The disclaimer saying that I don't own any Galaxy Rangers characters has run off and joined the space patrol. I was watching 'Scarecrow' and remember that line that sheriff said about all the fun a Galaxy Ranger has, you know, right before he got clobbered by a parasitic alien being? That gave me the inspiration for this…
Unrequited Ranger Fantasy
"Another day, another sunset on the Moon of Elara," Ranger Trapper, a brown haired ranger sighed as he stared out into the sky. "Just the same as it was the other five hundred and thirty three days we've been on this moon."
"Tell me about it," Ranger Hutch, a Brazilian Ranger grunted. "If I had known when I joined the Galaxy Rangers that I would spend most of my life babysitting a bunch of scientists and terra forming robots on one of Jupiter's moons I'd have stayed back in Rio being a lifeguard on the beach."
"That's because we're only Series Two Rangers which is barely a step up from a security guard at the mall," Trapper grunted. "Just because our test scores were a little low we get stuck on some low priority moon while a bunch of scientists play God. It's like one of those computer simulation games only the action is a lot slower and not as much fun."
"At least Elara has an atmosphere we can breathe now," Hutch said. "If I had to spend any more time under a dome I would have lost it man."
"Yeah but we're still stuck in this tower just staring out over the landscape watching for crooks that will never come," Trapper grunted. "Every evening after dinner for five hours straight we stand here and watch the sunset and be on the lookout in case some criminal is dumb enough to try and steal some terra forming equipment before we turn on the electronic sensors and call it a night."
"Trapper? Why don't we just turn on the electronic sensors early and go watch Tri-D?" Hutch asked.
"Because we're not supposed to for some stupid reason and I don't want to end up like Ranger Michaels when he got busted by the Captain for goofing off when he was supposed to be on duty. He got transferred to Pluto. That ain't gonna happen to me."
"You're right," Hutch said. "Besides we can't get near the Tri-D until our shift ends anyway. All those scientists hooked on Meerkat Manor."
"That show is still on?" Trapper asked.
"It's one of the longest running shows on television," Hutch said. "I mean it's genius. All they have to do is set up cameras, get a good narrator and those little fuzzy guys just go at it."
"They are kind of cute. No wonder it's lasted over a hundred years," Trapper nodded. "Hey did you hear the news? The Series Five Galaxy Rangers are making a stop on this dirt ball sometime soon!"
"Here? What are those glory hounds doing in a one robo steed dump like this?" Hutch asked.
"Ah some rumor about some kind of subspace disturbance," Trapper waved. "Possibly either a first contact or an alien invasion. They have to check it out."
"Those lucky bastards," Hutch growled. "We stand around all day while they go out and get all the glory!"
"That must be some life," Trapper smiled. "Flying all over the galaxy, going to one weird planet after another. Fighting alien outlaws one day, making first contact with alien species the next. Going off to Tortuna every other week to fight the Queen of the Crown. Those guys must have more medals than some generals by now!"
"Can you imagine the stuff those Series Five Rangers have?" Ranger Hutch asked. "Not just those weird implants in their heads, but all those toys they get to play with. I hear they get insider privileges at Longshot. Testing all that experimental equipment! That must be a blast!"
"Oh yeah baby," Trapper smiled. "And the ships they must fly. Whoo doggy! What I wouldn't give to be behind the controls of one of those babies."
"What wouldn't I give to be one of those guys?" Hutch sighed. "Not only do you go places and see things you get special powers! I could have special powers! Imagine being super strong or being able to shape shift man!"
"If I could shape shift I'd become Doctor Hoolihan's bra!" Trapper laughed.
"I hear you man," Hutch laughed. "You see that psychic they got in their team? Hoo she is one fine looking lady. I wouldn't mind her reading my vibes if you catch my drift?"
"Hutch she's a mind reader. Two minutes with you and she'd be bored to tears because there's nothing for her to read," Trapper snorted. "Now there's another thing those guys get. The women. The women must be unbelievable!"
"You've seen one too many episodes of Star Trek," Hutch snorted. "This ain't like Captain Kirk you know?"
"Oh please," Trapper waved. "You saw that picture of Ranger Hartford with that Princess of Tarkon? You can't tell me something isn't going on between those two! And those wanted pictures of Daisy O'Mega? And you've heard the rumors about Ranger Gooseman and all those women throwing themselves at him."
"Yeah that would be the sweet life," Hutch whistled. "What I wouldn't give to be one of them!"
"Yeah that would be sweet," Trapper sighed. "But it's highly unlikely we'd be one of them."
"Says who?" Hutch asked. "We have just as much chance as anyone else of becoming a Series Five Ranger."
"You think?"
"Why not? What makes those guys any better than us?" Hutch asked. "You know what could happen? They could end up in some kind of trouble and we could come along and save them. Then they'd see what real potential we'd have. And they'd take us back to BETA Mountain and get us fitted up with one of those Series Five implants."
"You're right! That would be our ticket out of this dump!" Trapper said. "I want bionic super strength!"
"Not me, I'm more the intellectual kind," Hutch said. "Some kind of computer psychic thing would be good for me."
"Intellectual? You're about as intellectual as a mud wrestling competition!" Trapper told him.
"Hey you would be surprised at all the mental preparation that goes on for that kind of sport," Hutch said. "I should know. I dated a mud wrestler once. It didn't work out though. She was too much into her career."
"Who are we kidding?" Trapper sighed. "We can dream all we want but the chances of us meeting up with the Series Five Rangers are slimmer than an ice cube surviving in Hell."
"SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHH!"
"What the hell was that unholy racket?" Hutch yelled.
With a loud explosion something huge burst out of the ground about seventy feet away from the tower. It was a giant five story green and purple wormlike insect with claws in front and a huge set of teeth. Not to mention a certain computer hacker hanging on for dear life on it's antennae.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Doc yelled. "GOOSE! STOP THIS CRAZY THING!"
Suddenly a small spacecraft zoomed into view trying to bring the creature down. The creature roared and sent out a huge blast of ice from it's mouth, hitting the starship. The starship barely landed nearby.
"GO! GO! GO!" Shane Gooseman and Zachery Foxx ran out of the spaceship before it exploded.
KABOOM!
"Walsh is not going to be happy we blew up another starship," Zach growled.
"Blame it on the bug!" Shane took out his blasters and tried to fire on the creature.
Their lasers proved to be ineffective. In fact the creatures swallowed them whole with a mighty roar. "HOLY CRAP! DID YOU SEE THAT?" Trapper shouted.
"I wish I didn't," Hutch gulped,
BOOM!
The creature exploded into dozens of tiny pieces. Some pieces made it as far as the tower. "Ahhh!" Trapper jumped to the side, barely able to avoid the disgusting mess."
"Now that's gross," Shane grumbled as he and Zach stood there in what was left of the giant insect covered in bug parts. Shane was glowing and Zach's bionic arm was glowing as well. Obviously they had used their series five powers to destroy the giant bug from the inside.
"Doc you okay?" Zach barked.
"No! My suit is ruined!" Doc yelled.
"Come on! We have to shut down that artificial wormhole the Queen of the Crown set up!" Zach barked. "If we don't those bugs will over run the moon!"
"Lighten up Zach, there's only fifty of them left," Shane remarked.
"RARRR!" Another giant worm creature burst out of the hole.
"Doc I think you had the right idea the first time!" Zach took out a lasso and managed to rope the antennae of the creature.
"We're gonna ride this bug back to Slade!" Shane shouted as he held onto the rope with one hand and Doc on the other. "Hang on Doc!"
"WHOOOOOOOOOO!" Doc howled as he was dragged along.
"Come on you overgrown caterpillar!" Zach made his way on top of the insect and started to direct it with his bionics. "Let's get back to where all the action is! Galaxy Rangers HO!"
With a screech the bug went back into the hole they came out of. "CAN'T WE JUST TAKE THE SUBWAY?" Doc screamed as they went back in.
Both Rangers in the tower were in shock. "You uh…Think we should uh, go out there and help them?" Hutch gulped.
"Nah I mean they seem to have the whole thing under control," Trapper said. "I mean they are the experts here. We'd just be in their way."
"Yeah I mean we already have an important assignment to stay in the tower and guard all this valuable equipment," Hutch said. "I mean for all we know that out there could be just a distraction for some bandits to come by and steal all this stuff."
"Right," Trapper nodded. "Distraction. Got it. I mean we were stationed here for a reason right? We can't just abandon our duty."
"Yeah it's important that we stay right here," Hutch agreed. "Until we're ordered to go somewhere else."
"Oh of course if we were ordered to run out there and help them that would be different," Trapper said.
"Exactly but until then we must follow orders," Hutch said. "You know…This moon isn't so bad. Once you get used to it. It's already got an atmosphere and it's starting to grow trees and grass. Oh and I hear that they're designing lakes and oceans for this moon."
BOOOOOOOOOM!
"Well they could always fill in those giant holes over there the Series Five Rangers made," Trapper gulped. "Is that woman carrying a bazooka?"
"I believe she is," Hutch gulped.
BOOOOOOOM! BOOM! BOOOOOM!
"Say Hutch how long does it usually take to completely terra form a moon like this one?" Trapper asked.
"Well we've only been stationed here under two years and it's year seven of the program," Hutch said. "Usually it takes about twelve to twenty years. Depending on the conditions of the planet. Or in this case moon."
BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Oh look I think the Galaxy Rangers just created a new active volcano," Hutch blinked. "That should cut some time in half. Or something."
"Oh and how long are we stationed here?"
"Depends on how long they extend our tour of duty. Could be a year. Could be two years."
"Hmm, you know there is some kind of quiet satisfaction in being part of an operation that creates new colonies for the human race," Trapper said. "Like we're part of a legacy or something."
"You're right," Hutch agreed. "It is important work we do. And we get paid for it."
"Only really do any hard work about a few hours a day," Trapper said. "Nice and quiet here."
BOOOOOOOOM!
"Well usually," Trapper gulped. "You know that phrase those Series Five guys are always saying?"
"You mean the 'No Guts No Glory' one?" Hutch asked.
BOOOOOM!
"Yeah, I never thought they meant that literally," Trapper gulped.