"I want to play seven minutes in heaven," she said with a smirk.
"With who?"
"You."
Arizona doesn't have many memories of her freshman nights; most of them a blur from the atmosphere of parties, some from all-nighters, but she does remember the night she admitted she was gay.
That, too, was at a party. She can remember a face and wavy brunette hair. She remembers going to the party with a frat guy; Mark was his name, attractive enough, but not really her type. He was on the pre-med track until he joined the fraternity.
Arizona, not knowing anyone at the party, followed him around for a while, until her feet hurt from walking. She sat on the couch next to a friendly-looking girl, not expecting much to happen for the rest of the night.
"Do you want some," the girl said, noting Arizona's empty cup, offering her own. Arizona smiled and took a small sip, trying to be polite.
"Thank you," she said, avoiding eye contact, looking out at the crowd. "I lost my date, I think."
"That's okay, he's a man whore," the girl replied, scoffing and taking a sip.
Arizona was taken aback by the comment. She didn't really know Mark, but he seemed nice enough. The girl could sense her shock, and tilted her cup in Mark's direction. Arizona caught a glimpse of him through the crowd, talking to another girl, arm around her waist.
"Do you know him?"
"He's friends with my brother," the girl replied. "Not that the fact that I'm the little sister ever stopped him from making passes." Her eyes didn't move from his back, until he turned around and looked right at her. She glanced at Arizona, nodded her head towards her, and raised her red solo cup to Mark. A cheers.
Mark raised his eyebrows, smirked, and raised his cup right back at her.
Arizona looked back and forth between the two in confusion, but her eyes settled on the girl when she started to laugh. Arizona decided the girl's laugh was melodic.
"You look uncomfortable," the girl said, leaning back into the couch, motioning for Arizona to join her. "What's your name, sweetheart?"
The girl put her arm on the back of the couch and turned towards Arizona, her legs crossed. She looked comfortably dominant, like she did it often.
"Arizona." She let herself get more comfortable in the couch, but not much. She kept looking at Mark through the crowd as if he had answers for her.
"That name fits you," the girl said. "You got that quirky, side-ponytail vibe going for you. It's refreshing." She took a sip.
"Thanks," she drew the word out, uncomfortably. She looked to where Mark was standing, but he was walking away with the other girl. Arizona let out a small sigh.
"He's really not your type."
Arizona turned to the girl, a little stressed out. She was just ditched by the only person she knew at the party, and this stranger was trying to tell her it was for the best.
"How would you know?" The question came out more pointedly than she meant, but she was a little pissed anyway.
"Because you're smart," the girl said calmly, "and you chose to stay here when you saw him with another girl."
She was right; Arizona only even came to the party because she didn't want to be rude. And it was something new.
She got comfortable, still looking into the crowd.
"Why are you being so nice to me?"
"Because," the girl responded. She took a sip with raised eyebrows. "You're sweet." She gulped. "And I think you're hot."
"What," Arizona's head turned fast, and her hair swung in front of her face. She looked down, embarrassed at both the comment and her reaction. No one ever really commented on her looks sincerely before. She had had boyfriends in the past, but all they wanted to do was make out and move on.
The girl moved closer and pushed away the hair that was blocking her view of Arizona's face.
"Hey, come on," she said, holding Arizona's face in her hand. "You're beautiful. Did no one ever tell you that?"
It was a joke, she could tell, but Arizona could sense sincerity in it, too. She softly smiled and turned away, letting her hair cover her face again. This time she pushed it away herself, leaving the hair covering the girl's view. Arizona felt a hand on her thigh. She looked down at it, slender and gentle.
"You're very beautiful, Arizona."
Arizona bit her lip and looked up in anguish, not meeting the other girl's glance. She never really had crushes on boys, and she never let herself look at other girls.
"I'm straight," she said, pained. Her internal conflict laced her words, eyes shimmering with fright. She blinked, still biting her lower lip.
"No one is completely straight."
Arizona looked at the girl, this stranger. She was ashamed of what she implied, her eyes watered and her teeth chewed at her lip to keep her body together. Her hand was taken from her lap, she was pulled up and away from the couch.
"Come with me."
Arizona followed her out of the room, down the hall, out the door, down the sidewalk, to her car. Then she let go and stopped.
"I'm not going with you," she spit. Her voice was raspy, her eyes watering. "I don't even know your name."
"Arizona, it's o-"
"Don't tell me this is okay!" She snapped away from her. "You know nothing about me or who I like!"
She started crying. She sank to the ground and let her head sink between her hands. She sobbed for what seem liked hours as the girl watched from a distance. She shook so much she couldn't feel when the girl came over and held her. She allowed herself to be stood up and walked to the car. She curled up on the seat and looked out the window as the lights passed by. She quickly lost count as the lights flashed by her.
"Where are we?" Arizona wiped tears from her cheek with the back of her hand as she got out of the car.
"My place."
It was on the outskirts of campus, just shy of college housing. There was a door temporarily marked AS, that's the one they went in. Inside there was a bed in the corner, a couch with books, surgery textbooks, open and bookmarked, flung across it. There was a small coffee table with rings and clutter all over it.
"Sorry, I wasn't expecting company," the girl joked as she cleared up papers and books. Arizona didn't laugh; instead she walked around the kitchen area, looking at the bits of life around the apartment. "Please," Arizona looked up at her, "make yourself comfortable."
The girl sat on the bed and gestured for Arizona to sit with her. She walked over slowly, the other girl's eyes on her the whole time. She sat uncomfortably until the girl pulled her arm and sat lengthwise on the bed as an example. The girl took Arizona's hands in her own and played with her fingers.
"When I was thirteen I had my first crush," she said. "It was on a girl named Sarah. She had long blonde hair and she was a good friend. But I also had a crush on Mark."
Arizona stared at their fingers as she listened. She couldn't talk, but she nodded along as if the girl's words were a song.
"My first date was will a boy named Jake, my first kiss was Sarah, but she didn't like me. She was flattered by my feelings, but she was straight, and no one could change that." Her words were soft and trustworthy. "Now you, you're nothing like Sarah. You're shy and sweet and you aren't flattered by my interest in you. Not the way she was."
The girl captivated Arizona's eyes by then, their eyes never faltered their gaze.
"I'm not saying that I'm right, this is your life," she let go of Arizona's hands, "but I think..."
She trailed off and leaned closer to Arizona's face. The girl's hand gently touched her face and both sets of eyes wandered from lips to eyes and back.
Arizona leaned in further and the girl kissed her. She grasped the girl's wrist in her left hand and her right laid on her thigh.
They stayed kissing until they got tired of the night. The girl lied down on the outside, letting Arizona sleep on the inside. At first they laid on the edges, but somewhere between rest and sleep Arizona let herself be held. For the first time in years she didn't have to get comfortable, she just was. As she slipped into sleep, and hand traced letters into her back.
"Amelia," the girl whispered. "You can call me Amy."
Amelia had left a note for Arizona that morning telling her she had an early class, but she was welcome to stay.
Arizona slipped out and spent the whole day in her bed staring off into space. The next week Arizona went to every party she heard about, looking for her mystery girl. Without luck.
By Thursday, she gave up hope. She went to one last party, in the same house as she first met her. She got the same drink, followed the same pattern Mark had taken her on, and ended up in front of the same couch.
And she was there.
When Arizona caught her eyes, a smirk grew on Amelia's face.
"Fancy seeing you here," Amelia smirked. Arizona sat down next to her and took Amelia's out-stretched cup of the same drink as last week. "Are you ready for some fun?"
Arizona nodded while taking the last large gulp of alcohol from the solo cup and placing it on the ground by her feet.
"What did you have in mind?"
Arizona was apathetic and numb from a combination of self hate and alcohol. She could burn her textbooks and only feel the heat of it. However, Amelia had a strange affect on her, that when she placed her hand on Arizona's leg, the girl felt heat and lust in the touch alone. It burned a handprint in what she thought she once was.
"I want to play seven minutes in heaven," she said with a smirk.
"With who?"
"You."
Arizona looked at her incredulously.
"Isn't that game a little middle school though?" Amelia pouted.
"I never got to play when I was younger," she complained. Her hand inched its way up Arizona's leg, taunting her.
Arizona handed Amelia the empty cup and Amelia scrunched her face up.
"You're going to have to get another drink in me," Arizona answered. Amelia smirked and left to get another drink.
When Amelia got back, she handed Arizona the drink and pulled her up by her other hand. Arizona followed, holding on to Amelia a little tighter than flirtation; as if Arizona was drowning and Amelia was keeping her alive. This thing with Amelia, it felt unnaturally natural. The first thing she felt was contempt, something she was conditioned to feel, the next was excitement, something she truly felt. She struggled with her inner turmoil, but the drinks were helping.
Amelia turned around and grabbed both of her wrists and smiled wide at Arizona. The two began to giggle as they approached the stairs. Amelia turned back around to lead her up the stairs and Arizona took the time to admire how their slender hands looked linked; anywhere they went would be an adventure. She admired the prominence of the veins in Amelia's forearm, she got lost in the sight of pale in comparison to the deep brown of the hardwood stair below them, lost in the haze of smoke and alcohol that came with the party, lost in the craze that came with this woman.
"Hey! Amelia," a booming voice interrupted her thoughts. The familiar tone caught her attention and she looked up. "And Arizona, nice to see you here, babe."
Arizona nodded, looked around, and took a big gulp of the drink she forgot she was given. She refrained from making eye contact with Mark for as long as possible.
"What are you gals up to?" He was always confident when he spoke, everything sounded like it was meant to be taken more mature than it really was. It made Arizona feel uncomfortable, but Amelia seemed unfazed and even smirked, the gleam in her eyes irresistible as she spoke.
"Seven minutes in heaven," she said, pride in her tone as though Arizona was an accomplishment to have attached to her arm. Amelia rubbed her thumb along the back of Arizona's hand. Arizona took another sip of the drink. It burned as it slid down her throat, but it didn't burn as much as Amelia's fingers as they played with her own. The two burns were very different; the alcohol sat in a pit in her stomach and poisoned her gut and soul, it was warm, a constant burn, like a fueled fire at the base of her core; Amelia's fingers played with her hand and teased her mind and heart, it was cool, a fleeting burn, like an ice cube slipping between her fingers. She kept a thought flittering in the back of her mind, the burning could last forever and I would let it absorb me.
A deep chuckle brought her back to the moment, and she looked at the man standing in their way upstairs.
"You two have fun," he chuckled as he talked, Arizona found she didn't like it. She found it more fitting when Amelia giggles while taking than when a deep laugh accompanied words. "Make good choices," Mark added on his way past them, patting Arizona's shoulder in commemoration.
"Oh I will." Amelia pulled her up the stairs hurriedly. She looked back at Arizona and smirked again and quickly pulled her through a door and shut it. Arizona was pinned between the door and the girl. She smelled sweet. The scent burned down her nostrils and through her airways. A cool burn.
Arizona's eyes adjusted to the dark of the room and she focused on the depth of Amelia's eyes. A universe could reside in her eyes and no one would ever know unless they could feel her breath the way Arizona could. Arizona could focus only on the feel of Amelia trapping her against the door for a few moments, until her eyes began to understand the depth of their surroundings. Arizona raised her left arm up until her fingers met the cool metal of the light switch and Amelia's eyes shut for a few moments as the lights flickered on.
"This isn't a closet," Arizona said, her words were thin like smoke escaping her lungs, rather than oxygen. She meant to tease Amelia, but she was distracted by the other girl's lust. Amelia turned so that Arizona could step into the room properly. Arizona walked to the bed in the middle of the room and sat on the edge of it, her fingers playing at the seams of the quilt beneath her. She looked up at Amelia's expression, a smile, but one that jutted out her jaw to hold back a chuckle. She locked the door before wandering to the other side of the room to where a dresser stood, a small crocheted cover was draped over it but Amelia pushed it away to feel the cool hardwood.
"I was hoping you'd be a little more comfortable here," she turned to face Arizona. "But there's a closet right over there," she pointed, "if you'd rather go in there."
Arizona smirked and laughed slightly at the idea of the two grown women trying to get some in the closet. Amelia's cocky smile returned to her face. She walked to the door of the closet and opened it, gesturing Arizona in.
Arizona didn't move from the bed, but rather looked down at her fingers.
Amelia felt the mood shift from playful to serious and rushed to Arizona's aid. She placed a light hand on Arizona's cheek, a silent plea for her to look up.
"We don't have to do anything you don't want, Arizona."
Arizona breathed deep and looked up at Amelia. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, holding onto Amelia's arm.
"Can we just stay out here?"
Amelia quickly sat down next to Arizona on the bed and moved closer to her, her hand still at Arizona's cheek. They stayed like that for a while, both of them breathing the other in. Amelia pressed their foreheads together and scrunched her eyebrows together.
"Arizona you are so beautiful," she breathed out, "I wish I could be more for you than just a drunken night."
Arizona pulled away from Amelia, worry etched on Amy's face. She pulled her in slowly and got closer and closer to her face, their breaths mingling in the limited space between their lips.
Arizona let her lips touch Amelia's, hoping the emotion behind her skin could be felt. Sure, Arizona had been kissed before, she had been kissed by many guys. She had been kissed by Amelia before, but this was the first time she kissed someone. And she hoped Amelia could feel that in the way she moved her lips, the way her hand tangled in her hair, the way she moved closer to her.
They broke the kiss, not knowing how long they had been kissing, but knowing they wanted more.
"I might need longer than seven minutes," Arizona joked, sliding a finger down Amelia's arm, goosebumps popping up in her trail. "And I can't promise heaven."
She smirked at her own joke and looked down between them. Amelia brought her hand to Arizona's neck and lifted her eyes to meet her own.
"Maybe I don't want heaven."