A/N: HEYOO. This is Sammi speaking~! Well, this is a little story me and Sia have been thinking about writing. Yup. Here you go, you lucky bastards~! ;)

THE RATING WILL DEFINITELY CHANGE. ;) jsyk

You see, it takes skills to be a king. Awesome skills. Awesome skills that I happen to possess.

What am I king of? Well, that's a long story. One that takes a fucking long ass time to tell.

So here's the short version.

Through some extenuating circumstances, and a nasty lost bet, I, Gilbert Beilschmidt, run a brothel. I'm the king of a whore-house. That's right. Don't judge me. You know that you wish you could have a job as utterly awesome as mine. You KNOW you do, so stop denying it.

Anyway, so me being the AWESOME, and BENEVOLENT king that I am, I always speak kindly to my...workers.

"God DAMMIT, Star! How many times do I have to FUCKING TELL YOU TO NOT GAG? No matter WHAT the customer does, no matter HOW DAMN FAR IT GOES DOWN YOUR THROAT, you do NOT gag!"

I also have workers who respect me and treat me with kindness.

"Fuck that shit! I'd like to see what YOU would do when a fat fifty year old man is FUCKING YOUR FACE, YOU DOUCHEBAG!"

Granted, we fight like all kings and servants do, but we don't hold grudges.

"Dammit, Star, we're LOSING BUSINESS. Do you REALLY want to go back to working for that loser Ivan? Remind me what he makes you guys wear, again?"

"Fine! I won't gag anymore, and I really don't want to go back to Ivan. You have that right. You're still a douche, though."

"My feelings are so hurt. Just get back into the fucking club."

"Whatever."

You see, even awesome kings like me can have . . . tough days. Needless to say, I was kind of pissed off. My workers were staring to get lazy. And worse than that, I needed to collect. And the fuckers weren't paying up.

Usually, though, life was all daisies and sweet shit like that. Pimps make money, man. Major bucks came in. Not only that, but I had some of the best employees in the city. They charged big and delivered the goods. I have to admit though, the customers are pretty creepy.

I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration, and followed Star into the club. The second I opened the door, the bass hit along with the pulsing multi-colored lights and smoke. I could feel the bass quaking in my chest, and as I ventured farther inside, I started to hear the rest of the music. I stood back and admired the view.

The bar was wide, and the poles on it were full of some of the best dancers in the city. More poles with highly trained dancers were located throughout the room, and barmaids and LD's patrolled the room looking for customers. And, for the uneducated people, an LD is a lap dancer. I have to say I have some awesome lap dancers.

But, again, since I'm so awesome, the customers have to go through several tests to make sure that they won't do anything stupid with my property. Like beat them or something. Trust me, if you damage the goods, you don't want to know the unawesome things that I can do.

I'm actually pretty damn famous in the prostitution company, as well, because of the extensive research and classes that I train my newbies with. The only person that is a true threat to me is Ivan. Stupid Russian bastard. Let's just say in general he's popular with the S&M crowd.

I have an awesome club, too. Everything that has to do with me is awesome. If you don't agree, well, you need to get out of the fucking vicinity before I tear those lying lips right off your unawesome face.

I felt a tap on my shoulder, and as I turned around I was greeted by the lovely sight of one of my bouncers.

"Boss, there are a few weirdos outside asking for you. One of them is German and he looks like he was in the military or some shit."

I grinned. "Does this man have a freaky aura, pale hair, creepy ass blue eyes, and a permanent frown?"

"Yeah."

"That's mein bruder, Ludwig. Who else is with him, though?"

"A really fucking bubbly, annoying Spaniard."

"Antonio."

"Some other dude with blonde hair and a serious self-absorbtion problem, complete with a hero complex, with a fucking weird cowlick."

"Alfred." This was getting a bit odd.

"Francis."

"Of course." I said. What else? Francis practically lived in whore-houses.

"A tall creepy guy with glasses who's glaring at everything."

"Berwald?" what was this?

"A really creepy lady in a green dress toting around a camera."

"Elizaveta? What the hell?" This was going to be interesting. She had her infamous camera, something majorly awesome was about to happen.

"Oh, and Ivan Braginski, as well."

"The HELL? Oh SUUURE, just wait to tell me that one!"

The bouncer just looked at me like he just wanted to go and be anywhere else.

I flapped my hand dismissively at him. "Whatever. Just send 'em in, would you?"

The bouncer turned around, and I huffed. I think he wanted go beat someone up. Like a small child. That seems like the kind of thing he would enjoy. Creep.

I made my way to my not-so-humble office in the back, and along the way, I saw "Elle". I waved her over, seeing as she was free.

"Slow night, Feliks?"

The transvestite smiled. "That's not, like, completely true. This one, like, SUUUPER drunk dude, like, totally gave me a hundred dollar tip. Fucking awesome, Gil."

"How're you and Toris doing?"

Feliks smiled at the thought of his boyfriend, his expression going from cocky and self-assured, to sweet and loving. I definitely thought it was an improvement. Feliks was a sweet man, and this was a second job till he could pay off some of his college loans. He really did deserve better.

"Hey, some oddballs are going to be coming into my office, so don't be hitting on them, 'kay? You'll know 'em when you see 'em. Trust me."

Feliks snorted and did a perfect hair flip. "No fresh meat for me today, I see. Whatever. Ooh, never mind. I see some hot hunk of yummy over there that's just, like, DYING to be touched by these master hands."

Feliks ran off, and he watched as he suddenly attacked a demure looking brunette. Toris looked up and when he saw me, he waved happily, if a little bit uncomfortably.

I snorted, waved back and made my way back to my office. Not a second after I sat down, someone knocked on the door. I hollered, "Come in!" and seven, well, five, heads looked awkwardly to the floor.

They all looked at me, and I raised my eyebrow. The tense mood lightened a bit, but not by much. The jovial smiles of Alfred and Antonio seemed to ease everyone else a little bit, but Elizaveta came running to me.

"I demand to be your partner for this project."

I looked at her oddly. "The hell, Eli, I haven't even heard what they're here for."

She shrugged, a grin on her face. "I don't care. I'm still helping you with this."

I gave her a look, and turned back to look at my guests. "Hello. Now, tell me. Why the hell are you here?"

Everybody turned to Ludwig, and he cleared his throat loudly. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He closed it, and repeated the process a few times. I could see the sweat pearling on his face, and he was shaking ever so slightly.

Then, Antonio stood up. "Amigo, we want to work here. Will you hire us?"

Everyone turned to him. They seemed to be relieved that the reason was out there, but that relief immediately turned sour when they saw the look on my face.

I leaned back slowly. "Let me see. You want me to...HIRE you? As in, you want to become whores?"

Everybody shifted around uncomfortably, and we all lapsed back into silence.

"Well, I guess Eli can join, but I'm not so sure about you guys."

I heard a giggle behind me, and then Elizaveta skipped in front of me. "Oh, no, Gilbert, dear. I'm here to help and watch. Nothing more."

"You're kidding me." I deadpanned.

"No, we are perfectly serious." Those were the first words Ludwig had said.

"Da." said the creepy ass Russian.

"The fuck, Ivan. You RUN a whore-house. Why the fuck are you here, in your competitor's domain?"

Ivan merely smiled his innocent child smile that implied castration if you questioned him. I rubbed my crotch. I would never lose Gilly Jr. I would die first.

I stared at them for a little while longer. Eli continued to bounce happily, and Ivan kept the wide-eyed smile as well. Alfred's smile had diminished a little bit, but it still shined. Antonio looked as clueless as ever, and Ludwig looked beyond uncomfortable. Berwald just sat there, as well as Francis. He was silently laughing at all of them, I could tell.

I continued to give them my dead shark gaze, and stood up. "Ludwig. Come out into the hall with me, would you?

Ludwig looked at the floor for a second and nodded. He followed me out into the hallway, where I closed the door behind us and glared at him.

"What the fuck are you trying to pull here, Ludwig?" I said lowly.

"I don't know what you mean."

"…You…You're so…" I gritted and shook my head because damn, he's such a little troll without even trying! "What the hell are you thinking, coming in here and asking for a job? What retarded part of you thinks I'll let my little bruder whore himself off for money in my awesome place of business?"

"Look, I just need the money, okay? I thought it might be better than making bread or pounding steel all day."

"You're certainly cut out for it! It's hard work, but so is being a prostitute!"

"I know that. Just…please, let us work here. I won't bother you any, I just need this job…"

"Really? I'm raking in enough money for both of us; you don't even need a job."

He froze and stared somewhere far off, passed my awesome face, which he should be fucking looking at…

I could practically see the gears turning in that giant blond head of his. There they go, around and around and arou-

"Okay, I don't exactly need the money, but I still need a job to keep me busy."

"…and by busy, you mean being fucked all day?"

"Jesus, Gilbert! I just thought it would be easy since you own the place!" He sighed. He was getting exasperated, which was good on my part.

"That doesn't mean I'll let you work here! What would mutti think if she saw her little baby Ludwig seducing people on the streets for money?"

"It's not like she's alive to see it! And you're the one who'd be getting half my pay, anyway!"

Ah, his face was turning red. That was a bad sign. But now that I think of it…if I could get all six of them to work for me, that would appeal to a whole different group of customers…which, in the end, means a fuckload of money. Hell yes.

"Fine," I huffed and leant against the fucking hard wall. Jesus, those walls are hard.

"…what?" Ludwig blinked.

"If you and your friends wanna be whores, you can be whores. It's just more money for me so I shouldn't be complaining. But I'll have you know right now…" I crossed my arms and leaned forward like a badass. "It won't be easy. You will get hurt, you will get tired, and you might get herpes. Just saying."

Ludwig nodded and didn't say a word. Not even a thanks for his dear bruder. Asshole.

"Well, since you decided to go mute, let's just go back." I suggested and swung open the door.

The first thing I saw was that oblivious Spaniard and Elizaveta pressed up against the door like they were eavesdropping. They both shot up and started whistling once I walked inside. Berwald and Francis were still sitting over in the corner, being introverts, while Alfred tried his best to stay away from Ivan. …I don't blame him; I always try and avoid that dirty Russian freak…

I strode over to my awesome desk and sat on top of it, looking over the pitiful group of soon-to-be male prostitutes.

"Alright. Since all of you are so eager to earn me some money, I'll let you join. But don't go and think this is an easy job. It's not all fun and games here. …Okay, there're a lot of 'games', but…they aren't fun. Most of the time. …Ivan, you bastard, quit smiling!"

"But your speech is so cute!"

"Fuck you, you work for me now! Anyway, since you're all…uh…men, I can't just stick you with all the ladies on the first floor. You'll all have to have your own rooms. You can pick whichever rooms you want since they're all empty in the West Hallway and on the third floor."

"Oh! Oh!" Antonio waved his hand in the air like the little school girl he was. "Does that mean we get to live here now?"

"Sure, I guess. You pay for your own shit, though. No free food. Oh, and Lud, you can stay here if you want. I won't be here every night though, so if someone comes in to rape you on, say, Wednesday, Thursday, and Sunday evenings, I won't be there to kick their ass."

Ludwig hung his head in a completely unawesome way.

"Oh, and I almost forgot. I won't put you to work right away. All of you have to take some tests first so I can see what kind of customers you'll be attending to, and so I can stick you in the right place of the building and certain street corners. Then you'll have to take some training courses so you don't royally fuck up my lovely business and cause me to get arrested or some shit. Are we all clear?"

Everyone nodded, save for Alfred, who hesitantly raised his hand.

"…I didn't study."

Fucking hell. What have I just gotten myself into…?

A/N: 'Ello, guys! This is Sia! You might know me as RaitoFlavoredWaffles~ This beautiful thing came from a stupid little joke, believe it or not. I SAID BELIEVE IT. I WON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER. Anyway, I have a feeling this thing is going to be epic and amazing and totally hilarious. But that's just moi. D'okay, I'll let you get on with your lives. And I won't threaten you this time~~ (Sorry Sammi, I know I promised I would. xD)

Sammi here~ She's serious bitches. It actually did start from a joke. Then we started talking about it. THEN THIS BEAUTIFUL CREATION WAS BORN. *wipes tear away* It's just so amazing, isn't it?

ANYWAYS. You guys should totally review this shit~! )

~Sia 'n' Sammi :3