A Day in the Life of a Cop
Screams of fear
Terror strikes
When there is a hostage situation
My team pack up ready for the worst
We know our role in the world
We protect people
From other people
I go on my usual perch on a building
Ready to fire my rifle
Greg negotiates
Tries to get the subject to calm down
Tries to get him to put his gun down
"Let's keep the peace," he always says
Always tries to prevent the worst from happening
I'm a sniper
Pretty simple job
Easier than negotiating that's for sure
It's my job to make sure
That my team doesn't get hurt
I always make sure they're okay
That my unit family is okay
I have the solution
When there is no other way
"Scorpio"
I hear Greg say
When there is no longer another way
I pull the trigger
Just as I do
A kid comes into my line of fire
I start to panic
Not sure if I shot the wrong person
I look again
And I try to compose myself
I didn't shoot the kid
But the terror that was inside me
Doesn't leave right away
I calm myself down
Then we go back to headquarters
My wife calls me on my cell
I answer to tell her I'm okay
But I don't talk for long
I can't deal with my family right now
They don't understand
They can't understand
They're not police officers
People ask me if I'm okay
If I need to talk with anyone
Like a therapist
I say that I'm fine
I'll deal
"You have to stop doing this to yourself"
Greg tells me
As I have a quiet breakdown
"You can't keep saying your fine if you're not"
Greg tells me
I tell Greg to stop worrying
That I'm fine
But really
I'm just lying to myself
Every single time I pulled the trigger
I felt guilt and pain grow inside me
It's the price of becoming a cop
"You need to talk to someone"
People tell me
I laugh at the idea
I'm fine
Perfectly fine
People know I'm lying
Sometimes I lie in bed
After another shift wondering
Did I do the right thing?
Do I feel guilty?
Should I feel guilty?
Sometimes I feel alone
Despite the fact I'm not
I can't always relate to my family
I love them to death
But they don't always understand
They can't understand
When I have to be late
Or miss something
They don't understand that I have to
My team feels more like a family sometimes
They get me
Greg asks if I'm okay another day
"I'm Fine"
I tell him
"Of course I forgot who I'm talking to"
Greg says "You're always alright"
Greg knows like I know
And everyone knows
That I'm lying
We all lie when it comes to it
Try to hide how we really feel
I couldn't believe it
Lou was gone
He was really gone
He had sacrificed himself for everyone
I felt anger
As I watched
One of the youngest
And one of the newest members of our team
Of our family
Collapse onto the ground
Sobbing in agony, grief, guilt, anger, and disbelief
After the blast from the bomb
That had killed his best friend
I felt anger toward the damn anarchists
Who get off
By killing innocent people
I felt angry because I knew there was nothing to be done
I watched silently
As Greg pulled Spike into a comforting embrace
And Spike who was too far gone in shock and grief
To register who it was
Spike was barely conscious
Oblivious to the meaningless comforts being whispered into his ear
A lone tear escaped from the corner of my eyes
As I watched Greg rock Spike back and forward
Like a baby
Whispering words of comfort
But we all knew those words of comfort
Would do nothing to help
But we also knew
That Spike needed us more than ever