A Mutiny...IN SPACE!

A lighthearted alternate take on the horrendous film "Space Mutiny" as featured in Mystery Science Theater 3000...only THIS time, the author is transported into the movie.

A/N: As a huge fan of the Space Mutiny episode of MST3k, I couldn't help but indulge my freakish desire to experience my favorite movies and books by writing this little story. I hope you'll, if not enjoy this adventurous romp, at least forgive me for wasting my time. All "rights" go to the creators and owners of "Space Mutiny", though by now I'd be surprised if they even wanted to have their names within 50 miles of that title! And credit also goes to MST3k, for without them, I would never have had the ...er, pleasure...of viewing this monstrosity. If you have not seen the movie, I highly encourage you to watch it, since you'll be laughing your head off the entire time. The entire episode is on YouTube here: www . You Tube .com/watch?v=LuxIYSOo-ZE&feature=related (take out the spaces in YouTube)

And yes, I know this is about as run-o-the-mill as you can get on FF.N - you see author-inserts ALL THE TIME. But I also have to admit they're fun to read once in a while - plus I haven't found a single story on FF.N about this awful B-movie, so at least it's novel in that sense.

Chapter 1

Channel surfing had become a very discouraging activity, Leah mused as she lounged on the spongy Wal-Mart couch in her living room. It was a Saturday night, and the popcorn was nearly ready, yet she still couldn't find a decent show to settle in and watch. She'd never been a fan of "Friends," found "House" repetitive, and just couldn't bring herself to the point of desperation to watch an episode of "Ice Road Truckers." So she continued to flip, hoping she'd passed over something great during its commercial break.

The microwave dinged, and her one-bedroom Augusta apartment was filled with the smell of pre-buttered popcorn. With a sigh and a grunt, Leah heaved herself off the sofa, her knees popping like her grandmother's and not like the 20 year old she was. Then again, single living with a stressful job can add on the years to anyone...and that's why she insisted on having hot cocoa with her popcorn. She carefully made her way back to her spot with a mug of hot chocolate in one hand, and a large mixing bowl filled with popcorn in the other.

Back to channel flipping. Looking about the empty apartment, she decided she definitely needed a cat, damn the $300 deposit. Flip. Flip. Flip. Or maybe a small dog that didn't mind being left alone all day during the week. Flip. Flip. Sigh. Flip. Munch munch. Flip.

She was just about to resign herself to watching an old Turner Classic Movie, when she landed on Sy-Fy and a familiar theme song made her stop and smile. "In the not-too-distant future, somewhere in time and space..." Leah couldn't stop a huge grin from breaking out...her favorite nerdy show! "Mike Nelson and his robot pals, are caught in a nasty place..." Quite the guilty pleasure, one that her colleagues would never understand, but none the less exciting and funny. She'd seen practically every episode ever made multiple times, but couldn't help herself from laughing out loud at so many of the riffs.

"Oh Mystery Science Theater...3000!"

Leah tucked her still-sneakered feet under herself in an attempt to get cozy, forgetting the fact she was still clothed in jeans and a t-shirt (a soft and feminine tee, but a t-shirt nevertheless), focusing with rapt attention on the show. Which episode is it? Will she remember from the beginning skit with Mike and the bots, or will she have to wait until Pearl or Dr. Forester reveals the title? As soon as she saw Pearl, Observer, and Bobo in chains in an ancient Roman dungeon, she recalled with a girlish excitement (much like her 11-year old cousin and not like the 20 year old she was) one of her favorite episodes. Space Mutiny. If she'd seen every episode multiple times, she'd seen the Space Mutiny one twice as much, and she could recall most of the riffs from memory - simply thinking of them sent her into a storm of un-Leahlike giggles. The normally reserved, sarcastic woman was alone in her apartment on a weekend wearing Marvin the Martian socks...she felt she was safe to let loose.

Romans had confiscated Observer's brain, and he was a little out of sorts without it. He was trying to bring Mike down, but he'd ended up sending him a pillow full of goose feathers. Then he began insulting him, to "bring Mike down." Lastly, he he'd summoned an accountant named Mike Down. Poor fellow.

Leah figured she had time to go change into her pajamas and slippers before the movie started, so she set aside her bowl of popcorn and mug of hot chocolate, mustering the energy to haul herself out of the couch.

She had just turned to head into the bedroom, when she heard Observers voice calling out. "Wait! You there!'

The girl ignored the show, continuing her path to the bedroom.

"I'm talking to you!"

Still, she assumed it was just part of the program and paid it no heed.

"LEAH!"

Eyes wide, she spun around, staring at the TV. She couldn't believe what she saw. Observer, the pasty white albino brain guy, hanging from chains in the Roman dungeon, was looking directly at her. Slowly regaining her breath and composure, Leah waved her hand a little to test. "Uh," she began uncertainly, "You can see me?"

Observer rolled his eyes. "Of course I can see you! I'm talking to you, aren't I? I know who you are...I'm an Observer! I can talk to anyone I choose, and STOP waving your hand around like I'm blind!"

Her arm shot down next to her side in compliance.

"I'm sorry," she offered slowly, "It's just it's not every day I talk to a fictional character through my television."

Brain Guy sighed. "You humans," he muttered, "always thinking in such 4 dimensional terms." He shook himself out of his reverie and addressed her once more. "I'm going to implement a variation of Pearl's plan of movie torture. You seemed to be the best choice for a test subject. Suffice it to say, it's clear that simply being forced to watch these godawful films does little more than simply irritate both Mike and Joel. If, however, one were forced to actually experience these nauseating excuses for movies, that might be another matter."

Leah's face grew even more shocked. "Hey, I didn't hear Pearl say anything about - "

"She's thought it on many occasions, and I, being me, couldn't help but overhear her ideas. She seems quite put out with me at the moment, so I figured what better way to alleviate that anger than successfully trying out her idea? I shall send you into Space Mutiny, where you shall endure the entire movie alongside the characters."

"Whoa whoa whoa, Brain Guy," Leah said, backing up as slowly as she could, "What if I don't consent to this kidnappery and tortury? What if Pearl doesn't want you doing things behind her back like this? You're in a weakened state right now without your brain - how do you know you're thinking clearly? You could seriously come to regret this when Pearl finds out!"

His pasty white face contorted. "Pearl, Shmearl! I'm an Observer, aren't I? Can't I do this for my own curiosity? My people do these types of experiments all the time!"

"Yeah, I kinda doubt that," she said, still backing up.

"Get back here! You're familiar with the story. I know. You've seen it many times. I was thinking I'd drop you off right during the opening credits."

"But wait!" Leah cried. "Will I be an already-established character there? Will I have a role to play? Or are you just going to drop me in the middle of it, expecting them to treat me like anyone else? This is ridiculous!"

Observer cocked his head to the side in thought. "Haven't decided yet. You'll know when you get there!" He lowered his head to the camera, and the tell-tale sound effect of Observer's power began.

"Can I at least bring a book to read?" she asked as the apartment around her twisted into blackness and she felt herself tugged out of reality...