The disclaimer saying that I don't own any Galaxy Rangers characters has called in with an excuse of some kind. More madness from yours truly here!
Ever Hear of Call Waiting?
It was a desperate gun battle between the Black Hole Gang on the planet Nebraska and the Galaxy Rangers. The Rangers had the Black Hole Gang cornered in a saloon and both sides were firing away. Neither side willing to back down. No quarter was asked and none was given.
That is until someone's sub space cell phone rang.
"Oh for crying out loud who's phone is that?" Patch shouted.
"It's mine," MaCross realized.
"It figures," Patch grumbled.
"Hello?" MaCross answered his cell phone. "I told you not to call me unless it was an emergency! What do you mean it's an emergency? I can't talk now!"
ZAP!
MaCross ducked a laser blast. "I really can't talk now! What? Listen woman you'd better shut your trap and…Okay! Okay! I'm sorry! I didn't mean that!"
"Problems?" Patch gave him a look.
"Yeah it's my girl," MaCross held his hand over the receiver and then went back to talking. "Look woman I'm right in the middle of…Oh for crying out loud! I got another call! I'll call you back. I will put you on hold if I want to!"
"MaCross!" He answered the second call. "What do you want? Uh yeah I am kind of busy now that you mention it!"
ZAP! POW! ZAP!
"Could you repeat that, Irving?" MaCross snapped. "It's a bit loud over here with all the lasers flying around. What did you say? It sounded like you said I just got robbed? WHAT? HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WATCH THE HIDEOUT! SOMEONE STOLE THE HIDEOUT! HOW CAN YOU STEAL A HIDEOUT?"
MaCross listened. "Yes, I am aware our hideout is on an artificial asteroid floating around in the middle of space and has booster rockets. Yes it is possible for someone to fly away with it but what I want to know is how did someone fly away with it! How could you let it happen? What do you mean they had papers? Are you saying our hideout wasn't stolen, it was repossessed?"
"What? All my stuff is in there!" Dawdle yelled as he fired his blaster at the Rangers.
"All our stuff is in there!" Chugga yelled. "What the hell is going on MaCross?"
"Quiet! I'm trying to get to the bottom of this!" MaCross yelled. "Irving…Irving. Irving! How did those repo men find our hideout in the first place? I guess someone did tell them! But who was it? O'MEGA! SHE SQUEALED ON US!"
"I told you not to kick her out of the gang," Dawdle groaned. "They got my video games! Now I'll never get to level five of Burro Konga Fifty Eight!"
"Why that lousy little witch! When I get my hands on her…" MaCross hissed. "Irving…Irving. STOP CRYING IRVING!"
"We really need to get new people," Patch grunted as he kept firing.
"Irving…" MaCross rolled his eyes. "Irving! Look just go meet us at our other hideout on Floko! If you don't hear anything after a week go to our other contact place! All right! Just stop crying!"
ZAP! BANG!
"I really have to go now!" MaCross hung up and went to the other line. "All right woman, now what the devil is so important that…? WHAT? FOOLING AROUND? I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A BLASTER FIGHT! THE GALAXY RANGERS ARE TRYING TO BLOW US UP INTO ATOMS! THIS ISN'T EXACTLY POKER NIGHT YOU KNOW?"
"Actually it is a lot like our last poker night, Boss," Chugga spoke. "Remember when Dawdle got drunk and you bet him that he couldn't hit all the targets blindfolded?"
"I am trying to have a private conversation here!" MaCross yelled as his henchman.
"Hey wait!" Dawdle said. "I just remembered something! My video games were at the other hideout on Floko!"
"Yeah but you blew up your video game system on poker night," Patch reminded him.
"Ah I can always steal another system," Dawdle waved. "WHOA! INCOMING GRENADE!"
BOOM!
"I hate it when that Ranger Gooseman gets carried away," MaCross winced at all the damage. "Look Babe I gotta…Oh for crying out loud! I got another call! Hold on!"
"All right what the hell is it now?" MaCross answered the other call. "Butch? What's wrong? Why are you crying? What's not your fault? Our hideout on Floko is where? At the bottom of the swamp? Our hideout sank to the bottom of the swamp?"
"Nuts! There goes my video games," Dawdle moaned.
"WILL YOU FORGET ABOUT YOUR STUPID VIDEO GAMES?" MaCross shouted. "You too Butch! Now tell me what happened! Will you please stop crying and tell me what happened?"
"Maybe we should put out an advertisement in the want ads?" Patch groaned.
"Yeah they sell used video games all the time," Dawdle nodded.
"So there was a flash flood?" MaCross was listening to the phone. "Uh huh. Uh huh. Yes, yes I know I should have listened to you when you suggested that we take out some insurance. But really Butch, who insures a secret hideout? I mean the point of a secret hideout is to keep it a secret and if the insurance companies know where it is…Please stop crying."
"You know we could always insure a hideout that's not secret and torch it for the insurance?" Dawdle thought aloud.
"Hold on a second," MaCross sighed. He went over and hit Dawdle on the head. "All right, I'm back. Butch I want you to go wait for Irving at the space port. Yeah uh he's kind of got some bad news too. After the two of you have a good cry go to the other place where we…What do you mean it's on fire? How can a moon be on fire?"
"I told you having a hideout on a moon with an active volcano was gonna be trouble," Patch grunted.
"Okay just…Just stay on Floko and I'll find you!" MaCross snapped. "MaCross out!" He closed his cell phone and it began to rang again. "Dang it! I forgot about her! Look babe I'm not exactly having a good day here so this better be good news! What do you mean yes and no?"
"The boss is kind of having a rough day isn't he?" Dawdle remarked.
"What do you mean you're late?" MaCross yelled. "Late for what? And why are you calling me if you're late for…Oh you're late. Oh boy…"
"Are you sure?" MaCross asked. "Oh for crying out…How did this happen? Yes I am aware of how it happened! I was asking a rhetorical question! Now wait a minute! Hey! Hey! It is kind of your fault!"
A screaming torment of obscenities was heard from the phone. "Okay! Okay! It is my fault too!" MaCross panicked. "Look uh so what do you want to do about this? I know a guy that can…I WAS ONLY SUGGESTING IT BECAUSE….But…But… All right! All right! So you're having a baby! What do you want me to do about it?"
Another slew of obscenities shrieked out of the phone. "Stupid question…" MaCross winced. "All right! Will you stop screaming? Listen woman! You'd better watch your trap! I don't need crap like this in my life! So you'd better tow the line or else!"
A very loud scream was heard. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" MaCross panicked. "God the woman makes the Queen of the Crown look like Miss Mary Sunshine! Honey bear! Please! No! Honey! Sweetie! I'm sorry! Boy am I sorry!"
"Whipped," Patch made a whipping motion with his hand.
"SHUT UP!" MaCross snapped. "No! Not you Pookie! Not you! I was talking to that idiot Patch! Yes Sweetie. Yes Honey Bear. Daddy Bear loves you."
Then MaCross spoke in a high syrupy voice. "Who's Daddy Bear's special baby? Who is it? Yes Pookiekins! Yes Daddy Bear wuvs his widdle Pookiewookie wookiekins! Yes he does! Yes he does!"
It was then that MaCross noticed that the shooting had stopped. Everyone, from outlaw to Ranger was looking at him. "Look I really have to go now," MaCross spoke into the phone, clearly embarrassed. "All right! That's it! I give up! Take me to jail! Please! I need a break!"