The Breakfast Gaang
A simple one-shot at the Gaang having a rather comical breakfast. Forgive my horrible attempts at blind jokes. I love torturing Zuko. My first ATLA fanfiction!
"Okay, so in preparation for the defeat of Firelord Ozai, I decree that we need another vacation!" Sokka whined, picking himself up from his languid pose on the beach house steps. He raked his fingers down his face in hopeless insanity. "I'm bored, and that stupid play is the only thing running through my mind!"
"You mean what's left of it," quipped Zuko, warming down from his workout.
"Good one, Jerkbender," Toph snorted.
"Maybe Sokka's right, guys," Aang said, joining the others on the steps. "We have been working really hard, training and planning and-"
"Lounging and wasting time and lollygagging-"
"'Lollygagging'? Really, Zuko, you are your Uncle," Katara snickered behind her hand.
"I am not!" He protested, licks of fire billowing around his fists and feet. Then he stopped. He too, had a lot of time on his hands when he wasn't perfecting his firebending…and he did spend it meditating and brewing the Gaang's tea… "Maybe we should go on a vacation."
"Alright!" Sokka cheered, and hopped into the air. "So, where to?" From seemingly nowhere, he produced a large map, and spread it on the ground. The six teenagers stared at it for awhile, each contemplating a location.
"How about here?" Toph excitedly pointed to a location on the map.
"Toph, that's the middle of the ocean," Suki said.
"Really?"
"Oh. I can see why Sokka doesn't like that."
"Really? Cause I can't-"
"Toph," Katara said sternly. "Did you actually have a location in mind, or were you just baiting us?"
"Kinda both, actually," the blind girl leaned back, enjoying the running gag. "I was hoping to have landed near this little town off the west coast of the Earth Kingdom. Man, have they got some good breakfast joints there."
"Breakfast?" Zuko asked. "If you're looking for breakfast, I know some really good tea shops-."
"Hey, you're right, Katara!"
"Stay out of this, Aang!" the prince snarfed. "Like I was saying, the shops had some amazing side dishes and pastries."
"And I heard of a place right in town that serves breakfast all day and night!" Suki smiled as she shared her reconnaissance.
"That's it!" Sokka jumped up. "This is what we can do: we'll go somewhere different for breakfast!"
"And just what is wrong with my breakfasts?" Katara looked dangerous, hands at the ready for bending.
"Nothing," Aang said. "But maybe we need a change from rice and sauce." Nervous hands ran over his arrow.
"Oh? Well, you should have said something. I just thought that it was good discipline and food." Katara smiled warmly at the young monk. "And if we are going to do this 'breakfast run', may I suggest we keep it in the area?"
Sokka stared in wonder at his sister as she and Suki got up and went into the house, presumably preparing a meaty lunch. He turned to Aang. "I just want you to know how lucky you are."
Aang's forehead furrowed. "Why?"
"Because, Baldy, if that had been anyone else, she would have blown up worse than Jerkbender." Toph said, following Suki and Katara.
"Will you please get off my back?!"
***********
"Good morning, and welcome to Eat N' Bend!" piped a perky young woman. "How many are in your party?"
"Three adults, two kids and one senior citizen," drawled Wang Fire. His lovely wife stood next to him, smiling and noticeably pregnant.
"Oh! Will you give us a few moments to set up a booth?"The hostess asked, looking pleased. She reminded Wang of Joo Dee, with less creepy. He nodded his understanding, and flashed his "family" a big beardy grin.
"Why did I have to be the senior citizen?" Zuko growled, pushing back his hood revealing a fuzzy gray beard, wig and eye patch.
"Because you're the one who looks the most like a trouble old war veteran," Sokka muttered back to him. "Besides, if anyone asks, I'm sure you know enough Fire Nation history to make a convincing story about how you lost that eye."
"Yeah, just like To Fa and I are too short and youthful to look like convincing adults. Although in Omashu, I did make a pretty good old man…" Aang rattled off, living up to his role as the chatty son.
"Now, now, Kuzon, we've all heard your report on New Ozai…" Wang said loudly, trying not to arouse suspicion. "Kids," he shrugged to the returning hostess, who nodded understandingly. "Always worked up about something or other. I just hope our next one is as avid about his studies!" He patted Suki's fake belly a little too energetically.
"Dear, the baby…" Suzi warned. The pad of fabric felt like it was slipping.
"Oh, I'm sorry, my lovely Su...zi! I just can't wait, you know," Wang looked into Suzi's eyes meaningfully.
While Toph admired everyone for their conviction, she could feel the hostess's impatient breathing. "I'm hungry!" she stomped, breaking the spell between the two.
"Of course, honey, we'll get you to your seat," Katara placed her arms around her "daughter" and pushed past the man and wife. "Wang, we should probably sit down now."
"Oh, Sapphire, my dear sister, of course we shall!" Sokka said, recognizing that calm annoyance in her voice.
Zuko turned to Aang. "Wang? Kuzon? Suzi?"
"Don't ask." Aang advised, and plopped down in the booth. He bounced a few times. "Cushy. I like it. Have you ever sat on something so cushy, Zuroh?"
Zuroh flinched perceptibly. Then he smiled, an event so rare, his family took notice. "As the booth cushions you, Kuzon, you must not think of past comforts, for they will never compare."
"Wow, that's real deep, Grandpa."
"We've talked about that tone of voice, young lady," Sapphire chided, reveling in her character as To Fa's mother.
"Well, I'll just leave you some menus and a pot of tea, and your waitress will be right with you," the hostess said, eager to leave the dysfunctional group.
Toph immediately turned to Katara. "And we've talked about this whole 'mothering' thing, Sugarqueen! The only reason you are ever going to get away with this is because we're wanted criminals having breakfast in the Firelord's backyard!" With a huff, she opened her menu, holding it upside down. "I'll just have you read it to me, then."
While Katara listed the various meals and specials, Aang inspected the scenery around him. The walls were a pleasantly calming shade of oatmeal, with highlights of red and cheap wood furniture. It seemed perfect for the older community of Ember Island—not too garish or harsh, and homey, comforting. He voiced his observations to a somber Zuroh.
"Yeah, basically," he said, toying with a cup of poorly brewed jasmine tea. "This is a chain restaurant. There are Eat N' Bends all over the Fire Nation, and a few in the Earth Kingdom, too. Remember telling me about Joo Dee in Ba Sing Se? Well, I'm pretty sure they do the same thing with the waitresses and cooks, because no matter where you go, it's the same perky attitude and food. Allowing locational variations, of course."
"Oh. Well, that's really unimaginative." Aang said, slightly put out.
"I know we've faced dragons and we're about to face my father, but you haven't seen anything like an old person when their Morning Grin Meal is served with a steamed dumpling and not a fried one, or if they're charged even one copper piece too much."
"I can only imagine," Wang brushed off Zuroh, and avidly perused his menu. "So, what should I go for? The Two-Meat Special, or…Potachos?"
"Ugh, never ever eat potachos. You'll greatly regret it if you do," Zuroh grabbed at his belly, remembering a very late night spree with his Uncle a very long time ago…and the morning after.
"Okay, so potachos are out. What about the Grilled Honey Rolls a la mode?" Sapphire asked. "They sound really good."
"Yeah, what's not to like about ice cream on a sugary pastry?" To Fa said. "I know what I'm getting!"
"You are not getting ice cream for breakfast, young lady!"
"You were about to!"
"I'm an adult, I can get what I want. How about the children's plate?" Sapphire pointed to an item on the menu. To Fa only raised her eyebrow.
"Oh, yeah. Sorry." The eyebrow stayed raised. "Fine. Get ice cream for breakfast. But don't complain to me when your cankles interfere with your bending."
"Alright! Here's to ice cream in the morning!" To Fa raised her arms in victory.
"Well, I know what she's having, how about the rest of you fine folks?" asked an overly sugary waitress who scribbled To Fa's order on a little pad.
"I'd like the Morning Grin," Zuroh stated.
"Dumplings or toast?"
"Toast."
"White or rye?"
"Rye."
"Scrambled or Sunny side up?"
"Over easy."
"Fire gin or sake?"
"Fire gin."
"Cowpig or Sheepig bacon?"
"Cowpig."
"How about you, little man?"
"I want to try the All-Tofu scramble! But instead of eggs, could I have potachos on the side?
"Uh huh…And for you ma'am?" She pointed to Sapphire with her pencil.
"Um…steamed rice and spicy rose sauce, please."
"Ooh, exotic aren't we? What would you like, Suzi?"
"I'll have the Warrior Plate."
"Would you like your steak cooked or raw?"
"Rare, please."
"Okay, and for you, sir?"
"I'll have the Dragon-Lumberjack Special."
"Would you like to enter your time for our wall of fame?" She motioned to a wall covered in pictures of old greasy men, and one very young skinny girl.
"Sure, why not?"
"Thank you all so much, I'll be right back with your food!"
The moment she disappeared, Sokka jumped on Katara. "The whole point of this is to try something different! And what do you do?"
"I've decided to keep on this regimen. This way, I can say I've had a bowl of rice and sauce of every type one day," she explained calmly. "Gran Gran did the same thing with fish soup. She tried nearly every type of fish soup there is along the coast of the Earth Kingdom on her trip down to the South Pole."
"Huh," Sokka nodded. "That's why it always seemed like her cooking skin had schizophrenia…And you!" He pounced on Aang. "Even after Zuko told us not to get potachos, you had to do it! Why?"
"We've eaten some strange stuff in our days, I figure how bad could a plate of chips smothered in mystery sauce be?"
"You have no idea," Zuko hissed. "Prepare yourself for the worst night of your life. Things will keep happening even if you think it couldn't possibly be anymore."
"When you put it that way…"
"To be fair, we'll all have some," To Fa decided.
"How is that fair? I don't think there are enough bathrooms on Ember Island!"
"We'll just see, then, won't we? You excluded, To Fa," Suzi said in an uncharacteristically motherly way.
"That one just hurt, Suzi."
"Leave the blind jokes to us, honey," Sokka patted Suki's shoulder.
It was then the platters started arriving.
"The Morning Grin for you…" Zuroh accepted his plate brimming with breakfast foods.
"Tofu Scramble and potachos…" Kuzon grabbed a bowl of nondescript crumbling bean curd and looked on in dread as a steaming plate of thin potato chips were beneath a lumpy mess of…something.
"Rice and Rose Sauce." Sapphire gracefully accepted her small bowl.
"Grilled Honey Rolls a la mode." To Fa reached out in the wrong direction for her ice cream, and her "mother" guided her hands to the right spot.
Suzi received her still-bloody steak and field greens, and dug in with relish.
"And for one Mr. Wang Fire," announced the waitress. "You have decided to undertake our Dragon-Lumberjack Special! This includes twenty firecakes, a whole side of cowpig bacon, twelve chickenram eggs, a pound of hashed potatoes and one after dinner mint! May your stomach be as successful as Firelord Sozin!"
Wang picked up a fork and dug in.
***********
Several hours later, the Fire family was finally allowed to leave the local hospital. Sapphire and Grandfather Zuroh had emerged unscathed.
"Well," gurgled Wang. "If our first plan fails, we can always treat Ozai to a breakfast at Eat N' Bend…"
Zuko was the only one to manage a laugh.