said, I'll be alright."
"Ah come on Stephen, just take it," said Ogey, "It might be the only kindness you'll get from an upper class Brit."
"You're rich?" asked Stephen.
"If he's not rich, then Nutwood Manor is a fancy looking council estate," said Phillip.
"Nutwood Manor, you really live there?" asked Stephen.
"With twelve other otters," said Ogey, "See now you know why I'm tossing this to you, I can buy Mr. B an airplane easily."
"Oh goodness gracious Ogey, you can't buy Mr. B an airplane," said Gilmer, "It's hardly worth anything you buy from him."
"I think what he means is a model replica of the Sopwith Camel," said Phillip.
Stephen looked the present and then looked at Ogey smiling at him, "Well, if you insist that I have it, thanks Ogey," he said.
"Don't mention it," said Ogey, "Go on without me Phillip, I'm going to take a bus to Nutchester. Soo-la in '78!"
"Soo-la?" wondered Stephen as Ogey ran off.
"It means see you later," said Phillip, "Well, I had better move along. I want to get this present over to Mr. B so I can go home and pack for my trip. Happy Christmas to all of you."
"Happy Christmas Phillip, have fun in Wales," said Kipenzi.
"I will Kipenzi, bye now," said Phillip as he proceeded across the bridge.
"I better continue on home, my mom will need my help soon," said Stephen.
"Of course Stephen," said Gilmer, "If anyone in America calls you, say Happy Christmas for me."
"I will, my brother said he will call us," said Stephen, "Merry Christmas, or Happy Christmas I guess."
As Stephen left, Kipenzi had a thought, "When I'm in Botswana next week, I have to tell my village more about this holiday. It really brings out the best in people."
"And sometimes the strangest in people," said Gilmer, "I heard Mary's Tea Room is serving half price cakes through tomorrow. Want to go there for lunch?"
"Sure," said Kipenzi, "I don't have any cash on me."
"I do, it's my gift," said Gilmer, "and then afterward we'll go to my house and listen to the new ABBA album."
And so Gilmer and Kipenzi went across the bridge into the town square for lunch, and everyone in Nutwood had a decent Christmas.
THE END
Happy Christmas 2012 (or 1977)