Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, singers or songs

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, singers or songs.  I'll be happy to give them back when I'm done borrowing them.

This is a dumb little story I wrote on a rainy spring break day, please let me know what you think!  PoisonIvy62886@aol.com.  It's PG-13 (some of the song lyrics).

It looked like all of Harmony had come out tonight to the same bar at the same time.  Damn, Ivy Winthrop thought to herself.  The one night that she had wanted to go get wasted by herself, of course.  Her eyes grew wide as she saw Sam and TC enter together.  She scanned the room and saw Eve and Grace together in the back.  Her eyes again went to Sam and their gazes met.  Eventually turning away, she ordered another margarita and tried not to think about him. 

She had finally gotten up the nerve to explain everything to him earlier—why she had left him after her wedding night, why she had kept her secret and how sorry she was.  Not even waiting for his response, she had run out of the park and ended up here for the rest of the day.  She heard TC say something about "Poison Ivy" and "Do you want to stay," then saw him point in her direction.  Sam shook his head and told him to stop, then they found a table.  iMaybe there's still something there,/i she thought to herself, then dismissed it as wishful thinking.

"All right, everyone, it's time for the nightly karaoke showcase!" the annoyingly perky host announced to the crowd.  It was met with cheers, groans and a "Someone please kill me now" from Ivy as she ordered another margarita.

"First up, we have Mr. Julian Crane, the one and only!" the host announced.

"Julian?!" Ivy said out loud and turned around in her barstool.  "This might be quite comical."

Julian, very much drunk, staggered up to the stage.  "Hello, darling," he greeted the host.

The host giggled.  "Hi, Mr. Crane.  What will you be singing for us tonight?"

"Uh..." he began as Ivy rolled her eyes, "umm...what's it called...butts...oh yes!  Baby Got Back.  And I'd like to dedicate it to my beautiful fianceé, Ms. Rebecca Hotchkiss."

"Oh dear God help me," Ivy whispered.

"Okay..." the host said.  "Well, Mr. Crane, go ahead!"  She handed Julian the mike and he fumbled with it before beginning.

I like big butts and I cannot lie

You other brothers can't deny

That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist

And a round thing in your face

You get sprung

Ivy joined in the snickers and laughter of the other patrons as Julian attempted to rap.

Wanna pull up front

Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed

Deep in the jeans she's wearing

I'm hooked and I can't stop staring

Oh, baby I wanna get with ya

And take your picture

My homeboys tried to warn me

But with that butt you got

Make me so horny

Ooh, all of that smooth skin

You say you wanna get in my Benz

Well use me use me cuz you aint that average groupie

To everyone's horror, Julian invited Rebecca onstage.  Rebecca eagerly accepted and began booty dancing.  Ivy quickly turned away and bumped into Sam.

I've seen them dancin'

The hell with romancin'

Sweat, sweat, got it goin like a turbo vette

"What the hell are you doing here?" they both asked each other at the same time.

I'm tired of magazines

Saying flat butts are the thing

Take the average black man and ask him that

She gotta pack much back

"I have as much right to be here as you do," Ivy said.  "If I feel like getting so drunk I black out, I will."

Fellas (yeah) Fellas(yeah)

Has your girlfriend got the butt (hell yeah)

Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt

Baby got back

"Just be careful driving home, okay?" Sam cautioned.  "I don't want anything to happen to you."

LA face with Oakland booty)

I like'em round and big

And when I'm throwin a gig

I just can't help myself

I'm actin like an animal

Now here's my scandal

I wanna get you home

And --, double up -- --

I aint talkin bout playboy

Cuz silicone parts were made for toys

I wannem real thick and juicy

So find that juicy double

Mixalot's in trouble

Beggin for a piece of that bubble

So I'm lookin' at rock videos

Watchin' these bimbos walkin like hoes

You can have them bimbos

I'll keep my women like Flo Jo

A word to the thick soul sistas

I wanna get with ya

I won't cus or hit ya

But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna --

Til the break of dawn

I got it goin on

Alot of pimps won't like this song

Cuz them punks lie to hit it and quit it

But I'd rather stay and play

Cuz I'm long and I'm strong

And I'm down to get the friction on

"You sound like you care what happens to me," Ivy teasingly said.

"Because I do," Sam told her.  "I wouldn't want anything awful to happen to you."

So ladies (yeah), Ladies (yeah)

If you wanna roll in my Mercedes (yeah)

Then turn around

Stick it out

Even white boys got to shout

Baby got back

Ivy rolled her eyes.  "Go to hell," she told him and turned back around to face the bar.

Sam shook his head and made her face him.  "I'm not going anywhere until we finish this."

LA face with the Oakland booty)

Yeah baby

When it comes to females

Cosmo and got nothin to do with my selection

36-24-36

Only if she's 5'3"

So your girlfriend throws a Honda

Playin workout tapes by Fonda

But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda

My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns hun

You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that butt

Some brothers wanna play that hard role

And tell you that the butt ain't gold

So they toss it and leave it

And I pull up quick to retrieve it

So cosmo says you're fat

Well I ain't down with that

Cuz your waste is small and your curves are kickin

And I'm thinkin bout stickin

To the beanpole dames in the magazines

You aint it miss thing

Give me a sista I can't resist her

Red beans and rice didn't miss her

Some knucklehead tried to dis

Cuz his girls were on my list

He had game but he chose to hit 'em

And pulled up quick to get with 'em

So ladies if the butt is round

And you wanna triple X throw down

Dial 1-900-MIXALOT and kick them nasty thoughts

Baby got back

"There's nothing to finish," Ivy said and turned back around to order her tenth margarita of the night.