Author's note:
This particular story occurs before Fragments and is set during the early part of Miyuki, Kana, and Fumiko's first year in middle school. Rebecca and Yuko are still in their last year in elementary school, and at this point Miyuki is living in the Garden side dorms. She moves to the Outside dorms at the end of the school year in preparation for Yuko's arrival (Kana and Fumiko know about Miyuki's obsession with this kouhai). The character mentioned Hojo Ayame, Shidarezakura Academy's current Student Council President, is a third year in this story and Miyuki's grande soeur. She is in high school by the start of Fragments.
Warning: This and all the other small one off stories are O.C. centric.
Disclaimer: I do not own Toaru Majutsu no Index, To Aru Kagaku no Railgun, nor any of its characters.
The clear and crisp rapping on the dorm room door was loud enough to be heard by anyone inside but not so loud as to be considered annoying. The red haired young girl who was its origin waited for an answer and after a minute or two with none forthcoming, leaned forward and tried listening through the wood. Hearing naught but her own heartbeat, she realized that such a method probably only worked in movies and crime dramas, and shook her head at her own silliness.
Undaunted, the girl reached out and placed her hand on the door handle. As she concentrated, using her ability to sense the state of the lock, she realized that it should be identical to her own. After all, they were in the same Garden of Education dorms, just a differences in being on the second floor instead and a longer corner room. Manipulating the tumblers to an open state was easy, it was keying in the appropriate security code to disable the silent alarm that would bring the dorm supervisor up here, which was a bit more of a challenge. Good thing she had memorized the dorm supervisor's own override code from having seen her use it so many a time. A dorm full of genius rich-girl espers, normal people didn't stand much of a chance. Still, the dorm supervisor was formidable in her own ways, though nothing like the rather infamous Tokiwadai one. After keying in the code, she cautiously entered.
What greeted her was darkness. Not the unrelenting pitch blackness of a cavern, but rather an absence of unnatural light, perhaps a little out of place in the advanced society of Academy City, but not entirely unheard of. Unlike the standard rooms, which Kana herself had, corner suites had a very small entrance room where one would take off their shoes, as was Japanese custom, and a bit of a larger bathroom. The archway the lead into the main room area was off to her left. Seeing a pair of standard girl's shoes as she placed her own next to them was a good sign. Passing through the archway, she was faced with a small divider wall that formed a little hallway leading to the bathroom door and another archway into the bedroom area. Moving into the bedroom, she noted the windows on the far wall were still covered by a pair of mauve curtains, drawn but too thin to completely block out the sunlight forcing its way in, casting itself in beams onto the two desks, floor and walls. This was outlined further by the innumerable bits of dust hanging in the air, giving the room a stale and stuffy feel, as if the very concept of air circulation was foreign. Indeed, every surface she could see through the crimson din had clearly not been dusted in probably a week.
The bedroom area was, if anything and being rather charitable, was a complete total mess. Clothes of all types, including a horribly wrinkled example of the school's uniform coat, lay strewn about the hard wood floor and the unused second bed. Miyuki, despite being a first year, was afforded a room alone. This probably attributed to the current situation that had Kana breaking and entering. The influence of her father and her rare ability, granted her considerations no normal first year, not already a Level 5, could hope for. Their school used a soeur system, and it was not unheard of for the petite soeur to be roommates with their grande soeur.
On the topic of grande soeurs, Kana had to huff, Hojo-san had sent her to do a task that was technically her responsibility as Miyuki's grande soeur, but the ever so self-important Student Council President did not know how to handle the girl. Nor did she want to, Kana cynically thought to herself. As Miyuki's oldest friend it fell to her to check on the girl who was named the Princess of Shidarezakura, well she lost at janken with Fumiko, but she wasn't going to say that.
Taking her eyes off the unused second bed, she tiptoed around several dozen pieces of junk mail and at least a score of wadded tissues. Behind her, against the divider wall that separated the bedroom from the entrance and bathroom wall stood a five-tier shelf overstuffed with books and knickknacks. Next to that lay an acoustic guitar, the tiny shaft of light that had managed to bypass the curtains reflecting off its polished surface.
Flush against one wall, opposite the unused bed that was similarly positioned, and to maximize space, headboard turned away from the window, sat Miyuki's bed, its rumpled blankets betraying its reality, that it was occupied. The person on the bed made no sound as the girl approached and kneeled down next to it.
"Heya, Miyuki-chan," the girl said to the figure on the bed in her kindest tone.
Nakamura Miyuki, still ensconced in covers, grunted.
"I'm sorry for coming in without permission and all, but you left me no choice, you know."
Miyuki shifted, snapping her fingers which turned on a nearby lamp, bathing the tiny dingy area in a weak and rather jaundiced glow.
"Kana," Miyuki replied flatly, without honorific, and not for the moment turning to face her visitor.
"You haven't been to class for over a week. We're all worried about you, you know," Kana explained.
"And you came to see if I'm still alive," Miyuki replied, not phrasing it as a question.
"Yeah, if you want to be morbid about it and all."
"Why not?" asked Miyuki rhetorically.
"A... anyways, I'm glad to see you're, you know, okay and all," Kana concluded.
At this, Miyuki turned to face Kana, who instinctively startled. Miyuki's hair, normally full and sleek, was a matted mess, creating a pink monstrosity. Her eyes appeared sunken due to the dark bags under them. Her sclera was bloodshot, contrasting sharply with the still-brilliant blue of her irises. She wore the same blue pajamas Kana had seen before, but the long-sleeved top had noticeable sweat stains. It was at this point Kana realized, much to her discomfort, that Miyuki had not bathed in some time.
She fixed a bored glare at Kana. "Do I look okay?"
"Yeah, I'm going to say no. Not at all," Kana admitted. "You look like crap, girl. Yet," she placed her hand on Miyuki's forehead, "you don't appear to be sick."
"Then you don't see it," said Miyuki with a sigh.
"What?" Kana asked, annoyed.
"Kana, do you remember the first week of the school term when Hojo-san called you and told you they found me ice-skating on the school's pool?"
Kana nodded, grinning slightly as she recalled the whole swim team yelling at Hojo Ayame. "I think Hojo-san probably has more colorful memories of that, but yes."
Miyuki sighed, "You probably don't remember what I told you both, sometimes I forget that it is Hojo-san's job to selectively manage my image for the school."
She didn't remember it, not exactly. "What do you mean by manage your image?"
Miyuki sighed. "Our student council president was tasked by my uncle, due to her telepathic abilities, to handle what people know about my condition." The girl ran a hand over the edge of her pillow, "she forgets that you all have known me for a while and know a bit of my problems. Anyways, I told you I wasn't well. That day, I was on a high. My brain was working on overdrive. I felt like I could do anything. I could do anything, probably nothing productive. But, like a ball you toss straight up into the air, what goes up must come crashing back down to earth."
Kana nodded slowly as she considered this, "yeah the prez only remembers I'm one of your oldest friends when she doesn't feel like doing something. So for the last few days?"
"For the last several days, I haven't had the drive to leave my room, or even my bed. I mean, really, what's the point?" Miyuki concluded flatly.
"Well, you are missing band practice and you missed a really amazing shrimp Florentine and cherry tomato caprese salad for dinner last night."
Miyuki would have face-palmed had she felt like moving her arm again. Instead, she buried her face in her pillow so that her next two sentences were muffled. "Is that supposed to be a joke? I can't tell anymore." She turned again and let out a quick groan. "Maybe it'd be better if I let myself go. Then at least I'd look how I feel. What's the point of keeping up appearances anymore anyway?"
Kana, pondered this for a moment. "Alright, maybe so," she said slowly, "you really do need to rejoin the rest of the world. Come back to school. Everyone misses you."
"Everyone?" Miyuki shot back. "What everyone? All the people who are hangers on because I'm such a rare ability holder? Or those that are here because it's their job? Hojo-san hates me, she's doing it because my family has some kind of blackmail on her and she was offered a very nice compensation package all the way to graduate school. You and your friends? I'm not wholly unconvinced that it isn't your jobs as well."
"Our friends and we aren't doing this because it's our job," Kana corrected.
"Your friends," insisted Miyuki forlornly as she stared at Kana. "I'm sure as soon as I go out of earshot; you're all complaining about how much a bother it is to deal with me just like Hojo-san."
Kana looked hurt. "We don't do that. How can you possibly think so?"
Miyuki turned her head away. "Because I would. And I deserve it. I'm nothing but a useless failure. That's all I ever was, all I'll ever be."
"Miyuki-chan…" Kana's voice quivered.
"I mean, what am I? My future is nothing more than as a weapon or a tool for Academy City. That's all I'll ever be my whole life. What does it get me? Fake friends and admirers, preferential treatment at the expense of others, more responsibilities and pressure than any thirteen year old girl should have. Princess of Shidarezakura, it's living a lie, I'm just a slave in school girl's clothing. The gratitude of hundreds of kids and adults my uncle and father manipulated just for their own benefit through me," Miyuki's sarcasm was palpable in that sentence. "The enmity of everyone in the world who doesn't even have a fraction of what I do," she said as she returned to a flat affect.
"I doubt that everyone in the world hates you," Kana said, unsure.
"That's only because they somehow haven't heard of me yet," Miyuki countered, much more sure. "Once they do, they'll hate me. Can't blame them; I wouldn't wish me on anyone."
Kana sat on the bed, taking advantage of a triangular space left by Miyuki's being curled up in a semi-fetal position. Miyuki instinctively jerked in surprise, though her face registered only mild annoyance.
"Maybe not," said Kana gently, placing her hand on Miyuki's covered back; causing Miyuki's eyes to widen, then narrow. "But I don't agree with that. My life is way cooler with you in it."
At that, Miyuki turned away from Kana, sobbing silently. Kana bit her lip and fidgeted in simultaneous concern and confusion.
Finally, Miyuki spoke again. "Don't. How? How can… why?"
"Why what?"
"Why are you being nice to me?" Miyuki near-spat. "Why do you care? You've seen I'm alive; you could just leave," she gestured vaguely to the door, "So why are you still here?"
Kana spoke softly, "Because you're my friend. Friends care about friends, duh."
"Six years ago," Miyuki said, causing Kana to immediately tense up. "You, Fumiko, and… him were introduced to me in the first grade. Then that bully… he tried to stop him… I had that flare. I tore his ability from him. They called it an accident; the researchers that investigated it called it a fortuitous occurrence. I rendered a boy completely powerless, absorbed his ability permanently making it my own and I was praised for it. That's not the worst though, I ate up that attention, I believed what they told me even down to the story that it was his fault, that he deserved it." The disgust in her voice rose to a peak, then crashed down as she struggled to finish. "I lie here in the dark, thinking about that. In my mind, I see his body, near-lifeless on the floor of our classroom, as our fellow students and the teachers praise me for it."
Kana gulped as she briefly flashed back to that brutal event in the first grade. The initial shock and fear, but how that had spiraled into something else. How the adult's twisted the words, how that one specialist that had arrived to evaluate the situation had laughed with cruel glee and praised Miyuki for a "creative response". For the life of her, she could not remember his name, Kihara or something?
Miyuki continued. "I see him there; my mind always paints him as dead even though I know he survived. I know it should be me suffering instead. He never did anything wrong. Who was he? Just a heroic boy defending a girl from a bully. If anyone deserved retribution, it should be him. And don't tell me 'It was an accident'; it wasn't. I'm a specially designed tool, a future weapon, it's probably my purpose to rip abilities from lesser espers. What's the point in pretending to have some worthless life like a normal kid, when all that awaits me in the end is to be some custom super weapon? Something as dangerous as me shouldn't be allowed to continue, it should be pruned before it can flower. Problem is, I'm too much of a wimp to actually go through with it. I wish I could."
"Could?" Kana prodded in as delicate a manner as she was able.
"End this," Miyuki said bluntly. "Life is a hellhole. It's only going to get worse the older we get… especially for me, but all of us espers in some way… and then they take you away to some lab and lock you away until needed. Better, I think, to skip all that crap and just check out on your own terms. Maybe if I'd realized that before coming here, a lot of people would be happier. No one is better off for my existing. No one will care once I'm gone. And you know what? I'm… okay with that," she concluded as her voice cracked.
Kana was stunned at those words, after a short internal dialogue on how to react, Kana decided to allow her instincts to take over. She grabbed Miyuki with both arms and pulled her out from the covers into a tight embrace. Miyuki, for her part, was too shocked to fight back as her head rested on Kana's shoulder.
"I'd miss you, damn it," said Kana, barely above a whisper, her voice wavering.
Miyuki buried her head further in Kana's shoulder. "There's no reason to," she squeaked.
"That doesn't matter." She moved Miyuki off of her so they were face to face, keeping her hands on Miyuki's upper-arms. At this angle, Kana could see just how bloodshot Miyuki's eyes were. "Miyuki-chan…"
"What?"
"You're not alone," she whispered after an eternity, while opting for hugging Miyuki again.
Miyuki said nothing. Kana could hear the girl's breathing become choppier.
Kana continued her voice soft. "You're not alone. Not anymore."
"Y... you…" Miyuki croaked as Kana reluctantly released her. A moment of silence passed as the two girls sat on the bed, facing each other.
"I'm not a doctor," Kana reminded her, "But I can listen whenever you want to talk. That's… the best I can do. That's the best I've ever been able to do. Hopefully it's enough."
Miyuki let out a heavy sigh. "I… I don't know."
Kana's mind rifled through responses, formulating sentences and then rejecting them. That's a vapid platitude, that sounds self-serving, that might just push Miyuki off the edge, so would that. What to do? Help. How? She wanted desperately to get Fumiko involved, even Becci-chan. However, she also knew their personalities were poorly suited to this sort of situation, not that she was much better. The both of them were likely to take actions that, though well-intended, would likely backfire.
"Well, there's one thing I know," Kana said as she slowly tightened her grip on Miyuki to move her out of her bed. "Can't keep lying here, you are going to get sick."
Miyuki considered this and nodded. Parts of her body had been bothering her for some time, thanks to lying in her bed for most of the past ninety-six hours or so with next to no air circulation or air conditioning.
"We should probably stretch our legs, take a walk." Suggested Kana.
Miyuki's face bore a look of confusion. "Why?"
"There's life outside your room, kiddo," explained Kana, successfully getting Miyuki to stand upright and don a pair of fuzzy pink slippers. "Healing will take time, you know this a lot better than I do, but it can't start unless you are willing to take a first step. And that would be facing the world again."
Kana, with a pensive-looking Miyuki propped up on her shoulder, slowly made her way out the door of the dorm room. She decided to not head downstairs to lobby level, but instead made her way to the middle of the hallway and through a pair of glass doors, that lead out onto an expansive veranda rimmed in flower planters and decorative railings. Many tables and chairs were arranged in the open space, giving the place a relaxing feel.
Miyuki's expression was blank, which Kana considered an improvement. They were both bathed in the orange glow of the sunset, which caused Miyuki to recoil and shut her eyes.
"Are you okay?" Kana asked.
Opening her eyes to a squint, Miyuki nodded. "It's… been a while."
"Well, after all that time sitting in darkness, I guess the sudden light would be a bit of a shock. But it's okay."
"Why here?" asked Miyuki.
"You like to come here, don't you?" Kana answered by way of asking. "I've noticed, all the times we've spent together, that you often like to find the highest place you can… a hill, a roof, or a patio… since you can't get to the roof in this building."
For the first time in a while, Miyuki's mouth shifted into a partial grin. "I like being up in high places, they're comforting to me. I never thought anyone would notice."
"A friend should notice, eh?" Kana said, her right hand pointing resolutely at nothing in particular. "Also, I figured the deck was a fair compromise of getting you outside but not with a crowd of people." She gestured to the edge of the building facing one of the more picturesque areas of the Garden, where dozens of students gathered and socialized in the rich girls' paradise.
Miyuki sighed, but it was more contented this time. "I think my eyes are starting to adjust."
"Nice," Kana said, hesitating briefly, she took a tactical risk. "I'm glad to be out in the open air, frankly you stink and your room needs some serious airing out."
That line caused Nakamura Miyuki to do something she had not done in weeks; she chuckled, feigning a cough in a vain attempt to hide it.
"You're right, I do and it does," Miyuki acknowledged. After another moment gazing upon the scene in silence, she asked, "Can we go back inside now please?"
Kana nodded. "Yes."
As they made their way back into the hallway and to Miyuki's dorm room, Miyuki, still leaning on Kana but not putting her weight on her this time, lightly cleared her throat. "Thank you," she said her voice barely a whisper.
They reached Miyuki's door. "Are you going to come to school tomorrow?" Kana asked.
Miyuki smiled wanly and shook her head. "I'm ready just yet, I don't think. Will you come up to visit me tomorrow, maybe with Fumi-chan, maybe even Becci-chan when she's done at her school?"
Kana nodded. "Yeah, I'll drag the others here by force if I have to, but only if you take a shower."
"I will, I promise."
Kana's grin faded to a serious expression, "I know you hate being told this, but please… please, take your meds."
Miyuki sighed deeply, "Yeah, I guess I should. I… I just think I should be able to cope without them."
Kana nodded, "I know, but it is for the best. Also, I better not find you nesting in your bed in the dark again."
"Not going to happen, I don't think. Unless you come up at three in the morning," Miyuki said truthfully.
Kana grinned at that as she bid her friend goodbye for the day.
Heading down to her room on the first floor, she pondered what she might see tomorrow. Miyuki could be feeling better, or she could backslide. No way for either of them to know at this point. Only thing she could do, is what she always did, just keep moving on and following up. Moving ahead, one day at a time.
Note: It is worth noting that Kana tends to end some of her sentences with "you know" or "and all". This is a verbal tick of a sort to reflect that Kana tends to end her sentences with an odd, non-standard particles. Despite this being in English for you to be able to read, all the characters present are speaking Japanese.