Rated: K+
Summary: Book of Stupidity three, the book with all of Hyoutei's shameful and stupid moments. The team tries get Mukahi caught up… good luck
Pairings: Atoji, Dirty
Category: humour
Characters: Hyoutei
Disclaimer: If I owned PoT, something else would happen…, unfortunately I don't.
The twenty-second story in my Hyoutei-loving series, lolz……
Hyotei Phobia
Hyotei Library Session
Bets and Lovers
Book of Stupidity
Fights and Idiots
Switching Places
Book of Stupidity 2
Melting Ice
Lost in Tennis
Of Cameras and Attention
Street Tennis
Ore-sama's journal
Advice from Jirou
The Park and the Church
The Accident
Unhappy Information
Hospital Food
Help from Jirou
Reconcile and Resolve
Atobeism
Getting Out
Mukahi was staring blankly at map of Japan upside-down as his fellow teammates tried not to beat him up. "So where's Japan?"
"You're looking at it," Shishido pointed out.
"It's upside-down, Mukahi-senpai." Hiyoshi said, rather annoyed.
"Oh…," Mukahi turned the map around.
"Here, use an atlas, Mukahi-senpai," Ohtori suggested, placing the rather large atlas in front of Mukahi.
Mukahi took the atlas and flipped though it, humming to himself, then suddenly, he stopped and turned to the regulars with a huge grin on his face. The regulars really didn't want to ask, because they REALLY didn't want to know but, knowing Mukahi, he was going to tell them anyways. "I FOUND JAPAN IN THE ATLAS!"
"That's impressive." Oshitari replied sardonically.
"More impressive than my psychology mark…" Mukahi muttered, "58…"
"Can't help you, we don't take psychology…" Oshitari said.
"Well, we evolved from monkeys!"
"…really…?"
"Okay, you know what, let's skip to Science." Shishido said, snatching the atlas away from Mukahi before the atlas cried from abuse.
"So what was the unit again?" Mukahi asked, grabbing his science textbook.
"It's Reproduction"
"Sounds fun…" Mukahi twitched a little and randomly flipped through the textbook.
"What are you doing, Mukahi-senpai?" Hiyoshi asked.
"Neurons look like TVs… no I mean TREES!"
"How did you get those two mixed up?" Atobe asked.
"I dunno… um, they rhyme?"
"…………" Mukahi totally deserved the look he was getting at this moment.
"Well, more like a pillar…" Ohtori said, tilting his head to the side.
"What's a pillar?" Mukahi asked.
"You did NOT just ask us what a pillar is…" Shishido smacked his forehead.
"…"
"Okay, meiosis…" Oshitari began after a moment of awkward silence, "that's to create sex cells, called haploids… the chromosomes cross and…"
"THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE HAVING SEX!" Jirou suddenly piped up, having woken up in the middle of the awkward silence, "THEY'RE CROSSING AND IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE HAVING SEX!" Jirou's eyes were wide and he was wearing the usual sloppy grin on his face.
"Sit down Jirou." Atobe said.
"But I wanna explain!" Jirou protested, pouting.
"Um…"
"Please…?" Jirou gave Atobe the puppy-dog face that never fails.
"Fine, go ahead." Atobe sat back and prepared himself for the worst.
"Okay, sexual reproduction…" Jirou took a marker and started drawing on a whiteboard.
"Is this really such a good idea…?" Ohtori asked Shishido in a whisper.
"Oshitari's doing it too so it should be okay." Shishido whispered.
However, Oshitari didn't do anything as Jirou started to draw a mermaid on the board and labelled it "Suzy the Mermaid".
"SUGEE! SUZY-CHAN!"
"What the-" Shishido stared at it for a moment eating his words, "Geki daze, how does that work?"
"That is sooo gay! What the hell? You're sooo stupid, Jirou, it looks like a MAN!" Mukahi was bitching.
"It's Suzy-chan!" Jirou persisted.
"…" Nope, the regulars really did NOT want to know.
Oshitari took the marker from Jirou and then proceeded to draw a merman and he labelled it Aquaman.
"Oh no, not Aquaman," Shishido groaned.
"YOU GAVE AQUAMAN BOOBS!" Mukahi stood up and pointed at the picture of Aquaman.
"MUKAHI, SIT DOWN!" Atobe snapped; he really didn't want a headache. Why did he even come when he could be spending time in his private Jacuzzi?
"They're not boobs, Gakuto, it's man pecks." Oshitari said calmly, without a hint of embarrassment or amusement even though he was probably really amused at this moment, who wouldn't be, really, considering how retarded the world is at this moment. Well maybe not the world, but Hyoutei in particular…failed.
"So, Aquaman releases sperm into the water and it goes into Aquasuzy," Oshitari paused and waited for Jirou to get whatever he had to say out of his system.
"SUZY-CHAN!"
"She then becomes pregnant, and later on gives birth to baby Suzy," Oshitari paused again and gazed at Jirou.
"SUZY-CHAN!"
"So they don't have sex?" Mukahi asked.
"No, Mukahi, fish don't have sex." Atobe said rather impatiently.
"Come to think of it, why didn't Aquaman get a child on a mermaid?"
"Because he's gay?" Shishido rolled his eyes.
"He's not gay!" Mukahi argued.
"How did he become Aquaman?" Hiyoshi asked.
"He was bitten by a nuclear whale!" Jirou declared.
"You guys have WAY too much spare time, ne Kabaji?" Atobe said, rubbing his temple.
"Usu."
Oshitari took a marker, wrote on the board, "Different Types of Sexual Reproduction", and under it wrote "Conjugation".
"Conjugation is when bacteria meet and sometimes exchange pieces of genetic information called plasmids." Oshitari explained, drawing a small diagram of two bacteria exchanging plasmids.
"Great, now we're learning about bacteria sex." Shishido rolled his eyes.
"Bacteria have sex?"
"No Gakuto, it's called conjugation," Oshitari said. "Bacteria are the strongest organism on earth and this is probably due to conjugation…"
"Really?"
"Yeah!" Jirou said excitedly, "If a meteor hit earth, we would all die, but bacteria would survive. Even Aquaman would die, but not Suzy-chan, she's good to go!"
"Where does he get these ideas?" Ohtori really wished that he didn't have to get tutoring from his senpai-tachi any time in the near future.
"Where did the meteor come from?" Hiyoshi asked impertinently.
"Meteors are cool! I like the Space unit!"
"You guys did space too?" Mukahi asked.
"A part of it." Oshitari supplied.
"That sucks, I have to study harder now."
"You study?" Shishido raised his eyebrows.
"Yes! At least when I'm bored and when Yuushi is being a study bug…"
"I am not a study bug." Oshitari said calmly but with a hint of danger.
Mukahi grinned, "Not for school…"
"I don't even want to know…" Shishido turned away.
"Mukahi, stay on task."
"Okay, okay, you sound like my nanny!"
"Mukahi-senpai, you have a nanny?" Hiyoshi asked, surprised, he hasn't had a nanny since he was… well… since ever.
"…maybe…"
"Why, are you afraid of staying home alone?" Shishido taunted.
"SHUT UP! She looks after my brother now."
"Oh really?" Shishido smirked.
"This isn't surprising coming from a person whose curfew is at eight." Oshitari shrugged.
"YUUSHI!"
"Still?" Atobe raised an eyebrow.
"They say they'll make it later after my fifteenth birthday!" Mukahi argued.
"That is so sad." Even Jirou shook his head.
"Can we please go back to studying now?" Mukahi asked.
"You go ahead Atobe." Oshitari gave Atobe the marker and sat down.
"Hermaphrodites…" Atobe wrote the word down on the board, this caused a round of giggling which he ignored and started a long chain of scientific explanations.
"Huh?" Mukahi said after Atobe finished.
Shishido groaned, "Okay to sum it all up, plants can have sex with themselves and snails can impregnate each other, even if they are guys, so I can go and do it with a male and still have a baby but I'm not into that." Then with a quick side-glance at the others, he quickly added, "that's not to say there's anything wrong with that!" He paused "Oh and I'm not a snail."
"…" Atobe shot Shishido a murderous glare.
"Are you sure you're not a snail?" Mukahi asked.
"…" Shishido glared at Mukahi.
"To sum up today's lesson," Oshitari said, "Don't swim with your mouth open in a lake. Chances are, there's fish sperm in it."
"EWW" Jirou shuddered as Oshitari smirked.
"You can really tell who did by the faces you guys make."
"Thanks…"
"Moving on… the space unit." Atobe said, the sooner I get this over with, the sooner I get some alone time with Jirou.
"Gakuto, what's the biggest planet in the solar system?" Oshitari asked.
"Isn't that the sun…?"
"…"
"Oh wait, that's a star!"
"…"
"What?"
"I give up." Shishido stood up and walked towards the door.
"You're not going anywhere until this is finished!" Atobe glared hard at Shishido's back.
"…" Shishido turned back and sat down.
"So are asteroids the milky way?" Jirou asked.
"No, Jirou, asteroids are not the milky way."
"So what are they?"
"They're a bunch of rocks and things that's between Mars and Jupiter."
"Seriously? SUGOI!" Jirou squealed and finally settled down in Atobe's lap. Apparently satisfied, he dozed off.
Atobe gave Jirou an annoyed but affectionate pat on the head and continued, "Anything else you'd like to know?"
"Yes, have you and Jirou slept together yet?" Mukahi asked.
"Anything about Science class you'd like to know, Mukahi." Atobe said sternly.
"Well, it kind of has to do with sexual reproduction."
"Gakuto, men cannot reproduce with each other." Oshitari said patiently.
"Hermaphrodites can," Mukahi said stubbornly.
"Ore-sama is NOT a hermaphrodite," Atobe snapped indignantly.
"Bleh, you act like one." Mukahi rolled his eyes.
"Twenty laps around the school."
"I'm STUDYING!"
"Study while you're running," Atobe said unsympathetically, "now GO!"
"Stupid buchou," Mukahi muttered before taking off running.
"What was that?"
"Nothing…"
Glossary of Quotes: (the world fails!)(No Angie, that's just you)
Where's Japan? (while staring at a map of Japan)- Niroopa, though it was Canada…
Found Japan in the Atlas – me to my geo teacher (she replied like Oshitari) (Actually it was Canada in an Atlas of Canada)
We evolved from MONKEYS! – Ica (way to state the obvious)
Neurons look like TVs, No I mean trees! I dunno, they rhyme? –Ral (in Science class)
What's a pillar? –Ral (she was actually trying to ask what Pillar Pair was…)
In meiosis, they look like they're having sex! Etc. – Ral
Suzy the mermaid- Mr. Byrne (Science teacher)
It looks sooo stupid. What the hell? It looks like a man! –Ral
Giving Aquaman boobs and calling them Man Pecks–Mr. Byrne (-shakes head… science class)
You gave Aquaman boobs! –the rest of the class
The whole Aquaman being gay and how did he turn into Aquaman conversation and having way too much time–Mr. Byrne (asking the questions), Ian and Zamour (answering)
Great, now we're learning about bacteria sex –Ral
If a meteor hits the earth the bacteria will survive, even Aquaman may die, but not Aquasuzy! She's good to go! –Mr. Byrne
Plants can have sex with themselves and snails can impregnate each other, even if they are guys, so I can go and do it with a male and still have a baby but I'm not into that, that's not to say there's anything wrong with that! Oh and I'm not a snail. –Mr. Byrne (nice…)
Don't swim in a lake with your mouth open – Mr. Byrne (lolz too late)
(What's the Biggest Planet in the solar system?) Isn't that the sun? –Eric (smart…)
Are asteroids the Milky Way? –some brown guy (Shebaz?)
I didn't use all the quotes I had; I will use them one day.
A/N: This is probably the last book of stupidity fic because it's getting old I think… Anyways, yes the world fails… My science teacher especially, I wrote this as kind of studying for the exam so don't mind the random science facts in there… it goes with the plot too. The Aqua-Suzy and Aquaman thing you have to be there to get so don't mind if it's not that funny
Random: dude, Kaidoh should totally go to my middle school, the mascot for the middle school was the Vipers. Lolz, he'd totally fit in. GO MAMUSHI! (laughs)
E/N: …Angie…you know…that random thing was totally unnecessary…I HOPE you know that…and I am REALLY glad that I was at OFSAA during that science class…I think I just died a little at the world's stupidity. Anyways, I know no one is gonna read this but I really don't care. Mistakes are more than welcome to be pointed out/laughed at. Feel free to flame me etc. etc. I'm never gonna answer anyways…
Ica
Anti: wait, aren't you just asking to be flamed? And it wouldn't be flaming you, It'd be me since I wrote this, thanks Ica… -evil glare-