iCan't Hate You Anymore, an icarly fanfic

An empty room can be so deafening,
The silence makes you wanna scream,
It drives you crazy.

When he left, there was no screaming, no fighting. That was never what happened between them. She remembers it all too clearly. He just looked at her with his big chocolate eyes, pain evident in them; then he just turned around and walked out the door. And she'd never known just how daunting silence could be.

I chased away the shadows of your name,
And burned the picture in a frame,
But it couldn't save me.

And how could we quit something we never even tried?
Well you still can't tell me why.

"Carly?" Spencer called up the stairs. "Dad's home! Wanna come down to open Christmas presents and everything?"

Carly shook her head, forgetting for a moment that Spencer couldn't see her as tears streamed down her face. She wiped her eyes, trying to pull some strength into her voice.

"No thanks," she called, wincing as her voice sounded weak and squeaky. But Carly couldn't help it. She'd been staring at his picture for three hours now, the one of the two of them on their first Christmas together. He was wearing some dorky sweater his mom had made him, just like always, and she was wearing a beautiful red sweater dress and the widest smile ever. Sure, they'd been friends since sixth grade, and seen each other on previous Christmases, but that time it was different. That time they were a couple, a match made in Heaven that they thought couldn't be undone.

A knock on her door startled Carly out of her thoughts. Spencer smiled a rare sad smile at her, stepping into her room.

"Thinking about him again?" he asked quietly, staring at the picture. Carly nodded, wiping her eyes again.

"It's like he didn't even want to save what we had," she whispered. "He just looked at me and left, no explanation, nothing. Hell, he didn't even want the ring back! We were engaged and all, but he could just walk away without looking back."

"Maybe he was a bit more aware of everything," Spencer suggested. "Maybe there had been more than one crack, but you were a little too caught up in the 'just engaged' honeymoon stage to realize it. But maybe he did, and he didn't want you to have to hurt too much when it came later."

Carly chuckled a bit. "Too late for that," she replied.

Spencer sighed. "Yeah. It hurts, doesn't it? But you'll feel better, Carls! I know the perfect way!"

Carly looked at him. "What?" she asked suspiciously.

Spencer whispered something in Carly's ear. Carly smiled.

She stood in front of the fireplace an hour later, watching the picture crumple as the flames engulfed his face.

Spencer walked up behind her. "You okay, little sis?" he asked, putting his arm around her shoulders. "You know, after the whole Fr-."

"Please don't say his name," Carly interrupted. She looked down. "It'll be okay, eventually I suppose. I still miss him, but I guess I always will. We had something special, and I'll always love him."

We built it up
To watch it fall.
Like we meant nothing at all.
I gave and gave the best of me,
But couldn't give you what you need.
You walked away,
You stole my life,
Just to find what you're looking for.
But no matter how I try,
I can't hate you anymore.
...I can't hate you anymore.

Carly remembered their first kiss. It'd been in the Groovy Smoothie, and they'd been the only ones left. T-Bo was closing up soon, but he always let them stay later cause that was the only place they ever got a little privacy. And then this song came on, the one that had been lodged in her head ever since they'd first danced to it so long before. And he'd asked her to dance.

"May I have this dance, Miss Shay?" he'd asked, holding out his hand.

She took it, giggling. "Why certainly, Mister Benson!"

They'd danced in silence until the chorus, her favorite part.

"Do you remember the first time we heard this song, Carls?" Freddie asked quietly. Carly picked her head up from where it was resting on his shoulder. If she was Sam, she probably would've slapped him.

"Of course. How could I forget?" she responded. He hugged her a bit tighter after that.

And then the last moment of the song, the very last chord, their lips had met. It was the perfect moment, just as perfect as they were a couple. Before they fell apart, that is.

You're not the person that you used to be,
The one I want who wanted me,
And that's a shame but,
There's only so many tears that you can cry.
Before it drains the light right from your eyes,
And I can't go on that way.
And so I'm letting go of everything we were,
It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

"Marry me?" he asked, holding up a maroon ring box with a huge diamond ring nestled in the velvet.

She said yes through her tears, smiling and crying and laughing all at the same time. He hadn't been that original, just knelt down while the two of them were walking together in the park, but that was okay with Carly. She didn't need original to know that he loved her.

We built it up,
To watch it fall.
Like we meant nothing at all.
I gave and gave the best of me,
But couldn't give you what you need.
You walked away,
You stole my life,
Just to find what you're looking for.
But no matter how I try,
I can't hate you anymore.

She'd come home from work one day to find Freddie sitting at the counter in his jacket.

"Hey, are we going out for dinner?" She asked, confused.

He shook his head, looking down. "Carly, I can't do this anymore," he told her. "I can't stand here and pretend like I can live with this overrated perfection forever. I'll always love you, Carls, but I can't do this anymore."

"But-!"She protested.

He held a finger to his lips. "My bags are already packed. I'll just be going."

"Wait, Freddie-"

"Yes?" he said, turning around. "Don't make this any harder than it needs to be."

She racked her brain for something to say to make him stay, but what she found coming out of her mouth was, "The key. You still have my key."

"Oh. Right." He searched his pockets, finally turning up with his key. Her key, now. He smiled sadly at her, turning around again. And then he was gone.

Sometimes you hold so tight,
It slips right through your hands.
Will I ever understand?

"Sam! Freddie!" Carly exclaimed, surprised to see her two best friends anywhere together, much less at her front door. Sam was wringing her hands, and Freddie was looking anywhere but at her. "Is something wrong?"

"Not at all," they replied at the same time. For the first time, the two of them didn't turn around and start to argue or slap each other. It was odd. They were Sam and Freddie. They always argued.

"Well then what's up?" Carly asked, confused. "Oh, please do come in!"

"Thanks," Sam replied, dragging a pale Freddie, who'd almost seemed as if he wanted to disappear, into Carly's apartment.

"Wait, Sam saying thanks? What's going on guys?" Carly demanded. "Sam never says thanks."

"Umm…"Freddie began.

"Ugh, nub! Hurry up and tell her! I'm hungry!" Sam interrupted.

"I was getting there!" Freddie retorted.

"Yeah, well, Freddork, you're taking forever!" Sam replied, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, like you don't love my dorkiness!"

"Guys!" Carly interrupted, glaring at both of them. This wasn't what she thought it was, was it? "What. The. Hell."

"See, the thing is, Carly…" Freddie began again, scratching the back of his neck. He was interrupted again by Sam, but Carly was shocked at what she saw. Sam grabbed him, kissing him quickly on the lips.

"Me and the nub are dating," Sam told a stunned Carly. Then she realized something, and the girl whipped around, concern in her eyes for once as her blonde hair smacked her new boyfriend in the face. "Wait, you're okay with that, right? You know, since Fredamame's your ex and all?"

"Way to be sensitive, Sam!" Freddie yelled.

"No, it's fine Freddie," Carly replied, even though it wasn't fine. But if Sam made Freddie happy and Freddie made Sam happy, then how could she be a selfish brat and say they couldn't be together? She saw the light in their eyes when they looked at each other. How was she supposed to respond to a situation like this? She couldn't just tell them that they couldn't date!

Sam and Carly had been meeting for coffee one morning when she'd dumped the news on Carly. It wasn't like it was unexpected or anything, but Carly hadn't expected their relationship to move so fast. Carly could tell the moment Sam walked in, a huge smile on her face as she hugged her best friend. Sam was practically glowing with excitement. Carly recognized that excitement. She'd known that kind of glow, once upon a time. But it would be better if she just let Sam bask in it and tell her herself.

"So, how's life?" Sam had asked nonchalantly as the two slid into their normal seats at the Groovy Smoothie.

"I'm doing fine," Carly replied with raised eyebrows. "And what about you, little Miss Sunshine?"

Sam smiled guiltily. "Okay, I know I should have told you the second he proposed, but oh my Ham I was just so excited and the way he did it was so sweet and Ham, I love him so much!" she gushed quickly in a manner so unlike Sam that Carly wondered if the whole thing was going to change Sam. She certainly didn't want that. Cary shook her head a bit, trying to chase away those awful thoughts. It was mean of her to think that about Sam and Freddie. She was just jealous, like always.

Carly stood next to Sam, holding the big bouquet of flowers. She'd been surprised that Sam had agreed to such an elaborate wedding, but Freddie had apparently convinced her.

"Sam Puckett, do you take Freddie Benson to be your hamfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, through better and worse, until death do you part?" the priest asked, stumbling over the ham part. Sam had added that, of course.

"I do," Sam replied, her voice echoing through the church.

The priest turned to Freddie, repeating his words for Freddie. Freddie glanced at Carly past his soon-to-be wife, looking anxious as though he needed her approval. Carly sighed with a sad smile, holding up her hand in a sort of goodbye wave. Freddie beamed, turning back to Sam.

"I do," he replied, his voice stronger than even Sam's had been.

"Then I pronounce you man and wife," the priest told them warmly. "You may kiss the bride."

"Thanks, Carls," Carly heard a voice from behind her. She turned to see Freddie standing behind her.

"Where's Sam?" she asked, trying to deflect the attention.

"Off eating all the ribs," Freddie replied with a chuckle. His face grew serious. "But seriously, Carly. Thank you."

Carly shrugged. "It's nothing, really," she told him, looking anywhere but in his eyes. "I'm just glad you guys are happy."

"But sometimes happy hurts other people," Freddie said quietly.

"Don't worry. I'll be fine," she said confidently, her voice wavering just the slightest bit. "Now go find Sam before she decides that she wants to elope with Mr. Porkers!"

Freddie grinned, turning away from Carly again. Carly watched him walk off, her shoulders slumping a bit more once he turned around. She gazed at the groom spin the bride on the dance floor as they both laughed, barbeque sauce already staining the gown. Mrs. Benson would murder her daughter-in-law for that later.

"It hurts sometimes, doesn't it?" she heard a voice say, coming up to stand next to her. She recognized Sam's college boyfriend Mark. They'd been getting serious when Sam had decided she needed a bit more freedom, and so they'd broken up. They'd stayed good friends throughout the years; but looking at his face as they both stared at the happy couple, Carly could tell that he still loved her with all his heart. "Giving what you want up so that the people you love can be happy."

Carly nodded. "Yeah, well, life hurts sometimes-," she began.

"-but you've just got to hold your head high and hold on 'til you get your chance to shine," Mark finished. "My dad used to tell me that when I was little," he explained.

Carly nodded. "Mine too," she told him, surprised. She looked over at him. His eyes were trained on the couple on the dance floor. "It does hurt, but someday you'll find that special someone."

"She won't be Sam, though," he argued. Carly nodded.

"You're right, she won't be," she told him. "But when you fall in love with her, I bet you'll start to forget why Sam was so important in the first place."

"How do you know?" he argued.

"I don't. But I'm willing to try again. You can't just give up because you find one diamond that's not perfect. You'll find her eventually. You've just got to take a chance."

"You're right," Mark replied, tearing his eyes away from Sam and Freddie to rest on Carly. "Hey, would you like to dance?"

"I'd love that."

A/N: Did you like it? Hate it? Please review either way, I LIVE for feedback :P I'm sorry, I didn't know what to put the character as, but even if it wasn't what you were expecting, I hope you liked it :) Oh, and I don't own iCarly... yet! Nor do I own Just Like Heaven, which I kinda stole the key scene from :P Thanks soo much for reading! -Laugh