❀Entry #1: Stupid Airplane❀

Hey you guys! America here! …or Alfred F. Jones, whichever. You can call me both but I'd prefer The Hero or Captain America or something along those lines.

Anyways, I'm sitting in an airplane right now typing this 'cuz I'm really bored and I need something to distract me from this kid kicking my chair from the back row. I should really be in the business class part of this stupid airplane but apparently my awesomeness was affecting the boring atmosphere there or something.

Those people are a real stick in the ass y'know? Talk about rude…

So here I am on the suckiest section of the plane where all of the babies are wailing and all the old people are snoring. Speaking of old people, this old lady beside me just dropped her teeth thingy 'cuz she's sleeping with her mouth open again.

Hmm…I wonder if I should wake her up and tell her…

Nah, she might whack me again just like last time. It still hurts…what on earth does that woman have in her purse? Hahahaha! It totally rhymes!

In any case, you might be wondering why I'm in this stupid plane in the first place. Well, my boss sent me a one way flight to the Philippines. Don't really get the whole point though. I only remember him saying something about fixing my relationship with ol' Philip and learning from their "appropriate morals" and "simple lifestyle" and some shit like that.

I don't mean to brag, but I have a pretty decent lifestyle going on right now. I have at least a hundred fast food chains in every one of my awesome cities and to top it off, everything in the menu's juicy and delicious. After a super-sized meal at McD's, I can easily drive to the nearest movie theater and watch multi-million dollar action movies straight from Hollywood. Heck, I can even be in one of Tom Cruise's movies if I pay a good enough sum of money. I mean seriously, who doesn't want this good looking face in the camera?

Anyways, back to the point, me and my people totally have an awesome "lifestyle" back at my place. And freedom, baby! Oh yeah, we got lots of that back home. How many countries do you know will let you wear a meat costume to the Grammy's huh?

Ha! Only in America…

As for that whole "resolve your connection and affiliations with Philippines" thing, I don't remember ever starting any problems with her in the first place. Besides, it's not like she hates me, or can for that matter. Everybody loves me (just ask Japan).

Also, I don't really remember much about Philippines only that it's hot as hell.

I-I'm referring to the place! Not her as a country. I mean person, I mean…err…whatever, man. Like I said, I don't remember much about her or what she generally looks like so fuck off.

So yeah, moving on!

When I came to help her beat the crap outta Spain and Japan several decades ago, I remember almost dying of a heat stroke. I swear to the U.S. flag, I sweated out probably a whole week's worth of my hamburger and french fries stock the whole time I was there. It was a total nightmare, I tell ya.

But this time America the Smartass Hero has come prepared. I carefully selected all my short sleeve shirts and shorts for this trip so I'll be fresh and cool all through the scorching day. Not only that, but I've loaded my whole suitcase with sunscreens. Not kidding. I brought along two full luggage of them. SPF 60.

Beat that you stupid sun! Bring on the heat!

I can't help but feel like I forgot something though…

Oh well, I'll remember it sooner or later. My plane's about to land and the hostess is bugging me turn my computer off. Pfft, talk about lousy service. See ya in a little while and don't forget to send me a little something to read! It looks like I really won't be doing anything here for a long while.

(Hopefully they'll serve some mango shakes on the way out. It's already getting hot…)

-The United States of Alfred-

Wow...I started off really obnoxious. Forgive me but I had to do it TT^TT. Go Team Hetalia! Yeah, so technically this is just one of those send America letters and stuff, but there's a story behind it all; narrated by the one and only America.

A little personal background: I am Filipino but I am currently living in the U.S. For some reasons unknown even to me today, I used to be as boneheaded as America in this fic about Philippines as a whole. All I thought about it was that it was always hot, polluted, and sucked living there. However, now I have finally opened my eyes and grew out of my stupid state and believe that Philippines is not bad at all. I've come to learn that the bad balances with the good and the good balances out with the bad in every country, no matter where I go. Unfortunately, I don't know as much as I would like to about Philippines so I'll be researching and digging into the Filipino culture as I make this story.