Title: Love is a Battlefield
Author: queena
Pairing: Brooke and Julian with mentions of Brooke and Lucas
Rating: M
Disclaimer: i dont own anything but my thoughts
A.N. This is my first brulian fic, i've had this idea in my head for a while now and decided to post it. I hope you all like it
Love Is a Battlefield
Have you ever felt like their was something missing from your life? Or maybe that your being left behind as everyone moves forward? Well if you've said yes then welcome to my life. My name is Brooke Davis and to the world I am the face of B. Davis, a fashionista of some sort. I've lived the kind of life that people dream of, at the age of eighteen I started my clothing company. By the age of twenty-one I have now made a name for myself in the fashion industry, "B Davis" is known all around the world for not only being fashion forward but for being a brand that strives to make the world more fashionable intune. I also had a perfume line called "Simply B" I had everything I had ever dreamed of, but at the same time I felt like I was missing something in life. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, I am lucky enough to get to do what I love most every single day, but that doesn't mean that I don't miss the little things, like waking up in the arms of someone who loves you. I felt like despite all my accomplishments business wise I was still missing something from my life, or rather someone.
For the most part, my life was perfect. I had everything I had ever wanted, great friends, I had three best friends that were really my family, those were the people I had come to whenever I freaked out about fashion week, or whenever I needed advice about life, or love-they were the people I counted on most. My friends included Rachel Gattina, a girl who I swear from the moment I met I hated with a raw passion. If you would have told me that the day I met Rachel that she would be someone I confided in, I would have laughed in your face. Rachel was my ever so slutty friend, she had a dirty mind just like me and was always up for some fun! She was my party buddy. Then their was my conscious, Haley James Scott. Just as I had a rocky start with Rachel- Haley and I had the same rocky start. In high school we were two different people but as luck had it we had ended up rooming together and we've been friends ever since. Haley is the one person that knows everything about me, she knows my fears and she knows my weakness and like a true friend she never has capitalized on them. She is my heart-the one person I know that I can count on for anything because she loves me, despite our differences. And the last bit of our rectangle friendship goes to former bad boy Nathan Scott. Nathan is like me, in a way that we are both recovering bad asses- we understand each other. Nathan and I grew up with messed up parents and as a result we were both messed up. He understands that I have a problem letting people in, because really once you let people in you make room for disappointments. I think we're a lot a like hence the reason we get along so well...me and him are cut from the same mold.
Today was valentines day, a day I hated a the passion. Last year I had Lucas as my valentine although the ended horribly, and this year I didn't have a valentine. I had admirers lots of people who wanted me, the only problem was that most guys that admired me, wanted me for arm candy purposes and their was more to me then a pretty face. The last long term relationship I had been in was with Lucas Scott and that alone spoke volumes. Lucas had been the only boy that I had ever loved, he had ripped my heart out constantly and now years later I was still dealing with the side effects of it all. I had been burned by love one too many times and since then I've been running ever since.
Flashback
I've made up my mind (i've made up my mind )
No more tears to cry (now theres no tears left to cry)
It had taken me a long time to realize just what I had to do, which was end things with Lucas. The last thing I wanted to do was leave the man I loved but when he looked at me, Lucas didn't see me, he saw a girl that was obviously standing in the way of his feelings for his precious Peyton. Today was valentines day and all I wanted to do was pretend that everything was okay, but you could only pretend for so long before the truth had to be acknowledged.
I didn't believe you each and everytime
You said you changed I knew that things would stay the time
It would only be right if I went on with my own life
Nothing had hurt more then realizing the one person I had given myself fully to, hadn't loved me as much as I loved him, and that was why I had to do it tonight. I couldn't look into his blue eyes any longer and pretend that everything was ok, that I didn't ache for something that obviously was no longer between us. I loved Lucas more then I would have ever imagined, I swore I'd never fall in love and Lucas came around and changed everything for me.....He made me believe that a girl like me could be loved by someone like him and in the end I was loved but not loved the way I deserved to be loved.
Staring out the window I watched as the rain hit the ground, I guess it was symbolic I was now ending things with a man I had loved more then anything and the rain was now pouring onto us, like the silent tears that were behind my eyes. I felt his hand reach out to touch mine as we stopped at a red light and for a brief moment I cast my eyes in his direction. I savored every line on his face, savored the intense blue in his eyes and then turned away from him again.
"Your quiet tonight" he said after noticing how distant she had become in the last couple of months.
"Really" I said finally looking over at him. I swallowed hard because I knew this was going to be hard, letting go was always hard. I had known that the first time we had broken up, even then, when he had betrayed everything I believed in, I still couldn't let him go. I guess that was a testament to how much I loved him and probably always would love him, despite the way he felt about me.
"Yeah" he said parking the car in front of my house. I was aware that his arm had gone around the seat as he turned to face me. This was the part when I would usually invite him up to do naughty things, but not tonight and it hadn't been that way for long time. For a moment I watched him watch me and in those seconds I memorized every line on his face, from the scar that was located above his eyebrow thanks to a fight that had broken out between he and his younger brother, to the subtle dimples that were etched into his cheeks. "Brooke what's wrong, tell me what wrong with you...with us" he said causing me to once again look up at him , this time I saw him though, I saw the man that had made me feel so small. I saw behind the handsome face and I hated the person in front of me.
"What do you mean?" I asked wondering if he had known all along. His voice had showed me that maybe I for once wasn't invisible to him and maybe he had picked up on the signs that had been their for so long. Lucas and I weren't a couple anymore...we hadn't been for a very long time. I had become his friend while my ex-bestfriend had taken the role of girlfriend. Lucas may not had seen the changes in the script but I was aware of it. It use to be Lucas and I in the starring role with everyone else as supporting characters but it had changed, now I was a supporting character and Lucas was still the lead role with a new lady with him as well. I could hear it in his voice the uncertainness I think he knew what was coming.
"Brooke please tell me what's wrong, what did I do and more importantly what can I do to make it better" he asked reaching his hand out to stroke my face. I closed my eyes at the contact for only a brief moment before opening them again. I felt tears in the back of my eyes as I spoke.
"Im just so tired Lucas" I confessed feeling a lone tears escape my eyes. His hand had come up in an instant to wipe away the tear and it made it so much more harder to continue.
"What's wrong pretty girl- you know I don't like to see you cry" he said before stroking my face ever so gently.
Taking a deep breath I spoke "I cant do this anymore Lucas" I said closing my eyes
"Do what?" I hear him ask in a baffled tone. His eyes are all squinty- like he's trying to ponder what I am talking about- he squints again as if trying to draw conclusions but find none.
But it's not how it used to be
When you and I were hooked on each others dreams
"Us Luke...I cant do this...meaning you and I anymore" I whisper out so low im sure he didn't hear me. The way he looks at me tells me that he has indeed heard my words and my heart breaks with every second that we are quiet. Its been a long hard road for the two of us, my relationship with Lucas has never been easy and I guess it was both our faults. I think I loved him too much and he didn't love me enough. It had been hard for me to first admit that I loved him and it was even harder to admit that we were through.
Got stuck in reality and you couldn't
Make everything feel alright
Finally finding the nerve I looked up at him only to see him stone faced before cracking a grin. He cracked a grin as if I were making a joke, that is how pathetic our relationship had become; Lucas didn't know when I was joking or being serious. We were so out of touch that he thought I was joking about our relationship when I could be nothing but serious. I once again sit in silence and he still says nothing but the smile had left his face.
"Brooke you cant be serious" he says reaching out to grab my hand.
For a moment I almost want to take back my words, I want to say you were right I was kidding but I know I cant do that because then I'd be living a lie and well my relationship with him was already a lie. I didn't need anymore lies in my life. When he looked at me and gave me that Lucas Scott puppy dog eyed look I almost let go, but then I remembered all his broken promises, all the times he promised to put me first and all that times that I was not enough for him. I wasn't blond and broody and I didn't hate everything like my former bestfriend and Lucas in a way pushed me away because of it. If I stayed with Lucas, if I put everything behind me, then I would risk losing what little self I had left. Staying with him was a price I wasn't willing to pay not anymore.
When I gave you the best of me I never
Thought you'd give me a reason
"Im very serious Lucas" I said firmly, he needed to know that I couldn't be this stand in for the person he really wanted. I did believe he loved me, but I think their was another girl in his heart as well and I deserved more then just a half of heart from Lucas Scott especially when I had given him my whole heart over and over again.
"Is this because of Peyton' he asked before really looking at her. In the first time in a long time he realized just how sad her green eyes looked. Usually their was this sparkle that had come along with being around Brooke Davis, but today she looked so lost....so sad and he wondered why he hadn't seen it before. "She needs us Brooke, we're her friends"
I couldn't believe his words, even though it shouldn't have surprised me, his life revolved around Peyton and I was just the girlfriend. I guess he expected my life to revolve around my former best friend just like his life revolved around her.
To tell you I'm leaving I ran out of
Patience when you started changing
And theres no tears left to cry
I rolled my eyes at his words just as his cell for rang. For a moment we both sat listening to shrill of the phone both knowing who was calling. She would always be between us and it killed me knowing that I could never compete. I watched as the chasing emotions crossed his face, I knew he was itching to pick up the phone but to my shock he never did.
"You know for once this isn't just about You and Peyton!" I admitted. "This is about me! Lucas..this is about your girlfriend who is sitting trying to tell you what's wrong and the first thing you think about is your ex-girlfriend." I said shaking my head at him. This would be the last time I poured my heart out to him. "I feel like everyday im drowning in this ocean of hurt and I cant do it anymore" I said sniffling. "Things have changed Luke and I know you know" I said pausing to grab a hold of his hand. "I was so self assured when I met you, and I don't feel like that anymore"
when he said nothing I knew that maybe for once he'd let me say to him all the words I had been trying to say for weeks now. "You know I have dreams Lucas, and you use to know that-instead of encouraging me to follow what I want to do in life I watched you encourage everyone else and really as your girlfriend that hurt. My role in your life is something less then a girlfriend, its out of sight out of mind"
"That's not true" he said loudly causing me to shake my head at him. "Brooke you know I love you"
Kept on hoping we could find a way to make it real
And tell myself that it's getting
Better when it never will
"I need to hear it Lucas, it would have been great for you to reassure me how much you love me, maybe we wouldn't be sitting here right now" I said biting on my lip. "I feel like you keep my around to warm your bed and I do more then make love to you Lucas- I can be someone you can talk to but you just don't want that" I said sadly.
"You mean the world to me Brooke-you're my girlfriend" he said stroking his thumb along my knuckle.
Its so hard to tell you so
But I'm letting go
"Not anymore" I said looking up at him. "Im not your girlfriend anymore Luke." I said starting to open the car door, only to feel his hand grip my wrist.
"Brooke don't do this you love me and I love you" he said pleadingly.
Its alright I don't want another try
Cause I'm letting go
"Sometimes love isn't enough Lucas, it seems to be that way between the two of us." I said while wiping my quickly watering eyes. "It's time to let go Luke. Its time for us to let go' I said biting my lip at the way he was looking at me. I wondered if he could tell how much this hurt me, he was the one person that I had ever needed and he was the one person I was about to give up on again.
"What if I cant let you go Brooke? Huh what about what I want, you say that you want me to let go but what if I don't want to....what if I cant"
I closed my eyes my lip trembling as I got my last words out. "It shouldn't be hard Luke, you let go a long time ago"
You can leave you don't even say goodbye
Cause I'm letting go
end of flashback
"How are you holding up?" Rachel asked startling me.
"I'm fine" I admit before turning around to face her. "Now move your fat ass, so we can grace Tric with our presence"
"You shouldn't talk to me that way especially since it looks like I'm your date for the night." Rachel smirked "you know since your manless"
I squinted in her direction. "Shut up whore, lets do some damage already" I said poking her in her side.
+-+
I had found myself at Tric celebrating Valentines day with my friends. I would much rather sit at home and eat box of chocolates or even continue sketching my newest line, but Nathan, Haley and Rachel had insisted that I go out and have some fun for a while. And despite my grumbling about the subject I knew they were right. I needed to get out of the house and have some fun. The last year had been hell on me and really it was high time I took my life back.
Although I had decided to attend the party at Tric I did have a few reservations and they were the couple known as Leyton. For the past two days Lucas and Peyton had been on their "love tour" which consisted of the two of them staying together and never leaving the house for forty-eight hours. I guess that's what happens when you find out your expecting a baby. And though it was nice to get a break from the happy couple, I knew when they arrived, my stomach would churn just a bit. Its not that I was bitter, well not anymore. I loved both Lucas and Peyton; and if anything I wanted nothing but the best for the two of them, even if it meant they were together. However that did not mean I was looking forward to witnessing their newly renewed love for one another. After all it was still hard for me to watch the two of them, because they were sharing the life had wished for, for Lucas and I.
"Brooke I am so glad you've made it out tonight" Haley says as she links our arms together
"Im glad to be here' I grin at her. "You know I couldn't resist making your husband the envy of every man and woman in this club" I say before winking in her direction. Nathan and Haley were two of my bestfriends, along with Rachel the four of us had become the four musketeers in the last couple of years and without them, I can honestly say that I might be a different person.
"You got that right! Im the luckiest man alive tonight" Nathan says before dragging us further into the club, with his arms around the both of us. That was what I loved about Nathan and Haley, the two of them always made sure to include me in their lives, even though they were married and had my god son.
We're on the dance floor for a few minutes before a slow song plays and instantly couples shuffle to the dance floor. It seems like everyone has someone to call their own, and it makes me long for something or someone to call my own. Everyone looks so happy to celebrate valentines day with the person they love and I feel like I missing out on something special. As I continue to watch the couples I wonder what exactly is wrong with me. I mean I'm Brooke freaking Davis! I've accomplished so much with my clothing line, im a freaking franchise, a brand. Yet I cant find one person that is willing to stick around and love me for me. When will I get my shot at the real love like Nathan and Haley. Or hell even the so called torturous love that Lucas and Peyton have? When is it my turn to be happy and in love?
I scan my eyes through the crowd once more before I catch sight of the two people I was secretly dreading to see tonight. Lucas and Peyton. Luckily for me the two of them are far too wrapped up in each other to notice that I'm even around. Ever so carefully I find my way to the bar where I can be alone with my thoughts. Its hard seeing the two of them and knowing exactly what their love created. And its even harder knowing that all the hell I went through with the two of them didn't matter in the end. Seeing the two of them I cant help but be reminded of our past together.
Quickly as the images flashed through my head I focused on something other then Lucas and Peyton. And that was when I saw him. Julian Baker had just walked into the club and it appeared he was coming my way. Quickly I turned around hoping he would possibly bother someone else, the last thing I needed was to deal with a guy that was notorious for being a dick. Not to mention someone who had an agenda and obviously wanted my help in his agenda, which was to probably ruin Lucas and Peyton. And despite my discomfort in the coupling of Lucas and Peyton I would never do anything to tear them apart.
"Brooke Davis, funny meeting you here" I hear a familiar voice call. I don't even have to look up to know who it is. Since arriving in Tree Hill to either win Peyton back or to produce Luke's movie/ novel Julian Baker has made his presence known around town. Everybody knew about him and from what I heard, everyone was charmed by his mere existence. I on the other hand could care less. I had met guys like Julian before, hell I even dated a few guys like Julian Baker. And from past experience it was better if I had stayed away from all the Julian Bakers of the world. Guys like Julian Baker were trouble and that usually meant they brought out the natural born wild child in me, and right now I just didn't want to be that girl anymore.
"Julian" I say with a false smile on my lips. "I'm not in the mood so go away" I say hoping he'll save the two of us both some time and leave. But the sound of his laughter tells me that my luck hasn't changed.
"And I see you still have that stick up your ass" he said before sitting down in the next seat. "So tell me Brooke, what is a girl like you doing all alone at the bar" he ask before snagging her drink and tossing it back.
I quickly turn so that my body is facing him. "Im actually running from guys like you" I say before winking in his direction.
"Ouch! And here I thought you were warming up to me" he said before giving me another one of his annoying grins.
"Nope" I said shaking my head. "Looks are deceiving" I say this time actually smiling at his words. I try to pretend that Julian isn't sitting next to me nor looking my way because its harder then I imagined. The thing about Julian is that I know he's a bad guy, I know I shouldn't give him the time of day but there is something about him that makes me stay in my seat. It could be due to the fact that my foster daughter is convinced that he's the guy for me. Maybe Sam sees something im afraid to see. Sam thinks Julian hangs the moon and stars above and if she adores him so much, he must have at least one endearing quality that has nothing to do with his looks. Because cute can only last so long before it gets old.
"So its valentines day" he announces as if I didn't know that already. Why else would I subject myself to such torture.
I squint in his direction and for a moment he chuckles before I raise my brow up at him.
"let me guess your sitting are all alone because the happy couple is making your natural upchuck reflex kick in" he asked while leaning on the bar. He's wondered about the brunette beauty from some time now. In fact, since the night he met her at Tric, her green eyes and dimples has been on his mind. He couldn't deny it, Brooke Davis was hot. And after reading all about her in the novel he felt like he knew her, like they were perhaps one in the same.
For the longest time I didn't dare say anything, I was blown away that Julian could see what was bothering me yet all my friends could see nothing. However I'd never admit that I was upset abut the latest development between either of our exes.
"Nathan and Haley are two of my best-friends; they've been through hell together. And it's nice to see that Jake and Rachel are getting along so well" I point out before tossing my short hair to the side. "I'm glad they are happy...they deserve to be happy" I say easily.
"What about Lucas and Peyton?" he asked honestly. For the longest time he had wanted to know where her head was at concerning Lucas and Peyton. He had read the book from cover to cover and knew that Brooke must have been effected by the choices of the two people she loved the most.
My startled eyes met his and for a second the two of us just stared at one another. His question caught me off guard. Their was something in his voice that sounded vaguely familiar, Julian understood and I sympathized with him. The two of us never really had a chance at love with Lucas or Peyton.
"Lucas and Peyton would move heaven and earth to be together." I say carefully. " They have the kind of love that is bigger then anything or anyone. You and I are both proof of that" I voiced somewhat easily. I had never been able to discuss that situation it was to hard to talk about, but with Julian it comes almost naturally.
"Can I buy you a drink" he asked before signaling the bartender over. 'Its valentines day and we're the odd balls out, we could at least enjoy a drink together" he assured her. It was only right that the two of them toast to bad relationships and stupid love triangles.
I would have told him no but it was at the moment both Lucas and Peyton looked our way. What the hell it was valentines day, I could at least have few drinks. "Sure" I say holding up my shot glass. "To bad triangles" I say clinking my glass with his.
"To bad relationships with brooding blonds" he echoes before tossing his drink back. After the initial burn of the drink he turns his eyes back on her. Brooke Davis is a wonder. He can see that obviously she is having a hard time with the recent news and wonders what Lucas could have been thinking when he let her go.
Leaning closer he spoke"Any man that would let you go, is a fool. Lucas will realize that one day"
I let out a sarcastic chuckle and remove my hand from his. "Let me guess, if you had me you'd never let me go." I questioned. I had heard it all before. Julian was no different then any other man that was interested in getting me between the sheets. " Listen it doesn't matter how many drinks I let you buy me, your still not getting into my pants." I say smiling over at him.
"Who said anything about getting in your pants, although the thought sounds fun" he says winking over at me.
I let out another chuckle. Julian was easy on the eyes and if he hadn't been with Peyton first, I might have let him enjoy my essence but that wasn't going to happen "I know you want this" I say gesturing to myself "and so does everyone else in this club tonight" I say leaning forward.
He does nothing but gives me an appreciative glance.
My eyes are trained on his and I turn on the Brooke Davis natural charm. I lick my lips carefully before drawing him in again. " Now why don't you tell me what it is that you really want?" I question tossing my hair to one side. I've moved much closer to him now, our chairs are so close we're almost on top of each other, and I have to admit the sudden energy that runs through me is something new.
"Besides what you've already assumed about me and your pants?" he asks grinning.
"Listen" I say leaning closer to him. All bets are off and suddenly I don't feel the need to pretend with him. "I know your up to something and im sure it has something to do with Lucas and Peyton. And let me tell you that I wont be apart of it and I wont stand for it either"
Now it was his turn to laugh. Why in the world would he want Peyton Sawyer back. He had dumped her. "Why would I want to break the two of them up. I broke up with Peyton, it wasn't the other way around"
This was news to me, Peyton had made it sound like she had ended things with Julian because she knew that Lucas was in her heart. In fact she went as far as to warn all of us about him.
"Oh I get it you want Lucas back and were hoping I might want to break up he and Peyton" he rationalizes. It surprises him a bit but whatever.
"No" I say before tossing back yet another drink. Turning around in my seat I look out at Lucas who is eyeing Julian and I. Turning my attention back to Julian I speak. "I don't want Lucas back- besides I broke up with him. His inability to chose got nerve wrecking so I chose for him"I admitted causing Julian to grin my way. It seemed like the two of us had more things in common then even I imagined.
"Well then Brooke Davis, looks like we've got more in common then either one of us realized" he says catching her green eyes. He can feel the change in her stance, he can see it in her eyes. She just realized that he's the only person that could possibly understand how she feels. And for that he is grateful for all the hurt he had gone through with Peyton because his hurt and pain may just get him closer to girl in the book that he related to.
I was about to say something but I felt someone rest their hand on my shoulder. Looking up I catch sight of Lucas. This is the first time I've seen him in a while, and I'm peeved that he just interrupted my conversation with Julian.
"Brooke we've been looking everywhere for you. Come back to the group" Lucas says reaching for my hand.
I stare at his hand for a moment or two. Its comical how Lucas hasn't said nor look my way all night, yet here he playing the great knight once again. The difference between this time and any other time he chose to interrupt my conversation with the opposite sex, is that I actually don't mind talking to Julian. I mean it better then watching Lucas and Peyton dote over each other, or dwell over my recent bad luck.
"I think Brooke can make her own decisions Lucas, and right now she's having a drink with me" Julian says standing up. I look between the two of them and roll my eyes. Its obvious that they hate each other, and I can only guess why.
"Julian, whatever it is your trying to sell, do it somewhere else." Lucas says almost annoyed. "Come on Brooke, everyone is waiting" Lucas says again.
Part of me wants to tell him to shove it, because I get this strange feeling that the only reason he's even noticed me is because Peyton is out of sight. But then again my whole reason for coming out tonight was to spend some time with my friends and I had basically stayed glued to the bar with Julian Baker. I had promised Nathan and Haley that I would interact with the group tonight and I wasn't going to go back on my word. Swiftly I got out of my seat and shook Lucas off of me. He was the last person I needed help from.
"Lucas I can take care of myself" I say shooting him a death glare before turning back to Julian. I can already see the grin forming on his lips, if Julian does nothing he grins. And part of me is enjoying the fact that harmlessly talking to Julian is driving Lucas insane.
"Thanks for the drink Julian" I say before turning on my heel. Lucas quickly rest his hand on my lower back and I wonder what has caused him to suddenly take an interest in me.
"Brooke" Julian calls, causing me to stop mid stride. "Happy Valentines day"
Though his words were simple for some reason I find myself relishing in it. Ever so slowly I turn to get a look at him, I cant help the smirk that has found its way to my lips. Julian Baker was full of surprises.
"Same to you" I say before giving him a meaningful smile.
As Lucas and I walk back to our friends I cant help but think of Julian. Maybe he isn't so bad after all. He couldn't possibly be any worst then the boys I already knew.
Song credit: Brooke hogan: letting go