( New story time. Again. Yes, I know lol. This is another in the list of 'how could I have made Destiny better?' stories (not like there isn't enough scope..) mainly 'what would have happened if Mwu had never lost his memories?' Ve vill see... )

Everything hurt.

It felt like he was on fire - he could hardly breathe, and each attempt at movement sent needles of agony lancing through him. His head felt like it was being squeezed in a vice, he was drenched with sweat which only made the pain worse...in short, he was thoroughly miserable. Drifting in and out of consciousness, he didn't know where he was or how he'd come to be there, and didn't much care. Every so often a white-coated form would come around and adjust something, and the pain would go away for a while, letting him lapse into blessed relief and sound sleep. Right now he lived for those times and the dreams he had - because she was always there. She'd be there by his side, that beautiful smile she saved for him making her eyes sparkle, and he'd forget all the pain and reach for her. Everything is worth it if she's there...

How long that continued for he had no idea, but one day he woke up and found the world to be much clearer, the haze he'd existed in for that time gone. Blinking slowly he looked around the room. From the sterile white decor and smell of antiseptic it seemed to be a sickbay...and not Archangel's. Confused and more than a little concerned he tried to sit up. grimacing when pain shot through him. "Hello?"

A small figure peeked out from around a corner, and smiled to see him awake. "Hello there. Glad to see you looking better."

"Where am I?"

"The Sachiwaru. One of the mobile suits out on patrol found the remains of your mobile suit out there - you're very lucky to be alive. You had a rough time of it for the first few days..."

"Yeah..." He remembered what had happened...remembered the blinding white light, the flames fading to blackness, and the relief he'd felt at knowing that whatever happened to him, he'd been able to save his ship. Hadn't he? I can't exactly ask about it...Archangel's supposed to have been destroyed at Alaska... "How long have I been here?"

"Ten days or so."

"The war's over?"

"Yes, they declared a ceasefire not long after the battle ended. Sounds like the bigwigs are in talks right now to get some sort of treaty ironed out, but I don't think that'll happen fast.."

It's over...once I recover I can go try and find her... He was still in pain, and he could see a decent amount of bandages swathing his form...so wherever he wanted to go, he wouldn't be getting there in a hurry. Not to mention the fact that he couldn't feel his legs. "How badly was I hurt?"

The figure, whom he took to be a nurse, crossed to his bedside and picked up the chart from the desk. "You have some nasty burns and shrapnel wounds - they gave you a pretty high fever for a couple of days. You were on morphine and all kinds of things for a while."

"I was pretty lucky then.."

"What happened to you?"

He managed a rueful grin and stared at the ceiling. "I did something dumb. I'm hoping I saved my ship, but I have no way of finding out..."

"What was it's name? I could try and look for you."

Another grin. "You wouldn't find it. My ship isn't supposed to exist. And neither am I."

Thoroughly confused, the nurse nodded, making her way back to her office. He'd been careful not to give out his name - this was an Alliance ship, so he didn't imagine the commanding officers would be too happy to realise they had a deserter on board. Best to lie low, get well, and make his escape when everything died down.

Wherever she is, I'll find her...

The house was in a quiet neighbourhood not far from the beach, set back from the road and surrounded by a small garden. It was exactly the kind of place he'd have imagined his friend living...he just wished it was under happier circumstances. Taking a deep breath he rang the doorbell, fixing the smile on his face. She answered a few moments later, a smile on her own face though she looked tired. "Oh, Kira-kun. Hello.." She stepped back to let him in, he looking around with interest.

"This is a nice place.." Though it had only been a couple of weeks she'd made the little house like home already, with neatly arranged furniture and vases of flowers everywhere. There were few signs of her previous life - perhaps she wanted to forget about all that. All that he could see were a couple of framed photographs on the mantelpiece...and two white officers' caps on a dresser. She noticed his gaze and smiled gently, saying nothing. But it must hurt her... He'd found out the truth when he'd returned to Eternal, Lacus taking him to one side and informing him quietly that Mwu-san had died saving the Archangel. And he'd been shattered. Mwu-san had been like an older brother, providing advice and support when he'd most needed it...the idea that he was gone was a hard one to come to terms with. But as hard as it was for him, for Murrue-san it must be even worse. She and Mwu-san really loved each other...when I saw her next it looked like she hadn't slept at all...

He hadn't seen her cry, or seen any sign she had been crying, and that worried him. In his experience, bottling up emotions only led to trouble...no wonder she looked tired.

"How have you been?"

"Alright, I guess.." She handed him a bottle of soda and bustled about tidying up non-existent clutter, aware that he was watching her but not knowing what to say. She knew why he was most likely there, and knew that if anyone would be able to see through the veil she'd put up, it would be him. "Yes, I miss him, but I'll be fine."

"You won't talk about him to anyone."

"It's private." she replied shortly, in a tone that she hoped would put an end to the conversation. But he wouldn't be put off that easily.

"Mwu-san was my friend too. And you saw a side of him than none of us ever did. I was just wondering what he was really like..."

Curious despite herself she glanced up at her younger friend. "What was he like with you?"

"Like a big brother. Dependable, friendly. Someone I could ask about anything. What was he like with you?"

Murrue felt the heat rising in her cheeks and fought to keep the smile from her lips as dozens of memories flooded through her mind. What was he like? He was everything... "He was gentle, and kind, and no matter what kind of day I'd had he was always able to make me smile again..." A tear escaped to roll down her cheek, but she never noticed. Getting up she crossed to the mantelpiece to pick up one of the photographs. The two of them smiled out from the image, his cheek pressed to hers, blue eyes twinkling with laughter and affection. "I keep expecting him to walk through the door with that dumb grin on his face.."

"He never spoke about the time you spent together. A lot of people had no idea.."

She nodded. That was the way we wanted it. He said once that he didn't mind how many people knew he loved me, but that if I wanted it to be our secret, then that was fine... Brushing a finger over the image of his face, she blinked in surprise when a tear splashed onto the glass. She hadn't let herself cry since Jachin Due, even when she'd been alone...so why now?

Because Kira-kun's made you talk about him...

"You're not playing fair.."

The young man smiled. "Aren't I?"

Murrue rubbed her eyes, irritated when more tears escaped. "You knew that if I talked about him I'd cry."

"Yes, I did." Kira-kun placed a hand on her shoulder. "Because you need to."

"I've accepted I won't see him again. I'm all right."

"Are you?"

"Yes!" Angrily she turned away, blinking back the stinging in her eyes. "Leave me alone!" She tried closing her eyes against the tears, but to no avail. "Dammit!" She made as though to throw the photograph across the room but Kira-kun gently removed it from her hands and led her to the sofa, placing an arm around her shoulders as he helped her sit down.

"It's all right to cry, Murrue-san.."

And she cried. Face buried in a dishtowel Kira-kun had kindly brought from the kitchen, she cried. For him, at the unfairness of being with him for such a short time before losing him...from grief. She'd asked herself the same questions so many times, the same questions that flooded through her mind right now. Why him? Why did he have to be such a hero? Why did I have to fall for him? Why couldn't we have come home together? She cried for what felt like hours, the dishtowel soaked with her tears, and all the time her friend was there, never saying anything, just comforting her with his presence.

"I'm sorry.." she managed to say in a very small voice. Brushing away the last of her tears she smiled shakily up at Kira-kun. Oddly, she felt better. Lighter, somehow, as though she'd cried away some unseen weight along with her tears. "I must look a mess, huh?"

"You look fine. You've rubbed a bit of makeup off, but that's nothing to worry about. You look better."

"Better?"

"Like there's a weight off your shoulders. You never let yourself grieve properly for him, did you?"

"I didn't want to...maybe I didn't want to admit he was gone.." She shrugged. "I don't know.." Glancing up at Kira-kun she smiled again. "Thank you."

"No problem."

Well, this is boring.

Lying back in the bed he gazed out of the window. He'd been brought to this military hospital on an Alliance base somewhere in northern Europe by a shuttle from Sachiwaru. The scenery wasn't much to look at - snow, snow, and a bit more snow, swirling around in the wind and covering the ground. He liked snow...where he'd grown up it had put down several feet of the stuff each winter, but it got on your nerves after a while. Especially when the weather where he wanted to be would be so different. His plan for when he finally recovered was to head for Orb. If Archangel had made it through the war all right, that would be where they'd have gone. I wish there was some way to let her know I'm alive... That was the worst thing. If she was there, she'd no doubt think he was dead. Is she sad? Does she miss me?

"Dammit.."

He missed her like hell. But in a way, that was a good thing. The thought of one day being able to find her spurred him on to recover faster. The injuries he'd sustained were healing slowly, the scars criss-crossing his body and covered in salve and bandages. But they were healing. Every week the pain grew a little less, the bandages became fewer. The doctors who treated him had commented on his determination, and how most people would have died from the shock and pain of the kind of injuries he'd sustained. It did cause a small amount of pride, but mostly more determination. There'd been a reason he'd survived, and he was convinced it was her. I have to find her...

However long he had to be here, he'd make the most of it. When he was well he'd get out somehow, make his way to Orb if he had to walk there. For a peaceful life.

He'd earned it, surely? They both had.

( yay :smile: I even managed to shoehorn in a reference to my favourite Gundam series..

please read and review n tell me if I have a good idea going here.. )