In His Arms
AN: I really should be working on Evergreen, but I couldn't resist writing something about Kikyo. Enjoy! Spoilers for chapters 464 and 465 of the manga.
Disclaimer: Inuyasha and its characters do not belong to me – they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.
It was not such a bad thing, to die in the arms of the one you loved. Kikyo felt each breath she took sear the inner lining of her throat. Her entire body ached, and the scars from Naraku's miasma throbbed uncomfortably on her shoulder.
She wasn't sure if she was actually feeling pain or if her mind had created the illusion of pain because she was supposed to feel pain. After all, her body was not a true body – it was merely made of mud and ashes, fed by the dead souls of others. Should she be feeling pain? Would the pain stop if she willed it to? She concentrated her focus on eradicating the pain, but it did not cease. The priestess took a ragged breath, lifting her gaze to the pale, solemn countenance of the only man she had ever loved.
His expression made her heart ache. She could still see tears flowing down his cheeks – never before had she seen Inuyasha bare himself in front of her. She had never seen him cry before, never seen him apologize like he had only moments ago.
Couldn't he understand that none of this was his fault? She didn't blame him at all – why should she? Most people would never dream of thinking they owed a dead priestess anything. Inuyasha's fierce loyalty to her even after her unfortunate rebirth had erased all notions of dragging him to hell with her. He could have easily forgotten her – he hadn't needed to risk his life for her, he hadn't needed to protect her.
She felt a tear drop onto her skin and marveled at the feeling. She remained perfectly still as the single drop coursed down her cheek and off the side of her face. Kikyo raised one hand and pressed her fingers to the place where the tear had fallen.
It hurt her to see him cry. He shouldn't be crying for her, not after she had sealed him to a tree for fifty years. Her gaze flitted up to his face again, and she felt an overwhelming urge to apologize – to apologize for doubting him fifty years ago.
How had she let someone taint her trust in him? Had she really had so little faith in their relationship – in him? Why had she believed that he had really gone back on his word? Why hadn't she realized she was being fooled?
Her dark hair was strewn across his lap as he held her tenderly. It saddened her that it was only in her last moments that he allowed her to see his soul, to see the raw pain that festered there.
Had she really caused him so much pain?
She could hear someone sobbing nearby – she didn't need Inuyasha's heightened sense of smell to know that it was Kagome. The priestess exhaled tiredly, wishing she had enough strength to raise her head and address the girl.
Why was she crying? Kikyo had already died before. She was not afraid of the void, because she had already experienced death. Urasue had done a terrible thing to bring her back to a world that she had severed all ties with. Now, she was finally returning to where she belonged.
Kagome's bizarre reactions puzzled Kikyo. Firstly, there was the entire fact that Kagome remained with Inuyasha, even when the hanyou frequently left her to visit Kikyo herself. Then there was the fact that Kagome seemed incapable of bearing a grudge – even when Kikyo had taken her Shikon fragments and allowed her to plummet to her near death, Kagome had later purified the miasma in Kikyo's body and healed her, and had even travelled to Mount Azusa to fetch a new bowstring for her.
Such willingness to help… it reminded Kikyo of herself when she had been alive. Truly alive, and not merely a pale specter of life. When she had died, she had died with betrayal deep in her heart – once resurrected, she had allowed that hate to consume her for a brief period. Looking back at her actions, Kikyo felt even more awed at Kagome's selflessness.
She wanted to tell the girl not to cry. She was at peace now. Whether or not she was heading for hell – that was left up to a greater power, but Kikyo would not shy away from her final destination.
Part of her was glad that Kagome would continue to live. She could tell how strongly the young girl felt about Inuyasha – it was apparent with every glance the schoolgirl cast at the hanyou. Kikyo prayed that Kagome would not die, that she would live to see the day when Naraku was finally vanquished – and that she would finally discover that the hanyou had always been hers.
Kikyo took comfort in the fact that although her and Inuyasha's love story had had a tragic ending in this life, she would continue to live on in her reincarnation. When – not if – Kagome and Inuyasha received their happy ever after, she would be near them both – near the man she would always love, and near the woman who would always hold a part of her.
No, it was not such a bad thing to die in your lover's arms.
AN: … well, ew. I had big hopes for this drabble, but I think it kind of fell through. Ah well, I'm still posting it, because I like some parts of it.